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June。  I will have  no knight in armor slaying his rival or killing dragons for me。  You  please me very well; Tommy。〃

I stooped and kissed her。  Then a moisture broke out on my forehead;  and I began to feel weak。  I saw the red stains vanish from Chloe's  apron; and the head of Louis Devoe turn to a brown; dried cocoanut。

〃There will be cocoanut…pudding for dinner; Tommy; boy;〃 said Chloe;  gayly; 〃and you must come。  I must go in for a little while。〃

She vanished in a delightful flutter。

Dr。  Stamford tramped up hurriedly。  He seized my pulse as though it  were his own property that I had escaped with。

〃You are the biggest fool outside of any asylum!〃 he said; angrily。   〃Why did you leave your bed?  And the idiotic things you've been  doing!and no wonder; with your pulse going like a sledge…hammer。〃

〃Name some of them;〃 said I。

〃Devoe sent for me;〃 said Stamford。  〃He saw you from his window go to  old Campos' store; chase him up the hill with his own yardstick; and  then come back and make off with his biggest cocoanut。〃

〃It's the little things that count; after all;〃 said I。

〃It's your little bed that counts with you just now;〃 said the doctor。   〃You come with me at once; or I'll throw up the case。  'You're as  loony as a loon。〃

So I got no cocoanut…pudding that evening; but I conceived a distrust  as to the value of the method of the head…hunters。  Perhaps for many  centuries the maidens of the villages may have been looking wistfully  at the heads in the baskets at the doorways; longing for other and  lesser trophies。




NO STORY



To avoid having this book hurled into corner of the room by the  suspicious reader; I will assert in time that this is not a newspaper  story。  You will encounter no shirt…sleeved; omniscient city editor;  no prodigy 〃cub〃 reporter just off the farm; no scoop; no storyno  anything。

But if you will concede me the setting of the first scene in the  reporters' room of the Morning Beacon; I will repay the favor by  keeping strictly my promises set forth above。

I was doing space…work on the Beacon; hoping to be put on a salary。   Some one had cleared with a rake or a shovel a small space for me at  the end of a long table piled high with exchanges; Congressional  Records; and old files。  There I did my work。  I wrote whatever the  city whispered or roared or chuckled to me on my diligent wanderings  about its streets。  My income was not regular。

One day Tripp came in and leaned on my table。  Tripp was something in  the mechanical departmentI think he had something to do with the  pictures; for he smelled of photographers' supplies; and his hands  were always stained and cut up with acids。  He was about twenty…five  and looked forty。  Half of his face was covered with short; curly red 

whiskers that looked like a door…mat with the 〃welcome〃 left off。  He  was pale and unhealthy and miserable and fawning; and an assiduous  borrower of sums ranging from twenty…five cents to a dollar。  One  dollar was his limit。  He knew the extent of his credit as well as the  Chemical National Bank knows the amount of H20 that collateral will  show on analysis。  When he sat on my table he held one hand with the  other to keep both from shaking。  Whiskey。  He had a spurious air of  lightness and bravado about him that deceived no one; but was useful  in his borrowing because it was so pitifully and perceptibly assumed。

This day I had coaxed from the cashier five shining silver dollars as  a grumbling advance on a story that the Sunday editor had reluctantly  accepted。  So if I was not feeling at peace with the world; at least  an armistice had been declared; and I was beginning with ardor to  write a description of the Brooklyn Bridge by moonlight。

〃Well; Tripp;〃 said I; looking up at him rather impatiently; 〃how goes  it?〃  He was looking to…day more miserable; more cringing and haggard  and downtrodden than I had ever seen him。  He was at that stage of  misery where he drew your pity so fully that you longed to kick him。

〃Have you got a dollar?〃 asked Tripp; with his most fawning look and  his dog…like eyes that blinked in the narrow space between his high… growing matted beard and his low…growing matted hair。

〃I have;〃 said I; and again I said; 〃I have;〃 more loudly and  inhospitably; 〃and four besides。  And I had hard work corkscrewing  them out of old Atkinson; I can tell you。  And I drew them;〃 I  continued; 〃to meet a wanta hiatusa demanda needan exigencya  requirement of exactly five dollars。〃

I was driven to emphasis by the premonition that I was to lose one of  the dollars on the spot。

〃I don't want to borrow any;〃 said Tripp; and I breathed again。  〃I  thought you'd like to get put onto a good story;〃 he went on。  〃I've  got a rattling fine one for you。  You ought to make it run a column at  least。  It'll make a dandy if you work it up right。  It'll probably  cost you a dollar or two to get the stuff。  I don't want anything out  of it myself。〃

I became placated。  The proposition showed that Tripp appreciated past  favors; although he did not return them。  If he had been wise enough  to strike me for a quarter then he would have got it。

〃What is the story ?〃 I asked; poising my pencil with a finely  calculated editorial air。

〃I'll tell you;〃 said Tripp。  〃It's a girl。  A beauty。  One of the  howlingest Amsden's Junes you ever saw。  Rosebuds covered with dew… violets in their mossy bedand truck like that。  She's lived on Long  Island twenty years and never saw New York City before。  I ran against  her on Thirty…fourth Street。  She'd just got in on the East River  ferry。  I tell you; she's a beauty that would take the hydrogen out of  all the peroxides in the world。  She stopped me on the street and  asked me where she could find George Brown。  Asked me where she could  find George Brown in New York City!  What do you think of that?

〃I talked to her; and found that she was going to marry a young farmer  named DoddHiram Doddnext week。  But it seems that George Brown  still holds the championship in her youthful fancy。  George had  greased his cowhide boots some years ago; and came to the city to make  his fortune。  But he forgot to remember to show up again at Greenburg;  and Hiram got in as second…best choice。  But when it comes to the  scratch Adaher name's Ada Lowerysaddles a nag and rides eight  miles to the railroad station and catches the 6。45 A。M。  train for the  city。  Looking for George; you knowyou understand about women George wasn't there; so she wanted him。

〃Well; you know; I couldn't leave her loose in Wolftown…on…the…Hudson。   I suppose she thought the first person she inquired of would say:  'George Brown ?why; yeslemme seehe's a short man with light…blue  eyes; ain't he?  Oh yesyou'll find George on One Hundred and Twenty… fifth Street; right next to the grocery。  He's bill…clerk in a saddle… and…harness store。'  That's about how innocent and beautiful she is。   You know those little Long Island water…front villages like Greenburg… …a couple of duck…farms for sport; and clams and about nine summer  visitors for industries。  That's the kind of a place she comes from。   But; sayyou ought to see her!

〃What could I do? I don't know what money looks like in the morning。   And she'd paid her last cent of pocket…money for her railroad ticket  except a quarter; which she had squandered on gum…drops。  She was  eating them out of a paper bag。  I took her to a boarding…house on  Thirty…second Street where I used to live; and hocked her。  She's in  soak for a dollar。  That's old Mother McGinnis' price per day。  I'll  show you the house。〃

〃What words are these; Tripp?〃 said I。  〃I thought you said you had a  story。  Every ferryboat that crosses the East River brings or takes  away girls from Long Island。〃

The premature lines on Tripp's face grew deeper。  He frowned seriously  from his tangle of hair。  He separated his hands and emphasized his  answer with one shaking forefinger。

〃Can't you see;〃 he said; 〃what a rattling fine story it would make?   You could do it fine。  All about the romance; you know; and describe  the girl; and put a lot of stuff in it about true love; and sling in a  few stickfuls of funny businessjoshing the Long Islanders about  being green; and; wellyou know how to do it。  You ought to get  fifteen dollars out of it; anyhow。  And it'll。  cost you only about  four dollars。  You'll make a clear profit of eleven。〃

〃How will it cost me four dollars?〃 I asked; suspiciously。

〃One dollar to Mrs。  McGinnis;〃 Tripp answered; promptly; 〃and two  dollars to pay the girl's fare back home。〃

〃And the fourth dimension?〃 I inquired; making a rapid mental  calculation。

〃One dollar to me;〃 said Tripp。  〃For whiskey。  Are you on?〃

I smiled enigmatically and spread my elbows as if to begin writing  again。  But this grim; abject; specious; subservient; burr…like wreck  of a man would not be shaken off。  His forehead suddenly became  shiningly moist。

〃Don't you see;〃 he said; with a sort of desperate calmness; 〃that  this girl has got to be sent home to…daynot to…night nor to…morrow;  but to…day?  I can't do anything for her。  You know; I'm the janitor  and corresponding secretary of the Down…and…Out

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