战争与和平(下)-第15节

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Christianity；　and　all　the　rest　of　it；　before　Nikolinka；　who　had　slipped　in　there；　and　was　pulling　all　my　things　to　pieces。’’
‘‘Ah；　do　you　know；　Nikolay；　I　am　so　often　worried　about　Nikolinka；’’　said　Countess　Marya。　‘‘He　is　such　an　exceptional　boy。　And　I　am　afraid　I　neglect　him　for　my　own。　All　of　us　have　our　children；　we　all　have　our　own　ties；　while　he　has　nobody。　He　is　always　alone　with　his　thoughts。’’
‘‘Well；　I　don’t　think　you　have　anything　to　reproach　yourself　with　on　his　account。　Everything　the　fondest　mother　could　do　for　her　son　you　have　done；　and　are　doing；　for　him。　And　of　course　I　am　glad　you　do。　He　is　a　splendid　boy；　splendid！　This　evening　he　was　lost　in　a　sort　of　dream　listening　to　Pierre。　And　only　fancy；　we　got　up　to　go　in　to　supper。　I　look；　and　there　he　has　broken　everything　on　my　table　to　fragments；　and　he　told　me　of　it　at　once。　I　have　never　known　him　to　tell　a　fib。　He’s　a　splendid　boy！’’　repeated　Nikolay；　who　did　not　in　his　heart　like　Nikolinka；　but　always　felt　moved　to　acknowledge　that　he　was　a　splendid　fellow。
‘‘Still　I　am　not　the　same　as　a　mother；’’　said　Countess　Marya。　‘‘I　feel　that　it’s　not　the　same；　and　it　worries　me。　He’s　a　wonderful　boy；　but　I　am　awfully　afraid　for　him。　Companionship　will　be　good　for　him。’’
‘‘Oh；　well；　it’s　not　for　long；　next　summer　I　shall　take　him　to　Petersburg；’’　said　Nikolay。　‘‘Yes；　Pierre　always　was；　and　always　will　be；　a　dreamer；’’　he　went　on；　returning　to　the　discussion　in　the　study；　which　had　evidently　worked　on　his　feelings。　‘‘Why；　what　concern　is　all　that　of　mine—Araktcheev’s　misdoings；　and　all　the　rest　of　it—what　concern　was　it　of　mine；　when　at　the　time　of　our　marriage　I　had　so　many　debts　that　they　were　going　to　put　me　in　prison；　and　a　mother　who　couldn’t　see　it　or　understand　it。　And　then　you；　and　the　children；　and　my　work。　It’s　not　for　my　own　pleasure　I　am　from　morning　to　night　looking　after　the　men；　or　in　the　counting…house。　No；　I　know　I　must　work　to　comfort　my　mother；　repay　you；　and　not　leave　my　children　in　beggary；　as　I　was　left　myself。’’
Countess　Marya　wanted　to　tell　him　that　man　does　not　live　by　bread　alone；　that　he　attached　too　much　importance　to　this　work。　But　she　knew　that　she　must　not　say　this；　and　that　it　would　be　useless。　She　only　took　his　hand　and　kissed　it。　He　accepted　this　gesture　on　his　wife’s　part　as　a　sign　of　assent　and　approval　of　his　words；　and　after　a　few　moments　of　silent　thought　he　went　on　thinking　aloud。
‘‘Do　you　know；　Marie；’’　he　said；　‘‘Ilya　Mitrofanitch’’　（this　was　a　steward　of　his）　‘‘was　here　to…day　from　the　Tambov　estate；　and　he　tells　me　they　will　give　eighty　thousand　for　the　forest。’’　And　with　an　eager　face　Nikolay　began　talking　of　the　possibility　of　buying　Otradnoe　back　within　a　very　short　time。　‘‘Another　ten　years　of　life；　and　I　shall　leave　the　children　…　in　a　capital　position。’’
Countess　Marya　listened　to　her　husband；　and　understood　all　he　said　to　her。　She　knew　that　when　he　was　thus　thinking　aloud；　he　would　sometimes　ask　what　he　had　been　saying；　and　was　vexed　when　he　noticed　she　had　been　thinking　of　something　else。　But　she　had　to　make　a　great　effort　to　attend；　because　she　did　not　feel　the　slightest　interest　in　what　he　was　saying　to　her。　She　looked　at　him；　and　though　she　would　not　exactly　think　of　other　things；　her　feelings　were　elsewhere。　She　felt　a　submissive；　tender　love　for　this　man；　who　could　never　understand　all　that　she　understood；　and　she　seemed；　for　that　very　reason；　to　love　him　the　more；　with　a　shade　of　passionate　tenderness。　Apart　from　that　feeling；　which　absorbed　her　entirely；　and　prevented　her　from　following　the　details　of　her　husband’s　plans；　thoughts　kept　floating　through　her　brain　that　had　nothing　in　common　with　what　he　was　saying。　She　thought　of　her　nephew　（what　her　husband　had　said　of　his　excitement　over　Pierre’s　talk　had　made　a　great　impression　on　her）；　and　various　traits　of　his　tender；　sensitive　character　rose　to　her　mind；　and　while　she　thought　of　her　nephew；　she　thought；　too；　of　her　own　children。　She　did　not　compare　her　nephew　with　her　own　children；　but　she　compared　her　own　feeling　for　him；　and　her　feeling　for　her　children；　and　felt；　with　sorrow；　that　in　her　feeling　for　Nikolinka　there　was　something　wanting。
Sometimes　the　idea　had　occurred　to　her　that　this　difference　was　due　to　his　age；　but　she　felt　guilty　towards　him；　and　in　her　soul　vowed　to　amend；　and　to　do　the　impossible；　that　is；　in　this　life；　to　love　her　husband；　and　her　children；　and　Nikolinka；　and　all　her　fellow…creatures；　as　Christ　loved　men。　Countess　Marya’s　soul　was　always　striving　towards　the　infinite；　the　eternal；　and　the　perfect；　and　so　she　could　never　be　at　peace。　A　stern　expression　came　into　her　face　from　that　hidden；　lofty　suffering　of　the　spirit；　weighed　down　by　the　flesh。　Nikolay　gazed　at　her。　‘‘My　God！　What　will　become　of　us；　if　she　dies；　as　I　dread；　when　she　looks　like　that？’’　he　thought；　and　standing　before　the　holy　images；　he　began　to　repeat　his　evening　prayer。


Chapter　16
NATASHA；　as　soon　as　she　was　alone　with　her　husband；　had　begun　talking　too；　as　only　husband　and　wife　can　talk；　that　is；　understanding　and　communicating　their　thoughts　to　each　other；　with　extraordinary　clearness　and　rapidity；　by　a　quite　peculiar　method　opposed　to　all　the　rules　of　logic；　without　the　aid　of　premises；　deductions；　and　conclusions。　Natasha　was　so　used　to　talking　to　her　husband　in　this　fashion　that　a　logical　sequence　of　thought　on　Pierre’s　part　was　to　her　an　infallible　symptom　of　something　being　out　of　tune　between　them。　When　he　began　arguing；　talking　reasonably　and　calmly；　and　when　she　was　led　on　by　his　example　into　doing　the　same；　she　knew　it　would　infallibly　lead　to　a　quarrel。
From　the　moment　they　were　alone　together　and　Natasha；　with　wide…open；　happy　eyes；　crept　softly　up　to　him　and　suddenly；　swiftly　seizing　his　head；　pressed　it　to　her　bosom；　saying；　‘‘Now　you’re　all　mine；　mine！　You　shan’t　escape！’’　that　conversation　began　that　contravened　every　rule　of　logic；　especially　because　they　talked　of　several　different　subjects　at　once。　This　discussion　of　all　sorts　of　things　at　once；　far　from　hindering　clearness　of　comprehension；　was　the　surest　token　that　they　understood　one　another　fully。
As　in　a　dream　everything　is　uncertain；　meaningless；　and　contradictory　except　the　feeling　that　directs　the　dream；　so　in　this　communion　of　ideas；　apart　from　every　law　of　reason；　what　is　clear　and　consecutive　is　not　what　is　said；　but　the　feeling　that　prompts　the　words。
Natasha　talked　to　Pierre　of　the　daily　round　of　existence　at　her　brother’s；　told　him　how　she　had　suffered　and　been　half…dead　without　him；　and　that　she　was　fonder　of　Marie　than　ever；　and　Marie　was　better　in　every　way　than　she　was。　In　saying　this　Natasha　was　quite　sincere　in　acknowledging　Marie’s　superiority；　but　at　the　same　time　she　expected　Pierre　to　prefer　her　to　Marie　and　all　other　women；　and　now；　especially　after　he　had　been　seeing　a　great　many　women　in　Petersburg；　to　tell　her　so　anew。　In　response　to　Natasha’s　words；　Pierre　told　her　how　intolerable　he　had　found　the　evening　parties　and　dinners　with　ladies　in　Petersburg。
‘‘I　have　quite　lost　the　art　of　talking　to　ladies；’’　he　said；　‘‘it　was　horribly　tiresome。　Especially　as　I　was　so　busy。’’
Natasha　looked　intently　at　him；　and　went　on。　‘‘Marie；　now　she　is　wonderful！’’　she　said。　‘‘The　insight　she　has　into　children。　She　seems　to　see　straight　into　their　souls。　Yesterday；　for　instance；　Mitenka　was　naughty…’’
‘‘And　isn’t　he　like　his　father？’’　Pierre　put　in。
Natasha　knew　why　he　made　this　remark　about　Mitenka’s　likeness　to　Nikolay。　He　disliked　the　thought　of　his　dispute　with　his　brother…in…law；　and　was　longing　to　hear　what　she　thought　about　it。
‘‘It’s　a　weakness　of　Nikolay’s；　that　if　anything　is　not　generally　accepted；　he　will　never　agree　with　it。　And　I　see　that　that’s　just　what　you　value　to　ouvrir　une　carrière；’’　she　said；　repeating　a　phrase　Pierre　had　once　uttered。
‘‘No；　the　real　thing　is　that　to　Nikolay；’’　said　Pierre；　‘‘thoughts　and　ideas　are　an　amusement；　almost　a　pastime。　Here　he’s　forming　a　library　and　has　made　it　a　rule　not　to　buy　a　new　book　till　he　has　read　through　the　last　he　has　bought—Sismondi　and　Rousseau　and　Montesquieu；’’　Pierre　added　with　a　smile。　‘‘You　know　how　I—；’’　he　was　beginning　to　soften　his　criticism；　but　Natasha　interrupted；　giving　him　thereby　to　understand　that　that　was　not　necessary。
‘‘So　you　say　ideas　to　him　are　not　serious…’’
‘‘Yes；　and　to　me　nothing　else　is　serious。　All　the　while　I　was　in　Petersburg；　I　seemed　to　be　seeing　every　one　in　a　dream。　When　I　am　absorbed　by　an　idea；　nothing　else　is　serious。’’
‘‘Oh；　what　a　pity　I　didn’t　see　your　meeting　with　the　children；’’　said　Natasha。　‘‘Which　was　the　most　pleased？　Liza；　of　course？’’
‘‘Yes；’’　said　Pierre；　and　he　went　on　with　what　interested　him。　‘‘Nikolay　says　we　ought　not　to　think。　But　I　can’t　help　it。　To　say　nothing　of　the　fact　（I　can　say　so　to　you）　that　in　Petersburg　I　felt　that　the　whole　thing　would　go　to　pieces　without　me；　every　one　pulled　his　own　way。　But　I　succeeded　in　bringing　them　all　together；　and　then　my　idea　is　so　clear　and　simple。　I　don’t　say　we　ought　to　work　against　so　and　so。　We　may　be　mistaken。　But　I　say　let　those　join　hands　who　care　for　the　goo