little novels-第57节
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have all your troubles before you！〃
I had no heart to write yesterday's record； yesterday evening； as usual。 The absence of Felicia at the supper…table completely overcame me。 I； who have so often comforted others in their afflictions； could find no comfort for myself。 Even now that the day has passed； the tears come into my eyes； only with writing about it。 Sad； sad weakness！ Let me close my Diary； and open the Bibleand be myself again。
June 23d。More resigned since yesterday； a more becoming and more pious frame of mindobedient to God's holy will； and content in the belief that my dear daughter's married life will be a happy one。
They have gone abroad for their holidayto Switzerland； by way of France。 I was anything rather than pleased when I heard that my son…in…law proposed to take Felicia to that sink of iniquity； Paris。 He knows already what I think of balls and playhouses； and similar devils' diversions； and how I have brought up my daughter to think of themthe subject having occurred in conversation among us more than a week since。 That he could meditate taking a child of mine to the headquarters of indecent jiggings and abominable stage…plays； of spouting rogues and painted Jezebels； was indeed a heavy blow。
However； Felicia reconciled me to it in the end。 She declared that her only desire in going to Paris was to see the picture…galleries； the public buildings； and the fair outward aspect of the city generally。 〃Your opinions； father； are my opinions；〃 she said； 〃and Marmaduke； I am sure； will so shape our arrangements as to prevent our passing a Sabbath in Paris。〃 Marmaduke not only consented to this （with the perfect good temper of which I have observed more than one gratifying example in him）； but likewise assured me that； speaking for himself personally； it would be a relief to him when they got to the mountains and the lakes。 So that matter was happily settled。 Go where they may； God bless and prosper them！
Speaking of relief； I must record that Judith has gone away to Aberdeen on a visit to some friends。 〃You'll be wretched enough here；〃 she said at parting； 〃all by yourself。〃 Pure vanity and self…complacence！ It may be resignation to her absence； or it may be natural force of mind； I began to be more easy and composed the moment I was alone； and this blessed state of feeling has continued uninterruptedly ever since。
V。
September 5th。A sudden change in my life； which it absolutely startles me to record。 I am going to London！
My purpose in taking this most serious step is of a twofold nature。 I have a greater and a lesser object in view。
The greater object is to see my daughter； and to judge for myself whether certain doubts on the vital question of her happiness； which now torment me night and day； are unhappily founded on truth。 She and her husband returned in August from their wedding…tour； and took up their abode in Marmaduke's new residence in London。 Up to this time； Felicia's letters to me were； in very truth； the delight of my lifeshe was so entirely happy； so amazed and delighted with all the wonderful things she saw； so full of love and admiration for the best husband that ever lived。 Since her return to London； I perceive a complete change。
She makes no positive complaint； but she writes in a tone of weariness and discontent； she says next to nothing of Marmaduke； and she dwells perpetually on the one idea of my going to London to see her。 I hope with my whole heart that I am wrong； but the rare allusions to her husband； and the constantly repeated desire to see her father （while she has not been yet three months married）； seem to me to be bad signs。 In brief； my anxiety is too great to be endured。 I have so arranged matters with one of my brethren as to be free to travel to London cheaply by steamer； and I begin the journey tomorrow。
My lesser object may be dismissed in two words。 Having already decided on going to London； I propose to call on the wealthy nobleman who owns all the land hereabouts； and represent to him the discreditable； and indeed dangerous； condition of the parish kirk for want of means to institute the necessary repairs。 If I find myself well received； I shall put in a word for the manse； which is almost in as deplorable a condition as the church。 My lord is a wealthy manmay his heart and his purse be opened unto me！
Sister Judith is packing my portmanteau。 According to custom； she forbodes the worst。 〃Never forget；〃 she says； 〃that I warned you against Marmaduke； on the first night when he entered the house。〃
VI。
September 10th。After more delays than one； on land and sea； I was at last set ashore near the Tower； on the afternoon of yesterday。 God help us； my worst anticipations have been realized！ My beloved Felicia has urgent and serious need of me。
It is not to be denied that I made my entry into my son…in…law's house in a disturbed and irritated frame of mind。 First； my temper was tried by the almost interminable journey； in the noisy and comfortless vehicle which they call a cab； from the river…wharf to the west…end of London； where Marmaduke lives。 In the second place； I was scandalized and alarmed by an incident which took placestill on the endless journey from east to westin a street hard by the market of Covent Garden。
We had just approached a large building； most profusely illuminated with gas； and exhibiting prodigious colored placards having inscribed on them nothing but the name of Barrymore。 The cab came suddenly to a standstill； and looking out to see what the obstacle might be； I discovered a huge concourse of men and women； drawn across the pavement and road alike； so that it seemed impossible to pass by them。 I inquired of my driver what this assembling of the people meant。 〃Oh；〃 says he； 〃Barrymore has made another hit。〃 This answer being perfectly unintelligible to me； I requested some further explanation； and discovered that 〃Barrymore〃 was the name of a stage…player favored by the populace； that the building was a theater； and that all these creatures with immortal souls were waiting； before the doors opened； to get places at the show！
The emotions of sorrow and indignation caused by this discovery so absorbed me that I failed to notice an attempt the driver made to pass through； where the crowd seemed to be thinner； until the offended people resented the proceeding。 Some of them seized the horse's head； others were on the point of pulling the driver off his box； when providentially the police interfered。 Under their protection； we drew back； and reached our destination in safety； by another way。 I record this otherwise unimportant affair； because it grieved and revolted me （when I thought of the people's souls）； and so indisposed my mind to take cheerful views of anything。 Under these circumstances； I would fain hope that I have exaggerated the true state of the case； in respect to my daughter's married life。
My good girl almost smothered me with kisses。 When I at last got a fair opportunity of observing her； I thought her looking pale and worn and anxious。 Query： Should I have arrived at this conclusion if I had met with no example of the wicked dissipations of London； and if I had ridden at my ease in a comfortable vehicle？
They had a succulent meal ready for me； and； what I call； fair enough whisky out of Scotland。 Here again I remarked that Felicia ate very little。 and Marmaduke nothing at all。 He drank wine； tooand； good heavens； champagne wine！a needless waste of money surely when there was whisky on the table。 My appetite being satisfied； my son…in…law went out of the room； and returned with his hat in his hand。 〃You and Felicia have many things to talk about on your first evening together。 I'll leave you for a whileI shall only be in the way。〃 So he spoke。 It was in vain that his wife and I assured him he was not in the way at all。 He kissed his hand； and smiled pleasantly； and left us。
〃There； father！〃 says Felicia。 〃For the last ten days he has gone out like that； and left me alone for the whole evening。 When we first returned from Switzerland； he left me in the same mysterious way； only it was after breakfast then。 Now he stays at home in the daytime； and goes out at night。〃
I inquired if she had not summoned him to give her some explanation。
〃I don't know what to make of his explanation；〃 says Felicia。 〃When he went away in the daytime； he told me he had business in the City。 Since he took to going out at night； he says he goes to his club。〃
〃Have you asked where his club is； my dear？〃
〃He says it's in Pall Mall。 There are dozens of clubs in that streetand he has never told me the name of _his_ club。 I am completely shut out of his confidence。 Would you believe it； father？ he has not introduced one of his friends to me since we came home。 I doubt if they know where he lives； since he took this house。〃
What could I say？
I said nothing； and looked round the room。 It was fitted up with perfectly palatial magnificence。 I am an ignorant man in matters of this sort； and partly to satisfy my curiosity； partly to change the subject； I asked to see the house。 Mercy preserve us； the same grandeur everywhere！ I wondered if even such an income as eight hundred a year could suffice for it al
