the portygee-第64节

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glances　to　his。

It　was　the　sort　of　thing　he　would　have　revelled　in　three　or　four
years　earlier。　　Exactly　the　sort　of　thing　he　had　dreamed　of　when
the　majority　of　the　poems　they　gushed　over　were　written。　　It　was
much　the　same　thing　he　remembered　having　seen　his　father　undergo
in　the　days　when　he　and　the　opera　singer　were　together。　　And　his
father　had；　apparently；　rather　enjoyed　it。　　He　realized　all　this
and　he　realized；　too；　with　a　queer　feeling　that　it　should　be　so；
that　he　did　not　like　it　at　all。　　It　was　silly。　　Nothing　he　had
written　warranted　such　extravagances。　　Hadn't　these　people　any
sense　of　proportion？　　They　bored　him　to　desperation。　　The　sole
relief　was　the　behavior　of　the　men；　particularly　the　middle…aged　or
elderly　men；　obviously　present　through　feminine　compulsion。　　They
seized　his　hand；　moved　it　up　and　down　with　a　pumping　motion；
uttered　some　stereotyped　prevarications　about　their　pleasure　at
meeting　him　and　their　having　enjoyed　his　poems　very　much；　and　then
slid　on　in　the　direction　of　the　refreshment　room。

And　Albert；　as　he　shook　hands；　bowed　and　smiled　and　was　charmingly
affable；　found　his　thoughts　wandering　until　they　settled　upon
Private　Mike　Kelly　and　the　picturesque　language　of　the　latter　when
he；　as　sergeant；　routed　him　out　for　guard　duty。　　Mike　had　not
gushed　over　him　nor　called　him　a　genius。　　He　had　called　him　many
things；　but　not　that。

He　was　glad　indeed　when　he　could　slip　away　for　a　dance　with
Madeline。　　He　found　her　chatting　gaily　with　Captain　Blanchard；　who
had　been　her　most　recent　partner。　　He　claimed　her　from　the　captain
and　as　he　led　her　out　to　the　dance　floor　she　whispered　that　she　was
very　proud　of　him。　　〃But　I　DO　wish　YOU　could　wear　your　war　cross；〃
she　added。

The　quite　informal　affair　was　the　first　of　many　quite　as　informally
formal。　　Also　Mrs。　Fosdick's　satellites　and　friends　of　the　literary
clubs　and　the　war　work　societies　seized　the　opportunity　to　make
much　of　the　heroic　author　of　The　Lances　of　Dawn。　　His　society　was
requested　at　teas；　at　afternoon　as　well　as　evening　gatherings。　　He
would　have　refused　most　of　these　invitations；　but　Madeline　and　her
mother　seemed　to　take　his　acceptance　for　granted；　in　fact；　they
accepted　for　him。　　A　ghastly　habit　developed　of　asking　him　to　read
a　few　of　his　own　poems　on　these　occasions。　　〃PLEASE；　Mr。　Speranza。
It　will　be　such　a　treat；　and　such　an　HONOR。〃　　Usually　a　particular
request　was　made　that　he　read　〃The　Greater　Love。〃　　Now　〃The　Greater
Love〃　was　the　poem　which；　written　in　those　rapturous　days　when　he
and　Madeline　first　became　aware　of　their　mutual　adoration；　was
refused　by　one　editor　as　a　〃trifle　too　syrupy。〃　　To　read　that
sticky　effusion　over　and　over　again　became　a　torment。　　There　were
occasions　when　if　a　man　had　referred　to　〃The　Greater　Love；〃　its
author　might　have　howled　profanely　and　offered　bodily　violence。
But　no　men　ever　did　refer　to　〃The　Greater　Love。〃

On　one　occasion　when　a　sentimental　matron　and　her　gushing　daughter
had　begged　to　know　if　he　did　not　himself　adore　that　poem；　if　he　did
not　consider　it　the　best　he　had　ever　written；　he　had　answered
frankly。　　He　was　satiated　with　cake　and　tea　and　compliments　that
evening　and　recklessly　truthful。　　〃You　really　wish　to　know　my
opinion　of　that　poem？〃　he　asked。　　Indeed　and　indeed　they　really
wished　to　knew　just　that　thing。　　〃Well；　then；　I　think　it's　rot；〃　he
declared。　　〃I　loathe　it。〃

Of　course　mother　and　daughter　were　indignant。　　Their　comments
reached　Madeline's　ear。　　She　took　him　to　task。

〃But　why　did　you　say　it？〃　she　demanded。　　〃You　know　you　don't　mean
it。〃

〃Yes；　I　do　mean　it。　　It　IS　rot。　　Lots　of　the　stuff　in　that　book　of
mine　is　rot。　　I　did　not　think　so　once；　but　I　do　now。　　If　I　had　the
book　to　make　over　again；　that　sort　wouldn't　be　included。〃

She　looked　at　him　for　a　moment　as　if　studying　a　problem。

〃I　don't　understand　you　sometimes；〃　she　said　slowly。　　〃You　are
different。　　And　I　think　what　you　said　to　Mrs。　Bacon　and　Marian　was
very　rude。〃

Later　when　he　went　to　look　for　her　he　found　her　seated　with　Captain
Blanchard　in　a　corner。　　They　were　eating　ices　and；　apparently；
enjoying　themselves。　　He　did　not　disturb　them。　　Instead　he　hunted
up　the　offended　Bacons　and　apologized　for　his　outbreak。　　The
apology；　although　graciously　accepted；　had　rather　wearisome
consequences。　　Mrs。　Bacon　declared　she　knew　that　he　had　not　really
meant　what　he　said。

〃I　realize　how　it　must　be；〃　she　declared。　　〃You　people　of
temperament；　of　genius；　of　aspirations；　are　never　quite　satisfied；
you　cannot　be。　　You　are　always　trying；　always　seeking　the　higher
attainment。　　Achievements　of　the　past；　though　to　the　rest　of　us
wonderful　and　sublime；　are　to　youas　you　say；　'rot。'　　That　is　it；
is　it　not？〃　　Albert　said　he　guessed　it　was；　and　wandered　away；
seeking　seclusion　and　solitude。　　When　the　affair　broke　up　he　found
Madeline　and　Blanchard　still　enjoying　each　other's　society。　　Both
were　surprised　when　told　the　hour。



CHAPTER　XVII


So　the　first　three　weeks　of　his　proposed　month's　visit　passed　and
the　fourth　began。　　And　more　and　more　his　feelings　of　dissatisfaction
and　uneasiness　increased。　　The　reasons　for　those　feelings　he　found
hard　to　define。　　The　Fosdicks　were　most　certainly　doing　their　best
to　make　him　comfortable　and　happy。　　They　were　kindyes；　more　than
kind。　　Mr。　Fosdick　he　really　began　to　like。　　Mrs。　Fosdick's　manner
had　a　trace　of　condescension　in　it；　but　as　the　lady　treated　all
creation　with　much　the　same　measure　of　condescension；　he　was　more
amused　than　resentful。　　And　MadelineMadeline　was　sweet　and
charming　and　beautiful。　　There　was　in　her　manner　toward　him；　or　so
he　fancied；　a　slight　change；　perhaps　a　change　a　trifle　more　marked
since　the　evening　when　his　expressed　opinion　of　〃The　Greater　Love〃
had　offended　her　and　the　Bacons。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　more
impatient；　more　capricious；　sometimes　almost　overwhelming　him　with
attention　and　tenderness　and　then　appearing　to　forget　him　entirely
and　to　be　quite　indifferent　to　his　thoughts　and　opinions。　　Her　moods
varied　greatly　and　there　were　occasions　when　he　found　it　almost
impossible　to　please　her。　　At　these　times　she　took　offense　when　no
offense　was　intended　and　he　found　himself　apologizing　when；　to　say
the　least；　the　fault；　if　there　was　any；　was　not　more　than　half　his。
But　she　always　followed　those　moods　with　others　of　contrition　and
penitence　and　then　he　was　petted　and　fondled　and　his　forgiveness
implored。

These　slight　changes　in　her　he　noticed；　but　they　troubled　him
little；　principally　because　he　was　coming　to　realize　the　great
change　in　himself。　　More　and　more　that　change　was　forcing　itself
upon　him。　　The　stories　and　novels　he　had　read　during　the　first
years　of　the　war；　the　stories　by　English　writers　in　which　young
men；　frivolous　and　inconsequential；　had　enlisted　and　fought　and
emerged　from　the　ordeal　strong；　purposeful　and　〃made…over〃those
stories　recurred　to　him　now。　　He　had　paid　little　attention　to　the
〃making…over〃　idea　when　he　read　those　tales；　but　now　he　was　forced
to　believe　there　might　be　something　in　it。　　Certainly　something；
the　three　years　or　the　discipline　and　training　and　suffering；　or
all　combined；　had　changed　him。　　He　was　not　as　he　used　to　be。
Things　he　liked　very　much　he　no　longer　liked　at　all。　　And　where；
oh　where；　was　the　serene　self…satisfaction　which　once　was　his？

The　change　must　be　quite　individual；　he　decided。　　All　soldiers　were
not　so　affected。　　Take　Blanchard；　for　instance。　　Blanchard　had　seen
service；　more　and　quite　as　hard　fighting　as　he　had　seen；　but
Blanchard　was；　to　all　appearances；　as　light…hearted　and　serene　and
confident　as　ever。　　Blanchard　was　like　Madeline；　he　was　much　the
same　now　as　he　had　been　before　the　war。　　Blanchard　could　dance　and
talk　small　talk　and　laugh　and　enjoy　himself。　　Well；　so　could　he；　on
occasions；　for　that　matter；　if　that　had　been　all。　　But　it　was　not
all；　or　if　it　was　why　was　he　at　other　times　so　discontented　and
uncomfortable？　　What　was　the　matter　with　him；　anyway？

He　drew　more　and　more　into　his　shell　and　became　more　quiet　and　less
talkative。　　Madeline；　in　one　of　her　moods；　reproached　him　for　it。

〃I　do　wish　you　wouldn't　be　grumpy；〃　she　said。

They　had　been　sitting　in　the　library　and　he　had　lapsed　into　a　fit
of　musing；　answering　her　questions　with　absentminded　monosyllables。
Now　he　looked　up。

〃Grumpy？〃　he　repeated。　　〃Was　I　grumpy？　　I　beg　your　pardon。〃

〃You　should。　　You　answered　every　word　I　spoke　to　you　with　a　grunt
or　a　growl。　　I　might　as　well　have　been　talking　to　a　bear。〃

〃I'm　awfully　sorry；　dear。　　I　didn't　feel　grumpy。　　I　was　thinking；　I
suppose。〃

〃Thinking！　　You　are　always　thinking。　　Why　think；　pray？　。　。　。　　If　I
permitted　myself　to　think；　I　should　go　insane。〃

〃Madeline；　what　do　you　mean？〃

〃Oh；　nothing。　　I'm　partially　insane　now；　perhaps。　　Come；　let's　go
to　the　piano。　　I　feel　like　playing。　　You　don't　mind；　do　you？〃

That　evening　Mrs。　Fosdick　made　a　suggestion　to　her　husband。

〃Fletcher；〃　she　said；　〃I　am　inclined　to　think　it　is　time　you　and
Albert　had　a　talk　concerning　the　future。　　A　business　talk；　I　mean。
I　am　a　little　uneasy　about　him。　　From　some　things　he　has　said　to　me
recently　I　gather　that　he　is　planning　to　earn　his　livi