stories by modern american authors-第80节

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crutch。　　The　room　never　had　looked　more　genial　and　pretty；　with　its

brisk　fire；　modern　furniture；　and　the　gay　French　paper　on　the

walls。　　〃A　nice　room；　my　dear；　and　I　ought　to　be　much　obliged　to

you　for　it；　since　my　maid　tells　me　it　is　yours；〃　said　her　ladyship；

〃but　I　am　pretty　sure　you　repent　your　generosity　to　me；　after　all

those　ghost　stories；　and　tremble　to　think　of　a　strange　bed　and

chamber；　eh？〃　　I　made　some　commonplace　reply。　　The　old　lady　arched

her　eyebrows。　　〃Where　have　they　put　you；　child？〃　she　asked；　〃in

some　cock…loft　of　the　turrets；　eh？　or　in　a　lumber…rooma　regular

ghost…trap？　　I　can　hear　your　heart　beating　with　fear　this　moment。

You　are　not　fit　to　be　alone。〃　　I　tried　to　call　up　my　pride；　and

laugh　off　the　accusation　against　my　courage；　all　the　more；　perhaps；

because　I　felt　its　truth。　　〃Do　you　want　anything　more　that　I　can

get　you；　Lady　Speldhurst？〃　　I　asked；　trying　to　feign　a　yawn　of

sleepiness。　　The　old　dame's　keen　eyes　were　upon　me。　　〃I　rather　like

you；　my　dear；〃　she　said；　〃and　I　liked　your　mamma　well　enough　before

she　treated　me　so　shamefully　about　the　christening　dinner。　　Now；　I

know　you　are　frightened　and　fearful；　and　if　an　owl　should　but　flap

your　window　to…night；　it　might　drive　you　into　fits。　　There　is　a

nice　little　sofa…bed　in　this　dressing　closetcall　your　maid　to

arrange　it　for　you；　and　you　can　sleep　there　snugly；　under　the　old

witch's　protection；　and　then　no　goblin　dare　harm　you；　and　nobody

will　be　a　bit　the　wiser；　or　quiz　you　for　being　afraid。〃　　How　little

I　knew　what　hung　in　the　balance　of　my　refusal　or　acceptance　of　that

trivial　proffer！　　Had　the　veil　of　the　future　been　lifted　for　one

instant！　but　that　veil　is　impenetrable　to　our　gaze。



I　left　her　door。　　As　I　crossed　the　landing　a　bright　gleam　came　from

another　room；　whose　door　was　left　ajar；　it　（the　light）　fell　like　a

bar　of　golden　sheen　across　my　path。　　As　I　approached　the　door

opened　and　my　sister　Lucy；　who　had　been　watching　for　me；　came　out。

She　was　already　in　a　white　cashmere　wrapper；　over　which　her

loosened　hair　hung　darkly　and　heavily；　like　tangles　of　silk。

〃Rosa；　love；〃　she　whispered；　〃Minnie　and　I　can't　bear　the　idea　of

your　sleeping　out　there；　all　alone；　in　that　solitary　roomthe　very

room　too　Nurse　Sherrard　used　to　talk　about！　　So；　as　you　know　Minnie

has　given　up　her　room；　and　come　to　sleep　in　mine；　still　we　should

so　wish　you　to　stop　with　us　to…night　at　any　rate；　and　I　could　make

up　a　bed　on　the　sofa　for　myself　or　youand〃　　I　stopped　Lucy's

mouth　with　a　kiss。　　I　declined　her　offer。　　I　would　not　listen　to

it。　　In　fact；　my　pride　was　up　in　arms；　and　I　felt　I　would　rather

pass　the　night　in　the　churchyard　itself　than　accept　a　proposal

dictated；　I　felt　sure；　by　the　notion　that　my　nerves　were　shaken　by

the　ghostly　lore　we　had　been　raking　up；　that　I　was　a　weak；

superstitious　creature；　unable　to　pass　a　night　in　a　strange

chamber。　　So　I　would　not　listen　to　Lucy；　but　kissed　her；　bade　her

good…night；　and　went　on　my　way　laughing；　to　show　my　light　heart。

Yet；　as　I　looked　back　in　the　dark　corridor；　and　saw　the　friendly

door　still　ajar；　the　yellow　bar　of　light　still　crossing　from　wall

to　wall；　the　sweet；　kind　face　still　peering　after　me　from　amidst

its　clustering　curls；　I　felt　a　thrill　of　sympathy；　a　wish　to

return；　a　yearning　after　human　love　and　companionship。　　False　shame

was　strongest；　and　conquered。　　I　waved　a　gay　adieu。　　I　turned　the

corner；　and　peeping　over　my　shoulder；　I　saw　the　door　close；　the　bar

of　yellow　light　was　there　no　longer　in　the　darkness　of　the　passage。

I　thought　at　that　instant　that　I　heard　a　heavy　sigh。　　I　looked

sharply　round。　　No　one　was　there。　　No　door　was　open；　yet　I　fancied；

and　fancied　with　a　wonderful　vividness；　that　I　did　hear　an　actual

sigh　breathed　not　far　off；　and　plainly　distinguishable　from　the

groan　of　the　sycamore　branches　as　the　wind　tossed　them　to　and　fro

in　the　outer　blackness。　　If　ever　a　mortal's　good　angel　had　cause　to

sigh　for　sorrow；　not　sin；　mine　had　cause　to　mourn　that　night。　　But

imagination　plays　us　strange　tricks　and　my　nervous　system　was　not

over…composed　or　very　fitted　for　judicial　analysis。　　I　had　to　go

through　the　picture…gallery。　　I　had　never　entered　this　apartment　by

candle…light　before　and　I　was　struck　by　the　gloomy　array　of　the

tall　portraits；　gazing　moodily　from　the　canvas　on　the　lozenge…paned

or　painted　windows；　which　rattled　to　the　blast　as　it　swept　howling

by。　　Many　of　the　faces　looked　stern；　and　very　different　from　their

daylight　expression。　　In　others　a　furtive；　flickering　smile　seemed

to　mock　me　as　my　candle　illumined　them；　and　in　all；　the　eyes；　as

usual　with　artistic　portraits；　seemed　to　follow　my　motions　with　a

scrutiny　and　an　interest　the　more　marked　for　the　apathetic

immovability　of　the　other　features。　　I　felt　ill　at　ease　under　this

stony　gaze；　though　conscious　how　absurd　were　my　apprehensions；　and

I　called　up　a　smile　and　an　air　of　mirth；　more　as　if　acting　a　part

under　the　eyes　of　human　beings　than　of　their　mere　shadows　on　the

wall。　　I　even　laughed　as　I　confronted　them。　　No　echo　had　my　short…

lived　laughter　but　from　the　hollow　armor　and　arching　roof；　and　I

continued　on　my　way　in　silence。



By　a　sudden　and　not　uncommon　revulsion　of　feeling　I　shook　off　my

aimless　terrors；　blushed　at　my　weakness；　and　sought　my　chamber　only

too　glad　that　I　had　been　the　only　witness　of　my　late　tremors。　　As　I

entered　my　chamber　I　thought　I　heard　something　stir　in　the

neglected　lumber…room；　which　was　the　only　neighboring　apartment。

But　I　was　determined　to　have　no　more　panics；　and　resolutely　shut　my

eyes　to　this　slight　and　transient　noise；　which　had　nothing

unnatural　in　it；　for　surely；　between　rats　and　wind；　an　old　manor…

house　on　a　stormy　night　needs　no　sprites　to　disturb　it。　　So　I

entered　my　room；　and　rang　for　my　maid。　　As　I　did　so　I　looked　around

me；　and　a　most　unaccountable　repugnance　to　my　temporary　abode　came

over　me；　in　spite　of　my　efforts。　　It　was　no　more　to　be　shaken　off

than　a　chill　is　to　be　shaken　off　when　we　enter　some　damp　cave。

And；　rely　upon　it；　the　feeling　of　dislike　and　apprehension　with

which　we　regard；　at　first　sight；　certain　places　and　people；　was　not

implanted　in　us　without　some　wholesome　purpose。　　I　grant　it　is

irrationalmere　animal　instinctbut　is　not　instinct　God's　gift；

and　is　it　for　us　to　despise　it？　　It　is　by　instinct　that　children

know　their　friends　from　their　enemiesthat　they　distinguish　with

such　unerring　accuracy　between　those　who　like　them　and　those　who

only　flatter　and　hate　them。　　Dogs　do　the　same；　they　will　fawn　on

one　person；　they　slink　snarling　from　another。　　Show　me　a　man　whom

children　and　dogs　shrink　from；　and　I　will　show　you　a　false；　bad

manlies　on　his　lips；　and　murder　at　his　heart。　　No；　let　none

despise　the　heaven…sent　gift　of　innate　antipathy；　which　makes　the

horse　quail　when　the　lion　crouches　in　the　thicketwhich　makes　the

cattle　scent　the　shambles　from　afar；　and　low　in　terror　and　disgust

as　their　nostrils　snuff　the　blood…polluted　air。　　I　felt　this

antipathy　strongly　as　I　looked　around　me　in　my　new　sleeping…room；

and　yet　I　could　find　no　reasonable　pretext　for　my　dislike。　　A　very

good　room　it　was；　after　all；　now　that　the　green　damask　curtains

were　drawn；　the　fire　burning　bright　and　clear；　candles　burning　on

the　mantel…piece；　and　the　various　familiar　articles　of　toilet

arranged　as　usual。　　The　bed；　too；　looked　peaceful　and　invitinga

pretty　little　white　bed；　not　at　all　the　gaunt　funereal　sort　of

couch　which　haunted　apartments　generally　contain。



My　maid　entered；　and　assisted　me　to　lay　aside　the　dress　and

ornaments　I　had　worn；　and　arranged　my　hair；　as　usual；　prattling　the

while；　in　Abigail　fashion。　　I　seldom　cared　to　converse　with

servants；　but　on　that　night　a　sort　of　dread　of　being　left　alonea

longing　to　keep　some　human　being　near　me　possessed　meand　I

encouraged　the　girl　to　gossip；　so　that　her　duties　took　her　half　an

hour　longer　to　get　through　than　usual。　　At　last；　however；　she　had

done　all　that　could　be　done；　and　all　my　questions　were　answered；

and　my　orders　for　the　morrow　reiterated　and　vowed　obedience　to；　and

the　clock　on　the　turret　struck　one。　　Then　Mary；　yawning　a　little；

asked　if　I　wanted　anything　more；　and　I　was　obliged　to　answer　no；

for　very　shame's　sake；　and　she　went。　　The　shutting　of　the　door；

gently　as　it　was　closed；　affected　me　unpleasantly。　　I　took　a

dislike　to　the　curtains；　the　tapestry；　the　dingy　pictures

everything。　　I　hated　the　room。　　I　felt　a　temptation　to　put　on　a

cloak；　run；　half…dressed；　to　my　sisters'　chamber；　and　say　I　had

changed　my　mind　and　come　for　shelter。　　But　they　must　be　asleep；　I

thought；　and　I　could　not　be　so　unkind　as　to　wake　them。　　I　said　my

prayers　with　unusual　earnestness　and　a　heavy　heart。　　I　extinguished

the　candles；　and　was　just　about　to　lay　my　head　on　my　pillow；　when

the　idea　seized　me　that　I　would　fasten　the　door。　　The　candles　were

extinguished；　but　the　firelight　was　amply　sufficient　to　guide　me。

I　gained　the　door。　　There　was　a　lock；　b