from this world to the next-第29节

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most　absolute　command；　which　I；　for　a　little　time；　artfully

delayed　（for　I　knew　the　impatience　of　his　temper　would　not　bear

any　contradictions）；　till　he　made　my　father　in　a　manner　force　me

to　what　I　most　wished；　with　the　utmost　appearance　of　reluctance

on　my　side。　　When　I　had　gained　this　point　I　began　to　think　which

way　I　could　separate　the　king　from　the　queen；　for　hitherto　they

lived　in　the　same　house。　　The　lady　Mary；　the　queen's　daughter；

being　then　about　sixteen；　I　sought　for　emissaries　of　her　own　age

that　I　could　confide　in；　to　instill　into　her　mind　disrespectful

thoughts　of　her　father；　and　make　a　jest　of　the　tenderness　of　his

conscience　about　the　divorce。　　I　knew　she　had　naturally　strong

passions；　and　that　young　people　of　that　age　are　apt　to　think

those　that　pretend　to　be　their　friends　are　really　so；　and　only

speak　their　minds　freely。　　I　afterwards　contrived　to　have　every

word　she　spoke　of　him　carried　to　the　king；　who　took　it　all　as　I

could　wish；　and　fancied　those　things　did　not　come　at　first　from

the　young　lady；　but　from　her　mother。　　He　would　often　talk　of　it

to　me；　and　I　agreed　with　him　in　his　sentiments；　but　then；　as　a

great　proof　of　my　goodness；　I　always　endeavored　to　excuse　her；　by

saying　a　lady　so　long　time　used　to　be　a　royal　queen　might

naturally　be　a　little　exasperated　with　those　she　fancied　would

throw　her　from　that　station　she　so　justly　deserved。　　By　these

sort　of　plots　I　found　the　way　to　make　the　king　angry　with　the

queen；　for　nothing　is　easier　than　to　make　a　man　angry　with　a

woman　he　wants　to　be　rid　of；　and　who　stands　in　the　way　between

him　and　his　pleasure；　so　that　now　the　king；　on　the　pretense　of

the　queen's　obstinacy　in　a　point　where　his　conscience　was　so

tenderly　concerned；　parted　with　her。　　Everything　was　now　plain

before　me；　I　had　nothing　farther　to　do　but　to　let　the　king　alone

to　his　own　desires；　and　I　had　no　reason　to　fear；　since　they　had

carried　him　so　far；　but　that　they　would　urge　him　on　to　do

everything　I　aimed　at。　　I　was　created　marchioness　of　Pembroke。　

This　dignity　sat　very　easy　on　me；　for　the　thoughts　of　a　much

higher　title　took　from　me　all　feeling　of　this；　and　I　looked　upon

being　a　marchioness　as　a　trifle；　not　that　I　saw　the　bauble　in　its

true　light；　but　because　it　fell　short　of　what　I　had　figured　to

myself　I　should　soon　obtain。　　The　king's　desires　grew　very

impatient；　and　it　was　not　long　before　I　was　privately　married　to

him。　　I　was　no　sooner　his　wife　than　I　found　all　the　queen　come

upon　me；　I　felt　myself　conscious　of　royalty；　and　even　the　faces

of　my　most　intimate　acquaintance　seemed　to　me　to　be　quite

strange。　　I　hardly　knew　them：　　height　had　turned　my　head；　and　I

was　like　a　man　placed　on　a　monument；　to　whose　sight　all　creatures

at　a　great　distance　below　him　appear　like　so　many　little　pigmies

crawling　about　on　the　earth；　and　the　prospect　so　greatly

delighted　me；　that　I　did　not　presently　consider　that　in　both

cases　descending　a　few　steps　erected　by　human　hands　would　place

us　in　the　number　of　those　very　pigmies　who　appeared　so

despicable。　　Our　marriage　was　kept　private　for　some　time；　for　it

was　not　thought　proper　to　make　it　public　（the　affair　of　the

divorce　not　being　finished）　till　the　birth　of　my　daughter

Elizabeth　made　it　necessary。　　But　all　who　saw　me　knew　it；　for　my

manner　of　speaking　and　acting　was　so　much　changed　with　my

station；　that　all　around　me　plainly　perceived　I　was　sure　I　was　a

queen。　　While　it　was　a　secret　I　had　yet　something　to　wish　for；　I

could　not　be　perfectly　satisfied　till　all　the　world　was

acquainted　with　my　fortune：　　but　when　my　coronation　was　over；　and

I　was　raised　to　the　height　of　my　ambition；　instead　of　finding

myself　happy；　I　was　in　reality　more　miserable　than　ever；　for；

besides　that　the　aversion　I　had　naturally　to　the　king　was　much

more　difficult　to　dissemble　after　marriage　than　before；　and　grew

into　a　perfect　detestation；　my　imagination；　which　had　thus　warmly

pursued　a　crown；　grew　cool　when　I　was　in　the　possession　of　it；

and　gave　me　time　to　reflect　what　mighty　matter　I　had　gained　by

all　this　bustle；　and　I　often　used　to　think　myself　in　the　case　of

the　fox…hunter；　who；　when　he　has　toiled　and　sweated　all　day　in

the　chase　as　if　some　unheard…of　blessing　was　to　crown　his

success；　finds　at　last　all　he　has　got　by　his　labor　is　a　stinking

nauseous　animal。　　But　my　condition　was　yet　worse　than　his；　for　he

leaves　the　loathsome　wretch　to　be　torn　by　his　hounds；　whilst　I

was　obliged　to　fondle　mine；　and　meanly　pretend　him　to　be　the

object　of　my　love。　　For　the　whole　time　I　was　in　this　envied；　this

exalted　state；　I　led　a　continual　life　of　hypocrisy；　which　I　now

know　nothing　on　earth　can　compensate。　　I　had　no　companion　but　the

man　I　hated。　　I　dared　not　disclose　my　sentiments　to　any　person

about　me；　nor　did　any　one　presume　to　enter　into　any　freedom　of

conversation　with　me；　but　all　who　spoke　to　me　talked　to　the

queen；　and　not　to　me；　for　they　would　have　said　just　the　same

things　to　a　dressed…up　puppet；　if　the　king　had　taken　a　fancy　to

call　it　his　wife。　　And　as　I　knew　every　woman　in　the　court　was　my

enemy；　from　thinking　she　had　much　more　right　than　I　had　to　the

place　I　filled；　I　thought　myself　as　unhappy　as　if　I　had　been

placed　in　a　wild　wood；　where　there　was　no　human　creature　for　me

to　speak　to；　in　a　continual　fear　of　leaving　any　traces　of　my

footsteps；　lest　I　should　be　found　by　some　dreadful　monster；　or

stung　by　snakes　and　adders；　for　such　are　spiteful　women　to　the

objects　of　their　envy。　　In　this　worst　of　all　situations　I　was

obliged　to　hide　my　melancholy　and　appear　cheerful。　　This　threw　me

into　an　error　the　other　way；　and　I　sometimes　fell　into　a　levity

in　my　behavior　that　was　afterwards　made　use　of　to　my

disadvantage。　　I　had　a　son　deadborn；　which　I　perceived　abated

something　of　the　king's　ardor；　for　his　temper　could　not　brook　the

least　disappointment。　　This　gave　me　no　uneasiness；　for；　not

considering　the　consequences；　I　could　not　help　being　best　pleased

when　I　had　least　of　his　company。　　Afterwards　I　found　he　had　cast

his　eyes　on　one　of　my　maids　of　honor；　and；　whether　it　was　owing

to　any　art　of　hers；　or　only　to　the　king's　violent　passions；　I　was

in　the　end　used　even　worse　than　my　former　mistress　had　been　by　my

means。　　The　decay　of　the　king's　affection　was　presently　seen　by

all　those　court…sycophants　who　continually　watch　the　motions　of

royal　eyes；　and　the　moment　they　found　they　could　be　heard　against

me　they　turned　my　most　innocent　actions　and　words；　nay；　even　my

very　looks；　into　proofs　of　the　blackest　crimes。　　The　king；　who

was　impatient　to　enjoy　his　new　love；　lent　a　willing　ear　to　all　my

accusers；　who　found　ways　of　making　him　jealous　that　I　was　false

to　his　bed。　　He　would　not　so　easily　have　believed　anything

against　me　before；　but　he　was　now　glad　to　flatter　himself　that　he

had　found　a　reason　to　do　just　what　he　had　resolved　upon　without　a

reason；　and　on　some　slight　pretenses　and　hearsay　evidence　I　was

sent　to　the　Tower；　where　the　lady　who　was　my　greatest　enemy　was

appointed　to　watch　me　and　lie　in　the　same　chamber　with　me。　　This

was　really　as　bad　a　punishment　as　my　death；　for　she　insulted　me

with　those　keen　reproaches　and　spiteful　witticisms；　which　threw

me　into　such　vapors　and　violent　fits　that　I　knew　not　what　I

uttered　in　this　condition。　　She　pretended　I　had　confessed　talking

ridiculous　stuff　with　a　set　of　low　fellows　whom　I　had　hardly　ever

taken　notice　of；　as　could　have　imposed　on　none　but　such　as　were

resolved　to　believe。　　I　was　brought　to　my　trial；　and；　to　blacken

me　the　more；　accused　of　conversing　criminally　with　my　own

brother；　whom　indeed　I　loved　extremely　well；　but　never　looked　on

him　in　any　other　light　than　as　my　friend。　　However；　I　was

condemned　to　be　beheaded；　or　burnt；　as　the　king　pleased；　and　he

was　graciously　pleased；　from　the　great　remains　of　his　love；　to

choose　the　mildest　sentence。　　I　was　much　less　shocked　at　this

manner　of　ending　my　life　than　I　should　have　been　in　any　other

station：　　but　I　had　had　so　little　enjoyment　from　the　time　I　had

been　a　queen；　that　death　was　the　less　dreadful　to　me。　　The　chief

things　that　lay　on　my　conscience　were　the　arts　I　made　use　of　to

induce　the　king　to　part　with　the　queen；　my　ill　usage　of　lady

Mary；　and　my　jilting　lord　Percy。　　However；　I　endeavored　to　calm

my　mind　as　well　as　I　could；　and　hoped　these　crimes　would　be

forgiven　me；　for　in　other　respects　I　had　led　a　very　innocent

life；　and　always　did　all　the　good…natured　actions　I　found　any

opportunity　of　doing。　　From　the　time　I　had　it　in　my　power；　I　gave

a　great　deal　of　money　amongst　the　poor；　I　prayed　very　devoutly；

and　went　to　my　execution　very　composedly。　　Thus　I　lost　my　life　at

the　age　of　twenty…nine；　in　which　short　time　I　believe　I　went

through　more　variety　of　scenes　than　many　people　who　live　to　be

very　old。　　I　had　lived　in　a　court；　where　I　spent　my　time　in

coquetry　and　gayety；　I　had　experienced　what　it　was　to　have　one　of

those　violent　passions　which　makes　the　mind　all　turbulence　and

a