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第61节

we two-第61节

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The recollection; however; of her parting conversation with her aunt made her determined to be down to breakfast。  Her absence might be misconstrued。  And though feeling ill…prepared for remonstrance or argument; she was in her place when the gong sounded for prayers; looking white and weary indeed; but with a curve of resoluteness about her mouth。  Nobody found out how tired she was。  Mr。 Fane…Smith was as blind as a bat; and Mrs。 Fane…Smith was too low…spirited and too much absorbed with her own cares to notice。  The events of last night looked more and more disagreeable; and she was burdened with thoughts of what people would say; moreover; Rose's cold was much worse; and as her mother was miserable if even her little finger ached; she was greatly disturbed; and persuaded herself that her child was really in a most dangerous state。

Breakfast proved a very silent meal that morning; quite oppressively silent; Erica felt like a child in disgrace。  Every now and then the grimness of it appealed to her sense of the ludicrous; and she felt inclined to scream or do something desperate just to see what would happen。  At length the dreary repast came to an end; and she had just taken up a newspaper; with a sort of gasp of relief at the thought of escaping for a moment into a larger world; when she was recalled to the narrow circle of Greyshot by a word from Mr。 Fane…Smith。

〃I wish to have a talk with you; my dear; will you come to the library at ten o'clock?〃

An interview by appointment!  That sounded formidable!  When the time came;  Erica went rather apprehensively to the library; fearing that she was in for an argument; and wishing that Mr。 Fane…Smith had chosen a day on which she felt a little more up to things。

He received her very kindly; and drew an easy chair up to the fire for her; no doubt doing as he would be done by; for he was a chilly Indian mortal。  Erica had never been into the library before。  It was a delightful room; furnished with old carved oak and carpeted with soft Indian rugs。  Though dignified by the name of library; it was not nearly so crowded with books as the little study at home; all the volumes were beautifully bound in much…begilt calf or morocco; but they had not the used; loved look of her father's books。  On the mantel piece there were some models of Indian idols exquisitely carved in soft; greenish…gray soapstone; and behind these; as if in protest; lurked the only unornamental thing in the room; a very ordinary missionary box; covered with orange…colored paper and impressively black negroes。

〃I am sure; my dear;〃 said Mr。 Fane…Smith; 〃that after what occurred last night you will see the desirability of thinking seriously about your plans for the future。  I have been intending to speak to you; but waited until we had learned to know each other a little。  However; I regret now that I delayed。  It is naturally far from desirable that you should remain an inmate of your father's house; and my wife and I should be very glad if you would make your home with us。  Of course when it was fully understood in Greyshot that you had utterly renounced your father and your former friends; such unpleasantness as you encountered last night would not again occur; indeed; I fancy you would become exceedingly popular。  It would perhaps have been wiser if you would have taken our name; but your aunt tells me you object to that。〃

〃Yes;〃 said Erica; who was writhing with anger; and relieved herself by the slight sarcasm; 〃I do object to be Miss Feign…Fane…Smith。〃

〃Well; that must be as you please;〃 he resumed; 〃but I really think if you will accept our offer it will be for your ultimate good。〃

He proceeded to enumerate all the benefits which would accrue to her; then paused。

Erica was silent for a minute。  When she spoke it was in the low voice of one who is struggling to restrain passion。

〃I am sure you mean this very kindly;〃 she said。  〃I have tried to listen to your offer patiently; though; of course; the moment you began; I knew that I must entirely emphatically; decline it。  I will NEVER leave my father!〃

The last words were spoken with a sort of half…restrained outburst; as if the pent…up passion must find some outlet。

Mr。 Fane…Smith was startled。  He so seldom thought of Luke Raeburn as a fellow…being at all that perhaps it had never occurred to him that the love of parent to child; and child to parent; is quite independent of creed。

〃But; my dear;〃 he said; 〃you have been baptized。〃

〃I have。〃

〃You promised to renounce the devil and all his works。〃

〃I did。〃

〃Then how can you hesitate to renounce everything connected with your former life?〃

〃Do you mean to imply that my father is the devil or one of his works?〃

Mr。 Fane…Smith was silent。  Erica continued:

〃God's Fatherhood does not depend on our knowledge of it; or acceptance of it; it is a fact a truth!  How then can any one dare to say that such a man as my farther is a work of the devil?  I thought the sin of sins was to attribute to the devil what belongs to God!〃

〃You are in a very peculiar position;〃 said Mr。 Fane…Smith; uneasily。  〃And I have no doubt it is difficult for you to see things as they really are。  But I; who can look at the matter dispassionately; can see that your remaining in your old home would be most dangerous; and not only that; but most painful!  To live in a house where you hear all that you most reverence evil spoken of; why; the pain would be unspeakable!〃

〃I know that;〃 said Erica; in a low voice; 〃I have found that I admit that it is and always will be harder to bear than any one can conceive who has not tried。  But to shirk pain is not to follow Christ。  As to danger; if you will forgive my saying so; I should find a luxurious life in a place like Greyshot infinitely more trying。〃

〃Then could you not take up nursing?  Or go into some sisterhood?  Nothing extreme; you know; but just a working sisterhood。〃

Erica smiled; and shook her head。

〃Why should I try to make another vocation when God has already given me one?〃

〃But; my dear; consider the benefit to your own soul。〃

〃A very secondary consideration!〃 exclaimed Erica; impetuously。

〃I should have thought;〃 continued Mr。 Fane…Smith; 〃that under such strange circumstances you would have seen how necessary it was to forsake all。  Think of St。 Matthew; for instance; he rose up at once; forsook all; and followed Him。〃

〃Yes;〃 said Erica。  〃And what was the very first thing he was impelled to do by way of 'following?'  Why; to make a great feast and have in all his old friends; all the despised publicans。〃

〃My dear Erica;〃 said Mr。 Fane…Smith; feeling his theological arguments worsted; 〃we must discuss this matter on practical grounds。  In plain words; your father is a very bad man; and you ought to have nothing more to do with him。〃

Erica's lips turned white with anger; but she answered; calmly:

〃That is a very great accusation。  How do you know it is true?〃

〃I know it well enough;〃 said Mr。 Fane…Smith。  〃Why; every one in England knows it。〃

〃If you accept mere hearsay evidence; you may believe anything of any one。  Have you ever read any of my father's books?〃

〃No。〃

〃Or heard him lecture?〃

〃No; indeed; I would not hear him on any account。〃

〃Have you ever spoken with any of his intimate friends?〃

〃Mr。 Raeburn's acquaintances are not likely to mix with any one I should know。〃

〃Then;〃 cried Erica; 〃how can you know anything whatever about him?  And how how DARE you say to me; his child; that he is a wicked man?〃

〃It is a matter of common notoriety。〃

〃No;〃 said Erica; 〃there you are wrong。  It is notorious that my father teaches conscientiously teaches much that we regard as error; but people who openly accuse him of evil living find to their cost in the law courts that they have foully libeled him。〃

She flushed even now at the thought of some of the hateful and wicked accusations of the past。  Then; after a moment's pause; she continued more warmly:

〃It is you people in society who get hold of some misquoted story; some ridiculous libel long ago crushed at the cost of the libeler it is you who do untold mischief!  Only last summer I remember seeing in a paper the truest sentence that was ever written of my father; and it was this; 'Probably no one man has ever had to endure such gross personal insults; such widespread hostility; such perpetual calumny。'  Why are you to judge him?  Even if you had a special call to it; how could you justly judge him when you will not hear him; or know him; or fairly study his writings; or question his friends?  How can you know anything whatever about him?  Why; if he judged you and your party as you judge him; you would be furious!〃

〃My dear; you speak with so much warmth; if you would only discuss things calmly!〃 said Mr。 Fane…Smith。  〃Remember what George Herbert says: 'Calmness is a great advantage。'  You bring too much feeling to the discussion。〃

〃How can I help feeling when you are slandering my father?〃 exclaimed Erica。  〃I have tried to be calm; but there are limits to endurance!  Would you like Rose to sit silently while my father told her without any ground that you were a wicked man?〃

When matters were reversed in thi

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