战争与和平(下)-第5节

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　in　peace；’’　his　expression　seemed　to　say。
‘‘And　why　should　she　stroll　in　here？　What　does　she　want？　I　can’t　endure　these　ladies　and　all　these　civilities！’’　he　said　aloud　before　Sonya；　obviously　unable　to　restrain　his　vexation；　after　the　princess’s　carriage　had　rolled　away　from　the　house。
‘‘Oh；　how　can　you　talk　like　that；　Nicolas；’’　said　Sonya；　hardly　able　to　conceal　her　delight。　‘‘She　is　so　kind；　and　maman　is　so　fond　of　her。’’
Nikolay　made　no　reply；　and　would　have　liked　to　say　no　more　about　Princess　Marya。　But　after　her　visit　the　old　countess　talked　about　her　several　times　every　day。
She　sang　her　praises；　insisted　that　her　son　should　go　and　see　her；　expressed　a　wish　to　see　more　of　her；　and　yet　was　always　out　of　temper　when　she　had　been　talking　of　her。
Nikolay　tried　to　say　nothing　when　his　mother　talked　of　Princess　Marya；　but　his　silence　irritated　her。
‘‘She　is　a　very　good　and　conscientious　girl；’’　she　would　say；　‘‘and　you　must　go　and　call　on　her。　Anyway；　you　will　see　some　one；　and　it　is　dull　for　you；　I　expect；　with　us。’’
‘‘But　I　don’t　at　all　wish　to；　mamma。’’
‘‘Why；　you　wanted　to　see　people　and　now　you　don’t　wish　it。　I　really　don’t　understand　you；　my　dear。　At　one　minute　you　are　dull；　and　the　next　you　suddenly　don’t　care　to　see　any　one。’’
‘‘Why；　I　never　said　I　was　dull。’’
‘‘Why；　you　said　yourself　you　did　not　even　wish　to　see　her。　She　is　a　very　good　girl；　and　you　always　liked　her；　and　now　all　of　a　sudden　you　have　some　reasons　or　other。　Everything　is　kept　a　secret　from　me。’’
‘‘Not　at　all；　mamma。’’
‘‘If　I　were　to　beg　you　to　do　something　unpleasant；　but　as　it　is；　I　simply　beg　you　to　drive　over　and　return　her　call。　Why；　civility　demands　it；　I　should　suppose　…　I　have　begged　you　to　do　so；　and　now　I　will　meddle　no　further　since　you　have　secrets　from　your　mother。’’
‘‘But　I　will　go；　if　you　wish　it。’’
‘‘It’s　nothing　to　me；　it’s　for　your　sake　I　wish　it。’’
Nikolay　sighed；　and　bit　his　moustache；　and　dealt　the　cards；　trying　to　draw　his　mother’s　attention　to　another　subject。
Next　day；　and　the　third；　and　the　fourth；　the　same　conversation　was　repeated　again　and　again。
After　her　visit　to　the　Rostovs；　and　the　unexpectedly　cold　reception　she　had　met　with　from　Nikolay；　Princess　Marya　acknowledged　to　herself　that　she　had　been　right　in　not　wanting　to　be　the　first　to　call。
‘‘It　was　just　what　I　expected；’’　she　said　to　herself；　summoning　her　pride　to　her　aid。　‘‘I　have　no　concern　with　him；　and　I　only　wanted　to　see　the　old　lady；　who　was　always　kind　to　me；　and　to　whom　I　am　under　obligation　for　many　things。’’
But　she　could　not　tranquillise　herself　with　these　reflections：　a　feeling　akin　to　remorse　fretted　her；　when　she　thought　of　her　visit。　Although　she　was　firmly　resolved　not　to　call　again　on　the　Rostovs；　and　to　forget　all　about　it；　she　was　continually　feeling　herself　in　an　undefined　position。　And　when　she　asked　herself　what　it　was　that　worried　her；　she　was　obliged　to　admit　that　it　was　her　relation　to　Rostov。　His　cold；　ceremonious　tone　did　not　proceed　from　his　feeling　for　her　（of　that　she　was　convinced）；　but　that　tone　covered　something。　What　that　something　was；　she　wanted　to　see　clearly；　and　till　then　she　felt　that　she　could　not　be　at　peace。
In　the　middle　of　the　winter　she　was　sitting　in　the　schoolroom；　supervising　her　nephew’s　lessons；　when　the　servant　announced　that　Rostov　was　below。　With　the　firm　determination　not　to　betray　her　secret；　and　not　to　manifest　any　embarrassment；　she　summoned　Mademoiselle　Bourienne；　and　with　her　went　into　the　drawing…room。
At　the　first　glance　at　Nikolay’s　face；　she　saw　that　he　had　come　merely　to　perform　the　obligations　of　civility；　and　she　determined　to　keep　to　the　tone　he　adopted　towards　her。
They　talked　of　the　health　of　the　countess；　of　common　acquaintances；　of　the　latest　news　of　the　war；　and　when　the　ten　minutes　required　by　propriety　had　elapsed；　Nikolay　got　up　to　say　good…bye。
With　the　aid　of　Mademoiselle　Bourienne；　Princess　Marya　had　kept　up　the　conversation　very　well。　But　at　the　very　last　moment；　just　when　he　was　getting　up；　she　was　so　weary　of　talking　of　what　did　not　interest　her；　and　she　was　so　absorbed　in　wondering　why　to　her　alone　so　little　joy　had　been　vouchsafed　in　life；　that　in　a　fit　of　abstraction；　she　sat　motionless　gazing　straight　before　her　with　her　luminous　eyes；　and　not　noticing　that　he　was　getting　up。
Nikolay　looked　at　her；　and　anxious　to　appear　not　to　notice　her　abstraction；　he　said　a　few　words　to　Mademoiselle　Bourienne；　and　again　glanced　at　the　princess。　She　was　sitting　in　the　same　immovable　pose；　and　there　was　a　look　of　suffering　on　her　soft　face。　He　felt　suddenly　sorry　for　her；　and　vaguely　conscious　that　he　might　be　the　cause　of　the　sadness　he　saw　in　her　face。　He　longed　to　help　her；　to　say　something　pleasant　to　her；　but　he　could　not　think　what　to　say　to　her。
‘‘Good…bye；　princess；’’　he　said。　She　started；　flushed；　and　sighed　heavily。
‘‘Oh；　I　beg　your　pardon；’’　she　said；　as　though　waking　from　sleep。　‘‘You　are　going　already；　count；　well；　good…bye！　Oh；　the　cushion　for　the　countess？’’
‘‘Wait　a　minute；　I　will　fetch　it；’’　said　Mademoiselle　Bourienne；　and　she　left　the　room。
They　were　both　silent；　glancing　at　each　other　now　and　then。
‘‘Yes；　princess；’’　said　Nikolay　at　last；　with　a　mournful　smile；　‘‘it　seems　not　long　ago；　but　how　much　has　happened　since　the　first　time　we　met　at　Bogutcharovo。　We　all　seemed　in　such　trouble　then；　but　I　would　give　a　great　deal　to　have　that　time　back　…　and　there’s　no　bringing　it　back。’’
Princess　Marya　was　looking　intently　at　him　with　her　luminous　eyes；　as　he　said　that。　She　seemed　trying　to　divine　the　secret　import　of　his　words；　which　would　make　clear　his　feeling　towards　her。
‘‘Yes；　yes；’’　she　said；　‘‘but　you　have　no　need　to　regret　the　past；　count。　As　I　conceive　of　your　life　now；　you　will　always　think　of　it　with　satisfaction；　because　the　self…sacrifice　in　which　you　are　now　…’’
‘‘I　cannot　accept　your　praises；’’　he　interrupted　hurriedly；　‘‘on　the　contrary；　I　am　always　reproaching　myself；　but　it　is　an　uninteresting　and　cheerless　subject。’’
And　again　the　stiff　and　cold　expression　came　back　into　his　face。　But　Princess　Marya　saw　in　him　again　now　the　man　she　had　known　and　loved；　and　it　was　to　that　man　only　she　was　speaking　now。
‘‘I　thought　you　would　allow　me　to　say　that；’’　she　said。　‘‘I　have　been　such　intimate　friends　with　you　…　and　with　your　family；　and　I　thought　you　would　not　feel　my　sympathy　intrusive；　but　I　made　a　mistake；’’　she　said。　Her　voice　suddenly　shook。　‘‘I　don’t　know　why；’’　she　went　on；　recovering　herself；　‘‘you　used　to　be　different；　and　…’’
‘‘There　are　thousands　of　reasons　why。’’　（He　laid　special　stress　on　the　word　why。）　‘‘I　thank　you；　princess；’’　he　added　softly。　‘‘It　is　sometimes　hard　…’’
‘‘So　that　is　why！　That　is　why！’’　an　inner　voice　was　saying　in　Princess　Marya’s　soul。　‘‘Yes；　it　was　not　only　that　gay；　kind；　and　frank　gaze；　not　only　that　handsome　exterior　I　loved　in　him；　I　divined　his　noble；　firm；　and　self…sacrificing　soul；’’　she　said　to　herself。
‘‘Yes；　he　is　poor　now；　and　I　am　rich　…　Yes；　it　is　only　that　…　Yes；　if　it　were　not　for　that　…’’　And　recalling　all　his　former　tenderness；　and　looking　now　at　his　kind　and　sad　face；　she　suddenly　understood　the　reason　of　his　coldness。
‘‘Why！　count；　why？’’　she　almost　cried　all　at　once；　involuntarily　moving　nearer　to　him。　‘‘Why；　do　tell　me。　You　must　tell　me。’’　He　was　mute。　‘‘I　do　not　know；　count；　your　why；’’　she　went　on。　‘‘But　I　am　sad；　I　…　I　will　own　that　to　you。　You　mean　for　some　reason　to　deprive　me　of　our　old　friendship。　And　that　hurts　me。’’　There　were　tears　in　her　eyes　and　in　her　voice。　‘‘I　have　had　so　little　happiness　in　my　life　that　every　loss　is　hard　for　me　…　Excuse　me；　good…bye；’’　she　suddenly　burst　into　tears；　and　was　going　out　of　the　room。
‘‘Princess！　stay；　for　God’s　sake；’’　he　cried；　trying　to　stop　her。　‘‘Princess！’’
She　looked　round。　For　a　few　seconds　they　gazed　mutely　in　each　other’s　eyes；　and　the　remote　and　impossible　became　all　at　once　close　at　hand；　possible　and　inevitable。


Chapter　7
IN　THE　AUTUMN　of　1813；　Nikolay　married　Princess　Marya；　and　with　his　wife；　and　mother；　and　Sonya；　took　up　his　abode　at　Bleak　Hills。
Within　four　years　he　had　paid　off　the　remainder　of　his　debts　without　selling　his　wife’s　estates；　and　coming　into　a　small　legacy　on　the　death　of　a　cousin；　he　repaid　the　loan　he　had　borrowed　from　Pierre　also。
In　another　three　years；　by　1820；　Nikolay　had　so　well　managed　his　pecuniary　affairs　that　he　was　able　to　buy　a　small　estate　adjoining　Bleak　Hills；　and　was　opening　negotiations　for　the　repurchase　of　his　ancestral　estate　of　Otradnoe；　which　was　his　cherished　dream。
Though　he　took　up　the　management　of　the　land　at　first　from　necessity；　he　soon　acquired　such　a　passion　for　agriculture；　that　it　became　his　favourite　and　almost　his　exclusive　interest。　Nikolay　was　a　plain　farmer；　who　did　not　like　innovations；　especially　English　ones；　just　then　coming　into　vogue；　laughed　at　all　theoretical　treatises　on　agriculture；　did　not　care　for　factories；　for　raising　expensive　produce；　or　for　expensive　imported　seed。　He　did　not；　in　fact；　make　a　hobby　of　any　one　part　of　the　work；　but　kept　the　welfare　of　the　esta