roads of destiny-第8节

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　I　reckon　he　/is/　right。　Somehow；　he　had　found　out　what　I　had　alongthough　I　hid　it　in　the　bank　vault　and　sneaked　it　out　at　midnight。　I　reckon　he　has　noticed　that　I've　been　indulging　a　little　more　than　a　gentleman　should；　and　he　laid　for　me　with　some　reaching　arguments。

〃I'm　going　to　quit　drinking；〃　Mr。　Robert　concluded。　〃I've　come　to　the　conclusion　that　a　man　can't　keep　it　up　and　be　quite　what　he'd　like　to　be'pure　and　fearless　and　without　reproach'that's　the　way　old　Bushrod　quoted　it。〃

〃Well；　I'll　have　to　admit；〃　said　the　judge；　thoughtfully；　as　they　climbed　into　the　waggon；　〃that　the　old　darkey's　argument　can't　conscientiously　be　overruled。〃

〃Still；〃　said　Mr。　Robert；　with　a　ghost　of　a　sigh；　〃there　was　two　quarts　of　the　finest　old　silk…velvet　Bourbon　in　that　satchel　you　ever　wet　your　lips　with。〃



III

THE　DISCOUNTERS　OF　MONEY

The　spectacle　of　the　money…caliphs　of　the　present　day　going　about　Bagdad…on…the…Subway　trying　to　relieve　the　wants　of　the　people　is　enough　to　make　the　great　Al　Raschid　turn　Haroun　in　his　grave。　If　not　so；　then　the　assertion　should　do　so；　the　real　caliph　having　been　a　wit　and　a　scholar　and　therefore　a　hater　of　puns。

How　properly　to　alleviate　the　troubles　of　the　poor　is　one　of　the　greatest　troubles　of　the　rich。　But　one　thing　agreed　upon　by　all　professional　philanthropists　is　that　you　must　never　hand　over　any　cash　to　your　subject。　The　poor　are　notoriously　temperamental；　and　when　they　get　money　they　exhibit　a　strong　tendency　to　spend　it　for　stuffed　olives　and　enlarged　crayon　portraits　instead　of　giving　it　to　the　instalment　man。

And　still；　old　Haroun　had　some　advantages　as　an　eleemosynarian。　He　took　around　with　him　on　his　rambles　his　vizier；　Giafar　（a　vizier　is　a　composite　of　a　chauffeur；　a　secretary　of　state；　and　a　night…and…day　bank）；　and　old　Uncle　Mesrour；　his　executioner；　who　toted　a　snickersnee。　With　this　entourage　a　caliphing　tour　could　hardly　fail　to　be　successful。　Have　you　noticed　lately　any　newspaper　articles　headed；　〃What　Shall　We　Do　With　Our　Ex…Presidents？〃　Well；　now；　suppose　that　Mr。　Carnegie　could　engage　/him/　and　Joe　Gans　to　go　about　assisting　in　the　distribution　of　free　libraries？　Do　you　suppose　any　town　would　have　had　the　hardihood　to　refuse　one？　That　caliphalous　combination　would　cause　two　libraries　to　grow　where　there　had　been　only　one　set　of　E。　P。　Roe's　works　before。

But；　as　I　said；　the　money…caliphs　are　handicapped。　They　have　the　idea　that　earth　has　no　sorrow　that　dough　cannot　heal；　and　they　rely　upon　it　solely。　Al　Raschid　administered　justice；　rewarding　the　deserving；　and　punished　whomsoever　he　disliked　on　the　spot。　He　was　the　originator　of　the　short…story　contest。　Whenever　he　succoured　any　chance　pick…up　in　the　bazaars　he　always　made　the　succouree　tell　the　sad　story　of　his　life。　If　the　narrative　lacked　construction；　style；　and　/esprit/　he　commanded　his　vizier　to　dole　him　out　a　couple　of　thousand　ten…dollar　notes　of　the　First　National　Bank　of　the　Bosphorus；　or　else　gave　him　a　soft　job　as　Keeper　of　the　Bird　Seed　for　the　Bulbuls　in　the　Imperial　Gardens。　If　the　story　was　a　cracker…jack；　he　had　Mesrour；　the　executioner；　whack　of　his　head。　The　report　that　Haroun　Al　Raschid　is　yet　alive　and　is　editing　the　magazine　that　your　grandmother　used　to　subscribe　for　lacks　confirmation。

And　now　follows　the　Story　of　the　Millionaire；　the　Inefficacious　Increment；　and　the　Babes　Drawn　from　the　Wood。

Young　Howard　Pilkins；　the　millionaire；　got　his　money　ornithologically。　He　was　a　shrewd　judge　of　storks；　and　got　in　on　the　ground　floor　at　the　residence　of　his　immediate　ancestors；　the　Pilkins　Brewing　Company。　For　his　mother　was　a　partner　in　the　business。　Finally　old　man　Pilkins　died　from　a　torpid　liver；　and　then　Mrs。　Pilkins　died　from　worry　on　account　of　torpid　delivery…waggonsand　there　you　have　young　Howard　Pilkins　with　4；000；000；　and　a　good　fellow　at　that。　He　was　an　agreeable；　modestly　arrogant　young　man；　who　implicitly　believed　that　money　could　buy　anything　that　the　world　had　to　offer。　And　Bagdad…on…the…Subway　for　a　long　time　did　everything　possible　to　encourage　his　belief。

But　the　Rat…trap　caught　him　at　last；　he　heard　the　spring　snap；　and　found　his　heart　in　a　wire　cage　regarding　a　piece　of　cheese　whose　other　name　was　Alice　von　der　Ruysling。

The　Von　der　Ruyslings　still　live　in　that　little　square　about　which　so　much　has　been　said；　and　in　which　so　little　has　been　done。　To…day　you　hear　of　Mr。　Tilden's　underground　passage；　and　you　hear　Mr。　Gould's　elevated　passage；　and　that　about　ends　the　noise　in　the　world　made　by　Gramercy　Square。　But　once　it　was　different。　The　Von　der　Ruyslings　live　there　yet；　and　they　received　/the　first　key　ever　made　to　Gramercy　Park/。

You　shall　have　no　description　of　Alice　v。　d。　R。　Just　call　up　in　your　mind　the　picture　of　your　own　Maggie　or　Vera　or　Beatrice；　straighten　her　nose；　soften　her　voice；　tone　her　down　and　then　tone　her　up；　make　her　beautiful　and　unattainableand　you　have　a　faint　dry…point　etching　of　Alice。　The　family　owned　a　crumbly　brick　house　and　a　coachman　named　Joseph　in　a　coat　of　many　colours；　and　a　horse　so　old　that　he　claimed　to　belong　to　the　order　of　the　perissodactyla；　and　had　toes　instead　of　hoofs。　In　the　year　1898　the　family　had　to　buy　a　new　set　of　harness　for　their　Perissodactyl。　Before　using　it　they　made　Joseph　smear　it　over　with　a　mixture　of　ashes　and　soot。　It　was　the　Von　der　Ruysling　family　that　bought　the　territory　between　the　Bowery　and　East　River　and　Rivington　Street　and　the　Statue　of　Liberty；　in　the　year　1649；　from　an　Indian　chief　for　a　quart　of　passementerie　and　a　pair　of　Turkey…red　portieres　designed　for　a　Harlem　flat。　I　have　always　admired　that　Indian's　perspicacity　and　good　taste。　All　this　is　merely　to　convince　you　that　the　Von　der　Ruyslings　were　exactly　the　kind　of　poor　aristocrats　that　turn　down　their　noses　at　people　who　have　money。　Oh；　well；　I　don't　mean　that；　I　mean　people　who　have　/just/　money。

One　evening　Pilkins　went　down　to　the　red　brick　house　in　Gramercy　Square；　and　made　what　he　thought　was　a　proposal　to　Alice　v。　d。　R。　Alice；　with　her　nose　turned　down；　and　thinking　of　his　money；　considered　it　a　proposition；　and　refused　it　and　him。　Pilkins；　summoning　all　his　resources　as　any　good　general　would　have　done；　made　an　indiscreet　references　to　the　advantages　that　his　money　would　provide。　That　settled　it。　The　lady　turned　so　cold　that　Walter　Wellman　himself　would　have　waited　until　spring　to　make　a　dash　for　her　in　a　dog…sled。

But　Pilkins　was　something　of　a　sport　himself。　You　can't　fool　all　the　millionaires　every　time　the　ball　drops　on　the　Western　Union　Building。

〃If；　at　any　time；〃　he　said　to　A。　v。　d。　R。；　〃you　feel　that　you　would　like　to　reconsider　your　answer；　send　me　a　rose　like　that。〃

Pilkins　audaciously　touched　a　Jacque　rose　that　she　wore　loosely　in　her　hair。

〃Very　well；〃　said　she。　〃And　when　I　do；　you　will　understand　by　it　that　either　you　or　I　have　learned　something　new　about　the　purchasing　power　of　money。　You've　been　spoiled；　my　friend。　No；　I　don't　think　I　could　marry　you。　To…morrow　I　will　send　you　back　the　presents　you　have　given　me。〃

〃Presents！〃　said　Pilkins　in　surprise。　〃I　never　gave　you　a　present　in　my　life。　I　would　like　to　see　a　full…length　portrait　of　the　man　that　you　would　take　a　present　from。　Why；　you　never　would　let　me　send　you　flowers　or　candy　or　even　art　calendars。〃

〃You've　forgotten；〃　said　Alice　v。　d。　R。；　with　a　little　smile。　〃It　was　a　long　time　ago　when　our　families　were　neighbours。　You　were　seven；　and　I　was　trundling　my　doll　on　the　sidewalk。　You　have　me　a　little　gray；　hairy　kitten；　with　shoe…buttony　eyes。　Its　head　came　off　and　it　was　full　of　candy。　You　paid　five　cents　for　ityou　told　me　so。　I　haven't　the　candy　to　return　to　youI　hadn't　developed　a　conscience　at　three；　so　I　ate　it。　But　I　have　the　kitten　yet；　and　I　will　wrap　it　up　neatly　to…night　and　send　it　to　you　to…morrow。〃

Beneath　the　lightness　of　Alice　v。　d。　R。's　talk　the　steadfastness　of　her　rejection　showed　firm　and　plain。　So　there　was　nothing　left　for　him　but　to　leave　the　crumbly　red　brick　house；　and　be　off　with　his　abhorred　millions。

On　his　way　back；　Pilkins　walked　through　Madison　Square。　The　hour　hand　of　the　clock　hung　about　eight；　the　air　was　stingingly　cool；　but　not　at　the　freezing　point。　The　dim　little　square　seemed　like　a　great；　cold；　unroofed　room；　with　its　four　walls　of　houses；　spangled　with　thousands　of　insufficient　lights。　Only　a　few　loiterers　were　huddled　here　and　there　on　the　benches。

But　suddenly　Pilkins　came　upon　a　youth　sitting　brave　and；　as　if　conflicting　with　summer　sultriness；　coatless；　his　white　shirt…sleeves　conspicuous　in　the　light　from　the　globe　of　an　electric。　Close　to　his　side　was　a　girl；　smiling；　dreamy；　happy。　Around　her　shoulders　was；　palpably；　the　missing　coat　of　the　cold…defying　youth。　It　appeared　to　be　a　modern　panorama　of　the　Babes　in　the　Wood；　revised　and　brought　up　to　date；　with　the　exception　that　the　robins　hadn't　turned　up　yet　with　the　protecting　leaves。

With　delight　the　money…caliphs　view　a　situation　that　they　think　is　relievable　while　you　wait。

Pilkins　sat　on　the　bench；　one　seat　removed　from　the　youth。　He　glanced　cautiously　and　saw　（as　men　do　see；　and　womenoh！　never　can）　that　they　were　of　the　same　order。

Pilkins　leaned　over　after　a　short　time　and　spoke　to　the　youth；　who　answered　smilingly