苔斯-第4节

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‘Tessy，don't　you　love　me　just　a　little　now？’

‘I'm　grateful，’she　admitted，‘but　I'm　afraid　I　don't…’and　slowly　she　started　to　cry．

‘Now　don't　cry，my　dear．Sit　here　and　wait　for　me．’He　made　a　bed　for　the　tired　girl　among　the　dead　leaves，　and　covered　her　with　his　coat．He　set　off　into　the　fog　to　find　out　where　he　was，and　came　back　to　find　Tess　fast　asleep．　He　saw　her　in　her　white　dress　among　the　leaves，　a　pale，shining　figure　in　the　dark．He　bent　down　and　touched　her　cheek　with　his．Everywhere　there　was　darkness　and　silence．The　birds　and　animals　slept，safe　in　and　under　the　trees．But　who　was　looking　after　Tess？Who　was　protecting　her　innocence？

‘Tess！’said　d’Urberville，and　lay　down　beside　her．The　girl　was　not　strong　enough　to　resist　him．

Why　was　Tess's　girlish　purity　lost？Why　does　the　wrong　man　take　the　wrong　woman？Why　do　the　bad　so　often　ruin　the　good？　Why　is　beauty　damaged　by　ugliness？Thousands　of　years　of　philosophy　cannot　give　us　the　answers　to　these　questions．These　things　happen，　and　have　always　happened．　Perhaps　in　the　past，rolling　home　after　a　battle，Tess's　ancestors，the　real　d’Urbervilles，had　done　the　same，even　more　cruelly，to　young　country　girls．But　we　cannot　accept　that　that　is　Tess's　fault，and　should　happen　to　her．As　the　people　of　her　village　say，‘It　was　to　be．’And　from　now　on，Tess's　life　was　to　be　completely　different．

　　



　


Maiden　No　More

　　

6

　　

It　was　a　Sunday　morning　in　late　October　about　four　months　after　Tess's　arrival　at　Trantridge　，and　a　few　weeks　after　the　night　ride　in　The　Chase．　Carrying　a　heavy　basket　and　bundle，　Tess　was　walking　towards　the　hills　which　divided　her　from　the　Vale，her　place　of　birth．　The　scenery　and　people　on　this　side　were　very　different　from　those　in　her　village．Marlott　people　mainly　thought　and　travelled　northward　and　westward，　while　on　this　side　people　were　interested　in　the　east　and　the　south．　She　walked　up　the　same　hill　which　d’Urberville　had　driven　down　so　wildly　that　June　day．On　reaching　the　top　of　the　hill，Tess　paused　and　looked　for　a　long　time　at　the　familiar　green　world　of　home．It　was　always　beautiful　from　here，but　since　she　had　last　seen　it，her　view　of　life　had　changed．She　had　learnt　that　wickedness　exists，even　where　there　is　beauty，and　now　she　could　hardly　bear　to　look　down　into　the　Vale．

Then　she　looked　behind　her　and　saw　a　carriage　coming　up　the　same　hill　that　she　had　just　climbed，with　a　man　leading　the　horse．Soon　he　caught　up　with　her．

‘Why　did　you　slip　away　in　secret　like　that？’　asked　d’Urberville　breathlessly．‘I've　been　driving　like　mad　to　catch　up　with　you．Just　look　at　my　horse！You　know　nobody　would　have　prevented　you　from　going．I'm　going　to　drive　you　the　rest　of　the　way，　if　you　won't　come　back　with　me．

‘I　won't　come　back，’she　said　quietly．　‘I　thought　so！Well，let　me　help　you　up．Give　me　your　basket．’

She　stepped　up　into　the　carriage　and　sat　beside　him．She　had　no　fear　of　him　now．The　reason　for　this　was　also　the　reason　for　her　sorrow．　They　drove　along，d’Urberville　making　conversation　and　Tess　thinking　her　own　thoughts．When　they　approached　the　village　of　Marlott　a　tear　rolled　down　her　cheek．

‘Why　are　you　crying？’he　asked　coldly．

‘I　was　only　thinking　I　was　born　over　there．’

‘Well，　we　must　all　be　born　somewhere．’

‘I　wish　I　had　never　been　born，there　or　anywhere　else！’she　said　quietly．

‘Well，you　shouldn't　have　come　to　Trantridge　if　you　didn't　want　to　You　didn't　come　for　love　of　me，　anyway．’

‘That's　quite　true．If　I　had　ever　loved　you，if　I　loved　you　still，I　could　not　hate　myself　for　my　weakness　as　much　as　I　do　now．’

He　did　not　look　at　her．

She　added，‘I　didn't　understand　your　intention　until　it　was　too　late．’

‘That's　what　every　woman　says．’

‘How　dare　you　say　that！’she　cried　angrily，　her　eyes　flashing　at　him．‘My　God！I　could　hit　you！Did　you　never　think　that　some　women　may　not　only　say　it　but　feel　it？’

‘All　right，’he　said　laughing，‘I　am　sorry　to　hurt　you．I　did　wrong—I　admit　it．Only　don't　keep　accusing　me．I　am　ready　to　pay　for　it．You　need　never　work　on　the　farms　again．’

Her　lip　lifted　slightly　as　she　replied，‘I　will　not　take　anything　from　you！I　cannot！’

‘One　would　think　you　were　a　queen　as　well　as　being　one　of　the　real　d’Urbervilles！　Well，Tess　dear，I　suppose　I'm　a　bad　sort　of　man．　I've　always　been　one，　and　I　always　will　be　one．　But　I　promise　I　won't　be　bad　to　you　again．　And　if　anything　should　happen—you　understand—if　you　are　in　any　trouble　or　need　anything，just　drop　me　a　line　and　I'll　send　by　return　whatever　you　want．’

She　stepped　down　from　the　carriage　and　was　going　to　leave　him，when　he　stopped　her　and　said，‘You're　not　going　to　turn　away　from　me　like　that，dear？Gome，let　me　kiss　you！’

‘If　you　wish，’she　answered　coldly．　She　offered　her　cool　cheek　to　him，but　her　eyes　rested　on　a　distant　tree　as　if　the　kiss　had　nothing　to　do　with　her．

‘You　don't　give　me　your　lips，Tess．　I'm　afraid　you'll　never　love　me．’

It's　true．　I　have　never　loved　you，and　I　never　can．’She　added　sadly，‘Perhaps　I　should　tell　a　lie　and　then　I　could　lead　a　comfortable　life．But　I　have　enough　honour　not　to　tell　that　lie．If　I　loved　you，I　might　have　a　very　good　reason　to　tell　you　so．But　I　don't．’

Alec　sighed　heavily，as　if　this　scene　were　depressing　him．

‘well，you're　very　sad，Tess，and　you　have　no　reason　to　be．You're　still　the　prettiest　girl　for　miles　around．　Will　you　come　back　with　me？　Say　you　will！’

‘Never，never！I've　made　up　my　mind，　and　I　won't　come．’

‘Then　goodbye！’and　Alec　jumped　up　into　his　carriage　and　drove　off．

Tess　did　not　watch　him　go，but　continued　her　walk　alone．　It　was　still　early　in　the　day　and　the　sun　was　not　yet　giving　any　warmth．Tess　felt　even　sadder　than　the　autumn　sadness　which　surrounded　her．

But　soon　a　man　came　up　behind　her，a　man　with　a　pot　of　red　paint　in　his　hand．

‘Good　morning，’he　said，　and　offered　to　carry　her　basket．

‘You're　up　early　on　a　Sunday，’he　continued．

‘Yes，’said　Tess．

‘A　day　of　rest　for　most　people，　although　I　do　more　real　work　today　than　in　the　rest　of　the　week　put　together．’

‘Do　you？’

‘In　the　week　I　work　for　man，but　on　Sunday　I　work　for　God．That's　better　work，don't　you　think？　Wait　a　moment，I　have　something　to　do　here．’He　stopped　at　a　gate，　and　in　large　red　letters　on　the　middle　bar　of　the　gate　he　painted　some　words　from　the　Bible：

　　

PUNISHMENT　AWAITS　YOU

　　

In　the　soft　air，against　the　gentle　green　of　the　trees　and　the　peaceful　fields，　these　great　red　words　stared　at　Tess．　They　pointed　a　finger　at　her．This　man　was　a　stranger　and　could　not　know　her　story，　but　the　words　accused　her．

‘Do　you　believe　what　you　paint？’she　asked　in　a　low　voice．

‘Do　I　believe　those　words？Do　I　believe　I　am　alive！’

‘But，’she　whispered，trembling，‘suppose　you　were　forced　to　do　wrong？’

He　shook　his　head．‘I　can't　answer　that　question．I　paint　the　words　and　leave　others　to　think　about　them　in　their　own　hearts．’

‘I　think　they　are　horrible　words！’cried　Tess．‘I'll　take　my　basket　and　go　on　now，　and　she　walked　away　from　him，her　heart　beating　fast．‘I　don't　believe　God　said　those　things！’she　thought，as　she　reached　her　village．

There　was　smoke　coming　from　her　father's　chimney，　but　seeing　the　inside　of　the　cottage　made　her　heart　ache．It　was　as　poor　as　ever．Her　mother　jumped　up，surprised　to　see　her．

‘Well，my　dear　Tess！’she　said，kissing　her．‘How　are　you？　Have　you　come　home　to　be　married？’

‘No，　not　for　that，　mother．’

‘What，isn't　your　cousin　going　to　marry　you？’

‘He's　not　my　cousin，　and　he's　not　going　to　marry　me．’

Her　mother　looked　at　her　closely．‘Come，you　haven't　told　me　everything．’

Then　Tess　went　up　to　her　mother，put　her　head　on　Joan's　shoulder，and　told　her　the　whole　story．

‘And　you　haven't　persuaded　him　to　marry　you！’cried　Joan．　‘What's　the　good　of　going　there？　Why　didn't　you　think　of　doing　some　good　for　your　family　instead　of　thinking　only　of　yourself？’

Tess　was　confused．　Alec　had　never　mentioned　marriage　to　her．But　even　if　he　had，she　would　never　have　accepted　him，　because　she　did　not　love　him．This　made　her　hate　herself　for　what　she　had　done．She　would　certainly　never　love　him　in　the　future．　She　did　not　quite　hate　him，　but　did　not　wish　to　marry　him，even　to　remain　respectable．

‘You　ought　to　have　been　more　careful　if　you　didn't　want　to　marry　him！’

‘Oh　mother！’cried　the　poor　girl，her　heart　breaking．‘Why　didn't　you　warn　me　about　men？I　was　a　child　when　I　left　home！I　didn't　know　how　dangerous　they　can　be，and　you　didn't　tell　me！’

‘Well，we　must　make　the　best　of　it，’said　her　mother．‘It's　only　human　nature，　after　all．’

That　afternoon　the　little　cottage　was　full　of　Tess's　friends，　girls　who　lived　in　the　village　and　who　had　missed　her　while　she　had　been　away．They　whispered　to　each　other　that　Tess　was　sure　to　marry　that　handsome　gentleman．Fortunately　Tess　did　not　hear　them．She　joined　in　their　laughing　and　talking，and　for　a　short　time　almost　forgot　her　shame．

But　the　next　day　wa