we two-第46节

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　you　are　the　child　of　some　leading　man；　the　head　and　chief　of　a　party　or　association　we'll　say　that　you　are　the　child　of　an　Archbishop　of　Canterbury。　　You　are　carefully　educated；　you　become　a　zealous　worker；　you　enter　into　all　your　father's　interests；　you　are　able　to　help　him　in　a　thousand　ways。　　But；　by　slow　degrees；　we　will　say　that　you　perceive　a　want　in　the　system　in　which　you　have　been　educated；　and；　after　many　years　of　careful　study　and　thought；　you　are　obliged　to　reject　your　former　beliefs　and　to　accept　that　other　system　which　shall　most　recommend　itself　to　you。　　We　will　suppose　for　the　sake　of　analogy　that　you　become　a　secularist。　　Knowing　that　your　change　of　views　will　be　a　terrible　grief　to　your　father　the　archbishop；　it　takes　your　whole　strength　to　make　your　confession；　and　you　not　only　feel　your　father's　personal　pain；　but　you　feel　that　his　pain　will　be　increased　by　his　public　position。　　To　make　it　worse；　too；　we　must　suppose　that　a　number　of　people　calling　themselves　atheists；　and　in　the　name　of　atheism；　have　at　intervals　for　the　last　thirty　years　been　annoying　and　insulting　your　father；　that　in　withstanding　their　attacks　he　has　often　received　bodily　injury；　and　that　the　atheists　have　so　often　driven　him　into　the　law　courts　that　he　has　been　pretty　nearly　beggared。　　All　his　privations　you　have　shared　for　instance；　you　went　with　him　and　lived　for　years　in　a　poky　little　lodging；　and　denied　yourself　every　single　luxury。　　But　now　you　have；　in　spite　of　all　these　persecutions　carried　on　in　the　name　of　secularism；　learned　to　see　that　the　highest　form　of　secularism　is　true。　　The　archbishop　feels　this　terribly。　　However；　being　a　very　loving　father；　he　wisely　refuses　to　indulge　in　perpetual　controversy　with　his　child。　　You　agree　still　to　live　together；　and　each　try　with　all　your　might　to　find　all　the　possible　points　of　union　still　left　you。　　Probably；　if　you　are　such　a　child　as　I　imagine；　you　love　your　father　ten　times　more　than　you　did　before。　　Then　just　as　you　have　made　up　your　mind　to　try　to　be　more　to　him；　when　all　you　care　about　in　life　is　to　comfort　and　help　him；　and　when　your　heart　is　much　occupied　with　your　new　opinions；　a　friend　of　yours　a　secularist　comes　to　you；　and　says：　'A　miserable　life　lies　before　you。　　The　atheists　will　never　thoroughly　take　up　with　you　while　you　live　with　your　father　the　archbishop；　and　of　course　it　is　wretched　for　you　to　be　surrounded　by　those　of　another　creed。　　Come　with　me。　　I　love　you　I　will　make　you　happy；　and　save　you　from　persecution。〃

In　spite　of　himself　Brian　had　smiled　many　times　at　this　putting　of　an　Archbishop　of　Canterbury　into　the　position　of　Luke　Raeburn。　　But　the　conclusion　arrived　at　seemed　to　him　to　admit　of　only　one　answer；　and　left　him　very　grave。

〃You　may　be　right；〃　he　said；　very　sadly。　〃But　to　stand　still　and　watch　her　suffer〃

He　broke　off；　unable　to　finish　his　sentence。

Charles　Osmond　took　it　up。

〃To　stand　still　and　watch　her　suffer　will　be　the　terribly　hard　work　of　a　brave　man　who　takes　a　true；　deep　view。　　To　rush　in　with　offers　of　help　would　be　the　work　of　an　impetuous　man　who　took　a　very　superficial　view。　　If　Erica　were　selfish；　I　would　say　go　and　appeal　to　her　selfishness；　and　marry　her　at　once；　for　selfishness　will　never　do　any　good　in　Guilford　Terrace。　　But　she　is　one　of　the　most　devoted　women　I　know。　　Your　appeal　would　be　rejected。　　I　believe　she　will　feel　herself　in　the　right　place　there；　and；　as　long　as　that　is　the　case；　nothing　will　move　her。〃

〃Father；〃　said　Brian；　rather　desperately；　〃I　would　take　your　opinion　before　any　other　opinion　in　the　world。　　You　know　her　well　far　better　than　I　do。　　Tell　me　honestly　do　you　think　she　could　ever　love　me？〃

〃You　have　given　me　a　hard　task；〃　said　Charles　Osmond。　　〃But　you　have　asked　for　my　honest　opinion；　and　you　must　have　it。　　As　long　as　her　father　lives　I　don't　believe　Erica　will　ever　love　a　man　well　enough　to　marry　him。　　I　remember；　in　my　young　days；　a　beautiful　girl　in　our　neighborhood；　the　belle　of　the　whole　county；　and　years　went　by；　and　she　had　countless　offers；　but　she　rejected　them　all。　　People　used　to　remonstrate　with　her；　and　ask　her　how　it　was。　　'Oh；'　she　used　to　reply；　'that　is　very　easily　explained。。　　I　never　see　a　man　I　think　equal　to　my　own　brothers！'　　Now；　whatever　faults　Raeburn　has；　we　may　be　sure　Erica　sees　far　less　plainly　than　we　see；　and　nobody　can　deny　that　he　is　a　grand　fellow。　　When　one　bears　in　mind　all　that　he　has　had　against　him；　his　nobility　of　character　seems　to　me　marvelous。　　He　puts　us　to　shame。　　And　that　is　why　he　seems　to　me　the　wholesome　though　powerful　medicine　for　this　nineteenth　century　of　ours；　with　its　great　professions　and　its　un…Christlike　lives。〃

〃What　is　the　use　of　patience　what　is　the　use　of　love；〃　exclaimed　Brian；　〃if　I　am　never　to　serve　her？〃

〃Never！　　Who　said　so？〃　said　his　father　smiling。　　〃Why；　you　have　been　serving　her　every　blessed　day　since　you　first　loved　her。　　Is　unspoken　love　worth　nothing？　　Are　prayers　useless？　　Is　it　of　no　service　to　let　your　light　shine？　　But　I　see　how　it　is。　　As　a　doctor；　you　look　upon　pain　as　the　one　great　enemy　to　be　fought　with；　to　be　bound　down；　to　be　conquered。　　You　want　to　shield　Erica　from　pain；　which　she　can't　be　shielded　from；　if　she　is　to　go　on　growing。

〃'Knowledge　by　suffering　entereth！'

No　one　would　so　willingly　indorse　the　truth　of　that　as　she　herself。　　And　it　will　be　so　to　the　end　of　the　chapter。　　You　can't　shut　her　up　in　a　beautiful　casket；　and　keep　her　from　all　pain。　　If　you　could　she　would　no　longer　be　the　Erica　you　love。　　As　for　the　rest；　I　may　be　wrong。　　She　may　have　room　for　wifely　love　even　now。　　I　have　only　told　you　what　I　think。　　And　whether　she　ever　be　your　wife　or　not　and　from　my　heart　I　hope　she　may　be　your　love　will　in　no　case　be　wasted。　　Pure　love　can't　be　wasted；　it's　an　impossibility。〃

Brian　sighed　heavily；　but　made　no　answer。　　Presently　he　took　up　his　hat　and　went　out。　　He　walked　on　and　on　without　the　faintest　idea　of　time　or　place；　occupied　only　with　the　terrible　struggle　which　was　going　on　in　his　heart；　which　seemed　only　endurable　with　the　help　of　rapid　and　mechanical　exercise。　　When　at　length　he　came　to　himself；　he　was　miles　away　from　home；　right　down　at　Shepherd's　Bush；　and　he　heard　the　church　clocks　striking　twelve。　　Then　he　turned　back；　and　walked　home　more　quietly；　his　resolution　made。

If　he　told　Erica　of　his　love；　and　she　refused　him　now；　he　should　not　only　add　to　her　troubles；　but　he　should　inevitably　put　an　end　to　the　comfort　of　the　close　friendship　which　now　existed　between　the　two　families。　　He　would　keep　silence。

Erica　and　her　father　returned　on　the　Saturday；　and　then　began　a　most　trying　time。　　Tom　seemed　to　shrink　from　her　just　as　he　had　done　at　the　time　of　her　mother's　death。　　He　was　shy　and　vexed；　too；　and　kept　as　much　out　of　her　way　as　possible。　　Mrs。　Craigie；　on　the　contrary；　could　not　leave　her　alone。　　In　spite　of　her　brother's　words；　she　tried　every　possible　argument　and　remonstrance　in　the　hope　of　reconvincing　her　niece。　　With　the　best　intentions；　she　was　often　grossly　unfair；　and　Erica；　with　a　naturally　quick　temper；　and　her　Raeburn　inheritance　of　fluency　and　satire；　found　her　patience　sorely　tried。　　Raeburn　was　excessively　busy；　and　they　saw　very　little　of　him；　perhaps　he　thought　it　expedient　that　Erica　should　fight　her　own　battles；　and　fully　realize　the　seriousness　of　the　steps　she　had　taken。

〃Have　you　thought；〃　urged　Mrs。　Craigie；　as　a　last　argument　〃have　you　thought　what　offense　you　will　give　to　our　whole　party？　　What　do　you　think　they　will　slay　when　they　learn　that　you　of　all　people　have　deserted　the　cause？〃

The　tears　started　to　Erica's　eyes；　for　naturally　she　did　feel　this　a　great　deal。　　But　she　answered　bravely；　and　with　a　sort　of　ring　in　her　voice；　which　made　Tom　look　up　from　his　newspaper。

〃They　will　know　that　Luke　Raeburn's　daughter　must　be　true　to　her　convictions　at　whatever　cost。〃

〃Will　you　go　on　writing　in　the　'Idol'？〃　asked　Tom；　for　the　first　time　making　an　observation　to　her　which　was　not　altogether　necessary。

〃No；〃　said　Erica　〃how　can　I？〃

Tom　shrugged　his　shoulders；　and　made　no　further　remark。

〃Then　how　do　you　mean　to　live？　　How　else　can　you　support　yourself？〃　asked　Aunt　Jean。

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Erica。　　〃I　must　get　some　other　work　somewhere。〃

But　her　heart　failed　her；　though　she　spoke　firmly。　　She　knew　that　to　find　work　in　London　was　no　easy　matter。

〃Offer　yourself　to　the　'Church　Chronicle；'〃　said　Mrs。　Craigie　sarcastically；　〃or；　better　still；　to　the　'Watch　Dog。'　　They　always　make　a　good　deal　of　capital　out　of　a　convert。〃

Erica　colored　and　had　to　bite　her　lip　hard　to　keep　back　the　quick　retort　which　occurred　to　her　all　too　naturally。

By　and　by　Mr。　Masterman　and　another　well…known　secularist　walked　in。　　They　both　knew　of　Erica's　defection。　　Mr。　Masterman　attacked　her　at　once　in　a　sort　of　bantering　way。

〃So　Miss　Raeburn；　now　I　understand　why　some　time　ago　you　walked　out　in　the　middle　of　my　lecture　one　evening。〃

And　then　followed　a　most　irritating　semi…serious　remonstrance；　in　questionable　taste。　　Erica　writhed　under　it。　　A　flippant　canvassing　of　her　most　private　and　sacred　thoughts　was　hard　to　bear；　but　she　held　her　ground；　and；　being　not　without　a　touch　of　her　father's　dignity；　Mr。　Masterman　presently　beat　a