战争与和平(下)-第8节

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‘‘You　always　have　such　strange　ideas；　I　never　thought　of　being　cross；’’　he　said。
But　that　word　always　answered　her：　Yes；　I　am　angry；　and　I　don’t　choose　to　say。
Nikolay　lived　on　such　excellent　terms　with　his　wife　that　even　Sonya　and　the　old　countess；　who　from　jealousy　would　have　been　pleased　to　see　disagreement　between　them；　could　find　nothing　to　reproach　them　with；　but　there　were　moments　of　antagonism　even　between　them。　Sometimes；　particularly　just　after　their　happiest　periods；　they　had　a　sudden　feeling　of　estrangement　and　antagonism；　that　feeling　was　most　frequent　during　the　times　when　Countess　Marya　was　with　child。　They　happened　to　be　just　now　at　such　a　period　of　antagonism。
‘‘Well；　messieurs　et　mesdames；’’　said　Nikolay　loudly；　and　with　a　show　of　cheerfulness　（it　seemed　to　his　wife　that　this　was　on　purpose　to　mortify　her）；　‘‘I　have　been　since　six　o’clock　on　my　legs。　To…morrow　will　be　an　infliction；　so　to…day　I’ll　go　and　rest。’’　And　saying　nothing　more　to　Countess　Marya；　he　went　off　to　the　little　divan…room；　and　lay　down　on　the　sofa。
‘‘That’s　how　it　always　is；’’　thought　his　wife。　‘‘He　talks　to　everybody　but　not　to　me。　I　see；　I　see　that　I　am　repulsive　to　him；　especially　in　this　condition。’’　She　looked　down　at　her　high　waist　and　then　into　the　looking…glass　at　her　sallow　and　sunken　face；　in　which　the　eyes　looked　bigger　than　ever。
And　everything　jarred　upon　her：　Denisov’s　shout　and　guffaw　and　Natasha’s　chatter；　and　above　all　the　hasty　glance　Sonya　stole　at　her。
Sonya　was　always　the　first　excuse　Countess　Marya　pitched　on　for　her　irritability。
After　sitting　a　little　while　with　her　guests；　not　understanding　a　word　they　were　saying；　she　slipped　out　and　went　to　the　nursery。
The　children　were　sitting　on　chairs　playing　at　driving　to　Moscow；　and　invited　her　to　join　them。　She　sat　down　and　played　with　them；　but　the　thought　of　her　husband　and　his　causeless　ill…temper　worried　her　all　the　time。　She　got　up；　and　walked　with　difficulty　on　tiptoe　to　the　little　divan…room
‘‘Perhaps　he　is　not　asleep。　I　will　speak　plainly　to　him；’’　she　said　to　herself。　Andryusha；　her　elder　boy；　followed　her　on　tiptoe；　imitating　her。　His　mother　did　not　notice　him。
‘‘Dear　Marie；　I　believe　he　is　asleep；　he　was　so　tired；’’　said　Sonya；　meeting　her　in　the　next　room　（it　seemed　to　Countess　Marya　that　she　was　everywhere）。　‘‘Andryusha　had　better　not　wake　him。’’
Countess　Marya　looked　round；　saw　Andryusha　behind　her；　felt　that　Sonya　was　right；　and　for　that　very　reason　flushed　angrily；　and　with　evident　difficulty　restrained　herself　from　a　cruel　retort。　She　said　nothing；　and；　so　as　not　to　obey　her；　let　Andryusha　follow　her；　but　signed　to　him　to　be　quiet；　and　went　up　to　the　door。　Sonya　went　out　by　the　other　door。　From　the　room　where　Nikolay　was　asleep；　his　wife　could　hear　his　even　breathing；　every　tone　of　which　was　so　familiar。　As　she　listened　to　it；　she　could　see　his　smooth；　handsome　brow；　his　moustaches；　the　whole　face　she　had　so　often　gazed　at　in　the　stillness　of　the　night　when　he　was　asleep。　Nikolay　suddenly　stirred　and　cleared　his　throat。　And　at　the　same　instant　Andryusha　shouted　from　the　door；　‘‘Papa；　mamma’s　here！’’　His　mother　turned　pale　with　dismay　and　made　signs　to　the　boy。　He　was　quiet；　and　there　followed　a　terrible　silence　that　lasted　a　minute。　She　knew　how　Nikolay　disliked　being　waked。　Suddenly　she　heard　him　stir　and　clear　his　throat　again；　and　in　a　tone　of　displeasure　he　said：
‘‘I’m　never　given　a　moment’s　peace。　Marie；　is　it　you？　Why　did　you　bring　him　here？’’
‘‘I　only　came　to　look　…　I　did　not　see　…　I’m　so　sorry　…’’
Nikolay　coughed　and　said　no　more。　His　wife　went　away；　and　took　her　son　back　to　the　nursery。　Five　minutes　later　little；　black…eyed；　three…year…old　Natasha；　her　father’s　favourite；　hearing　from　her　brother　that　papa　was　asleep；　and　mamma　in　the　next　room；　ran　in　to　her　father；　unnoticed　by　her　mother。
The　black…eyed　little　girl　boldly　rattled　at　the　door；　and　her　fat；　little　feet　ran　with　vigorous　steps　up　to　the　sofa。　After　examining　the　position　of　her　father；　who　was　asleep　with　his　back　to　her；　she　stood　on　tiptoe　and　kissed　the　hand　that　lay　under　his　head。　Nikolay　turned　round　to　her　with　a　smile　of　tenderness　on　his　face。
‘‘Natasha；　Natasha！’’　he　heard　his　wife　whisper　in　dismay　from　the　door。　‘‘Papa　is　sleepy。’’
‘‘No；　mamma；　he　isn’t　sleepy；’’　little　Natasha　answered　with　conviction。　‘‘He’s　laughing。’’
Nikolay　set　his　feet　down；　got　up；　and　picked　his　little　daughter　up　in　his　arms。
‘‘Come　in；　Masha；’’　he　said　to　his　wife。　She　went　in　and　sat　down　beside　him。
‘‘I　did　not　see　him　run　in　after　me；’’　she　said　timidly。　‘‘I　just　looked　in　…’’
Holding　his　little　girl　on　one　arm；　Nikolay　looked　at　his　wife；　and　noticing　her　guilty　expression；　he　put　the　other　arm　round　her　and　kissed　her　on　the　hair。
‘‘May　I　kiss　mamma？’’　he　asked　Natasha。　The　little　girl　smiled　demurely。　‘‘Again；’’　she　said；　with　a　peremptory　gesture；　pointing　to　the　spot　where　Nikolay　had　kissed　her　mother。
‘‘I　don’t　know　why　you　should　think　I　am　cross；’’　said　Nikolay；　replying　to　the　question　which　he　knew　was　in　his　wife’s　heart。
‘‘You　can’t　imagine　how　unhappy；　how　lonely；　I　am　when　you　are　like　that。　It　always　seems　to　me　…’’
‘‘Marie；　hush；　nonsense！　You　ought　to　be　ashamed；’’　he　said　gaily。
‘‘It　seems　to　me　that　you　can’t　care　for　me；　that　I　am　so　ugly　…　at　all　times；　and　now　in　this　…’’
‘‘Oh；　how　absurd　you　are！　It’s　not　those　who　are　handsome　we　love；　but　those　we　love　who　are　handsome。　It　is　only　Malvinas　and　such　heroines　who　are　loved　because　they　are　beautiful。　And　do　you　suppose　I　love　my　wife？　Oh　no；　I　don’t　love　you；　but　only　…　I　don’t　know　how　to　tell　you。　When　you　are　away；　and　any　misunderstanding　like　this　comes　between　us；　I　feel　as　though　I　were　lost；　and　can　do　nothing。　Why；　do　I　love　my　finger？　I　don’t　love　it；　but　only　try　cutting　it　off　…’’
‘‘No；　I　don’t　feel　like　that；　but　I　understand。　Then　you　are　not　angry　with　me？’’
‘‘I　am　awfully　angry！’’　he　said；　smiling；　and　getting　up；　and　smoothing　his　hair；　he　began　pacing　up　and　down　the　room。
‘‘Do　you　know；　Marie；　what　I　have　been　thinking？’’　he　began；　beginning　at　once　now　that　peace　was　made　between　them；　thinking　aloud　before　his　wife。　He　did　not　inquire　whether　she　were　disposed　to　listen；　that　did　not　matter　to　him。　An　idea　occurred　to　him；　and　so　it　must　to　her；　too。　And　he　told　her　that　he　meant　to　persuade　Pierre　to　stay　with　them　till　the　spring。
Countess　Marya　listened　to　him；　made　some　comments；　and　then　in　her　turn　began　thinking　her　thoughts　aloud。　Her　thoughts　were　of　the　children。
‘‘How　one　can　see　the　woman　in　her　already；’’　she　said　in　French；　pointing　to　little　Natasha。　‘‘You　reproach　us　women　for　being　illogical。　You　see　in　her　our　logic。　I　say；　papa　is　sleepy；　and　she　says；　no；　he’s　laughing。　And　she　is　right；’’　said　Countess　Marya；　smiling　blissfully。
‘‘Yes；　yes；’’　said　Nikolay；　lifting　up　his　little　girl　in　his　strong　arm；　raised　her　high　in　the　air；　sat　her　on　his　shoulder；　holding　her　little　feet；　and　began　walking　up　and　down　with　her。　There　was　just　the　same　look　of　thoughtless　happiness　on　the　faces　of　father　and　daughter。
‘‘But　do　you　know；　you　may　be　unfair。　You　are　too　fond　of　this　one；’’　his　wife　whispered　in　French。
‘‘Yes；　but　what　can　I　do？　…　I　try　not　to　show　it　…’’
At　that　moment　there　was　heard　from　the　hall　and　the　vestibule　the　sound　of　the　block　of　the　door；　and　footsteps；　as　though　some　one　had　arrived。
‘‘Somebody　has　come。’’
‘‘I　am　sure　it　is　Pierre。　I　will　go　and　find　out；’’　said　Countess　Marya；　and　she　went　out　of　the　room。
While　she　was　gone　Nikolay　allowed　himself　to　gallop　round　the　room　with　his　little　girl。　Panting　for　breath；　he　quickly　lowered　the　laughing　child；　and　hugged　her　to　his　breast。　His　capers　made　him　think　of　dancing；　and　looking　at　the　childish；　round；　happy　little　face；　he　wondered　what　she　would　be　like　when　he　would　be　an　old　man；　taking　her　out　to　dances；　and　he　remembered　how　his　father　used　to　dance　Daniel　Cooper　and　the　mazurka　with　his　daughter。
‘‘It　is　he；　it　is　he；　Nikolay！’’　said　Countess　Marya；　returning　a　few　minutes　later。　‘‘Now　our　Natasha　is　herself　again。　You　should　have　seen　her　delight；　and　what　a　scolding　he　came　in　for　at　once　for　having　out…stayed　his　time。　Come；　let　us　go；　make　haste；　come　along！　You　must　part　at　last；’’　she　said；　smiling；　as　she　looked　at　the　little　girl　nestling　up　to　her　father。　Nikolay　went　out；　holding　his　daughter　by　the　hand。
Countess　Marya　lingered　behind。
‘‘Never；　never　could　I　have　believed；’’　she　murmured　to　herself；　‘‘that　one　could　be　so　happy。’’　Her　face　lighted　up　with　a　smile；　but　at　the　same　moment　she　sighed；　and　a　soft　melancholy　came　into　her　thoughtful　glance。　It　was　as　though；　apart　from　the　happiness　she　was　feeling　there　was　another　happiness　unattainable　in　this　life；　which　she　could　not　help　remembering　at　that　moment。


Chapter　10
NATASHA　was　married　in　the　early　spring　of　1813；　and　by　1820　she　had　three　daughters　and　a　son。　The　latter　had　been　eagerly　desired；　and　she　was　now　nursing　him　herself。　She　had　grown　stouter　and　broader；　so　that　it　was　hard　to　recognise　in　the