the portygee-第65节

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recently　I　gather　that　he　is　planning　to　earn　his　living　with　his
pen。〃

〃Well；　how　else　did　you　expect　him　to　earn　it；　as　bookkeeper　for
the　South　Harniss　lumber　concern？〃

〃Don't　be　absurd。　　What　I　mean　is　that　he　is　thinking　of　devoting
himself　to　literature　exclusively。　　Don't　interrupt　me；　please。
That　is　very　beautiful　and　very　idealistic；　and　I　honor　him　for　it；
but　I　cannot　see　Madeline　as　an　attic　poet's　wife；　can　you？〃

〃I　can't；　and　I　told　you　so　in　the　beginning。〃

〃No。　　Therefore　I　should　take　him　to　one　side　and　tell　him　of　the
opening　in　your　firm。　　With　that　as　a　means　of　keeping　his　feet　on
the　ground　his　brain　may　soar　as　it　likes；　the　higher　the　better。〃

Mr。　Fosdick；　as　usual；　obeyed　orders　and　that　afternoon　Albert　and
he　had　the　〃business　talk。〃　　Conversation　at　dinner　was　somewhat
strained。　　Mr。　Fosdick　was　quietly　observant　and　seemed　rather
amused　about　something。　　His　wife　was　dignified　and　her　manner
toward　her　guest　was　inclined　to　be　abrupt。　　Albert's　appetite　was
poor。　　As　for　Madeline；　she　did　not　come　down　to　dinner；　having　a
headache。

She　came　down　later；　however。　　Albert；　alone　in　the　library；　was
sitting；　a　book　upon　his　knees　and　his　eyes　fixed　upon　nothing　in
particular；　when　she　came　in。

〃You　are　thinking　again；　I　see；〃　she　said。

He　had　not　heard　her　enter。　　Now　he　rose；　the　book　falling　to　the
floor。

〃Whywhy；　yes；〃　he　stammered。　　〃How　are　you　feeling？　　How　is　your
head？〃

〃It　is　no　worse。　　And　no　better。　　I　have　been　thinking；　too；　which
perhaps　explains　it。　　Sit　down；　Albert；　please。　　I　want　to　talk
with　you。　　That　is　what　I　have　been　thinking　about；　that　you　and　I
must　talk。〃

She　seated　herself　upon　the　davenport　and　he　pulled　forward　a　chair
and　sat　facing　her。　　For　a　moment　she　was　silent。　　When　she　did
speak；　however；　her　question　was　very　much　to　the　point。

〃Why　did　you　say　'No'　to　Father's　offer？〃　she　asked。　　He　had　been
expecting　this　very　question；　or　one　leading　up　to　it。　　Nevertheless；
he　found　answering　difficult。　　He　hesitated；　and　she　watched　him；
her　impatience　growing。

〃Well？〃　she　asked。

He　sighed。　　〃Madeline；〃　he　said；　〃I　am　afraid　you　think　me　very
unreasonable；　certainly　very　ungrateful。〃

〃I　don't　know　what　to　think　about　you。　　That　is　why　I　feel　we　must
have　this　talk。　　Tell　me；　please；　just　what　Father　said　to　you　this
afternoon。〃

〃He　saidwell；　the　substance　of　what　he　said　was　to　offer　me　a
position　in　his　office；　in　his　firm。〃

〃What　sort　of　a　position？〃

〃Well；　II　scarcely　know。　　I　was　to　have　a　desk　there　andand　be
generallyornamental；　I　suppose。　　It　was　not　very　definite；　the
details　of　the　position；　but〃

〃The　salary　was　good；　wasn't　it？〃

〃Yes；　more　than　good。　　Much　too　good　for　the　return　I　could　make
for　it；　so　it　seemed　to　me。〃

〃And　your　prospects　for　the　future？　　Wasn't　the　offer　what　people
call　a　good　opportunity？〃

〃Why；　yes；　I　suppose　it　was。　　For　the　right　sort　of　man　it　would
have　been　a　wonderful　opportunity。　　Your　father　was　most　kind；　most
generous；　Madeline。　　Please　don't　think　I　am　not　appreciative。　　I
am；　but〃

〃Don't。　　I　want　to　understand　it　all。　　He　offered　you　this
opportunity；　this　partnership　in　his　firm；　and　you　would　not
accept　it？　　Why？　　Don't　you　like　my　father？〃

〃Yes；　I　like　him　very　much。〃

〃Didn't　you；〃　with　the　slightest　possible　curl　of　the　lip；　〃think
the　offer　worthy　of　you？　。　。　。　　Oh；　I　don't　mean　that！　　Please
forgive　me。　　I　am　trying　not　to　be　disagreeable。　　II　just　want　to
understand；　Albert；　that's　all。〃

He　nodded。　　〃I　know；　Madeline；〃　he　said。　　〃You　have　the　right　to
ask。　　It　wasn't　so　much　a　question　of　the　offer　being　worthy　of　me
as　of　my　being　worthy　the　offer。　　Oh；　Madeline；　why　should　you　and
I　pretend？　　You　know　why　Mr。　Fosdick　made　me　that　offer。　　It　wasn't
because　I　was　likely　to　be　worth　ten　dollars　a　year　to　his　firm。
In　Heaven's　name；　what　use　would　I　be　in　a　stockbroker's　office；
with　my　make…up；　with　my　lack　of　business　ability？　　He　would　be
making　a　place　for　me　there　and　paying　me　a　high　salary　for　one
reason　only；　and　you　know　what　that　is。　　Now　don't　you？〃

She　hesitated　now；　but　only　for　an　instant。　　She　colored　a　little；
but　she　answered　bravely。

〃I　suppose　I　do；〃　she　said；　〃but　what　of　it？　　It　is　not　unheard　of；
is　it；　the　taking　one's　prospective　son…in…law　into　partnership？〃

〃No；　but　　We're　dodging　the　issue　again；　Madeline。　　If　I　were
likely　to　be　of　any　help　to　your　father's　business；　instead　of　a
hindrance；　I　might　perhaps　see　it　differently。　　As　it　is；　I
couldn't　accept　unless　I　were　willing　to　be　an　object　of　charity。〃

〃Did　you　tell　Father　that？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃What　did　he　say？〃

〃He　said　a　good　deal。　　He　was　frank　enough　to　say　that　he　did　not
expect　me　to　be　of　great　assistance　to　the　firm。　　But　I　might　be　of
SOME　usehe　didn't　put　it　as　baldly　as　that；　of　courseand　at　all
times　I　could　keep　on　with　my　writing；　with　my　poetry；　you　know。
The　brokerage　business　should　not　interfere　with　my　poetry；　he
said；　your　mother　would　scalp　him　if　it　did　that。〃

She　smiled　faintly。　　〃That　sounds　like　dad；〃　she　commented。

〃Yes。　　Well；　we　talked　and　argued　for　some　time　on　the　subject。
He　asked　me　what；　supposing　I　did　not　accept　this　offer　of　his；
my　plans　for　the　future　might　be。　　I　told　him　they　were　pretty
unsettled　as　yet。　　I　meant　to　write；　of　course。　　Not　poetry
altogether。　　I　realized；　I　told　him；　that　I　was　not　a　great　poet；　a
poet　of　genius。〃

Madeline　interrupted。　　Her　eyes　flashed。

〃Why　do　you　say　that？〃　she　demanded。　　〃I　have　heard　you　say　it
before。　　That　is；　recently。　　In　the　old　days　you　were　as　sure　as
I　that　you　were　a　real　poet；　or　should　be　some　day。　　You　never
doubted　it。　　You　used　to　tell　me　so　and　I　loved　to　hear　you。〃

Albert　shook　his　head。　　〃I　was　sure　of　so　many　things　then；〃　he
said。　　〃I　must　have　been　an　insufferable　kid。〃

She　stamped　her　foot。　　〃It　was　less　than　three　years　ago　that　you
said　it；〃　she　declared。　　〃You　are　not　so　frightfully　ancient
now。　。　。　。　　Well；　go　on；　go　on。　　How　did　it　end；　the　talk　with
Father；　I　mean？〃

〃I　told　him；〃　he　continued；　〃that　I　meant　to　write　and　to　earn　my
living　by　writing。　　I　meant　to　try　magazine　workstories；　you
knowand；　soon；　a　novel。　　He　asked　if　earning　enough　to　support　a
wife　on　would　not　be　a　long　job　at　that　time。　　I　said　I　was　afraid
it　might；　but　that　that　seemed　to　me　my　particular　game；
nevertheless。〃

She　interrupted　again。　　〃Did　it　occur　to　you　to　question　whether　or
not　that　determination　of　yours　was　quite　fair　to　me？〃　she　asked。

〃Whywhy；　yes；　it　did。　　And　I　don't　know　that　it　IS　exactly　fair
to　you。　　I〃

〃Never　mind。　　Go　on。　　Tell　me　the　rest。　　How　did　it　end？〃

〃Well；　it　ended　in　a　sort　of　flare…up。　　Mr。　Fosdick　was　just　a
little　bit　sarcastic；　and　I　expressed　my　feelings　rather　freely
too　freely；　I'm　afraid。〃

〃Never　mind。　　I　want　to　know　what　you　said。〃

〃To　be　absolutely　truthful；　then；　this　is　what　I　said：　　I　said　that
I　appreciated　his　kindness　and　was　grateful　for　the　offer。　　But　my
mind　was　made　up。　　I　would　not　live　upon　his　charity　and　draw　a
large　salary　for　doing　nothing　except　be　a　little；　damned　tame
house…poet　led　around　in　leash　and　exhibited　at　his　wife's　club
meetings。　。　。　。　　That　was　about　all；　I　think。　　We　shook　hands　at
the　end。　　He　didn't　seem　to　like　me　any　the　less　for　。　。　。　　Why；
Madeline；　have　I　offended　you？　　My　language　was　pretty　strong；　I
know；　but〃

She　had　bowed　her　head　upon　her　arms　amid　the　sofa　cushions　and　was
crying。　　He　sprang　to　his　feet　and　bent　over　her。

〃Why；　Madeline；〃　he　said　again；　〃I　beg　your　pardon。　　I'm　sorry〃

〃Oh；　it　isn't　that；〃　she　sobbed。　　〃It　isn't　that。　　I　don't　care
what　you　said。〃

〃What　is　it；　then？〃

She　raised　her　head　and　looked　at　him。

〃It　is　you；〃　she　cried。　　〃It　is　myself。　　It　is　everything。　　It　is
all　wrong。　　II　was　so　happy　andand　now　I　am　miserable。　　Ohoh；
I　wish　I　were　dead！〃

She　threw　herself　upon　the　cushions　again　and　wept　hysterically。
He　stood　above　her；　stroking　her　hair；　trying　to　soothe　her；　to
comfort　her；　and　all　the　time　he　felt　like　a　brute；　a　heartless
beast。　　At　last　she　ceased　crying；　sat　up　and　wiped　her　eyes　with
her　handkerchief。

〃There！〃　she　exclaimed。　　〃I　will　not　be　silly　any　longer。　　I　won't
be！　　I　WON'T！　。　。　。　　Now　tell　me：　　Why　have　you　changed　so？〃

He　looked　down　at　her　and　shook　his　head。　　He　was　conscience…
stricken　and　fully　as　miserable　as　she　professed　to　be。

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said。　　〃I　am　older　andandand　I　DON'T　see
things　as　I　used　to。　　If　that　book　of　mine　had　appeared　three　years
ago　I　have　no　doubt　I　should　have　believed　it　to　be　the　greatest
thing　ever　printed。　　Now；　when　people　tell　me　it　is　and　I　read　what
the　reviewers　said　and　all　that；　II　DON'T　believe；　I　KNOW　it
isn't　greatthat　is；　the　most　of　it　isn't。　　There　is　some　pretty
good　stuff；　of　course；　but　　You　see；　I　think　it　wasn't　the　poems
themselves　that　made　it　sell；　I　think　it　was　all　the　fool　tommyrot
the　papers　printed　about　me；　about　my　being　a　hero　and　all　that
rubbish；　when　they　thought　I　was　dead；　you　know。　　That〃

She　interrupted。　　〃Oh；　don't！〃　she　cried。　　〃Don't！　　I　don't　care
about　the　old　book。　　I'm　not　thinking　about　that。　　I'