from this world to the next-第27节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


thought　made　its　way　to　my　heart；　to　fly　the　object　of　it；　and　by

new　lovers　to　drive　the　image　from　my　breast。　　I　consulted　my

glass　every　morning；　and　got　such　a　command　of　my　countenance

that　I　could　suit　it　to　the　different　tastes　of　variety　of

lovers；　and　though　I　was　young；　for　I　was　not　yet　above

seventeen；　yet　my　public　way　of　life　gave　me　such　continual

opportunities　of　conversing　with　men；　and　the　strong　desire　I　now

had　of　pleasing　them　led　me　to　make　such　constant　observations　on

everything　they　said　or　did；　that　I　soon　found　out　the　different

methods　of　dealing　with　them。　　I　observed　that　most　men　generally

liked　in　women　what　was　most　opposite　to　their　own　characters；

therefore　to　the　grave　solid　man　of　sense　I　endeavored　to　appear

sprightly　and　full　of　spirit；　to　the　witty　and　gay；　soft　and

languishing；　to　the　amorous　（for　they　want　no　increase　of　their

passions）；　cold　and　reserved；　to　the　fearful　and　backward；　warm

and　full　of　fire；　and　so　of　all　the　rest。　　As　to　beaux；　and　all

of　those　sort　of　men；　whose　desires　are　centered　in　the

satisfaction　of　their　vanity；　I　had　learned　by　sad　experience　the

only　way　to　deal　with　them　was　to　laugh　at　them　and　let　their　own

good　opinion　of　themselves　be　the　only　support　of　their　hopes。　　I

knew；　while　I　could　get　other　followers；　I　was　sure　of　them；　for

the　only　sign　of　modesty　they　ever　give　is　that　of　not　depending

on　their　own　judgments；　but　following　the　opinions　of　the

greatest　number。　　Thus　furnished　with　maxims；　and　grown　wise　by

past　errors；　I　in　a　manner　began　the　world　again：　　I　appeared　in

all　public　places　handsomer　and　more　lively　than　ever；　to　the

amazement　of　every　one　who　saw　me　and　had　heard　of　the　affair

between　me　and　my　lord。　　He　himself　was　much　surprised　and　vexed

at　this　sudden　change；　nor　could　he　account　how　it　was　possible

for　me　so　soon　to　shake　off　those　chains　he　thought　he　had　fixed

on　me　for　life；　nor　was　he　willing　to　lose　his　conquest　in　this

manner。　　He　endeavored　by　all　means　possible　to　talk　to　me　again

of　love；　but　I　stood　fixed　to　my　resolution　（in　which　I　was

greatly　assisted　by　the　crowd　of　admirers　that　daily　surrounded

me）　never　to　let　him　explain　himself：　　for；　notwithstanding　all

my　pride；　I　found　the　first　impression　the　heart　receives　of　love

is　　so　strong　that　it　requires　the　most　vigilant　care　to　prevent

a　relapse。　　Now　I　lived　three　years　in　a　constant　round　of

diversions；　and　was　made　the　perfect　idol　of　all　the　men　that

came　to　court　of　all　ages　and　all　characters。　　I　had　several　good

matches　offered　me；　but　I　thought　none　of　them　equal　to　my　merit；

and　one　of　my　greatest　pleasures　was　to　see　those　women　who　had

pretended　to　rival　me　often　glad　to　marry　those　whom　I　had

refused。　　Yet；　notwithstanding　this　great　success　of　my　schemes；

I　cannot　say　I　was　perfectly　happy；　for　every　woman　that　was

taken　the　least　notice　of；　and　every　man　that　was　insensible　to

my　arts；　gave　me　as　much　pain　as　all　the　rest　gave　me　pleasure；

and　sometimes　little　underhand　plots　which　were　laid　against　my

designs　would　succeed　in　spite　of　my　care：　　so　that　I　really

began　to　grow　weary　of　this　manner　of　life；　when　my　father；

returning　from　his　embassy　in　France；　took　me　home　with　him；　and

carried　me　to　a　little　pleasant　country…house；　where　there　was

nothing　grand　or　superfluous；　but　everything　neat　and　agreeable。　

There　I　led　a　life　perfectly　solitary。　　At　first　the　time　hung

very　heavy　on　my　hands；　and　I　wanted　all　kind　of　employment；　and

I　had　very　like　to　have　fallen　into　the　height　of　the　vapors；

from　no　other　reason　but　from　want　of　knowing　what　to　do　with

myself。　　But　when　I　had　lived　here　a　little　time　I　found　such　a

calmness　in　my　mind；　and　such　a　difference　between　this　and　the

restless　anxieties　I　had　experienced　in　a　court；　that　I　began　to

share　the　tranquillity　that　visibly　appeared　in　everything　round

me。　　I　set　myself　to　do　works　of　fancy；　and　to　raise　little

flower…gardens；　with　many　such　innocent　　rural　amusements；　which；

although　they　are　not　capable　of　affording　any　great　pleasure；

yet　they　give　that　serene　turn　to　the　mind　which　I　think　much

preferable　to　anything　else　human　nature　is　made　susceptible　of。　

I　now　resolved　to　spend　the　rest　of　my　days　here；　and　that

nothing　should　allure　me　from　that　sweet　retirement；　to　be　again

tossed　about　with　tempestuous　passions　of　any　kind。　　Whilst　I　was

in　this　situation；　my　lord　Percy；　the　earl　of　Northumberland's

eldest　son；　by　an　accident　of　losing　his　way　after　a　fox…chase；

was　met　by　my　father；　about　a　mile　from　our　house；　he　came　home

with　him；　only　with　a　design　of　dining　with　us；　but　was　so　taken

with　me　that　he　stayed　three　days。　　I　had　too　much　experience　in

all　affairs　of　this　kind　not　to　see　presently　the　influence　I　had

on　him；　but　I　was　at　that　time　so　entirely　free　from　all

ambition；　that　even　the　prospect　of　being　a　countess　had　no

effect　on　me；　and　I　then　thought　nothing　in　the　world　could　have

bribed　me　to　have　changed　my　way　of　life。　　This　young　lord；　who

was　just　in　his　bloom；　found　his　passion　so　strong；　he　could　not

endure　a　long　absence；　but　returned　again　in　a　week；　and

endeavored；　by　all　the　means　he　could　think　of；　to　engage　me　to

return　his　affection。　　He　addressed　me　with　that　tenderness　and

respect　which　women　on　earth　think　can　flow　from　nothing　but　real

love；　and　very　often　told　me　that；　unless　he　could　be　so　happy　as

by　his　assiduity　and　care　to　make　himself　agreeable　to　me；

although　he　knew　my　father　would　eagerly　embrace　any　proposal

from　him；　yet　he　would　suffer　that　last　of　miseries　of　never

seeing　me　more　rather　than　owe　his　own　happiness　to　anything　that

might　be　the　least　contradiction　to　my　inclinations。　　This　manner

of　proceeding　had　something　in　it　so　noble　and　generous；　that　by

degrees　it　raised　a　sensation　in　me　which　I　know　not　how　to

describe；　nor　by　what　name　to　call　it：　　it　was　nothing　like　my

former　passion：　　for　there　was　no　turbulence；　no　uneasy　waking

nights　attending　it；　but　all　I　could　with　honor　grant　to　oblige

him　appeared　to　me　to　be　justly　due　to　his　truth　and　love；　and

more　the　effect　of　gratitude　than　of　any　desire　of　my　own。　　The

character　I　had　heard　of　him　from　my　father　at　my　first　returning

to　England；　in　discoursing　of　the　young　nobility；　convinced　me

that　if　I　was　his　wife　I　should　have　the　perpetual　satisfaction

of　knowing　every　action　of　his　must　be　approved　by　all　the

sensible　part　of　mankind；　so　that　very　soon　I　began　to　have　no

scruple　left　but　that　of　leaving　my　little　scene　of　quietness；

and　venturing　again　into　the　world。　　But　this；　by　his　continual

application　and　submissive　behavior；　by　degrees　entirely

vanished；　and　I　agreed　he　should　take　his　own　time　to　break　it　to

my　father；　whose　consent　he　was　not　long　in　obtaining；　for　such　a

match　was　by　no　means　to　be　refused。　　There　remained　nothing　now

to　be　done　but　to　prevail　with　the　earl　of　Northumberland　to

comply　with　what　his　son　so　ardently　desired；　for　which　purpose

he　set　out　immediately　for　London；　and　begged　it　as　the　greatest

favor　that　I　would　accompany　my　father；　who　was　also　to　go

thither　the　week　following。　　I　could　not　refuse　his　request；　and

as　soon　as　we　arrived　in　town　he　flew　to　me　with　the　greatest

raptures　to　inform　me　his　father　was　so　good　that；　finding　his

happiness　depended　on　his　answer；　he　had　given　him　free　leave　to

act　in　this　affair　as　would　best　please　himself；　and　that　he　had

now　no　obstacle　to　prevent　his　wishes。　　It　was　then　the　beginning

of　the　winter；　and　the　time　for　our　marriage　was　fixed　for　the

latter　end　of　March：　　the　consent　of　all　parties　made　his　access

to　me　very　easy；　and　we　conversed　together　both　with　innocence

and　pleasure。　　As　his　fondness　was　so　great　that　he　contrived　all

the　methods　possible　to　keep　me　continually　in　his　sight；　he　told

me　one　morning　he　was　commanded　by　his　father　to　attend　him　to

court　that　evening；　and　begged　I　would　be　so　good　as　to　meet　him

there。　　I　was　now　so　used　to　act　as　he　would　have　me　that　I　made

no　difficulty　of　complying　with　his　desire。　　Two　days　after　this；

I　was　very　much　surprised　at　perceiving　such　a　melancholy　in　his

countenance；　and　alteration　in　his　behavior；　as　I　could　no　way

account　for；　but；　by　importunity；　at　last　I　got　from　him　that

cardinal　Wolsey；　for　what　reason　he　knew　not；　had　peremptorily

forbid　him　to　think　any　more　of　me：　　and；　when　he　urged　that　his

father　was　not　displeased　with　it；　the　cardinal；　in　his　imperious

manner；　answered　him；　he　should　give　his　father　such　convincing

reasons　why　it　would　be　attended　with　great　inconveniences；　that

he　was　sure　he　could　bring　him　to　be　of　his　opinion。　　On　which　he

turned　from　him；　and　gave　him　no　opportunity　of　replying。　　I

could　not　imagine　what　design　the　cardinal　could　have　in

intermeddling　in　this　match；　and　I　was　still　more　perplexed　to

find　that　my　father　treated　my　lord　Percy　with　much　more　coldness

than　usual；　he