苔斯-第14节

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．And　I'm　not　good　enough！I　was　right！But　you　persuaded　me！’

She　turned　her　back　on　him，sobbing　as　if　her　heart　would　break．It　would　have　won　round　any　man　but　Angel　Clare．Deep　in　him　lay　a　hard　logic，which　had　resisted　the　Church，and　now　resisted　Tess．She　accepted　his　treatment　of　her　as　being　what　she　deserved．She　would　never　have　thought　of　criticizing　his　hardness．To　her　he　was　still　perfection．

Another　day　passed　by　in　the　same　way．Only　once　did　Tess　try　to　get　closer　to　her　husband．As　he　was　leaving　for　the　flour－mill，she　put　up　her　mouth　to　be　kissed．He　ignored　the　invitation，and　said　goodbye　coldly．She　felt　as　if　he　had　hit　her．How　often　had　he　wanted　to　kiss　her　in　those　happy　days　at　Talbothays！

But　on　his　way　to　the　mill　Angel　regretted　his　coldness．He　wished　he　had　been　kinder　to　her　and　kissed　her　once　at　least．

So　they　lived　through　another　day…together　in　the　same　house，but　more　separately　than　ever　before．Clare　was　desperately　wondering　what　to　do．Tess　no　longer　even　hoped　for　forgiveness．That　evening　she　said　bravely：

‘I　suppose　you　aren't　going　to　live　with　me　long，are　you，Angel？’She　found　it　difficult　to　control　the　muscles　of　her　face．

‘No．How　can　we　live　together　as　man　and　wife　while　that　man　lives？He　is　your　natural　husband，I'm　not．If　he　were　dead，that　might　be　different．Anyway，have　you　thought　of　the　future？have　you　thought　we　might　have　children？They　would　find　out　about　this．Everybody　would　talk　about　it．Can　you　imagine　them　growing　up　under　a　cloud　like　that？They　would　hate　you　for　it．’

Tess's　head　was　bent．Her　eyes　felt　so　heavy　they　were　almost　closed．‘No，I　can't　ask　you　to　stay　with　me，’she　whispered．‘I　hadn't　thought　of　it　like　that．’

She　had　hoped，as　women　do，that　living　together　for　a　time　would　break　down　his　coldness．Being　near　him　every　day　was　her　only　hope　of　winning　him　back．But　she　had　never　imagined　she　might　have　children　who　would　reject　her．She　now　remembered　how　she　had　criticized　her　mother　for　bringing　babies　into　the　world　without　being　able　to　look　after　them．She　realized　that　she　might　have　made　the　same　mistake　as　Joan　Durbeyfield．She　completely　accepted　Angel's　argument．

She　could　have　argued　that　if　they　went　as　planned　to　farm　in　another　country，nobody　would　know　about　her　past．But　perhaps　she　was　right　not　to　argue．A　woman　knows　not　only　her　own　sorrow　but　also　her　husband's．He　might　keep　the　bitterness　alive　in　his　heart，even　if　nobody　knew　or　talked　about　it　at　all．She　had　lost．

On　the　third　day　she　said，‘I　accept　what　you　say．We　must　separate．’

‘But　what　can　you　do？’

‘I　can　go　home．’

Clare　had　not　thought　of　that．‘Can　you　really？’

‘Yes．If　I　am　with　you　all　the　time，I　may　persuade　you　to　stay，against　your　better　judgement．Then　you　and　I　would　both　be　sorry．I　must　go．’

‘Right，’said　Angel．His　face　was　pale　but　his　voice　was　determined．

Tess　was　slightly　shocked．He　had　agreed　so　quickly　to　her　generous　offer！

‘I　didn't　like　to　suggest　it，’he　said，‘but　as　you　have，I　think　it's　a　good　idea　to　part—at　least　for　a　while．God　knows，we　may　come　togetner　again　one　day！’

So　they　both　prepared　to　leave　the　following　day．That　night　Tess　was　woken　by　a　noise　in　the　house．At　first　she　thought　Angel　was　coming　to　her　bedroom，and　her　heart　beat　wildly　with　joy．But　then　she　saw　his　eyes　staring　emptily　ahead　of　him，and　knew　he　was　walking　in　his　sleep．He　came　to　the　middle　of　her　room　and　said　very　sadly，‘Dead！Dead！Dead！Poor　darling　Tess！So　sweet，so　good，so　pure！My　wife，dead！’

These　words，which　he　would　never　say　when　awake，were　very　sweet　to　Tess．She　would　not　have　moved　to　save　her　life．She　lay　in　absolute　stillness，trying　not　to　breathe，wondering　what　he　was　going　to　do　with　her．Her　trust　in　him　was　complete．

He　picked　her　up　and　carried　her　to　the　stairs．Was　he　going　to　throw　her　down？She　knew　he　was　leaving　her　the　next　day，perhaps　for　ever．She　almost　hoped　they　would　fall　and　die　together．

He　continued　downstairs，taking　her　out　of　the　house　towards　the　river．She　had　given　herself　totally　up　to　him，　and　did　not　care　what　happened　to　her　as　long　as　she　was　with　him．They　arrived　at　a　place　where　the　river　was　fast　and　deep，and　Angel　started　to　cross　it　on　the　narrow　footbridge，still　holding　Tess．Perhaps　he　wanted　to　drown　her．Even　that　would　be　better　than　separation．

As　they　crossed，the　water　rushed　fiercely　below　them．If　Tess　had　moved　in　his　arms，they　would　both　have　fallen　into　the　dangerous　water．But　she　had　no　right　to　take　his　life，although　her　own　was　worthless，so　she　stayed　still．

Angel　walked　purposefully　towards　a　ruined　church　near　the　river．Against　the　old　wall　was　an　empty　stone　tomb．In　this　he　carefully　laid　Tess，and　kissing　her　lips，sighed　deeply　and　happily．He　immediately　lay　down　on　the　ground　next　to　the　tomb，and　looked　fast　asleep．

Tess　stepped　out　of　the　tomb　and　managed　to　persuade　Angel　to　walk　back　to　the　house，without　waking　him．It　was　very　cold　outside，and　both　had　only　night　clothes　on．She　helped　him　to　his　sofa　bed　in　the　living　room，and　he　still　did　not　wake　up．

Next　morning　he　seemed　to　remember　nothing　of　the　night's　experiences，and　Tess　did　not　refer　to　his　sleepwalking．They　finished　packing　and　left　the　farmhouse，where　they　had　hoped　to　be　so　happy．After　driving　some　distance　Angel　stopped　the　carriage　to　get　down　and　continue　on　foot．Tess　was　going　further　on　in　the　carriage．He　spoke　seriously　to　her　as　they　separated．

‘Now　remember，’he　said，‘　I　am　not　angry　with　you，but　I　cannot　bear　to　live　with　you　at　the　moment．I　will　try　to　accept　it．But　until　I　come　to　you，you　should　not　try　to　come　to　me．’

The　punishment　seemed　a　heavy　one　to　Tess．Had　she　really　deserved　this？

‘May　I　write　to　you？’

‘Oh　yes，if　you　are　ill　or　need　anything．You　probably　won't，so　I　might　be　the　first　to　write．’

‘I　agree　to　the　conditions，Angel，because　you　know　best．Only　don't　make　it　too　much　for　me　to　bear！’

That　was　all　she　said．If　she　had　sobbed　or　fainted　or　begged　him，he　would　probably　have　given　way．But　she　made　it　easy　for　him．He　gave　her　some　money　and　they　said　goodbye．He　stood　on　the　road　watching　the　carnage　continue　up　the　hill，secretly　hoping　that　Tess　would　look　back．But　she　was　lying　half　dead　with　misery　inside．He　turned　to　walk　on　alone，　not　realizing　thai　he　still　loved　her．

　　



　


16

　　

As　the　carriage　drove　on　through　Blackmoor　Vale，Tess　now　began　to　awake　from　her　sorrow　and　wonder　how　she　could　face　her　parents．She　left　the　carriage　and　came　into　Marlott　on　foot．When　she　entered　the　little　cottage，　her　mother　was　doing　the　washing　as　usual．

‘Why　Tess！’she　cried　when　she　saw　her　daughter．‘I　thought　you　were　married！Really　married　this　time！’

‘Yes，mother，I　am．’

‘Then　where's　your　husband？’

‘Gone　away　for　a　time．’

‘Gone　away！When　were　you　married　then？Tuesday，as　you　said？’

‘Yes，mother．’

‘Married　on　Tuesday　and　today　it's　only　Saturday，and　he's　gone　away！What　strange　husbands　you　seem　to　find，Tess！’

‘Mother！’Tess　ran　across　to　Joan　and　put　her　head　on　Joan's　shoulder．‘You　told　me　I　mustn't　tell　him．But　I　did…I　couldn't　help　it—and　he　went　away！’

‘Oh　you　fool，you　little　fool！’cried　her　mother．

‘I　know，I　know，’sobbed　Tess．‘But　he　was　so　good！I　couldn't　lie　to　him．And　if　only　you　knew　how　much　I　loved　him　and　how　much　I　wanted　to　marry　him！’

‘Well，it's　too　late　now，’said　Mrs　Durbeyfield．‘Whatever　will　your　father　say？　He　was　very　proud　of　your　marriage．He's　been　telling　them　at　the　public　house　that　you'll　help　his　noble　family　become　great　again．Oh，there　he　is　now！’

Tess　ran　upstairs，but　through　the　thin　walls　she　could　hear　the　whole　story　being　told　to　Sir　John．

‘People　will　laugh　at　me　in　the　village！’he　said．‘Do　you　think　he　really　did　marry　her，Joan？Or　is　it　like　the　first？’

Tess　could　listen　no　more．Even　her　own　family　did　not　believe　her．She　could　not　stay．She　gave　her　mother　half　the　money　which　Clare　had　given　her，and　told　her　family　she　was　going　to　join　him．And　so　she　left　Marlott　again，looking　for　work．

Angel　Clare　also　returned　home．He　had　spent　three　weeks　since　his　wedding　trying　to　remain　calm　and　continue　his　studies，but　with　the　disturbing　picture　of　Tess　always　in　his　mind．He　was　beginning　to　wonder　if　he　had　treated　her　unfairly．She　had　been　so　much　a　part　of　his　plans　for　the　future　that　he　was　now　thinking　of　countries　where　they　could　farm　together．The　idea　of　Brazil　attracted　him．The　countryside，people　and　habits　would　be　so　different．Perhaps　they　could　make　a　new　life　there　together．So　he　went　back　to　Emminster　to　tell　his　parents　his　new　plan．

‘But　where's　your　wife，dear　Angel？’cried　his　mother　when　he　arrived．

‘She's　at　her　mother's　for　the　moment．I've　come　home　in　rather　a　hurry，because　I've　decided　to　go　to　Brazil．’

‘Brazil！But　they're　all　Roman　Catholics　there！’

‘Are　they？I　hadn't　thought　of　that．’

But　Mr　and　Mrs　Clare　were　even　more　interested