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the author of the crime is pleased with his performance。 

A favorite one is REISTE ABwhich means departed。 

Here is an example which I culled from a novel and reduced

to English:



〃The trunks being now ready; he DE… after kissing his

mother and sisters; and once more pressing to his bosom

his adored Gretchen; who; dressed in simple white muslin;

with a single tuberose in the ample folds of her rich

brown hair; had tottered feebly down the stairs; still pale

from the terror and excitement of the past evening;

but longing to lay her poor aching head yet once again

upon the breast of him whom she loved more dearly than

life itself; PARTED。〃



However; it is not well to dwell too much on the

separable verbs。  One is sure to lose his temper early;

and if he sticks to the subject; and will not be warned;

it will at last either soften his brain or petrify it。 

Personal pronouns and adjectives are a fruitful nuisance

in this language; and should have been left out。 

For instance; the same sound; SIE; means YOU; and it means SHE;

and it means HER; and it means IT; and it means THEY;

and it means THEM。  Think of the ragged poverty of a

language which has to make one word do the work of sixand

a poor little weak thing of only three letters at that。 

But mainly; think of the exasperation of never knowing

which of these meanings the speaker is trying to convey。 

This explains why; whenever a person says SIE to me;

I generally try to kill him; if a stranger。 



Now observe the Adjective。  Here was a case where simplicity

would have been an advantage; therefore; for no other reason;

the inventor of this language complicated it all he could。 

When we wish to speak of our 〃good friend or friends;〃

in our enlightened tongue; we stick to the one form and have

no trouble or hard feeling about it; but with the German

tongue it is different。  When a German gets his hands

on an adjective; he declines it; and keeps on declining

it until the common sense is all declined out of it。 

It is as bad as Latin。  He says; for instance:



SINGULAR



NominativeMein gutER Freund; my good friend。 

GenitivesMeinES GutEN FreundES; of my good friend。 

DativeMeinEM gutEN Freund; to my good friend。 

AccusativeMeinEN gutEN Freund; my good friend。 



PLURAL



N。MeinE gutEN FreundE; my good friends。  G。MeinER gutEN

FreundE; of my good friends。  D。MeinEN gutEN FreundEN;

to my good friends。  A。MeinE gutEN FreundE; my good friends。 



Now let the candidate for the asylum try to memorize

those variations; and see how soon he will be elected。 

One might better go without friends in Germany than take

all this trouble about them。  I have shown what a bother

it is to decline a good (male) friend; well this is

only a third of the work; for there is a variety of new

distortions of the adjective to be learned when the object

is feminine; and still another when the object is neuter。 

Now there are more adjectives in this language than there

are black cats in Switzerland; and they must all be as

elaborately declined as the examples above suggested。 

Difficult?troublesome?these words cannot describe it。 

I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say; in one of

his calmest moods; that he would rather decline two drinks

than one German adjective。 



The inventor of the language seems to have taken pleasure

in complicating it in every way he could think of。 

For instance; if one is casually referring to a house;

HAUS; or a horse; PFERD; or a dog; HUND; he spells these

words as I have indicated; but if he is referring to them

in the Dative case; he sticks on a foolish and unnecessary

E and spells them HAUSE; PFERDE; HUNDE。  So; as an added

E often signifies the plural; as the S does with us;

the new student is likely to go on for a month making

twins out of a Dative dog before he discovers his mistake;

and on the other hand; many a new student who could ill

afford loss; has bought and paid for two dogs and only

got one of them; because he ignorantly bought that dog

in the Dative singular when he really supposed he was

talking pluralwhich left the law on the seller's side;

of course; by the strict rules of grammar; and therefore

a suit for recovery could not lie。 



In German; all the Nouns begin with a capital letter。 

Now that is a good idea; and a good idea; in this language;

is necessarily conspicuous from its lonesomeness。  I consider

this capitalizing of nouns a good idea; because by reason

of it you are almost always able to tell a noun the minute

you see it。  You fall into error occasionally; because you

mistake the name of a person for the name of a thing;

and waste a good deal of time trying to dig a meaning

out of it。  German names almost always do mean something;

and this helps to deceive the student。  I translated

a passage one day; which said that 〃the infuriated tigress

broke loose and utterly ate up the unfortunate fir forest〃

(Tannenwald)。 When I was girding up my loins to doubt this;

I found out that Tannenwald in this instance was a

man's name。 



Every noun has a gender; and there is no sense or system

in the distribution; so the gender of each must be

learned separately and by heart。  There is no other way。 

To do this one has to have a memory like a memorandum…book。

In German; a young lady has no sex; while a turnip has。 

Think what overwrought reverence that shows for the turnip;

and what callous disrespect for the girl。  See how it

looks in printI translate this from a conversation

in one of the best of the German Sunday…school books:



〃Gretchen。 Wilhelm; where is the turnip?



〃Wilhelm。 She has gone to the kitchen。 



〃Gretchen。 Where is the accomplished and beautiful English

maiden?



Wilhelm。  It has gone to the opera。〃



To continue with the German genders: a tree is male; its buds

are female; its leaves are neuter; horses are sexless;

dogs are male; cats are femaletomcats included; of course;

a person's mouth; neck; bosom; elbows; fingers; nails; feet;

and body are of the male sex; and his head is male

or neuter according to the word selected to signify it;

and NOT according to the sex of the individual who wears

itfor in Germany all the women either male heads or

sexless ones; a person's nose; lips; shoulders; breast;

hands; and toes are of the female sex; and his hair;

ears; eyes; chin; legs; knees; heart; and conscience

haven't any sex at all。  The inventor of the language

probably got what he knew about a conscience from hearsay。 



Now; by the above dissection; the reader will see that in

Germany a man may THINK he is a man; but when he comes to look

into the matter closely; he is bound to have his doubts;

he finds that in sober truth he is a most ridiculous mixture;

and if he ends by trying to comfort himself with the

thought that he can at least depend on a third of this

mess as being manly and masculine; the humiliating second

thought will quickly remind him that in this respect

he is no better off than any woman or cow in the land。 



In the German it is true that by some oversight of the inventor

of the language; a Woman is a female; but a Wife (Weib)

is notwhich is unfortunate。  A Wife; here; has no sex;

she is neuter; so; according to the grammar; a fish

is HE; his scales are SHE; but a fishwife is neither。 

To describe a wife as sexless may be called under…description;

that is bad enough; but over…description is surely worse。 

A German speaks of an Englishman as the ENGLA〃NDER; to change

the sex; he adds INN; and that stands for Englishwoman

ENGLA〃NDERINN。 That seems descriptive enough; but still

it is not exact enough for a German; so he precedes the

word with that article which indicates that the creature

to follow is feminine; and writes it down thus: 〃die

Engla〃nderinn;〃which means 〃the she…Englishwoman。〃

I consider that that person is over…described。



Well; after the student has learned the sex of a great

number of nouns; he is still in a difficulty; because he

finds it impossible to persuade his tongue to refer

to things as 〃he〃 and 〃she;〃 and 〃him〃 and 〃her;〃 which

it has been always accustomed to refer to it as 〃it。〃

When he even frames a German sentence in his mind;

with the hims and hers in the right places; and then works

up his courage to the utterance…point; it is no use

the moment he begins to speak his tongue files the track

and all those labored males and females come out as 〃its。〃

And even when he is reading German to himself; he always

calls those things 〃it;〃 where as he ought to read in this way:



TALE OF THE FISHWIFE AND ITS SAD FATE '2'



2。  I capitalize the nouns; in the German (and

    ancient English) fashion。 



It is a bleak Day。  Hear the Rain; how he pours; and the Hail;

how he rattles; and see the Snow; how he drifts along;

and of the Mud; how deep he is! Ah the poor Fishwife;

it is stuck fast in th

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