those extraordinary twins-第3节

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the　brothers　stood　up　before　the　glass；　and　each　took　off　his　own　cravat
and　collar。　　The　collars　were　of　the　standing　kind；　and　came　high　up
under　the　ears；　like　the　sides　of　a　wheelbarrow；　as　required　by　the
fashion　of　the　day。　　The　cravats　were　as　broad　as　a　bank…bill；　with
fringed　ends　which　stood　far　out　to　right　and　left　like　the　wings　of　a
dragon…fly；　and　this　also　was　strictly　in　accordance　with　the　fashion　of
the　time。　　Each　cravat；　as　to　color；　was　in　perfect　taste；　so　far　as　its
owner's　complexion　was　concerneda　delicate　pink；　in　the　case　of　the
blond　brother；　a　violent　scarlet　in　the　case　of　the　brunettebut　as　a
combination　they　broke　all　the　laws　of　taste　known　to　civilization。
Nothing　more　fiendish　and　irreconcilable　than　those　shrieking　and
blaspheming　colors　could　have　been　contrived；　The　wet　boots　gave　no　end
of　troubleto　Luigi。　　When　they　were　off　at　last；　Angelo　said；　with
bitterness：

〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　wear　such　tight　boots；　they　hurt　my　feet。〃

Luigi　answered　with　indifference：

〃My　friend；　when　I　am　in　command　of　our　body；　I　choose　my　apparel
according　to　my　own　convenience；　as　I　have　remarked　more　than　several
times　already。　　When　you　are　in　command；　I　beg　you　will　do　as　you
please。〃

Angelo　was　hurt；　and　the　tears　came　into　his　eyes。　　There　was　gentle
reproach　in　his　voice；　but；　not　anger；　when　he　replied：

〃Luigi；　I　often　consult　your　wishes；　but　you　never　consult　mine。　　When　I
am　in　command　I　treat　you　as　a　guest；　I　try　to　make　you　feel　at　home；
when　you　are　in　command　you　treat　me　as　an　intruder；　you　make　me　feel
unwelcome。　　It　embarrasses　me　cruelly　in　company；　for　I　can；　see　that
people　notice　it　and　comment　on　it。〃

〃Oh；　damn　the　people；〃　responded　the　brother　languidly；　and　with　the　air
of　one　who　is　tired　of　the　subject。

A　slight　shudder　shook　the　frame　of　Angelo；　but　he　said　nothing　and　the
conversation　ceased。　　Each　buttoned　his　own　share　of　the　nightshirt　in
silence；　then　Luigi；　with　Paine's　Age　of　Reason　in　his　hand；　sat　down　in
one　chair　and　put　his　feet　in　another　and　lit　his　pipe；　while　Angelo　took
his　Whole　Duty　of　Man；　and　both　began　to　read。　　Angelo　presently　began　to
cough；　his　coughing　increased　and　became　mixed　with　gaspings　for　breath；
and　he　was　finally　obliged　to　make　an　appeal　to　his　brother's　humanity：

〃Luigi；　if　you　would　only　smoke　a　little　milder　tobacco；　I　am　sure　I
could　learn　not　to　mind　it　in　time；　but　this　is　so　strong；　and　the　pipe
is　so　rank　that〃

〃Angelo；　I　wouldn't　be　such　a　baby！　　I　have　learned　to　smoke　in　a　week；
and　the　trouble　is　already　over　with　me；　if　you　would　try；　you　could
learn　too；　and　then　you　would　stop　spoiling　my　comfort　with　your
everlasting　complaints。〃

〃Ah；　brother；　that　is　a　strong　wordeverlasting　and　isn't　quite　fair。
I　only　complain　when　I　suffocate；　you　know　I　don't　complain　when　we　are
in　the　open　air。〃

〃Well；　anyway；　you　could　learn　to　smoke　yourself。〃

〃But　my　principles；　Luigi；　you　forget　my　principles。　　You　would　not　have
me　do　a　thing　which　I　regard　as　a　sin？〃

〃Oh；　bosh！〃

The　conversation　ceased　again；　for　Angelo　was　sick　and　discouraged　and
strangling；　but　after　some　time　he　closed　his　book　and　asked　Luigi　to
sing　〃From　Greenland's　Icy　Mountains〃　with　him；　but　he　would　not；　and
when　he　tried　to　sing　by　himself　Luigi　did　his　best　to　drown　his
plaintive　tenor　with　a　rude　and　rollicking　song　delivered　in　a　thundering
bass。

After　the　singing　there　was　silence；　and　neither　brother　was　happy。
Before　blowing　the　light　out　Luigi　swallowed　half　a　tumbler　of　whisky；
and　Angelo；　whose　sensitive　organization　could　not　endure　intoxicants　of
any　kind；　took　a　pill　to　keep　it　from　giving　him　the　headache。




CHAPTER　II

MA　COOPER　GETS　ALL　MIXED　UP

The　family　sat　in　the　breakfast…room　waiting　for　the　twins　to　come　down。
The　widow　was　quiet；　the　daughter　was　alive　with　happy　excitement。　　She
said：

〃Ah；　they're　a　boon；　ma；　just　a　boon！　　don't　you　think　so？〃

〃Laws；　I　hope　so；　I　don't　know。〃

〃Why；　ma；　yes　you　do。　　They're　so　fine　and　handsome；　and　high…bred　and
polite；　so　every　way　superior　to　our　gawks　here　in　this　village；　why；
they'll　make　life　different　from　what　it　wasso　humdrum　and　commonplace；
you　knowoh；　you　may　be　sure　they're　full　of　accomplishments；　and
knowledge　of　the　world；　and　all　that；　that　will　be　an　immense　advantage
to　society　here。　　Don't　you　think　so；　ma？〃

〃Mercy　on　me；　how　should　I　know；　and　I've　hardly　set　eyes　on　them　yet。〃
After　a　pause　she　added；　〃They　made　considerable　noise　after　they　went
up。〃

〃Noise？　　Why；　ma；　they　were　singing！　　And　it　was　beautiful；　too。〃

〃Oh；　it　was　well　enough；　but　too　mixed…up；　seemed　to　me。〃

〃Now；　ma；　honor　bright；　did　you　ever　hear　'Greenland's　Icy　Mountains'
sung　sweeternow　did　you？〃

〃If　it　had　been　sung　by　itself；　it　would　have　been　uncommon　sweet；　I
don't　deny　it；　but　what　they　wanted　to　mix　it　up　with　'Old　Bob　Ridley'
for；　I　can't　make　out。　　Why；　they　don't　go　together；　at　all。　　They　are
not　of　the　same　nature。　　'Bob　Ridley'　is　a　common　rackety　slam…bang
secular　song；　one　of　the　rippingest　and　rantingest　and　noisiest　there　is。
I　am　no　judge　of　music；　and　I　don't　claim　it；　but　in　my　opinion　nobody
can　make　those　two　songs　go　together　right。〃

〃Why；　ma；　I　thought〃

〃It　don't　make　any　difference　what　you　thought；　it　can't　be　done。　　They
tried　it；　and　to　my　mind　it　was　a　failure。　　I　never　heard　such　a　crazy
uproar；　seemed　to　me；　sometimes；　the　roof　would　come　off；　and　as　for　the
catswell；　I've　lived　a　many　a　year；　and　seen　cats　aggravated　in　more
ways　than　one；　but　I've　never　seen　cats　take　on　the　way　they　took　on　last
night。〃

〃Well；　I　don't　think　that　that　goes　for　anything；　ma；　because　it　is　the
nature　of　cats　that　any　sound　that　is　unusual〃

〃Unusual！　　You　may　well　call　it　so。　　Now　if　they　are　going　to　sing　duets
every　night；　I　do　hope　they　will　both　sing　the　same　tune　at　the　same
time；　for　in　my　opinion　a　duet　that　is　made　up　of　two　different　tunes　is
a　mistake；　especially　when　the　tunes　ain't　any　kin　to　one　another；　that
way。〃

〃But；　ma；　I　think　it　must　be　a　foreign　custom；　and　it　must　be　right　too；
and　the　best　way；　because　they　have　had　every　opportunity　to　know　what　is
right；　and　it　don't　stand　to　reason　that　with　their　education　they　would
do　anything　but　what　the　highest　musical　authorities　have　sanctioned。
You　can't　help　but　admit　that；　ma。〃

The　argument　was　formidably　strong；　the　old　lady　could　not　find　any　way
around　it；　so；　after　thinking　it　over　awhile　she　gave　in　with　a　sigh　of
discontent；　and　admitted　that　the　daughter's　position　was　probably
correct。　　Being　vanquished；　she　had　no　mind　to　continue　the　topic　at　that
disadvantage；　and　was　about　to　seek　a　change　when　a　change　came　of
itself。　　A　footstep　was　heard　on　the　stairs；　and　she　said：

〃There…he's　coming！〃

〃They；　mayou　ought　to　say　theyit's　nearer　right。〃

The　new　lodger；　rather　shoutingly　dressed　but　looking　superbly　handsome；
stepped　with　courtly　carnage　into　the　trim　little　breakfast…room　and　put
out　all　his　cordial　arms　at　once；　like　one　of　those　pocket…knives　with　a
multiplicity　of　blades；　and　shook　hands　with　the　whole　family
simultaneously。　　He　was　so　easy　and　pleasant　and　hearty　that　all
embarrassment　presently　thawed　away　and　disappeared；　and　a　cheery　feeling
of　friendliness　and　comradeship　took　its　place。　　Heor　preferably　they
were　asked　to　occupy　the　seat　of　honor　at　the　foot　of　the　table。　　They
consented　with　thanks；　and　carved　the　beefsteak　with　one　set　of　their
hands　while　they　distributed　it　at　the　same　time　with　the　other　set。

〃Will　you　have　coffee；　gentlemen；　or　tea？〃

〃Coffee　for　Luigi；　if　you　please；　madam；　tea　for　me。〃

〃Cream　and　sugar？〃

〃For　me；　yes；　madam；　Luigi　takes　his　coffee；　black。　　Our　natures　differ　a
good　deal　from　each　other；　and　our　tastes　also。〃

The　first　time　the　negro　girl　Nancy　appeared　in　the　door　and　saw　the　two
heads　turned　in　opposite　directions　and　both　talking　at　once；　then　saw
the　commingling　arms　feed　potatoes　into　one　mouth　and　coffee　into　the
other　at　the　same　time；　she　had　to　pause　and　pull　herself　out　of　a
faintness　that　came　over　her；　but　after　that　she　held　her　grip　and　was
able　to　wait　on　the　table　with　fair　courage。

Conversation　fell　naturally　into　the　customary　grooves。　　It　was　a　little
jerky；　at　first；　because　none　of　the　family　could　get　smoothly　through　a
sentence　without　a　wabble　in　it　here　and　a　break　there；　caused　by　some
new　surprise　in　the　way　of　attitude　or　gesture　on　the　part　of　the　twins。
The　weather　suffered　the　most。　　The　weather　was　all　finished　up　and
disposed　of；　as　a　subject；　before　the　simple　Missourians　had　gotten
sufficiently　wonted　to　the　spectacle　of　one　body　feeding　two　heads　to
feel　composed　and　reconciled　in　the　presence　of　so　bizarre　a　miracle。
And　even　after　everybody's　mind　became　tranquilized　there　was　still　one
slight　distraction　left：　the　hand　that　picked　up　a　biscuit　carried　it　to
the　wrong　head；　as　often　as　any　other　way；　and　the　wrong　mouth　devoured
it。　　This　was　a　puzzling　thing；　and　marred　the　talk　a　little。　　It
bothered　the　widow　to　such　a　degree　that　she　presently　dropped　out　of　the
conversation　without　knowing　it；　and　fell　to　watching　an