3 eclipse月食-第26节
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“I’d believed enough of what he’d told me that his words terrified me。 I knew that my life was ended； and
there was no going back for me。 I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone。 。 。 。
“The pain finally ended and they explained to me again what I was。 This time I believed。 I felt the thirst； my
hard skin； I saw my brilliant red eyes。
“Shallow as I was； I felt better when I saw my reflection in the mirror the first time。 Despite the eyes； I was
the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen。” She laughed at herself for a moment。 “It took some time before I began
to blame the beauty for what had happened to me — for me to see the curse of it。 To wish that I had been 。 。 。
well； not ugly； but normal。 Like Vera。 So I could have been allowed to marry someone who loved me； and
have pretty babies。 That’s what I’d really wanted； all along。 It still doesn’t seem like too much to have asked
for。”
She was thoughtful for a moment； and I wondered if she’d forgotten my presence again。 But then she
smiled at me； her expression suddenly triumphant。
“You know； my record is almost as clean as Carlisle’s；” she told me。 “Better than Esme。 A thousand times
better than Edward。 I’ve never tasted human blood；” she announced proudly。
She understood my puzzled expression as I wondered why her record was only almost as clean。
“I did murder five humans；” she told me in a complacent tone。 “If you can really call them human。 But I
was very careful not to spill their blood — I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist that； and I didn’t want any part
of them in me； you see。
“I saved Royce for last。 I hoped that he would hear of his friends’ deaths and understand； know what was
coming for him。 I hoped the fear would make the end worse for him。 I think it worked。 He was hiding inside a
windowless room behind a door as thick as a bank vault’s； guarded outside by armed men； when I caught up
with him。 Oops — seven murders；” she corrected herself。 “I forgot about his guards。 They only took a
second。”
“I was overly theatrical。 It was kind of childish； really。 I wore a wedding dress I’d stolen for the occasion。
He screamed when he saw me。 He screamed a lot that night。 Saving him for last was a good idea — it made it
easier for me to control myself； to make it slower —”
She broke off suddenly； and she glanced down at me。 “I’m sorry；” she said in a chagrined voice。 “I’m
frightening you； aren’t I？”
“I’m fine；” I lied。
“I got carried away。”
“Don’t worry about it。”
“I’m surprised Edward didn’t tell you more about it。”
“He doesn’t like to tell other people’s stories — he feels like he’s betraying confidences； because he hears
so much more than just the parts they mean for him to hear。”
She smiled and shook her head。 “I probably ought to give him more credit。 He’s really quite decent； isn’t
he？”
“I think so。”
“I can tell。” Then she sighed。 “I haven’t been fair to you； either； Bella。 Did he tell you why？ Or was that
too confidential？”
“He said it was because I was human。 He said it was harder for you to have someone on the outside who
knew。”
Rosalie’s musical laughter interrupted me。 “Now I really feel guilty。 He’s been much； much kinder to me
than I deserve。” She seemed warmer as she laughed； like she’d let down some guard that had never been
absent in my presence before。 “What a liar that boy is。” She laughed again。
“He was lying？” I asked； suddenly wary。
“Well； that’s probably putting it too strongly。 He just didn’t tell you the whole story。 What he told you was
true； even truer now than it was before。 However； at the time 。 。 。” She broke off； chuckling nervously。 “It’s
embarrassing。 You see； at first； I was mostly jealous because he wanted you and not me。”
Her words sent a thrill of fear through me。 Sitting there in the silver light； she was more beautiful than
anything else I could imagine。 I could not compete with Rosalie。
“But you love Emmett 。 。 。 ；” I mumbled。
She shook her head back and forth； amused。 “I don’t want Edward that way； Bella。 I never did — I love
him as a brother； but he’s irritated me from the first moment I heard him speak。 You have to understand；
though 。 。 。 I was so used to people wanting me。 And Edward wasn’t the least bit interested。 It frustrated me；
even offended me in the beginning。 But he never wanted anyone； so it didn’t bother me long。 Even when we
first met Tanya’s clan in Denali — all those females！ — Edward never showed the slightest preference。 And
then he met you。” She looked at me with confused eyes。 I was only half paying attention。 I was thinking about
Edward and Tanya and all those females； and my lips pressed together in a hard line。
“Not that you aren’t pretty； Bella；” she said； misreading my expression。 “But it just meant that he found
you more attractive than me。 I’m vain enough that I minded。”
“But you said ‘at first。’ That doesn’t still 。 。 。 bother you； does it？ I mean； we both know you’re the most
beautiful person on the planet。”
I laughed at having to say the words — it was so obvious。 How odd that Rosalie should need such
reassurances。
Rosalie laughed； too。 “Thanks； Bella。 And no； it doesn’t really bother me anymore。 Edward has always
been a little strange。” She laughed again。
“But you still don’t like me；” I whispered。
Her smile faded。 “I’m sorry about that。”
We sat in silence for a moment； and she didn’t seem inclined to go on。
“Would you tell me why？ Did I do something 。 。 。 ？” Was she angry that I’d put her family — her Emmett
— in danger？ Time and time again。 James； and now Victoria 。 。 。
“No； you haven’t done anything；” she murmured。 “Not yet。”
I stared at her； perplexed。
“Don’t you see； Bella？” Her voice was suddenly more passionate than before； even while she’d told her
unhappy story。 “You already have everything。 You have a whole life ahead of you — everything I want。 And
you’re going to just throw it away。 Can’t you see that I’d trade everything I have to be you？ You have the
choice that I didn’t have； and you’re choosing wrong！”
I flinched back from her fierce expression。 I realized my mouth had fallen open and I snapped it shut。
She stared at me for a long moment and； slowly； the fervor in her eyes dimmed。 Abruptly； she was
abashed。
“And I was so sure that I could do this calmly。” She shook her head； seeming a little dazed by the flood of
emotion。 “It’s just that it’s harder now than it was then； when it was no more than vanity。”
She stared at the moon in silence。 It was a few moments before I was brave enough to break into her
reverie。
“Would you like me better if I chose to stay human？”
She turned back to me； her lips twitching into a hint of a smile。 “Maybe。”
“You did get some of your happy ending； though；” I reminded her。 “You got Emmett。”
“I got half。” She grinned。 “You know that I saved Emmett from a bear that was mauling him； and carried
him home to Carlisle。 But can you guess why I stopped the bear from eating him？”
I shook my head。
“With the dark curls 。 。 。 the dimples that showed even while he was grimacingin pain 。 。 。 the strange
innocence that seemed so out of place on a grown man’s face 。 。 。 he reminded me of Vera’s little Henry。 I
didn’t want him to die — so much that； even though I hated this life； I was selfish enough to ask Carlisle to
change him for me。
“I got luckier than I deserved。 Emmett is everything I would have asked for if I’d known myself well
enough to know what to ask for。 He’s exactly the kind of person someone like me needs。 And； oddly enough；
he needs me； too。 That part worked out better than I could have hoped。 But there will never be more than the
two of us。 And I’ll never sit on a porch somewhere； with him gray…haired by my side； surrounded by our
grandchildren。”
Her smile was kind now。 “That sounds quite bizarre to you； doesn’t it？ In some ways； you are much more
mature than I was at eighteen。 But in other ways 。 。 。 there are many things you’ve probably never thought
about seriously。 You’re too young to know what you’ll want in ten years； fifteen years — and too young to
give it all up without thinking it through。 You don’t want to be rash about permanent things； Bella。” She patted
my head； but the gesture didn’t feel condescending。
I sighed。
“Just think about it a little。 Once it’s done； it can’t be undone。 Esme’s made do with us as substitutes 。 。 。
and Alice doesn’t remember anything human so she can’t miss it。 。 。 。 You will remember； though。 It’s a lot to
give up。”
But more to get in return； I didn’t say aloud。 “Thanks； Rosalie。 It’s nice to understand 。 。 。 to know you
better。”
“I apologize for being such a monster。” She grinned。 “I’ll try to behave myself from now on。”
I grinned back at her。
We weren’t friends yet； but I was pretty s
