苔斯-第6节
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ht of the morning he breathed his last． Tess had been calm since the baptism and she remained calm． She was no longer worried about Sorrow's afterlife．If God did not accept the baptism，she did not value His Heaven，either for herself or for her child．
Tess thought a good deal about the baptism， however， and wondered if it might mean that Sorrow could be buried in the churchyard，with a church service． She went to the parson's house after dark， and met him near his gate．
‘I should like to ask you something，sir．My baby was very ill，and I wanted you to baptize him， but my father refused to allow it．So I baptized him myself．Now sir， can you tell me this，’and she looked him straight in the eyes，‘ will it be just the same for him as if you had baptized him？’
The parson wanted to say no． She had done what should have been his job．But the girl's strong feeling impressed him． The man and the parson fought inside him， and the man won．
‘My dear girl，’he said，‘it will be just the same．’
‘Then will you bury him in the churchyard？’ she asked quickly．
The parson felt trapped． It was a difficult question to answer．‘Ah，that's a different matter，’he said．‘1'm sorry，I cannot．’
‘Oh sir！’She took his hand as she spoke．
He took it away，shaking his head．
‘Then I'll never come to church again！’she cried．‘But perhaps it will be the same for him？ Tell me， have pity on me， poor me，tell me what you really think！’
The parson was deeply touched by her emotion． For a surprising moment he forgot the strict rules of his church．
‘It will be just the same，’he answered kindly．
So the baby was carried in a cheap wooden box to the churchyard at nignt．There is a corner of the churchyard where the grass grows long，and where the suicides，drunks， unbaptized babies and other supposed criminals are laid． Sorrow was buried here，at the cost of a shilling and a pint of beer for the gravedigger．Tess bravely made a little cross and put it at the head of the grave one evening，when she could enter the churchyard without being seen．
It is all very well saying that we learn from experience． Tess had certainly learnt from experience，but could not see how to use her knowledge，so painfully gained．
So she stayed in her parents’ home during the winter， helping to look after the children， making clothes for them and earning a little money whenever she could．Important dates came round again：the night of her shame in The Chase，the baby's birth and death， her own birthday． One day when she was looking at her pretty face in the mirror，she thought of another date，even more important—her own death． When it came it would swallow up all her prettiness and everything that had happened to her．When was it？It was a day lying hidden among all the other days of the year， so that she noticed nothing when it came round，and did not know what week， month，season or year it would be．
In a flash Tess changed from simple girl to complicated woman．Her face was often thoughtful，and there was sometimes a tragic note in her voice．Her eyes grew larger and more expressive．She became a beautiful woman． She had suffered，but had gained a certain self－confidence from her experiences．
Although the village people had almost forgotten her trouble， she decided she could never be really happy in Marlott．Trying to claim relationship with the rich d’Urbervilles seemed so foolish and shameful to her． She thought her family would never be respected there again． Even now she felt hope rise within her，hope of finding a place with no family connections and no memories．In escaping from Marlott she intended to destroy the past．Perhaps now she could make up for her crime against society．
Consequently she looked hard for work away from Marlott． She finally heard that a dairyman some miles to the south needed a good milkmaid for the summer．Having decided to go there，she promised herself there would be no more hopeless dreams．She would simply be the dairymaid Tess， and nothing more．Even her mother no longer talked about their connection with the noble d’Urbervilles．
But in spite of Tess's decision to forget her ancestors， the dairy， called Talbothays，especially attracted her because it was near the former lands of the old d’Urberville family． She would be able to look at them， and not only observe that the noble d’Urberville family had lost its greatness，but also remember that a poor descendant had lost her innocence．She wondered if some good might come of being in the land of her ancestors．Hope and youthful energy rose up in her again，like leaves on a young tree in spring．
A New Life
8
And so it was that on a beautiful morning in May，two to three years after her return from Trantridge，Tess Durbeyfield left home for the second time．She was going in the opposite direction this time．When she reached the first hill，she looked back at Marlott and her father's house with sadness in her heart．
She travelled partly by carriage and partly on foot，carrying her basket．Not far to her left she could see the trees which surrounded Kingsbere，with its church where her ancestors lay in their tombs．She could no longer admire or respect them． She almost hated them for ruining her life．Nothing of theirs was left except the old seal and spoon．
‘Huh！I have as much of mother as father in me！’she said．
‘All my prettiness comes from her，and she was only a dairymaid．’
Her walk took two hours，until she reached the hill overlooking the Valley of the Great Dairies． This valley was watered by the river Froom，and produced huge amounts of milk and butter，more even than Tess's Vale of Blackmoor， which was known as the Vale of Little Dairies．
As she stood and looked，she realized the valleys were quite different．Here the fields and farms were much larger． She saw more cows at a glance than she had ever seen before．The evening sun shone on their red，white and brown bodies．She thought that this view was perhaps not as beautiful as a view of Blackmoor Vale，which she knew so well．There the sky was deep blue，the smell of the earth was heavy in the air，the streams ran slowly and silently．But this view was more cheerful． Here the air was clear and light， and the river Froom rushed as fast as the shadow of a cloud．
Either the change in the quality of the air，or the feeling that she was going to start a new life here， made her feel much happier．She ran along， her hopes and the sunshine warming her．
She looked at her best as she ran laughing into the warm wind．The desire for pleasure， which is in every living thing， had finally won over Tess． She was，after all，only a young woman of twenty， who had not finished growing up． No event，however unpleasant，could have marked her for ever． She was young and strong and beautiful， and could not remain sad for long．
Her hopes rose higher than ever． She wanted to show how grateful she was for this second chance．She started singing love songs，but found they were not enough to express her feelings．She remembered the Sunday mornings of her girlhood，and sang：‘Oh sun and moon… Oh stars… Oh children of men… Praise the Lord！ Praise Him for ever！’ until she stopped suddenly and murmured， ‘But perhaps I don't quite know the Lord yet．’
This was probably a pagan feeling in a religious form． People who live in the country and are close to nature， like Tess，keep many of the pagan ideas of their ancestors in their souls．Religion learned in church comes much later， and does not touch them deeply．
Tess was happy to be making her way independently in life． She really wanted to live honestly and work hard，unlike her father．Tess had her mother's energy and the energy of her youth to help her recover from her experience． Women do usually live through such experiences．‘Where there's life there's hope’ is still true for most‘betrayed’women．
As Tess，full of enthusiasm，came downhill towards the dairy，she suddenly heard the milking call，again and again， from all parts of the valley．It was half－past four， when the dairy people brought in the cows． Tess followed the red and white animals，with their great bags of milk under them，into the farmyard． She saw the long sheds， and the wooden posts， shining and smooth where the cows had rubbed against them over the years． She saw the cows between the posts，the sun throwing their shadows on the wall as carefully as a painter paints a beautiful king or queen．As the cows waited for their turn，the milk fell in drops on the ground．
The dairymaids and men had come from their cottages as they saw the cows arriving from the fields． Each girl sat on her three－legged stool as she milked，her right cheek resting on the cow's body，watching Tess arrive．The men milked with their hats low over their eyes and did not see her．One of them was a middle－aged man，the head－dairyman she was looking for．He worked six days a week in his white milking clothes， milking and butter－making， and on the seventh he wore his best suit to take his family proudly to church． Becaus
