the lifted veil(揭起的面纱)-第12节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
When at last I did unavoidably meet her； the vague dread was changed
into definite disgust。 She was a tall； wiry； dark…eyed woman； this Mrs。
Archer； with a face handsome enough to give her coarse hard nature the
odious finish of bold； self…confident coquetry。 That was enough to make
me avoid her； quite apart from the contemptuous feeling with which she
contemplated me。 I seldom saw her； but I perceived that she rapidly
became a favourite with her mistress； and； after the lapse of eight or nine
months； I began to be aware that there had arisen in Bertha's mind towards
this woman a mingled feeling of fear and dependence； and that this feeling
was associated with ill… defined images of candle…light scenes in her
dressing…room； and the locking…up of something in Bertha's cabinet。 My
interviews with my wife had become so brief and so rarely solitary； that I
had no opportunity of perceiving these images in her mind with more
definiteness。 The recollections of the past become contracted in the
rapidity of thought till they sometimes bear hardly a more distinct
resemblance to the external reality than the forms of an oriental alphabet
to the objects that suggested them。
Besides； for the last year or more a modification had been going
forward in my mental condition； and was growing more and more marked。
My insight into the minds of those around me was becoming dimmer and
more fitful； and the ideas that crowded my double consciousness became
less and less dependent on any personal contact。 All that was personal in
me seemed to be suffering a gradual death； so that I was losing the organ
through which the personal agitations and projects of others could affect
me。 But along with this relief from wearisome insight； there was a new
development of what I concludedas I have since found rightlyto be a
provision of external scenes。 It was as if the relation between me and my
fellow…men was more and more deadened； and my relation to what we call
the inanimate was quickened into new life。 The more I lived apart from
society； and in proportion as my wretchedness subsided from the violent
36
… Page 37…
THE LIFTED VEIL
throb of agonized passion into the dulness of habitual pain； the more
frequent and vivid became such visions as that I had had of Pragueof
strange cities； of sandy plains； of gigantic ruins； of midnight skies with
strange bright constellations； of mountain…passes； of grassy nooks flecked
with the afternoon sunshine through the boughs： I was in the midst of
such scenes； and in all of them one presence seemed to weigh on me in all
these mighty shapesthe presence of something unknown and pitiless。
For continual suffering had annihilated religious faith within me： to the
utterly miserablethe unloving and the unlovedthere is no religion
possible； no worship but a worship of devils。 And beyond all these； and
continually recurring； was the vision of my deaththe pangs； the
suffocation； the last struggle； when life would be grasped at in vain。
Things were in this state near the end of the seventh year。 I had
become entirely free from insight； from my abnormal cognizance of any
other consciousness than my own； and instead of intruding involuntarily
into the world of other minds； was living continually in my own solitary
future。 Bertha was aware that I was greatly changed。 To my surprise
she had of late seemed to seek opportunities of remaining in my society；
and had cultivated that kind of distant yet familiar talk which is customary
between a husband and wife who live in polite and irrevocable alienation。
I bore this with languid submission； and without feeling enough interest in
her motives to be roused into keen observation； yet I could not help
perceiving something triumphant and excited in her carriage and the
expression of her facesomething too subtle to express itself in words or
tones； but giving one the idea that she lived in a state of expectation or
hopeful suspense。 My chief feeling was satisfaction that her inner self
was once more shut out from me； and I almost revelled for the moment in
the absent melancholy that made me answer her at cross purposes； and
betray utter ignorance of what she had been saying。 I remember well the
look and the smile with which she one day said； after a mistake of this
kind on my part： 〃I used to think you were a clairvoyant； and that was
the reason why you were so bitter against other clairvoyants； wanting to
keep your monopoly； but I see now you have become rather duller than
the rest of the world。〃
37
… Page 38…
THE LIFTED VEIL
I said nothing in reply。 It occurred to me that her recent obtrusion of
herself upon me might have been prompted by the wish to test my power
of detecting some of her secrets； but I let the thought drop again at once：
her motives and her deeds had no interest for me； and whatever pleasures
she might be seeking； I had no wish to baulk her。 There was still pity in
my soul for every living thing； and Bertha was livingwas surrounded
with possibilities of misery。
Just at this time there occurred an event which roused me somewhat
from my inertia； and gave me an interest in the passing moment that I had
thought impossible for me。 It was a visit from Charles Meunier； who had
written me word that he was coming to England for relaxation from too
strenuous labour； and would like too see me。 Meunier had now a European
reputation； but his letter to me expressed that keen remembrance of an
early regard； an early debt of sympathy； which is inseparable from nobility
of character： and I too felt as if his presence would be to me like a
transient resurrection into a happier pre…existence。
He came； and as far as possible； I renewed our old pleasure of making
tete…a…tete excursions； though； instead of mountains and glacers and the
wide blue lake； we had to content ourselves with mere slopes and ponds
and artificial plantations。 The years had changed us both； but with what
different result！ Meunier was now a brilliant figure in society； to whom
elegant women pretended to listen； and whose acquaintance was boasted
of by noblemen ambitious of brains。 He repressed with the utmost
delicacy all betrayal of the shock which I am sure he must have received
from our meeting； or of a desire to penetrate into my condition and
circumstances； and sought by the utmost exertion of his charming social
powers to make our reunion agreeable。 Bertha was much struck by the
unexpected fascinations of a visitor whom she had expected to find
presentable only on the score of his celebrity； and put forth all her
coquetries and accomplishments。 Apparently she succeeded in attracting
his admiration； for his manner towards her was attentive and flattering。
The effect of his presence on me was so benignant； especially in those
renewals of our old tete…a…tete wanderings； when he poured forth to me
wonderful narratives of his professional experience； that more than once；
38
… Page 39…
THE LIFTED VEIL
when his talk turned on the psychological relations of disease； the thought
crossed my mind that； if his stay with me were long enough； I might
possibly bring myself to tell this man the secrets of my lot。 Might there
not lie some remedy for me； too； in his science？ Might there not at least
lie some comprehension and sympathy ready for me in his large and
susceptible mind？ But the thought only flickered feebly now and then；
and died out before it could become a wish。
