[科幻]宿主-第129节
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Ian’s right。 You’re too self…sacrificing。 You don’t have any limits。 You need limits; Wanda!
Ah; Ian;I moaned。 A new pain twisted through me; surprisingly close to my heart。
You’ll take the whole world away from him。 Everything he wants。
It would never work with Ian。 Not in this body; even though he loves it。 It doesn’t love him。
Wanda; I…Melanie struggled for words。 Still; the joy I expected from her did not e。 Again; this
touched me。I don’t think I can let you do this。 You’re more important than that。 In the bigger
picture; you are of much more value to them than I am。 You can help them; you can save them。 I
can’t do any of that。 You have to stay。
I can’t see any other way; Mel。 I wonder how I didn’t see it sooner。 It seems so pletely
obvious。Of courseI have to go。Of courseI have to give you yourself back。 I already knew we souls
were wrong to e here。 So I don’t have any choice now but to do the right thing; and leave。
You all survived without me before; you’ll do it again。 You’ve learned so much about the souls
No; Wanda; no。
She was crying; being incoherent。 Her sorrow brought tears to my eyes。 I’d no idea that she cared
so much for me。 Almost as much as I cared for her。 I hadn’t realized that we loved each other。
Even if Jared had never asked me for this; even if Jared did not exist… Once this path had occurred to
me; I would have had to proceed down it。 I loved her that much。
No wonder the success rate for resistant hosts was so low here on Earth。 Once we learned to love our
human host; what hope did we souls have? We could not exist at the expense of one we loved。 Not a
soul。 A soul could not live that way。
I rolled myself over and; in the starlight; I looked at my body。
My hands were dirty and scratched; but under the surface blemishes; they were beautiful。 The skin was
a pretty sun…browned color; even bleached in the pale light; it was pretty。 The nails were chewed short
but still healthy and smooth; with little half moons of white at the bases。 I fluttered my fingers; watching
the muscles pull the bones in graceful patterns。 I let them dance above me; where they became black fluid
shapes against the stars。
I ran them through my hair。 It was almost to my shoulders now。 Mel would like that。 After a few weeks
of shampoo in hotel showers and Health vitamins; it was glossy and soft again。
I stretched my arms out as far as they would go; tugging against the tendons until some of my joints
cracked。 My arms felt strong。 They could pull me up a mountainside; they could carry a heavy load; they
could plow a field。 But they were also soft。 They could hold a child; they could fort a friend; they
could love… but that was not for me。
I took a deep breath; and tears welled out of the corners of my eyes and rolled down my temples into
my hair。
I tensed the muscles in my legs; felt their ready strength and speed。 I wanted to run; to have an open
field that I could race across just to see how fast I could go。 I wanted to do this barefoot; so I could feel
the earth beneath my feet。 I wanted to feel the wind fly through my hair。 I wanted it to rain; so that I could
smell it in the air as I ran。
My feet flexed and pointed slowly; to the rhythm of my breathing。 In and out。 Flex and point。 It felt nice。
I traced my face with my fingertips。 They were warm on my skin; skin that was smooth and pretty。 I was
glad I was giving Melanie her face back the way it had been。 I closed my eyes and stroked my eyelids。
I’d lived in so many bodies; but never one I loved like this。 Never one that I craved in this way。 Of
course; this would be the one I’d have to give up。
The irony made me laugh; and I concentrated on the feel of the air that popped in little bubbles from my
chest and up through my throat。 Laughter was like a fresh breeze—it cleaned its way through the body;
making everything feel good。 Did other species have such a simple healer? I couldn’t remember one。
to kiss so many other beautiful bodies。 I’d had more than some; even in this short time。
It was just so short! Maybe a year now; I wasn’t pletely sure。 Just one quick revolution of a blue
green planet around an unexceptional yellow star。 The shortest life of any I’d ever lived。
The shortest; the most important; the most heartbreaking of lives。 The life that would forever define me。
The life that had finally tied me to one star; to one planet; to one small family of strangers。
A little more time… would that be so wrong?
No;Mel whispered。Just take a little more time。
You never know how much time you’ll have;I whispered back。
But I did。 I knew exactly how much time I had。 I couldn’t take any more time。 My time was up。
I was going anyway。 I had to do the right thing; be my true self; with what time I had left。
With a sigh that seemed to e all the way from the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands; I got
up。
Aaron and Brandt wouldn’t wait forever。 And now I had a few more questions that I needed answered。
This time; the questions were for Doc。
The caves were full of sad; cast…down eyes。 It was easy enough to slip unobtrusively past them all。 No
one cared what I was doing right now; except maybe Jeb; Brandt; and Aaron; and they weren’t here。
I didn’t have an open; rainy field; but at least I had the long south tunnel。 It was too dark to run flat out
the way I wanted; but I kept up a steady jog。 It felt good as my muscles warmed。
I expected I would find Doc already there; but I’d wait if I had to。 He would be alone。 Poor Doc; that
was usually the case now。
Doc had been sleeping alone in his hospital since the night we’d saved Jamie’s life。 Sharon had taken her
things from their room and moved them to her mother’s; and Doc wouldn’t sleep in the empty room。
Such a great hatred。 Sharon would rather kill her own happiness; and Doc’s; too; than forgive him for
helping me heal Jamie。
Sharon and Maggie were barely a presence in the caves anymore。 They looked past everyone now; the
way they used to look past only me。 I wondered if that would change when I was gone; or if they were
both so rigid in their grudge that it would be too late for them to change。
What an extraordinarily stupid way to waste time。
For the first time ever; the south tunnel felt short。 Before I thought I’d gone halfway; I could see Doc’s
light glowing dimly from the rough arch ahead。 He was home。
I slowed myself to a walk before I interrupted him。 I didn’t want to scare him; to make him think there
He was still startled when I appeared; a little breathless; in the stone doorway。
He jumped up from behind his desk。 The book he was reading fell out of his hands。
“Wanda? Is something wrong?”
“No; Doc;” I reassured him。 “Everything’s fine。”
“Does someone need me?”
“Just me。” I gave him a weak smile。
He walked around his desk to meet me; his eyes wide with curiosity。 He paused half a step away and
raised one eyebrow。
His long face was gentle; the opposite of alarming。 It was hard to remember how he’d looked like a
monster to me before。
“You are a man of your word;” I began。
He nodded and opened his mouth to speak; but I held one hand up。
“No one will ever test that more than I will test it now;” I warned him。
He waited; eyes confused and wary。
I took a deep breath; felt it expand my lungs。
“I know how to do what you’ve been ending so many lives to discover。 I know how to take the souls
from your bodies without harm to either。 Of course I know that。 We all have to; in case of an emergency。
I even performed the emergency procedure once; when I was a Bear。”
I stared at him; waiting for his response。 It took him a long moment; and his eyes grew wilder every
second。
“Why are you telling me this?” he finally gasped。
“Because I… I am going to give you the knowledge you need。” I held up my hand again。 “But only if
you will give me what I want in return。 I’m warning you right now; it won’t be any easier for you to give
me what I want than it will be for me to give you what you want。”
His face was fiercer than I’d ever seen it。 “Name your terms。”
“You can’t kill them—the souls you remove。 You must give me your word—your promise; your oath;
your vow—that you will give them safe conduct on to another life。 This means some danger; you will
have to have cryotanks; and you will have to get those souls onto shuttles off…planet。 You have to send
them to another world to live。 But they won’t be able to hurt you。 By the time they reach their next
planet; your grandchildren will be dead。”
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。
He was thinking very hard as I explained。 I watched his face to see what he would make of my demand。
He didn’t look angry; but his eyes were still wild。
“You don’t want us to kill the Seeker?” he guessed。
I didn’t answer his question because he wouldn’t understand the answer; I did want them to kill her。
That was the whole problem。 Instead; I explained further。