little novels-第38节
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mind。 The General； with one sharp glance at me； diverted the talk （not very delicately； as I thought） to the misfortune of Michael's birth。
〃I have heard of your being deserted in your infancy by some woman unknown；〃 he said。 〃What has become of the things you were wrapped in； and the letter that was found on you？ They might lead to a discovery； one of these days。〃 The groom smiled。 〃The last master I served thought of it as you do； Sir。 He was so good as to write to the gentleman who was first burdened with the care of me and the things were sent to me in return。〃
He took up an unlocked leather bag； which opened by touching a brass knob； and showed us the shawl； the linen （sadly faded by time） and the letter。 We were puzzled by the shawl。 My uncle； who had served in the East； thought it looked like a very rare kind of Persian work。 We examined with interest the letter； and the fine linen。 When Michael quietly remarked； as we handed them back to him； 〃They keep the secret； you see；〃 we could only look at each other； and own there was nothing more to be said
VII。
THAT night； lying awake thinking； I made my first discovery of a great change that had come over me。 I felt like a new woman。
Never yet had my life been so enjoyable to me as it was now。 I was conscious of a delicious lightness of heart。 The simplest things pleased me； I was ready to be kind to everybody； and to admire everything。 Even the familiar scenery of my rides in the park developed beauties which I had never noticed before。 The enchantments of music affected me to tears。 I was absolutely in love with my dogs and my birdsand； as for my maid； I bewildered the girl with presents； and gave her holidays almost before she could ask for them。 In a bodily sense； I felt an extraordinary accession of strength and activity。 I romped with the dear old General； and actually kissed Lady Claudia； one morning； instead of letting her kiss me as usual。 My friends noticed my new outburst of gayety and spiritand wondered what had produced it。 I can honestly say that I wondered too！ Only on that wakeful night which followed our visit to Michael's room did I arrive at something like a clear understanding of myself。 The next morning completed the process of enlightenment。 I went out riding as usual。 The instant when Michael put his hand under my foot as I sprang into the saddle； his touch flew all over me like a flame。 I knew who had made a new woman of me from that moment。
As to describing the first sense of confusion that overwhelmed me； even if I were a practiced writer I should be incapable of doing it。 I pulled down my veil； and rode on in a sort of trance。 Fortunately for me； our house looked on the park； and I had only to cross the road。 Otherwise I should have met with some accident if I had ridden through the streets。 To this day； I don't know where I rode。 The horse went his own way quietlyand the groom followed me。
The groom！ Is there any human creature so free from the hateful and anti…Christian pride of rank as a woman who loves with all her heart and soul； for the first time in her life？ I only tell the truth （in however unfavorable a light it may place me） when I declare that my confusion was entirely due to the discovery that I was in love。 I was not ashamed of myself for being in love with the groom。 I had given my heart to the man。 What did the accident of his position matter？ Put money into his pocket and a title before his nameby another accident： in speech； manners； and attainments； he would he a gentleman worthy of his wealth and worthy of his rank。
Even the natural dread of what my relations and friends might say； if they discovered my secret； seemed to be a sensation so unworthy of me and of him； that I looked round； and called to him to speak to me； and asked him questions about himself which kept him riding nearly side by side with me。 Ah； how I enjoyed the gentle deference and respect of his manner as he answered me！ He was hardly bold enough to raise his eyes to mine； when I looked at him。 Absorbed in the Paradise of my own making； I rode on slowly； and was only aware that friends had passed and had recognized me； by seeing him touch his hat。 I looked round and discovered the women smiling ironically as they rode by。 That one circumstance roused me rudely from my dream。 I let Michael fall back again to his proper place； and quickened my horse's pace； angry with myself； angry with the world in general； then suddenly changing； and being fool enough and child enough to feel ready to cry。 How long these varying moods lasted； I don't know。 On returning； I slipped off my horse without waiting for Michael to help me； and ran into the house without even wishing him 〃Good…day。〃
VIII。
AFTER taking off my riding…habit； and cooling my hot face with eaude…cologne and water； I went down to the room which we called the morning…room。 The piano there was my favorite instrument and I had the idea of trying what music would do toward helping me to compo se myself。
As I sat down before the piano； I heard the opening of the door of the breakfast…room （separated from me by a curtained archway）； and the voice of Lady Claudia asking if Michael had returned to the stable。 On the servant's reply in the affirmative； she desired that he might be sent to her immediately。
No doubt； I ought either to have left the morning…room； or to have let my aunt know of my presence there。 I did neither the one nor the other。 Her first dislike of Michael had； to all appearance； subsided。 She had once or twice actually taken opportunities of speaking to him kindly。 I believed this was due to the caprice of the moment。 The tone of her voice too suggested； on this occasion； that she had some spiteful object in view； in sending for him。 I knew it was unworthy of meand yet； I deliberately waited to hear what passed between them。
Lady Claudia began。
〃You were out riding to…day with Miss Mina？〃
〃Yes； my lady。〃
〃Turn to the light。 I wish to see people when I speak to them。 You were observed by some friends of mine； your conduct excited remark。 Do you know your business as a lady's groom？〃
〃I have had seven years' experience； my lady。〃
〃Your business is to ride at a certain distance behind your mistress。 Has your experience taught you that？〃
〃Yes； my lady。〃
〃You were not riding behind Miss Minayour horse was almost side by side with hers。 Do you deny it？〃
〃No； my lady。〃
〃You behaved with the greatest improprietyyou were seen talking to Miss Mina。 Do you deny that？〃
〃No； my lady。〃
〃Leave the room。 No！ come back。 Have you any excuse to make？〃
〃None； my lady。〃
〃Your insolence is intolerable！ I shall speak to the General。〃
The sound of the closing door followed。
I knew now what the smiles meant on the false faces of those women…friends of mine who had met me in the park。 An ordinary man； in Michael's place； would have mentioned my own encouragement of him as a sufficient excuse。 _He_； with the inbred delicacy and reticence of a gentleman； had taken all the blame on himself。 Indignant and ashamed； I advanced to the breakfast…room； bent on instantly justifying him。 Drawing aside the curtain； I was startled by a sound as of a person sobbing。 I cautiously looked in。 Lady Claudia was prostrate on the sofa； hiding her face in her hands； in a passion of tears。
I withdrew； completely bewildered。 The extraordinary contradictions in my aunt's conduct were not at an end yet。 Later in the day； I went to my uncle； resolved to set Michael right in _his_ estimation； and to leave him to speak to Lady Claudia。 The General was in the lowest spirits； he shook his head ominously the moment。 I mentioned the groom's name。 〃I dare say the man meant no harmbut the thing has been observed。 I can't have you made the subject of scandal； Mina。 My wife makes a point of itMichael must go。
〃You don't mean to say that she has insisted on your sending Michael away？〃
Before he could answer me； a footman appeared with a message。 〃My lady wishes to see you； sir。〃
The General rose directly。 My curiosity had got； by this time； beyond all restraint。 I was actually indelicate enough to ask if I might go with him！ He stared at me； as well he might。 I persisted； I said I particularly wished to see Lady Claudia。 My uncle's punctilious good breeding still resisted me。 〃Your aunt may wish to speak to me in private；〃 he said。 〃Wait a moment； and I will send for you。〃
I was incapable of waiting： my obstinacy was something superhuman。 The bare idea that Michael might lose his place； through my fault； made me desperate； I suppose。 〃I won't trouble you to send for me；〃 I persisted； 〃I will go with you at once as far as the door； and wait to hear if I may come in。〃 The footman was still present； holding the door open； the General gave way。 I kept so close behind him that my aunt saw me as her husband entered the room。 〃Come in； Mina；〃 she said； speaking and looking like the charming Lady Claudia of everyday life。 Was this the woman whom I had seen crying her heart out on the sofa hardly an hour ago？
〃On second thoughts；〃 she continued； turning to the General； 〃I fear I may have been a little hasty。 Pardon me for troubling you about it againhave you spoken to Michael yet？ N
