ragged lady, v2-第15节

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will　let　me。〃

〃Oh；　thank　you！〃　she　cried　after　him；　gratefully；　as　if　his　forbearance
were　the　greatest　favor。

When　he　was　gone　she　tried　to　release　herself　from　the　kind　of　abeyance
in　which　she　seemed　to　have　gone　back　and　been　as　subject　to　him　as　in
the　first　days　when　he　had　awed　her　and　charmed　her　with　his　superiority
at　Middlemount；　and　he　again　older　and　freer　as　she　had　grown　since。

He　came　back　late　in　the　afternoon；　looking　jaded　and　distraught。
Hinkle；　who　looked　neither；　was　with　him。　　〃Well；〃　he　began；　〃this　is　the
greatest　thing　in　my　experience。　　Belsky's　not　only　alive　and　well；　but
Mr。　Gregory　and　I　are　both　at　large。　　I　did　think；　one　time；　that　the
police　would　take　us　into　custody　on　account　of　our　morbid　interest　in
the　thing；　and　I　don't　believe　we　should　have　got　off；　if　the　Consul
hadn't　gone　bail　for　us；　so　to　speak。　　I　thought　we　had　better　take　the
Consul　in；　on　our　way；　and　it　was　lucky　we　did。〃

Clementina　did　not　understand　all　the　implications；　but　she　was　willing
to　take　Mr。　Hinkle's　fun　on　trust。　　〃I　don't　believe　you'll　convince　Mrs。
Landa　that　Mr。　Belsky's　alive　and　well；　till　you　bring　him　back　to　say
so。〃

〃Is　that　so！〃　said　Hinkle。　　〃Well；　we　must　have　him　brought　back　by　the
authorities；　then。　　Perhaps　they'll　bring　him；　anyway。　　They　can't　try
him　for　suicide；　but　as　I　understand　the　police；　here；　a　man　can't　lose
his　hat　over　a　bridge　in　Florence　with　impunity；　especially　in　a　time　of
high　water。　　Anyway；　they're　identifying　Belsky　by　due　process　of　law　in
Rome；　now；　and　I　guess　Mr。　Gregory〃he　nodded　toward　Gregory；　who　sat
silent　and　absent　〃will　be　kept　under　surveillance　till　the　whole　mystery
is　cleared　up。〃

Clementina　responded　gayly　still；　but　with　less　and　less　sincerity；　and
she　let　Hinkle　go　at　last　with　the　feeling　that　he　knew　she　wished　him　to
go。　　He　made　a　brave　show　of　not　seeing　this；　and　when　he　was　gone；　she
remembered　that　she　had　not　thanked　him　for　the　trouble　he　had　taken　on
her　account；　and　her　heart　ached　after　him　with　a　sense　of　his　sweetness
and　goodness；　which　she　had　felt　from　the　first　through　his　quaint
drolling。　　It　was　as　if　the　door　which　closed　upon　him　shut　her　out　of
the　life　she　had　been　living　of　late；　and　into　the　life　of　the　past　where
she　was　subject　again　to　the　spell　of　Gregory's　mood；　it　was　hardly　his
will。

He　began　at　once：　〃I　wished　to　make　you　say　something　this　morning　that　I
have　no　right　to　hear　you　say；　yet；　and　I　have　been　trying　ever　since　to
think　how　I　could　ask　you　whether　you　could　share　my　life　with　me；　and
yet　not　ask　you　to　do　it。　　But　I　can't　do　anything　without　knowing
You　may　not　care　for　what　my　life　is　to　be；　at　all！〃

Clementina's　head　drooped　a　little；　but　she　answered　distinctly；　〃I　do
ca'e；　Mr。　Gregory。〃

〃Thank　you　for　that　much；　I　don't　count　upon　more　than　you　have　said。
Clementina；　I　am　going　to　be　a　missionary。　　I　think　I　shall　ask　to　be
sent　to　China；　I've　not　decided　yet。　　My　life　will　be　hard；　it　will　be
full　of　danger　and　privation；　it　will　be　exile。　　You　will　have　to　think
of　sharing　such　a　life　if　you　think〃

He　stopped；　the　time　had　come　for　her　to　speak；　and　she　said；　〃I　knew　you
wanted　to　be　a　missionary〃

〃Andandyou　would　go　with　me？　　You　would〃　He　started　toward　her；　and
she　did　not　shrink　from　him；　now；　but　he　checked　himself。　　〃But　you
mustn't；　you　know；　for　my　sake。〃

〃I　don't　believe　I　quite　undastand；〃　she　faltered。

〃You　must　not　do　it　for　me；　but　for　what　makes　me　do　it。　　Without　that
our　life；　our　work；　could　have　no　consecration。〃

She　gazed　at　him　in　patient；　faintly　smiling　bewilderment；　as　if　it　were
something　he　would　unriddle　for　her　when　he　chose。

〃We　mustn't　err　in　this；　it　would　be　worse　than　error；　it　would　be　sin。〃
He　took　a　turn　about　the　room；　and　then　stopped　before　her。　　〃Will　you
will　you　join　me　in　a　prayer　for　guidance；　Clementina？〃

〃II　don't　know；〃　she　hesitated。　　〃I　will；　butdo　you　think　I　had
betta？〃

He　began；　〃Why；　surely〃After　a　moment　he　asked　gravely；　〃You　believe
that　our　actions　will　be　guided　aright；　if　we　seek　help？〃

〃Oh；　yesyes〃

〃And　that　if　we　do　not；　we　shall　stumble　in　our　ignorance？〃

〃I　don't　know。　　I　never　thought　of　that。〃

〃Never　thought　of　it〃

〃We　never　did　it　in　our　family。　　Father　always　said　that　if　we　really
wanted　to　do　right　we　could　find　the　way。〃　　Gregory　looked　daunted；　and
then　he　frowned　darkly。　　〃Are　you　provoked　with　me？　　Do　you　think　what
I　have　said　is　wrong？〃

〃No；　no！　　You　must　say　what　you　believe。　　It　would　be　double　hypocrisy　in
me　if　I　prevented　you。〃

〃But　I　would　do　it；　if　you　wanted　me　to；〃　she　said。

〃Oh；　for　me；　for　ME！〃　he　protested。　　〃I　will　try　to　tell　you　what　I　mean；
and　why　you　must　not；　for　that　very　reason。〃　　But　he　had　to　speak　of
himself；　of　the　miracle　of　finding　her　again　by　the　means　which　should
have　lost　her　to　him　forever；　and　of　the　significance　of　this。　　Then　it
appeared　to　him　that　he　could　not　reject　such　a　leading　without　error；
without　sin。　　〃Such　a　thing　could　not　have　merely　happened。〃

It　seemed　so　to　Clementina；　too；　she　eagerly　consented　that　this　was
something　they　must　think　of；　as　well。　　But　the　light　waned；　the　dark
thickened　in　the　room　before　he　left　her　to　do　so。　　Then　he　said
fervently；　〃We　must　not　doubt　that　everything　will　come　right；〃　and　his
words　seemed　an　effect　of　inspiration　to　them　both。




XXVII。

After　Gregory　was　gone　a　misgiving　began　in　Clementina's　mind；　which　grew
more　distinct；　through　all　the　difficulties　of　accounting　to　Mrs。　Lander
for　his　long　stay；　The　girl　could　see　that　it　was　with　an　obscure
jealousy　that　she　pushed　her　questions；　and　said　at　last；　〃That　Mr。
Hinkle　is　about　the　best　of　the　lot。　　He's　the　only　one　that's　eva　had
the　mannas　to　ask　after　me；　except　that　lo'd。　　He　did。〃

Clementina　could　not　pretend　that　Gregory　had　asked；　but　she　could　not
blame　him　for　a　forgetfulness　of　Mrs。　Lander　which　she　had　shared　with
him。　　This　helped　somehow　to　deepen　the　misgiving　which　followed　her　from
Mrs。　Lander's　bed　to　her　own；　and　haunted　her　far　into　the　night。　　She
could　escape　from　it　only　by　promising　herself　to　deal　with　it　the　first
thing　in　the　morning。　　She　did　this　in　terms　much　briefer　than　she
thought　she　could　have　commanded。　　She　supposed　she　would　have　to　write　a
very　long　letter；　but　she　came　to　the　end　of　all　she　need　say；　in　a　very
few　lines。

　　　　　DEAR　MR。　GREGORY：

　　　　　〃I　have　been　thinking　about　what　you　said　yesterday；　and　I　have　to
　　　　　tell　you　something。　　Then　you　can　do　what　is　right　for　both　of　us；
　　　　　you　will　know　better　than　I　can。　　But　I　want　you　to　understand　that
　　　　　if　I　go　with　you　in　your　missionary　life；　I　shall　do　it　for　you；　and
　　　　　not　for　anything　else。　　I　would　go　anywhere　and　live　anyhow　for　you；
　　　　　but　it　would　be　for　you；　I　do　not　believe　that　I　am　religious；　and　I
　　　　　know　that　I　should　not　do　it　for　religion。

　　　　　〃That　is　all；　but　I　could　not　get　any　peace　till　I　let　you　know　just
　　　　　how　I　felt。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃CLEMENTINA　CLAXON。〃

The　letter　went　early　in　the　morning；　though　not　so　early　but　it　was　put
in　Gregory's　hand　as　he　was　leaving　his　hotel　to　go　to　Mrs。　Lander's。　　He
tore　it　open；　and　read　it　on　the　way；　and　for　the　first　moment　it　seemed
as　if　it　were　Providence　leading　him　that　he　might　lighten　Clementina's
heart　of　its　doubts　with　the　least　delay。　　He　had　reasoned　that　if　she
would　share　for　his　sake　the　life　that　he　should　live　for　righteousness'
sake　they　would　be　equally　blest　in　it；　and　it　would　be　equally
consecrated　in　both。　　But　this　luminous　conclusion　faded　in　his　thought
as　he　hurried　on；　and　he　found　himself　in　her　presence　with　something
like　a　hope　that　she　would　be　inspired　to　help　him。

His　soul　lifted　at　the　sound　of　the　gay　voice　in　which　she　asked；　〃Did
you　get　my　letta？〃　and　it　seemed　for　the　instant　as　if　there　could　be　no
trouble　that　their　love　could　not　overcome。

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　and　he　put　his　arms　around　her；　but　with　a　provisionality
in　his　embrace　which　she　subtly　perceived。

〃And　what　did　you　think　of　it？〃　she　asked。　　〃Did　you　think　I　was　silly？〃

He　was　aware　that　she　had　trusted　him　to　do　away　her　misgiving。　　〃No；
no；〃　he　answered；　guiltily。　　〃Wiser　than　I　am；　always。　　II　want　to　talk
with　you　about　it；　Clementina。　　I　want　you　to　advise　me。〃

He　felt　her　shrink　from　him；　and　with　a　pang　he　opened　his　arms　to　free
her。　　But　it　was　right；　he　must。　　She　had　been　expecting　him　to　say　that
there　was　nothing　in　her　misgiving；　and　he　could　not　say　it。

〃Clementina；〃　he　entreated；　〃why　do　you　think　you　are　not　religious？〃

〃Why；　I　have　never　belonged　to　chu'ch；〃　she　answered　simply。　　He　looked
so　daunted；　that　she　tried　to　soften　the　blow　after　she　had　dealt　it。
〃Of　course；　I　always　went　to　chu'ch；　though　father　and　motha　didn't。
I　went　to　the　Episcopalto　Mr。　Richling's。　　But　I　neva　was　confirmed。〃

〃But…you　believe　in　God？〃

〃Why；　certainly！〃

〃And　in　the　Bible？〃

〃Why；　of　cou'se！〃

〃And　that　it　is　our　duty　to　bear　the　truth　to　those　who　have　never　heard
of　it？〃

〃I　know　that　is　the　way　you　feel　about　it；　but　I　am　not　certain　that　I
should　feel　so　myself