how to fail in literature-第2节

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instruction；　however　competent；　is　a　luxury　rather　than　a　necessary。

But　when　we　look　round　on　the　vast　multitude　of　writers　who；　to　all

seeming；　deliberately　aim　at　failure；　who　take　every　precaution　in

favour　of　failure　that　untutored　inexperience　can　suggest；　it　becomes

plain　that　education　in　ill…success；　is　really　a　popular　want。　　In

the　following　remarks　some　broad　general　principles；　making　disaster

almost　inevitable；　will　first　be　offered；　and　then　special　methods　of

failing　in　all　special　departments　of　letters　will　be　ungrudgingly

communicated。　　It　is　not　enough　to　attain　failure；　we　should　deserve

it。　　The　writer；　by　way　of　insuring　complete　confidence；　would

modestly　mention　that　he　has　had　ample　opportunities　of　study　in　this

branch　of　knowledge。　　While　sifting　for　five　or　six　years　the

volunteered　contributions　to　a　popular　periodical；　he　has　received

and　considered　some　hundredweights　of　manuscript。　　In　all　these

myriad　contributions　he　has　not　found　thirty　pieces　which　rose　even

to　the　ordinary　dead　level　of　magazine　work。　　He　has　thus　enjoyed

unrivalled　chances　of　examining　such　modes　of　missing　success　as

spontaneously　occur　to　the　human　intellect；　to　the　unaided　ingenuity

of　men；　women；　and　children。　｛1｝



He　who　would　fail　in　literature　cannot　begin　too　early　to　neglect　his

education；　and　to　adopt　every　opportunity　of　not　observing　life　and

character。　　None　of　us　is　so　young　but　that　he　may　make　himself

perfect　in　writing　an　illegible　hand。　　This　method；　I　am　bound　to

say；　is　too　frequently　overlooked。　　Most　manuscripts　by　ardent

literary　volunteers　are　fairly　legible。　　On　the　other　hand　there　are

novelists；　especially　ladies；　who　not　only　write　a　hand　wholly

declining　to　let　itself　be　deciphered；　but　who　fill　up　the　margins

with　interpolations；　who　write　between　the　lines；　and　who　cover　the

page　with　scratches　running　this　way　and　that；　intended　to　direct　the

attention　to　after…thoughts　inserted　here　and　there　in　corners　and　on

the　backs　of　sheets。　　To　pin　in　scraps　of　closely　written　paper　and

backs　of　envelopes　adds　to　the　security　for　failure；　and　produces　a

rich　anger　in　the　publisher's　reader　or　the　editor。



The　cultivation　of　a　bad　handwriting　is　an　elementary　precaution；

often　overlooked。　　Few　need　to　be　warned　against　having　their　MSS。

typewritten；　this　gives　them　a　chance　of　being　read　with　ease　and

interest；　and　this　must　be　neglected　by　all　who　have　really　set　their

hearts　on　failure。　　In　the　higher　matters　of　education　it　is　well　to

be　as　ignorant　as　possible。　　No　knowledge　comes　amiss　to　the　true　man

of　letters；　so　they　who　court　disaster　should　know　as　little　as　may

be。



Mr。　Stevenson　has　told　the　attentive　world　how；　in　boyhood；　he

practised　himself　in　studying　and　imitating　the　styles　of　famous

authors　of　every　age。　　He　who　aims　at　failure　must　never　think　of

style；　and　should　sedulously　abstain　from　reading　Shakespeare；　Bacon；

Hooker；　Walton；　Gibbon；　and　other　English　and　foreign　classics。　　He

can　hardly　be　too　reckless　of　grammar；　and　should　always　place

adverbs　and　other　words　between　〃to〃　and　the　infinitive；　thus：

〃Hubert　was　determined　to　energetically　and　on　all　possible

occasions；　oppose　any　attempt　to　entangle　him　with　such。〃　　Here；　it

will　be　noticed；　〃such〃　is　used　as　a　pronoun；　a　delightful　flower　of

speech　not　to　be　disregarded　by　authors　who　would　fail。　　But　some　one

may　reply　that　several　of　our　most　popular　novelists　revel　in　the

kind　of　grammar　which　I　am　recommending。　　This　is　undeniable；　but

certain　people　manage　to　succeed　in　spite　of　their　own　earnest

endeavours　and　startling　demerits。　　There　is　no　royal　road　to

failure。　　There　is　no　rule　without　its　exception；　and　it　may　be　urged

that　the　works　of　the　gentlemen　and　ladies　who　〃break　Priscian's

head〃as　they　would　say　themselvesmay　be　successful；　but　are　not

literature。　　Now　it　is　about　literature　that　we　are　speaking。



In　the　matter　of　style；　there　is　another　excellent　way。　　You　need　not

neglect　it；　but　you　may　study　it　wrongly。　　You　may　be　affectedly

self…conscious；　you　may　imitate　the　ingenious　persons　who　carefully

avoid　the　natural　word；　the　spontaneous　phrase；　and　employ　some　other

set　of　terms　which　can　hardly　be　construed。　　You　may　use；　like　a

young　essayist　whom　I　have　lovingly　observed；　a　proportion　of　eighty

adjectives　to　every　sixty…five　other　words　of　all　denominations。　　You

may　hunt　for　odd　words；　and　thrust　them　into　the　wrong　places；　as

where　you　say　that　a



man's　nose　is　〃beetling；〃　that　the　sun　sank　in　〃a　cauldron　of

daffodil　chaos；〃　and　the　like。　｛2｝　　You　may　use　common　words　in　an

unwonted　sense；　keeping　some　private　interpretation　clearly　before

you。　　Thus　you　may　speak；　if　you　like　to　write　partly　in　the　tongue

of　Hellas；　about　〃assimilating　the　ethos〃　of　a　work　of　art；　and　so

write　that　people　shall　think　of　the　processes　of　digestion。　　You　may

speak　of　〃exhausting　the　beauty〃　of　a　landscape；　and；　somehow；　convey

the　notion　of　sucking　an　orange　dry。　　Or　you　may　wildly　mix　your

metaphors；　as　when　a　critic　accuses　Mr。　Browning　of　〃giving　the

irridescence　of　the　poetic　afflatus；〃　as　if　the　poetic　afflatus　were

blown　through　a　pipe；　into　soap；　and　produced　soap　bubbles。　　This　is

a　more　troublesome　method　than　the　mere　picking　up　of　every　newspaper

commonplace　that　floats　into　your　mind；　but　it　is　equally　certain　to

leadwhere　you　want　to　go。　　By　combining　the　two　fashions　a　great

deal　may　be　done。　　Thus　you　want　to　describe　a　fire　at　sea；　and　you

say；　〃the　devouring　element　lapped　the　quivering　spars；　the　mast；　and

the　sea…shouldering　keel　of　the　doomed　Mary　Jane　in　one　coruscating

catastrophe。　　The　sea　deeps　were　incarnadined　to　an　alarming　extent

by　the　flames；　and　to　escape　from　such　many　plunged　headlong　in　their

watery　bier。〃



As　a　rule；　authors　who　would　fail　stick　to　one　bad　sort　of　writing；

either　to　the　newspaper　commonplace；　or　to　the　out　of　the　way　and

inappropriate　epithets；　or　to　the　common　word　with　a　twist　on　it。

But　there　are　examples　of　the　combined　method；　as　when　we　call　the

trees　round　a　man's　house　his　〃domestic　boscage。〃　　This　combination

is　difficult；　but　perfect　for　its　purpose。　　You　cannot　write　worse

than　〃such。〃　　To　attain　perfection　the　young　aspirant　should　confine

his　reading　to　the　newspapers　（carefully　selecting　his　newspapers；

for　many　of　them　will　not　help　him　to　write　ill）　and　to　those　modern

authors　who　are　most　praised　for　their　style　by　the　people　who　know

least　about　the　matter。　　Words　like　〃fictional〃　and　〃fictive〃　are

distinctly　to　be　recommended；　and　there　are　epithets　such　as　〃weird；〃

〃strange；〃　〃wild；〃　〃intimate；〃　and　the　rest；　which　blend　pleasantly

with　〃all　the　time〃　for　〃always〃；　〃back　of〃　for　〃behind〃；　〃belong

with〃　for　〃belong　to〃；　〃live　like　I　do〃　for　〃as　I　do。〃　　The　authors

who　combine　those　charms　are　rare；　but　we　can　strive　to　be　among

them。



In　short；　he　who　would　fail　must　avoid　simplicity　like　a　sunken　reef；

and　must　earnestly　seek　either　the　commonplace　or　the　bizarre；　the

slipshod　or　the　affected；　the　newfangled　or　the　obsolete；　the

flippant　or　the　sepulchral。　　I　need　not　specially　recommend　you　to

write　in　〃Wardour…street　English；〃　the　sham　archaic；　a　lingo　never

spoken　by　mortal　man；　and　composed　of　patches　borrowed　from　authors

between　Piers　Plowman　and　Gabriel　Harvey。　　A　few　literal　translations

of　Icelandic　phrases　may　be　thrown　in；　the　result；　as　furniture…

dealers　say；　is　a　〃made…up　article。〃



On　the　subject　of　style　another　hint　may　be　offered。　　Style　may　be

good　in　itself；　but　inappropriate　to　the　subject。　　For　example；　style

which　may　be　excellently　adapted　to　a　theological　essay；　may　be　but

ill…suited　for　a　dialogue　in　a　novel。　　There　are　subjects　of　which

the　poet　says





Ornari　res　ipsa　vetat；　contenta　doceri。





The　matter　declines　to　be　adorned；　and　is　content　with　being　clearly

stated。　　I　do　not　know　what　would　occur　if　the　writer　of　the　Money

Article　in　the　Times　treated　his　topic　with　reckless　gaiety。

Probably　that　number　of　the　journal　in　which　the　essay　appeared　would

have　a　large　sale；　but　the　author　might　achieve　professional　failure；

in　the　office。　　On　the　whole　it　may　not　be　the　wiser　plan　to　write

about　the　Origins　of　Religion　in　the　style　which　might　suit　a　study

of　the　life　of　ballet　dancers；　the　two　MM。　Halevy；　the　learned　and

the　popular；　would　make　a　blunder　if　they　exchanged　styles。　　Yet

Gibbon　never　denies　himself　a　jest；　and　Montesquieu's　Esprit　des　Lois

was　called　L'Esprit　sur　les　Lois。　　M。　Renan's　Histoire　d'Israel　may

almost　be　called　skittish。　　The　French　are　more　tolerant　of　those

excesses　than　the　English。　　It　is　a　digression；　but　he　who　would　fail

can　reach　his　end　by　not　taking　himself　seriously。　　If　he　gives

himself　no　important　airs；　whether　out　of　a　freakish　humour；　or　real

humility；　depend　upon　it　the　public　and　the　critics　will　take　him　at

something　under　his　own　estimate。　　O