ragged lady, v2-第34节

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her　suspicion　with　a　rebound。　　She　dismissed　as　unworthy　of　Clementina
any　theory　which　did　not　account　for　an　ideal　of　scrupulous　and　unselfish
justice　in　her。

〃That　is　something　that　nobody　can　say　but　yourself；　Clementina；〃　she
answered；　gravely。

〃Yes；〃　sighed　Clementina；　〃I　presume　that　is　so。〃

She　rose；　and　took　her　little　girl　from　Miss　Milray's　knee。　　〃Say　good…
bye；〃　she　bade；　looking　tenderly　down　at　her。

Miss　Milray　expected　the　child　to　put　up　her　lips　to　be　kissed。　　But　she
let　go　her　mother's　hand；　took　her　tiny　skirts　between　her　finger…tips；
and　dropped　a　curtsey。

〃You　little　witch！〃　cried　Miss　Milray。　　〃I　want　a　hug；〃　and　she　crushed
her　to　her　breast；　while　the　child　twisted　her　face　round　and　anxiously
questioned　her　mother's　for　her　approval。　　〃Tell　her　it'；s　all　right；
Clementina！〃　cried　Miss　Milray。　　〃When　she's　as　old　as　you　were　in
Florence；　I'm　going　to　make　you　give　her　to　me。〃

〃Ah'　you　going　back　to　Florence？〃　asked　Clementina；　provisionally。

〃Oh；　no！　　You　can't　go　back　to　anything。　　That's　what　makes　New　York　so
impossible。　　I　think　we　shall　go　to　Los　Angeles。〃




XL。

On　her　way　home　Clementina　met　a　man　walking　swiftly　forward。　　A　sort　of
impassioned　abstraction　expressed　itself　in　his　gait　and　bearing。　　They
had　both　entered　the　shadow　of　the　deep　pine　woods　that　flanked　the　way
on　either　side；　and　the　fallen　needles　helped　with　the　velvety　summer
dust　of　the　roadway　to　hush　their　steps　from　each　other。　　She　saw　him　far
off；　but　he　was　not　aware　of　her　till　she　was　quite　near　him。

〃Oh！〃　he　said；　with　a　start。　　〃You　filled　my　mind　so　full　that　I　couldn't
have　believed　you　were　anywhere　outside　of　it。　　I　was　coming　to　get　you
I　was　coming　to　get　my　answer。〃

Gregory　had　grown　distinctly　older。　　Sickness　and　hardship　had　left
traces　in　his　wasted　face；　but　the　full　beard　he　wore　helped　to　give　him
an　undue　look　of　age。

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Clementina；　slowly；　〃as　I've　got　an　answa　fo'　you；
Mr。　Gregoryyet。〃

〃No　answer　is　better　that　the　one　I　am　afraid　of！〃

〃Oh；　I'm　not　so　sure　of　that；〃　she　said；　with　gentle　perplexity；　as　she
stood；　holding　the　hand　of　her　little　girl；　who　stared　shyly　at　the
intense　face　of　the　man　before　her。

〃I　am；〃　he　retorted。　　〃I　have　been　thinking　it　all　ever；　Clementina。
I've　tried　not　to　think　selfishly　about　it；　but　I　can't　pretend　that　my
wish　isn't　selfish。　　It　is！　　I　want　you　for　myself；　and　because　I've
always　wanted　you；　and　not　for　any　other　reason。　　I　never　cared　for　any
one　but　you　in　the　way　I　cared　for　you；　and〃

〃Oh！〃　she　grieved。　　〃I　never　ca'ed　at　all　for　you　after　I　saw　him。〃

〃I　know　it　must　be　shocking　to　you；　I　haven't　told　you　with　any　wretched
hope　that　it　would　commend　me　to　you！〃

〃I　don't　say　it　was　so　very　bad；〃　said　Clementina；　reflectively；　〃if　it
was　something　you　couldn't　help。〃

〃It　was　something　I　couldn't　help。　　Perhaps　I　didn't　try　。〃

〃Did…she　know　it？〃

〃She　knew　it　from　the　first；　I　told　her　before　we　were　married。〃

Clementina　drew　back　a　little；　insensibly　pulling　her　child　with　her。
〃I　don't　believe　I　exactly　like　it。〃

〃I　knew　you　wouldn't　！　　If　I　could　have　thought　you　would；　I　hope　I
shouldn't　have　wishedand　fearedso　much　to　tell　you。〃

〃Oh；　I　know　you　always　wanted　to　do　what　you　believed　was　right；　Mr。
Gregory；〃　she　answered。　　〃But　I　haven't　quite　thought　it　out　yet。　　You
mustn't　hurry　me。〃

〃No；　no！　　Heaven　forbid。〃　　He　stood　aside　to　let　her　pass。

〃I　was　just　going　home；〃　she　added。

〃May　I　go　with　you？〃

〃Yes；　if　you　want　to。　　I　don't　know　but　you　betta；　we　might　as　well；
I　want　to　talk　with　you。　　Don't　you　think　it's　something　we　ought　to　talk
about…sensibly？〃

〃Why；　of　course！　　And　I　shall　try　to　be　guided　by　you；　I　should　always
submit　to　be　ruled　by　you；　if〃

〃That's　not　what　I　mean；　exactly　。　　I　don't　want　to　do　the　ruling。　　You
don't　undastand　me。〃

〃I'm　afraid　I　don't；〃　he　assented；　humbly。

〃If　you　did；　you　wouldn't　say　thatso。〃　He　did　not　venture　to　make　any
answer；　and　they　walked　on　without　speaking；　till　she　asked；　〃Did　you
know　that　Miss　Milray　was　at　the　Middlemount？〃

〃Miss　Milray！　　Of　Florence？〃

〃With　her　brother。　　I　didn't　see　him；　Mrs。　Milray　is　not　he'a；　they　ah'
divo'ced。　　Miss　Milray　used　to　be　very　nice　to　me　in　Florence。　　She　isn't
going　back　there　any　moa。　　She　says　you　can't　go　back　to　anything。
Do　you　think　we　can？〃

She　had　left　moments　between　her　incoherent　sentences　where　he　might
interrupt　her　if　he　would；　but　he　waited　for　her　question。　　〃I　hoped　we
might；　but　perhaps〃

〃No；　no。　　We　couldn't。　　We　couldn't　go　back　to　that　night　when　you　threw
the　slippas　into　the　riva；　no'　to　that　time　in　Florence　when　we　gave　up；
no'　to　that　day　in　Venice　when　I　had　to　tell　you　that　I　ca'ed　moa　fo'
some　one　else。　　Don't　you　see？〃

〃Yes；　I　see；〃　he　said；　in　quick　revulsion　from　the　hope　he　had　expressed。
〃The　past　is　full　of　the　pain　and　shame　of　my　errors！〃

〃I　don't　want　to　go　back　to　what's　past；　eitha；〃　she　reasoned；　without
gainsaying　him。

She　stopped　again；　as　if　that　were　all；　and　he　asked；　〃Then　is　that　my
answer？〃

〃I　don't　believe　that　even　in　the　otha　wo'ld　we　shall　want　to　go　back　to
the　past；　much；　do　you？〃　she　pursued；　thoughtfully。

Once　Gregory　would　have　answered　confidently；　he　even　now　checked　an
impulse　to　do　so。　　〃I　don't　know；〃　he　owned；　meekly。

〃I　do　like　you；　Mr。　Gregory！〃　she　relented；　as　if　touched　by　his
meekness；　to　the　confession。　　〃You　know　I　domoa　than　I　ever　expected　to
like　anybody　again。　　But　it's　not　because　I　used　to　like　you；　or　because
I　think　you　always　acted　nicely。　　I　think　it　was　cruel　of　you；　if　you
ca'ed　for　me；　to　let　me　believe　you　didn't；　afta　that　fust　time。　　I　can't
eva　think　it　wasn't；　no　matta　why　you　did　it。〃

〃It　was　atrocious。　　I　can　see　that　now。〃

〃I　say　it；　because　I　shouldn't　eva　wish　to　say　it　again。　　I　know　that　all
the　time　you　we'e　betta　than　what　you　did；　and　I　blame　myself　a　good　deal
moa　fo'　not　knowing　when　you　came　to　Florence　that　I　had　begun　to　ca'e
fo'some　one　else。　　But　I　did　wait　till　I　could　see　you　again；　so　as　to　be
su'a　which　I　ca'ed　for　the　most。　　I　tried　to　be　fai'a；　before　I　told
you　that　I　wanted　to　be　free。　　That　is　all；〃　she　said；　gently；　and
Gregory　perceived　that　the　word　was　left　definitely　to　him。

He　could　not　take　it　till　he　had　disciplined　himself　to　accept
unmurmuringly　his　sentence　as　he　understood　it。　　〃At　any　rate；〃　he　began；
〃I　can　thank　you　for　rating　my　motive　above　my　conduct。〃

〃Oh；〃　she　said。　　〃I　don't　think　either　of　us　acted　very　well。　　I　didn't
know　till　aftawa'ds　that　I　was　glad　to　have　you　give　up；　the　way　you　did
in　Florence。　　I　wasbewild'ed。　　But　I　ought　to　have　known；　and　I　want
you　to　undastand　everything；　now。　　I　don't　ca'e　for　you　because　I　used　to
when　I　was　almost　a　child；　and　I　shouldn't　want　you　to　ca'e　for　me　eitha；
because　you　did　then。　　That's　why　I　wish　you　had　neva　felt　that　you　had
always　ca'ed　fo'　me。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Gregory。　　He　let　fall　his　head　in　despair。

〃That　is　what　I　mean；〃　said　Clementina。　　〃If　we　ah'　going　to　begin
togetha；　now；　it's　got　to　be　as　if　we　had　neva　begun　before。　　And　you
mustn't　think；　or　say；　or　look　as　if　the'e　had　been　anything　in　oua　lives
but　ouaselves。　　Will　you？　　Do　you　promise？〃　　She　stopped；　and　put　her
hand　on　his　breast；　and　pushed　against　it　with　a　nervous　vehemence。

〃No！〃　he　said。　　〃I　don't　promise；　for　I　couldn't　keep　my　promise。　　What
you　ask　is　impossible。　　The　past　is　part　of　us；　it　can't　be　ignored　any
more　than　it　can　be　destroyed。　　If　we　take　each　other；　it　must　be　for　all
that　we　have　been　as　well　as　all　that　we　are。　　If　we　haven't　the　courage
for　that　we　must　part。〃

He　dropped　the　little　one's　hand　which　he　had　been　holding；　and　moved　a
few　steps　aside。　　〃Don't！〃　she　said。　　〃They'll　think　I've　made　you；〃　and
he　took　the　child's　hand　again。

They　had　emerged　from　the　shadow　of　the　woods；　and　come　in　sight　of　her
father's　house。　　Claxon　was　standing　coatless　before　the　door　in　full
enjoyment　of　the　late　afternoon　air；　his　wife　beside　him；　at　sight　of
Gregory；　quelled　a　natural　impulse　to　run　round　the　corner　of　the　house
from　the　presence　of　strangers。

〃I　wonda　what　they'a　sayin'；〃　she　fretted。

〃It　looks　some　as　if　she　was　sayin'　yes；〃　said　Claxon；　with　an　impersonal
enjoyment　of　his　conjecture。　　〃I　guess　she　saw　he　was　bound　not　to　take
no　for　an　answa。〃

〃I　don't　know　as　I　should　like　it　very　much；〃　his　wife　relucted。
〃Clem's　doin'　very　well；　as　it　is。　　She　no　need　to　marry　again。〃

〃Oh；　I　guess　it　a'n't　that　altogetha。　　He's　a　good　man。〃　　Claxon　mused　a
moment　upon　the　figures　which　had　begun　to　advance　again；　with　the　little
one　between　them；　and　then　gave　way　in　a　burst　of　paternal　pride；　〃And　I
don't　know　as　I　should　blame　him　so　very　much　for　wantin'　Clem。　　She
always　did　want　to　be　of　moa　useBut　I　guess　she　likes　him　too。〃










End