whirligigs-第7节

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C。　But　he　did　not　consider　it　good　practice　to　volunteer

information。　　〃I　did　not　receive　your　card；〃　he　continued；

by　way　of　rebuke；　〃so　I　　〃



〃I　know　you　didn't；〃　remarked　the　visitor；　coolly；

〃And　you　won't　just　yet。　　Light　up？〃　　He　threw　a　leg

over　an　arm　of　his　chair；　and　tossed　a　handful　of　rich…

hued　cigars　upon　the　table。　　Lawyer　Gooch　knew　the

brand。　　He　thawed　just　enough　to　accept　the　invitation

to　smoke。



〃You　are　a　divorce　lawyer；〃　said　the　cardless　visitor。

This　time　there　was　no　interrogation　in　his　voice。　　Nor

did　his　words　constitute　a　simple　assertion。　　They　formed　

a　charge　　a　denunciation　　as　one　would　say　to　a　dog：

〃You　are　a　dog。〃　　Lawyer　Gooch　was　silent　under　the

imputation。



〃You　handle；〃　continued　the　visitor；　〃all　the　various

ramifications　of　busted…up　connubiality。　　You　are　a

surgeon；　we　might　saw；　who　extracts　Cupid's　darts　when

he　shoots　'em　into　the　wrong　parties。　　You　furnish　

patent；　incandescent　lights　for　premises　where　the　torch

of　Hymen　has　burned　so　low　you　can't　light　a　cigar　at　it。

Am　I　right；　Mr。　Gooch？〃



〃I　have　undertaken　cases；〃　said　the　lawyer；　guardedly；

〃in　the　line　to　which　your　figurative　speech　seems　to　refer。

Do　you　wish　to　consult　me　professionally；　Mr。　　〃

The　lawyer　paused；　with　significance。



〃Not　yet；〃　said　the　other；　with　an　arch　wave　of　his

cigar；　〃not　just　yet。　　Let　us　approach　the　subject　with

the　caution　that　should　have　been　used　in　the　original

act　that　makes　this　pow…wow　necessary。　　There　exists　a

matrimonial　jumble　to　be　straightened　out。　　But　before

I　give　you　names　I　want　your　honest　　well；　anyhow；

your　professional　opinion　on　the　merits　of　the　mix…up。

I　want　you　to　size　up　the　catastrophe　　abstractly　　you

understand？　　I'm　Mr。　Nobody；　and　I've　got　a　story　to　tell

you。　　Then　you　say　what's　what。　　Do　you　get　my　wireless？〃



〃You　want　to　state　a　hypothetical　case？〃　　suggested

Lawyer　Gooch。



〃That's　the　word　I　was　after。　　'Apothecary'　was　the

best　shot　I　could　make　at　it　in　my　mind。　　The　hypo…

thetical　goes。　　I'll　state　the　case。　　Suppose　there's　a

woman　　a　deuced　fine…looking　woman　　who　has　run

away　from　her　husband　and　home？　　She's　badly　mashed

on　another　man　who　went　to　her　town　to　work　up　some

real　estate　business。　　Now；　we　may　as　well　call　this

woman's　husband　Thomas　R。　Billings；　for　that's　his

name。　　I'm　giving　you　straight　tips　on　the　cognomens。

The　Lothario　chap　is　Henry　K。　Jessup。　　The　Billingses

lived　in　a　little　town　called　Susanville　　a　good　many

miles　from　here。　　Now；　Jessup　leaves　Susanville　two

weeks　ago。　　The　next　day　Mrs。　Billings　follows　him。

She's　dead　gone　on　this　man　Jessup；　you　can　bet　your

law　library　on　that。〃



Lawyer　Gooch's　client　said　this　with　such　unctuous

satisfaction　that　even　the　callous　lawyer　experienced　a

slight　ripple　of　repulsion。　　He　now　saw　clearly　in　his

fatuous　visitor　the　conceit　of　the　lady…killer；　the　egoistic

complacency　of　the　successful　trifler。



〃Now；〃　continued　the　visitor；　〃suppose　this　Mrs。

Billings　wasn't　happy　at　home？　　We'll　say　she　and　her

husband　didn't　gee　worth　a　cent。　　They've　got　incom…

patibility　to　burn。　　The　things　she　likes；　Billings　wouldn't

have　as　a　gift　with　trading…stamps。　　It's　Tabby　and

Rover　with　them　all　the　time。　　She's　an　educated　woman

in　science　and　culture；　and　she　reads　things　out　loud　at

meetings。　　Billings　is　not　on。　　He　don't　appreciate　pro…

gress　and　obelisks　and　ethics；　and　things　of　that　sort。　　Old

Billings　is　simply　a　blink　when　it　comes　to　such　things。

The　lady　is　out　and　out　above　his　class。　　Now；　lawyer；

don't　it　look　like　a　fair　equalization　of　rights　and　wrongs

that　a　woman　like　that　should　be　allowed　to　throw　down

Billings　and　take　the　man　that　can　appreciate　her？



〃Incompatibility；〃　said　Lawyer　Gooch；　〃is　undoubt…

edly　the　source　of　much　marital　discord　and　unhappiness。

Where　it　is　positively　proved；　divorce　would　seem　to　be

the　equitable　remedy。　　Are　you　　excuse　me　　is　this

man　Jessup　one　to　whom　the　lady　may　safely　trust

her　future？〃



〃Oh；　you　can　bet　on　Jessup；〃　said　the　client；　with　a

confident　wag　of　his　head。　　〃Jessup's　all　right。　　He'll

do　the　square　thing。　　Why；　he　left　Susanville　just　to　keep

pwple　from　talking　about　Mrs。　Billings。　　But　she　fol…

lowed　him　up；　and　now；　of　course；　he'll　stick　to　her。

When　she　gets　a　divorce；　all　legal　and　proper；　Jessup

the　proper　thing。〃



〃And　now；〃　said　Lawyer　Gooch；　〃continuing　the　hypo…

if　you　prefer；　and　supposing　that　my　services　should

ired　in　the　case；　what　　〃



The　client　rose　impulsively　to　his　feet。



〃Oh；　dang　the　hypothetical　business；〃　he　exclaimed；

impatiently。　　〃Let's　let　her　drop；　and　get　down　to

straight　talk。　　You　ought　to　know　who　I　am　by　this　time。

I　want　that　woman　to　have　her　divorce。　　I'll　pay　for

it。　　The　day　you　set　Mrs。　Billings　free　I'll　pay　you　five

hundred　dollars。〃



Lawyer　Gooch's　client　banged　his　fist　upon　the　table

to　punctuate　his　generosity。



〃If　that　is　the　case　　〃　began　the　lawyer。



〃Lady　to　see　you；　sir；〃　bawled　Archibald；　bouncing

in　from　his　anteroom。　　He　had　orders　to　always　announce

immediately　any　client　that　might　come。　　There　was　no

sense　in　turning　business　away。



Lawyer　Gooch　took　client　number　one　by　the　arm　and

led　him　suavely　into　one　of　the　adjoining　rooms。　　〃Favour

me　by　remaining　here　a　few　minutes；　sir；〃　said　he。　　〃I

will　return　and　resume　our　consultation　with　the　least

possible　delay。　　I　am　rather　expecting　a　visit　from　a

very　wealthy　old　lady　in　connection　with　a　will。　　I　will

not　keep　you　waiting　long。〃



The　breezy　gentleman　seated　himself　with　obliging

acquiescence；　aud　took　up　a　magazine。　　The　lawyer

returned　to　the　middle　office；　carefully　closing　behind

him　the　connecting　door。



〃Show　the　lady　in；　Archibald；〃　he　said　to　the　office

boy；　who　was　awaiting　the　order。



A　tall　lady；　of　commanding　presence　and　sternly　hand…

some；　entered　the　room。　　She　wore　robes　　robes；　not

clothes　　ample　and　fluent。　　In　her　eye　could　be　per…

ceived　the　lambent　flame　of　genius　and　soul。　　In　her

hand　was　a　green　bag　of　the　capacity　of　a　bushel；　and　an

umbrella　that　also　seemed　to　wear　a　robe；　ample　and

fluent。　　She　accepted　a　chair。



〃Are　you　Mr。　Phineas　C。　Gooch；　the　lawyer？〃　　she

asked；　in　formal　and　unconciliatory　tones。



〃I　am；〃　answered　Lawyer　Gooch；　without　circum…

locution。　　He　never　circumlocuted　when　dealing　with

a　woman。　　Women　circumlocute。　　Time　is　wasted　when

both　sides　in　debate　employ　the　same　tactics。



〃As　a　lawyer；　sir；〃　began　the　lady；　〃you　may　have

acquired　some　knowledge　of　the　human　heart。　　Do　you

believe　that　the　pusillanimous　and　petty　conventions　of

our　artificial　social　life　should　stand　as　an　obstacle　in

the　way　of　a　noble　and　affectionate　heart　when　it　finds　its

true　mate　among　the　miserable　and　worthless　wretches

in　the　world　that　are　called　men？〃



〃Madam；〃　said　Lawyer　Gooch；　in　the　tone　that　he

used　in　curbing　his　female　clients；　〃this　is　an　office　for

conducting　the　practice　of　law。　　I　am　a　lawyer；　not　a

philosopher；　nor　the　editor　of　an　'Answers　to　the

Lovelorn'　column　of　a　newspaper。　　I　have　other

clients　waiting。　　I　will　ask　you　kindly　to　come　to　the

point。〃



〃Well；　you　needn't　get　so　stiff　around　the　gills　about

it；〃　said　the　lady；　with　a　snap　of　her　luminous　eves　and

a　startling　gyration　of　her　umbrella。　　〃Business　is　what

I've　come　for。　　I　want　your　opinion　in　the　matter　of　a

suit　for　divorce；　as　the　vulgar　would　call　it；　but　which　is

really　only　the　readjustment　of　the　false　and　ignoble　con…

ditions　that　the　short…sihhted　laws　of　man　have　interposed

between　a　loving　〃



〃I　beg　your　pardon；　madam；〃　interrupted　Lawyer

Gooch；　with　some　impatience；　〃for　reminding　you　again

that　this　is　a　law　office。　　Perhaps　Mrs。　Wilcox　　〃



〃Mrs。　Wilcox　is　all　right；〃　cut　in　the　lady；　with　a　hint

of　asperity。　〃And　so　are　Tolstoi；　and　Mrs。　Gertrude

Atherton；　and　Omar　Khayyam；　and　Mr。　Edward　Bok。

I've　read　'em　all。　　I　would　like　to　discuss　with　you　the

divine　right　of　the　soul　as　opposed　to　the　freedom…destroy…

ing　restrictions　of　a　bigoted　and　narrow…minded　society。

But　I　will　proceed　to　business。　　I　would　prefer　to　lay

the　matter　before　you　in　an　impersonal　way　until　vou

pass　upon　its　merits。　　That　is　to　describe　it　as　a　sup…

posable　instance；　without　　〃



〃You　wish　to　state　a　hypothetical　case？〃　　said　Lawyer

Gooch。



〃I　was　going　to　say　that；〃　said　the　lady；　sharply。

〃Now；　suppose　there　is　a　woman　who　is　all　soul　and

heart　and　aspirations　for　a　complete　existence。　　This

woman　has　a　husband　who　is　far　below　her　in　intellect；　in

taste　　in　everything。　　Bah！　　he　is　a　brute。　　He　despises

literature。　　He　sneers　at　the　lofty　thoughts　of　the　world's

great　thinkers。　　He　thinks　only　of　real　estate　and　such

sordid　things。　　He　is　no　mate　for　a　woman　with　soul。

We　will　say　that　this　unfortunate　wife　one　day　mee