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第6节

生命不能承受之轻-第6节

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He kept warning himself not to give in to compassion; and compassion listened with bowed head and a seemingly guilty conscience。 Compassion knew it was being presumptuous; yet it quietly stood its ground; and on the fifth day after her departure Tomas informed the director of his hospital (the man who had phoned him daily in Prague after the Russian invasion) that he had to return at once。 He was ashamed。 He knew that the move would appear irresponsible; inexcusable to the man。 He thought to unbosom himself and tell him the story of Tereza and the letter she had left on the table for him。 But in the end he did not。 From the Swiss doctor's point of view Tereza's move could only appear hysterical and abhorrent。 And Tomas refused to allow anyone an opportunity to think ill of her。 The director of the hospital was in fact offended。 Tomas shrugged his shoulders and said; Es muss sein。 Es muss sein。 
It was an allusion。 The last movement of Beethoven's last quartet is based on the following two motifs:

To make the meaning of the words absolutely clear; Beethoven introduced the movement with a phrase; Der schwer gefasste Entschluss; which is commonly translated as the difficult resolution。 
This allusion to Beethoven was actually Tomas's first step back to Tereza; because she was the one who had induced him to buy records of the Beethoven quartets and sonatas。
The allusion was even more pertinent than he had thought because the Swiss doctor was a great music lover。 Smiling serenely; he asked; in the melody of Beethoven's motif; Muss es sein? 
'a; es muss sein! Tomas said again。

16
Unlike Parmenides; Beethoven apparently viewed weight as something positive。 Since the German word schwer means both difficult and heavy; Beethoven's difficult resolution may also be construed as a heavy or weighty resolution。 The weighty resolution is at one with the voice of Fate ( Es muss sein! ); necessity; weight; and value are three concepts inextricably bound: only necessity is heavy; and only what is heavy has value。
This is a conviction born of Beethoven's music; and although we cannot ignore the possibility (or even probability) that it owes its origins more to Beethoven's commentators than to Beethoven himself; we all more or less share; it: we believe that the greatness of man stems from the fact that he bears his fate as Atlas bore the heavens on his shoulders。 Beethoven's hero is a lifter of metaphysical weights。
Tomas approached the Swiss border。 I imagine a gloomy; shock…headed Beethoven; in person; conducting the local firemen's brass band in a farewell to emigration; an Es Muss Sein march。
Then Tomas crossed the Czech border and was welcomed by columns of Russian tanks。 He had to stop his car and wait a half hour before they passed。 A terrifying soldier in the black Uniform of the armored forces stood at the crossroads directing traffic as if every road in the country belonged to him and him alone。
Es muss sein! Tomas repeated to himself; but then he began to doubt。 Did it really have to be?
Yes; it was unbearable for him to stay in Zurich imagining Tereza living on her own in Prague。
But how long would he have been tortured by compassion? All his life? A year? Or a month? Or only a week?
How could he have known? How could he have gauged it? Any schoolboy can do experiments in the physics laboratory to test various scientific hypotheses。 But man; because he has only one life to live; cannot conduct experiments to test whether to follow his passion (compassion) or not。
It was with these thoughts in mind that he opened the door to his flat。 Karenin made the homecoming easier by jumping up on him and licking his face。 The desire to fall into Tereza's arms (he could still feel it while getting into his car in Zurich) had completely disintegrated。 He fancied himself standing opposite her in the midst of a snowy plain; the two of them shivering from the cold。
17
From the very beginning of the occupation; Russian military airplanes had flown over Prague all night long。 Tomas; no longer accustomed to the noise; was unable to fall asleep。
Twisting and turning beside the slumbering Tereza; he recalled something she had told him a long time before in the course of an insignificant conversation。 They had been talking about his friend Z。 when she announced; If I hadn't met you; I'd certainly have fallen in love with him。 
Even then; her words had left Tomas in a strange state of melancholy; and now he realized it was only a matter of chance that Tereza loved him and not his friend Z。 Apart from her consummated love for Tomas; there were; in the realm of possibility; an infinite number of unconsummated loves for other men。
We all reject out of hand the idea that the love of our life may be something light or weightless; we presume our love is what must be; that without it our life would no longer be the same; we feel that Beethoven himself; gloomy and awe…inspiring; is playing the Es muss sein! to our own great love。
Tomas often thought of Tereza's remark about his friend Z。 and came to the conclusion that the love story of his life exemplified not Es muss sein! (It must be so); but rather Es konnte auch anders sein (It could just as well be otherwise)。
Seven years earlier; a complex neurological case happened to have been discovered at the hospital in Tereza's town。 They called in the chief surgeon of Tomas's hospital in Prague for consultation; but the chief surgeon of Tomas's hospital happened to be suffering from sciatica; and because he could not move he sent Tomas to the provincial hospital in his place。 The town had several hotels; but Tomas happened to be given a room in the one where Tereza was employed。 He happened to have had enough free time before his train left to stop at the hotel restaurant。 Tereza happened to be on duty; and happened to be serving Tomas's table。 It had taken six chance happenings to push Tomas towards Tereza; as if he had little inclination to go to her on his own。
He had gone back to Prague because of her。 So fateful a decision resting on so fortuitous a love; a love that would not even have existed had it not been for the chief surgeon's sciatica seven years earlier。 And that woman; that personification of absolute fortuity; now again lay asleep beside him; breathing deeply。
It was late at night。 His stomach started acting up as it tended to do in times of psychic stress。
Once or twice her breathing turned into mild snores。 Tomas felt no compassion。 All he felt was the pressure in his stomach and the despair of having returned。


PART TWO
Soul and Body

1
It would be senseless for the author to try to convince the reader that his characters once actually lived。 They were not born of a mother's womb; they were born of a stimulating phrase or two or from a basic situation。 Tomas was born of the saying Einma! ist keinmal。 Tereza was born of the rumbling of a stomach。
The first time she went to Tomas's flat; her insides began to rumble。 And no wonder: she had had nothing to eat since breakfast but a quick sandwich on the platform before boarding the train。 She had concentrated on the daring journey ahead of her and forgotten about food。 But when we ignore the body; we are more easily victimized by it。 She felt terrible standing there in front of Tomas listening to her belly speak out。 She felt like crying。 Fortunately; after the first ten seconds Tomas put his arms around her and made her forget her ventral voices。

2
Tereza was therefore born of a situation which brutally reveals the irreconcilable duality of body and soul; that fundamental human experience。
A long time ago; man would listen in amazement to the sound of regular beats in his chest; never suspecting what they were。 He was unable to identify himself with so alien and unfamiliar an object as the body。 The body was a cage; and inside that cage was something which looked; listened; feared; thought; and marveled; that something; that remainder left over after the body had been accounted for; was the soul。
Today; of course; the body is no longer unfamiliar: we know that the beating in our chest is the heart and that the nose is the nozzle of a hose sticking out of the body to take oxygen to the lungs。 The face is nothing but an instrument panel registering all the body mechanisms: digestion; sight; hearing; respiration; thought。
Ever since man has learned to give each part of the body a name; the body has given him less trouble。 He has also learned that the soul is nothing more than the gray matter of the brain in action。 The old duality of body and soul has become shrouded in scientific terminology; and we can laugh at it as merely an obsolete prejudice。
But just make someone who has fallen in love listen to his stomach rumble; and the unity of body and soul; that lyrical illusion of the age of science; instantly fades away。

3
Tereza tried to see herself through her body。 That is why; from girlhood on; she would stand before the mirror so often。 And because she was afraid her mother would catch her at it; every peek into the mirror had a tinge of secret vice。
It was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was amazement at seeing her own I。 She forgot she was looking at the instrument panel of her body mechanisms; she thou

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