the hungry stones and other stories-第18节

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　called　upon　the　God　of　my　blind　world。

〃O　my　Lord；〃　I　cried；　〃Thy　face　is　hidden。　　I　cannot　see。　　I　am　blind。　I　hold　tight　this　broken　rudder　of　a　heart　till　my　hands　bleed。　　The　waves　have　become　too　strong　for　me。　　How　long　wilt　thou　try　me；　my　God；　how　long？〃

I　kept　my　head　prone　upon　the　bedstead　and　began　to　sob。　　As　I　did　so；　I　felt　the　bedstead　move　a　little。　　The　next　moment　Hemangini　was　by　my　side。　　She　clung　to　my　neck；　and　wiped　my　tears　away　silently。　　I　do　not　know　why　she　had　been　waiting　that　evening　in　the　inner　room；　or　why　she　had　been　lying　alone　there　in　the　dusk。　　She　asked　me　no　question。　She　said　no　word。　　She　simply　placed　her　cool　hand　on　my　forehead；　and　kissed　me；　and　departed。

The　next　morning　Hemangini　said　to　her　aunt　in　my　presence　：　〃If　you　want　to　stay　on；　you　can。　　But　I　don't。　　I'm　going　away　home　with　our　family　servant。〃

The　aunt　said　there　was　no　need　for　her　to　go　alone；　for　she　was　going　away　also。　　Then　smilingly　and　mincingly　she　brought　out；　from　a　plush　case；　a　ring　set　with　pearls。

〃Look；　Hemo；〃　said　she；　〃what　a　beautiful　ring　my　Abinash　brought　for　you。〃

Hemangini　snatched　the　ring　from　her　hand。

〃Look；　Aunt；〃　she　answered　quickly；　〃just　see　how　splendidly　I　aim。〃　And　she　flung　the　ring　into　the　tank　outside　the　window。

The　aunt；　overwhelmed　with　alarm；　vexation；　and　surprise；　bristled　like　a　hedgehog。　　She　turned　to　me；　and　held　me　by　the　hand。

〃Kumo；〃　she　repeated　again　and　again；　〃don't　say　a　word　about　this　childish　freak　to　Abinash。　　He　would　be　fearfully　vexed。〃

I　assured　her　that　she　need　not　fear。　　Not　a　word　would　reach　him　about　it　from　my　lips。

The　next　day　before　starting　for　home　Hemangini　embraced　me；　and　said：　〃Dearest；　keep　me　in　mind；　do　not　forget　me。〃

I　stroked　her　face　over　and　over　with　my　fingers；　and　said：　〃Sister；　the　blind　have　long　memories。〃

I　drew　her　head　towards　me；　and　kissed　her　hair　and　her　forehead。　　My　world　suddenly　became　grey。　　All　the　beauty　and　laughter　and　tender　youth；　which　had　nestled　so　close　to　me；　vanished　when　Hemangini　departed。　　I　went　groping　about　with　arms　outstretched；　seeking　to　find　out　what　was　left　in　my　deserted　world。

My　husband　came　in　later。　　He　affected　a　great　relief　now　that　they　were　gone；　but　it　was　exaggerated　and　empty。　　He　pretended　that　his　aunt's　visit　had　kept　him　away　from　work。

Hitherto　there　had　been　only　the　one　barrier　of　blindness　between　me　and　my　husband。　　Now　another　barrier　was　added；　this　deliberate　silence　about　Hemangini。　　He　feigned　utter　indifference；　but　I　knew　he　was　having　letters　about　her。

It　was　early　in　May。　　My　maid　entered　my　room　one　morning；　and　asked　me：　〃What　is　all　this　preparation　going　on　at　the　landing　on　the　river？　Where　is　Master　going？〃

I　knew　there　was　something　impending；　but　I　said　to　the　maid：　〃I　can't　say。〃

The　maid　did　not　dare　to　ask　me　any　more　questions。　　She　sighed；　and　went　away。

Late　that　night　my　husband　came　to　me。

〃I　have　to　visit　a　patient　in　the　country；〃　said　he。　〃I　shall　have　to　start　very　early　to…morrow　morning；　and　I　may　have　to　be　away　for　two　or　three　days。〃

I　got　up　from　my　bed。　　I　stood　before　him；　and　cried　aloud：　〃Why　are　you　telling　me　lies？〃

My　husband　stammered　out：　〃Whatwhat　lies　have　I　told　you？〃

I　said：　〃You　are　going　to　get　married。〃

He　remained　silent。　　For　some　moments　there　was　no　sound　in　the　room。　Then　I　broke　the　silence：

〃Answer　me；〃　I　cried。　〃Say；　yes。〃

He　answered；　〃Yes；〃　like　a　feeble　echo。

I　shouted　out　with　a　loud　voice：　〃No！　　I　shall　never　allow　you。　　I　shall　save　you　from　this　great　disaster；　this　dreadful　sin。　　If　I　fail　in　this；　then　why　am　I　your　wife；　and　why　did　I　ever　worship　my　God？〃

The　room　remained　still　as　a　stone。　　I　dropped　on　the　floor；　and　clung　to　my　husband's　knees。

〃What　have　I　done？〃　　I　asked。　〃Where　have　I　been　lacking？　　Tell　me　truly。　　Why　do　you　want　another　wife？〃

My　husband　said　slowly：　〃I　will　tell　you　the　truth。　　I　am　afraid　of　you。　Your　blindness　has　enclosed　you　in　its　fortress；　and　I　have　now　no　entrance。　　To　me　you　are　no　longer　a　woman。　　You　are　awful　as　my　God。　　I　cannot　live　my　every　day　life　with　you。　　I　want　a　womanjust　an　ordinary　womanwhom　I　can　be　free　to　chide　and　coax　and　pet　and　scold。〃

Oh；　tear　open　my　heart　and　see！　　What　am　I　else　but　that；　just　an　ordinary　woman？　　I　am　the　same　girl　that　I　was　when　I　was　newly　wed；　a　girl　with　all　her　need　to　believe；　to　confide；　to　worship。

I　do　not　recollect　exactly　the　words　that　I　uttered。　　I　only　remember　that　I　said：　〃If　I　be　a　true　wife；　then；　may　God　be　my　witness；　you　shall　never　do　this　wicked　deed；　you　shall　never　break　your　oath。　Before　you　commit　such　sacrilege；　either　I　shall　become　a　widow；　or　Hemangini　shall　die。〃

Then　I　fell　down　on　the　floor　in　a　swoon。　　When　I　came　to　myself；　it　was　still　dark。　　The　birds　were　silent。　　My　husband　had　gone。

All　that　day　I　sat　at　my　worship　in　the　sanctuary　at　the　household　shrine。　　In　the　evening　a　fierce　storm；　with　thunder　and　lightning　and　rain；　swept　down　upon　the　house　and　shook　it。　　As　I　crouched　before　the　shrine；　I　did　not　ask　my　God　to　save　my　husband　from　the　storm；　though　he　must　have　been　at　that　time　in　peril　on　the　river。　　I　prayed　that　whatever　might　happen　to　me；　my　husband　might　be　saved　from　this　great　sin。

Night　passed。　　The　whole　of　the　next　day　I　kept　my　seat　at　worship。　When　it　was　evening　there　was　the　noise　of　shaking　and　beating　at　the　door。　　When　the　door　was　broken　open；　they　found　me　lying　unconscious　on　the　ground；　and　carried　me　to　my　room。

When　I　came　to　myself　at　last；　I　heard　some　one　whispering　in　my　ear：　〃Sister。〃

I　found　that　I　was　lying　in　my　room　with　my　head　on　Hemangini's　lap。　When　my　head　moved；　I　heard　her　dress　rustle。　　It　was　the　sound　of　bridal　silk。

O　my　God；　my　God！　　My　prayer　has　gone　unheeded！　　My　husband　has　fallen！

Hemangini　bent　her　head　low；　and　said　in　a　sweet　whisper：　〃Sister；　dearest；　I　have　come　to　ask　your　blessing　on　our　marriage。〃

At　first　my　whole　body　stiffened　like　the　trunk　of　a　tree　that　has　been　struck　by　lightning。　　Then　I　sat　up；　and　said；　painfully；　forcing　myself　to　speak　the　words：　〃Why　should　I　not　bless　you？　　You　have　done　no　wrong。〃

Hemangini　laughed　her　merry　laugh。

〃Wrong！〃　said　she。　〃When　you　married　it　was　right；　and　when　I　marry；　you　call　it　wrong！　〃

I　tried　to　smile　in　answer　to　her　laughter。　　I　said　in　my　mind：　〃My　prayer　is　not　the　final　thing　in　this　world。　　His　will　is　all。　　Let　the　blows　descend　upon　my　head；　but　may　they　leave　my　faith　and　hope　in　God　untouched。〃

Hemangini　bowed　to　me；　and　touched　my　feet。　〃May　you　be　happy；〃　said　I；　blessing　her；　〃and　enjoy　unbroken　prosperity。〃

Hemangini　was　still　unsatisfied。

〃Dearest　sister；〃　she　said；　〃a　blessing　for　me　is　not　enough。　　You　must　make　our　happiness　complete。　　You　must；　with　those　saintly　hands　of　yours；　accept　into　your　home　my　husband　also。　　Let　me　bring　him　to　you。〃

I　said：　〃Yes；　bring　him　to　me。〃

A　few　moments　later　I　heard　a　familiar　footstep；　and　the　question；　〃Kumo；　how　are　you　？　〃

I　started　up；　and　bowed　to　the　ground；　and　cried：　〃Dada！　〃

Hemangini　burst　out　laughing。

〃You　still　call　him　elder　brother？〃　she　asked。　〃What　nonsense！　　Call　him　younger　brother　now；　and　pull　his　ears　and　cease　him；　for　he　has　married　me；　your　younger　sister。〃

Then　I　understood。　　My　husband　had　been　saved　from　that　great　sin。　　He　had　not　fallen。

I　knew　my　Dada　had　determined　never　to　marry。　　And；　since　my　mother　had　died；　there　was　no　sacred　wish　of　hers　to　implore　him　to　wedlock。　　But　I；　his　sister；　by　my　sore　need　bad　brought　it　to　pass。　　He　had　married　for　my　sake。

Tears　of　joy　gushed　from　my　eyes；　and　poured　down　my　cheeks。　　I　tried；　but　I　could　not　stop　them。　　Dada　slowly　passed　his　fingers　through　my　hair。　　Hemangini　clung　to　me；　and　went　on　laughing。

I　was　lying　awake　in　my　bed　for　the　best　part　of　the　night；　waiting　with　straining　anxiety　for　my　husband's　return。　　I　could　not　imagine　how　he　would　bear　the　shock　of　shame　and　disappointment。

When　it　was　long　past　the　hour　of　midnight；　slowly　my　door　opened。　　I　sat　up　on　my　bed；　and　listened。　　They　were　the　footsteps　of　my　husband。　My　heart　began　to　beat　wildly。　　He　came　up　to　my　bed；　held　my　band　in　his。

〃Your　Dada；〃　said　he；　〃has　saved　me　from　destruction。　　I　was　being　dragged　down　and　down　by　a　moments　madness。　　An　infatuation　had　seized　me；　from　which　I　seemed　unable　to　escape。　　God　alone　knows　what　a　load　I　was　carrying　on　that　day　when　I　entered　the　boat。　　The　storm　came　down　on　river；　and　covered　the　sky。　　In　the　midst　of　all　fears　I　had　a　secret　wish　in　my　heart　to　be　drowned；　and　so　disentangle　my　life　from　the　knot　which　I　had　tied　it。　　I　reached　Mathurganj。　There　I　heard　the　news　which　set　me　free。　　Your　brother　had　married　Hemangini。　　I　cannot　tell　you　with　what　joy　and　shame　I　heard　it。　　I　hastened　on　board　the　boat　again。　In　that　moment　of　self…revelation　I　knew　that　I　could　have　no　happiness　except　with　you。　　You　are　a　Goddess。〃

I　laughed　and　cried　at　the　same　time；　and　said：　〃No；　no；　no！　　I　am　not　going　to　be　a　Goddess　any　longer　I　am　simply　your　own　little　wife。　　I　am　an　ordinary　woman。〃

〃Dearest；〃　he　replied；　〃I　have　also　something　I　want　to