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We found her fitting a new cap on her mother。  I never saw her look  more charming。

North made himself disagreeably entertaining。  He was a good talker;  and had a way with him。  Besides; he had two; ten; or thirty millions;  I've for gotten which。  I incautiously admired the mother's cap;  whereupon she brought out her store of a dozen or two; and I took a  course in edgings and frills。  Even though Annie's fingers had pinked;  or ruched; or hemmed; or whatever you do to 'em; they palled upon me。   And I could hear North drivelling to Annie about his odious Adirondack  camp。

Two days after that I saw North in his motor…car with Miss Ashton and  her mother。  On the next afternoon he dropped in on me。

〃Bobby;〃 said he; 〃this old burg isn't such a bad proposition in the  summer…time; after all。  Since I've keen knocking around it looks  better to me。  There are some first…rate musical comedies and light  operas on the roofs and in the outdoor gardens。  And if you hunt up  the right places and stick to soft drinks; you can keep about as cool  here as you can in the country。  Hang it! when you come to think of  it; there's nothing much to the country; anyhow。  You get tired and  sunburned and lonesome; and you have to eat any old thing that the  cook dishes up to you。〃

〃It makes a difference; doesn't it?〃 said I。

〃It certainly does。  Now; I found some whitebait yesterday; at  Maurice's; with a new sauce that beats anything in the trout line I  ever tasted。〃

〃It makes a difference; doesn't it?〃 I said。

〃Immense。  The sauce is the main thing with whitebait。〃

〃It makes a difference; doesn't it?〃 I asked; looking him straight in  the eye。  He understood。

〃Look here; Bob;〃 he said; 〃I was going to tell you。  I couldn't help  it。  I'll play fair with you; but I'm going in to win。  She is the  'one particular' for me。〃

〃All right;〃 said I。  〃It's a fair field。  There are no rights for you  to encroach upon。〃

On Thursday afternoon Miss Ashton invited North and myself to have tea  in her apartment。  He was devoted; and she was more charming than  usual。  By avoiding the subject of caps I managed to get a word or two  into and out of the talk。  Miss Ashton asked me in a make… conversational tone something about the next season's tour。

〃Oh;〃 said I; 〃I don't know about that。  I'm not going to be with  Binkley & Bing next season。〃

〃Why; I thought;〃 said she; 〃that they were going to put the Number  One road company under your charge。  I thought you told me so。〃

〃They were;〃 said I; 〃but they won't。。  I'll tell you what I'm going  to do。  I'm going to the south shore of Long Island and buy a small  cottage I know there on the edge of the bay。  And I'll buy a catboat  and a rowboat and a shotgun and a yellow dog。  I've got money enough  to do it。  And I'll smell the salt wind all day when it blows from the  sea and the pine odor when it blows from the land。  And; of course;  I'll write plays until I have a trunk full of 'em on hand。

〃And the next thing and the biggest thing I'll do will be to buy that  duck…farm next door。  Few people understand ducks。  I can watch 'em  for hours。  They can march better than any company in the National  Guard; and they can play 'follow my leader' better than the entire  Democratic party。  Their voices don't amount to much; but I like to  hear 'em。  They wake you up a dozen times a night; but there's a  homely sound about their quacking that is more musical to me than the  cry of 'Fresh strawber…rees!' under your window in the morning when  you want to sleep。

〃And;〃 I went on; enthusiastically; 〃do you know the value of ducks  besides their beauty and intelligence and order and sweetness of  voice?  Picking their feathers gives you an unfailing and never  ceasing income。  On a farm that I know the feathers were sold for 400  in one year。  Think of that!  And the ones shipped to the market will  bring in more money than that。  Yes; I am for the ducks and the salt  breeze coming over the bay。  I think I shall get a Chinaman cook; and  with him and the dog and the sunsets for company I shall do well。  No  more of this dull; baking; senseless; roaring city for me。〃

Miss Ashton looked surprised。  North laughed。

〃I am going to begin one of my plays tonight;〃 I said; 〃so I must be  going。〃  And with that I took my departure。

A few days later Miss Ashton telephoned to me; asking me to call at  four in the afternoon。

I did。

〃You have been very good to me;〃 she said; hesitatingly; 〃and I  thought I would tell you。  I am going to leave the stage。〃

〃Yes;〃 said I; 〃I suppose you will。  They usually do when there's so  much money。〃

〃There is no money;〃 she said; 〃or very little。  Our money is almost  gone。〃

〃But I am told;〃 said I; 〃that he has something like two or ten or  thirty millionsI have forgotten which。〃

〃I know what you mean;〃 she said。  〃I will not pretend that I do not。   I am not going to marry Mr。  North。〃

〃Then why are you leaving the stage ?〃 I asked; severely。  〃What else  can you do to earn a living?〃

She came closer to me; and I can see the look in her eyes yet as she  spoke。

〃I can pick ducks;〃 she said。

We sold the first year's feathers for 350。




A POOR RULE



I have always maintained; and asserted ime to time; that woman is no  mystery; that man can foretell; construe; subdue; comprehend; and  interpret her。  That she is a mystery has been foisted by herself upon  credulous mankind。  Whether I am right or wrong we shall see。  As  〃Harper's Drawer〃 used to say in bygone years: 〃The following good  story is told of Miss ; Mr。 ; Mr。 and Mr。 。〃

We shall have to omit 〃Bishop X〃 and 〃the Rev。 ;〃 for they do not  belong。

In those days Paloma was a new town on the line of the Southern  Pacific。  A reporter would have called it a 〃mushroom〃 town; but it  was not。  Paloma was; first and last; of the toadstool variety。

The train stopped there at noon for the engine to drink and for the  passengers both to drink and to dine。  There was a new yellow…pine  hotel; also a wool warehouse; and perhaps three dozen box residences。   The rest was composed of tents; cow ponies; 〃black…waxy〃 mud; and  mesquite…trees; all bound round by a horizon。  Paloma was an about…to… be city。  The houses represented faith; the tents hope; the twice…a… day train by which you might leave; creditably sustained the role of  charity。

The Parisian Restaurant occupied the muddiest spot in the town while  it rained; and the warmest when it shone。  It was operated; owned; and  perpetrated by a citizen known as Old Man Hinkle; who had come out of  Indiana to make his fortune in this land of condensed milk and  sorghum。

There was a four…room; unpainted; weather…boarded box house in which  the family lived。  From the kitchen extended a 〃shelter〃 made of poles  covered with chaparral brush。  Under this was a table and two benches;  each twenty feet long; the product of Paloma home carpentry。  Here was  set forth the roast mutton; the stewed apples; boiled beans; soda… biscuits; puddinorpie; and hot coffee of the Parisian menu。

Ma Hinkle and a subordinate known to the ears as 〃Betty;〃 but denied  to the eyesight; presided at the range。  Pa Hinkle himself; with  salamandrous thumbs; served the scalding viands。  During rush hours a  Mexican youth; who rolled and smoked cigarettes between courses; aided  him in waiting on the guests。  As is customary at Parisian banquets; I  place the sweets at the end of my wordy menu。

Ileen Hinkle!

The spelling is correct; for I have seen her write it。  No doubt she  had been named by ear; but she so splendidly bore the orthography that  Tom Moore himself (had he seen her) would have indorsed the  phonography。

Ileen was the daughter of the house; and the first Lady Cashier to  invade the territory south of an east…and…west line drawn through  Galveston and Del Rio。  She sat on a high stool in a rough pine grand… standor was it a temple?under the shelter at the door of the  kitchen。  There was a barbed…wire protection in front of her; with a  little arch under which you passed your money。  Heaven knows why the  barbed wire; for every man who dined Parisianly there would have died  in her service。  Her duties were light; each meal was a dollar; you  put it under the arch; and she took it。

I set out with the intent to describe Ileen Hinkle to you。  Instead; I  must refer you to the volume by Edmund Burke entitled: A Philosophical  Inquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful。  It  is an exhaustive treatise; dealing first with the primitive  conceptions of beautyroundness and smoothness; I think they are;  according to Burke。  It is well said。  Rotundity is a patent charm; as  for smoothnessthe more new wrinkles a woman acquires; the smoother  she becomes。

Ileen was a strictly vegetable compound; guaranteed under the Pure  Ambrosia and Balm…of…Gilead Act of the year of the fall of Adam。  She  was a fruit…stand blonde…strawberries; peaches; cherries; etc。  Her  eyes were wide apart; and she possessed the calm that precedes a storm  that never comes。  But it seems to me that words (at any rate per) are  wasted in an effort to describe the beautiful。  Like fancy; 〃It is  engendered in

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