the ways of men(人们的手段)-第26节
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habit； began turning the subject over； and gradually came to the conclusion
that while it could doubtless be well to suppress much of the ceremonial
encumbering court life； it might not be amiss if we engrafted a little more
etiquette into our intercourse with strangers and the home relations。 In our
dear free and easy…going country there is a constant tendency to loosen the
ties of fireside etiquette until any manners are thought good enough； as
any toilet is considered sufficiently attractive for home use。 A singular
impression has grown up that formal politeness and the saying of gracious
and complimentary things betray the toady and the hypocrite； both if
whom are abhorrent to Americans。
By the force of circumstances most people are civil enough in general
society； while many fail to keep to their high standard in the intimacy of
home life and in their intercourse with inferiors； which is a pity； as these
are the two cases where self…restraint and amenity are most required。
Politeness is； after all； but the dictate of a kind heart； and supplies the oil
necessary to make the social machinery run smoothly。 In home life； which
is the association during many hours each day of people of varying
dispositions； views； and occupations； friction is inevitable； and there is
especial need of lubrication to lessen the wear and tear and eliminate
jarring。 Americans are always much shocked to learn that we are not
popular on the Continent。 Such a discovery comes to either a nation or an
individual like a douche of cold water on nice； warm conceit； and brings
with it a feeling of discouragement； of being unjustly treated； that is
painful； for we are very 〃touchy〃 in America； and cry out when a foreigner
expresses anything but admiration for our ways； yet we are the last to lend
ourselves to foreign customs。
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It has been a home thrust for many of us to find that our dear friends
the French sympathized warmly with Spain in the recent struggle； and had
little but sneers for us。 One of the reasons for this partiality is not hard to
discover。
The Spanish who travel are mostly members of an aristocracy
celebrated for its grave courtesy； which has gone a long way toward
making them popular on the Continent； while we have for years been
riding rough…shod over the feelings and prejudices of the European
peoples； under the pleasing but fallacious illusion that the money we spent
so lavishly in foreign lands would atone for all our sins。 The large majority
of our travelling compatriots forget that an elaborate etiquette exists
abroad regulating the intercourse between one class and another； the result
of centuries of civilization； and as the Medic and Persian laws for
durability。 In our ignorance we break many of these social laws and give
offence where none was intended。
A single illustration will explain my meaning。 A young American girl
once went to the mistress of a PENSION where she was staying and
complained that the CONCIERGE of the house had been impertinent。
When the proprietress asked the CONCIERGE what this meant； the latter
burst out with her wrongs。 〃Since Miss B。 has been in this house； she has
never once bowed to me； or addressed a word to either my husband or
myself that was not a question or an order； she walks in and out of my
LOGE to look for letters or take her key as though my room were the
street； I won't stand such treatment from any one； much less from a girl。
The duchess who lives AU QUATRIEME never passes without a kind
word or an inquiry after the children or my health。〃
Now this American girl had erred through ignorance of the fact that in
France servants are treated as humble friends。 The man who brings your
matutinal coffee says 〃Good morning〃 on entering the room； and inquires
if 〃Monsieur has slept well；〃 expecting to be treated with the same
politeness he shows to you。
The lady who sits at the CAISSE of the restaurant you frequent is as
sure of her position as her customers are of theirs； and exacts a courteous
salutation from every one entering or leaving her presence； logically； for
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no gentleman would enter a ladies' drawing…room without removing his
hat。 The fact that a woman is obliged to keep a shop in no way relieves
him of this obligation。
People on the Continent know their friends' servants by name； and
speak to them on arriving at a house； and thank them for an opened door
or offered coat； if a tip is given it is accompanied by a gracious word。 So
rare is this form of civility in America and England （for Britons err as
gravely in this matter as ourselves） that our servants are surprised and
inclined to resent politeness； as in the case of an English butler who
recently came to his master and said he should be 〃obliged to leave。〃 On
being questioned it came out that one of the guests was in the habit of
chatting with him； 〃and；〃 added the Briton； 〃I won't stand being took
liberties with by no one。〃
Some years ago I happened to be standing in the vestibule of the Hotel
Bristol as the Princess of Wales and her daughters were leaving。 Mr。
Morlock； the proprietor； was at the foot of the stairs to take leave of those
ladies； who shook hands with and thanked him for his attention during
their stay； and for the flowers he had sent。 Nothing could have been more
gracious and freer from condescension than their manner； and it
undoubtedly produced the best impression。 The waiter who served me at
that time was also under their charm； and remarked several times that
〃there had never been ladies so easy to please or so considerate of the
servants。〃
My neighbor at dinner the other evening confided to me that she was
〃worn out being fitted。〃 〃I had such an unpleasant experience this
morning；〃 she added。 〃The JUPIERE could not get one of my skirts to
hang properly。 After a dozen attempts I told her to send for the forewoman；
when； to my horror； the girl burst out crying； and said she should lose her
place if I did。 I was very sorry for her； but what else could I do？〃 It does
not seem as if that lady could be very popular with inferiors； does it？
That it needs a lighter hand and more tact to deal with tradespeople
than with equals is certain； and we are sure to be the losers when we fail。
The last time I was in the East a friend took me into the bazaars to see a
carpet he was anxious to buy。 The price asked was out of all proportion to
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its value； but we were gravely invited by the merchant to be seated and
coffee was served； that bargaining （which is the backbone of Oriental
trade） might be carried on at leisure。 My friend； nervous and impatient；
like all our race； turned to me and said； 〃What's all this tomfoolery？ Tell
him I'll give so much for his carpet； he can take it or leave it。〃 When this
was interpreted to the bearded tradesman； he smiled and came down a few
dollars in his price； and ordered more coffee。 By this time we were outside
his shop； and left without the carpet simply because my friend could not
conform to the customs of the country he was visiting。 The sale of his
carpet was a big affair for the Oriental； he intended to carry it through with
all the ceremony the occasion required； and would sooner not make a sale
than be hustled out of his stately routine。
It is not only in intercourse with inferiors that tact is required。 The
treatment of children and young people in a family calls for delicate
handling。 The habit of taking liberties with young relations is a common
f
