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to be prefaced by stigma; recrimination; epithet; abuse

and insult gradually increasing in emphasis and degree。

After a round of these 〃you're anothers〃 would come the

chip knocked from the shoulder; or the advance across

the 〃dare〃 line drawn with a toe on the ground。  Next

light taps given and taken; these also increasing in force

until finally the blood was up and fists going at their best。



But Haywood did not know Fishampton's rules。

Noblesse oblige kept a faint smile on his face as he walked

slowly up to 〃Smoky〃 and said:



〃Going to play ball?〃



〃Smoky〃 quickly understood this to be a putting

of the previous question; giving him the chance to make

practical apology by answering it with civility and

relevance。



〃Listen this time;' said he。  〃I'm goin' skatin' on

the river。  Don't you see me automobile with Chinese

lanterns on it standin' and waitin' for me?〃



Haywood knocked him down。



〃Smoky〃 felt wronged。  To thus deprive him of

preliminary wrangle and objurgation was to send an

armoured knight full tilt against a crashing lance without

permitting him first to caracole around the list to the

flourish of trumpets。  But he scrambled up and fell upon

his foe; head; feet and fists。



The fight lasted one round of an hour and ten minutes。

It was lengthened until it was more like a war or a family

feud than a fight。  Haywood had learned some of the

science of boxing and wrestling from his tutors; but these

he discarded for the more instinctive methods of battle

handed down by the cave…dwelling Van Plushvelts。



So; when he found himself; during the m阬閑; seated

upon the kicking and roaring 〃Smoky's〃 chest; he

improved the opportunity by vigorously kneading hand…

fuls of sand and soil into his adversary's ears; eyes and

mouth; and when 〃Smoky〃 got the proper leg hold and

〃turned〃 him; he fastened both hands in the Plushvelt

hair and pounded the Plushvelt head against the lap of

mother earth。  Of course; the strife was not incessantly

active。  There were seasons when one sat upon the other;

holding him down; while each blew like a grampus; spat

out the more inconveniently large sections of gravel and

and strove to subdue the spirit of his opponent

with a frightful and soul…paralyzing glare。



At last; it seemed that in the language of the ring; their

efforts lacked steam。  They broke away; and each

disappeared in a cloud as he brushed away the dust of

the conflict。  As soon as his breath permitted; Haywood

walked close to 〃Smoky〃 and said:



〃Going to play ball?〃



〃Smoky〃 looked pensively at the sky; at his bat lying

on the ground; and at the 〃leaguer〃 rounding his pocket。



〃Sure;〃 he said; offhandedly。  〃The 'Yellowjackets'〃

plays the 'Long Islands。' I'm cap'n of the 'Long

Islands。'



〃I guess I didn't mean to say you were ragged;〃 said

Haywood。  〃But you are dirty; you know。〃



〃Sure;〃 said 〃Smoky。〃  〃Yer get that way knockin'

around。  Say; I don't believe them New York papers

about ladies drinkin' and havin' monkeys dinin' at the

table with 'em。  I guess they're lies; like they print

about people eatin' out of silver plates; and ownin' dogs

that cost 100。〃



〃Certainly;〃 said Haywood。  〃What do you play on

your team?〃



〃Ketcher。  Ever play any?〃



〃Never in my life;〃 said Haywood。  〃I've never known

any fellows except one or two of my cousins。〃



〃Jer like to learn?  We're goin' to have a practice…

game before the match。  Wanter come along?  I'll put

yer in left…field; and yer won't be long ketchin' on。〃



〃I'd like it bully;〃 said Haywood。  〃I've alway…

wanted to play baseball。〃



The ladies' maids of New York and the families of

Western mine owners with social ambitions will remember

well the sensation that was created by the report that the

young multi…millionaire; Haywood Van Plushvelt; was

playing ball with the village youths of Fishampton。  It

was conceded that the millennium of democracy had

come。  Reporters and photographers swarmed to the

island。  The papers printed half…page pictures of him

as short…stop stopping a hot grounder。  The Toadies'

Magazine got out a Bat and Ball number that covered

the subject historically; beginning with the vampire bat

and ending with the Patriarchs' ball  illustrated with

interior views of the Van Plushvelt country seat。

Ministers; educators and sociologists everywhere hailed

the event as the tocsin call that proclaimed the universal

brotherhood of man。



One afternoon I was reclining under the trees near

the shore at Fishampton in the esteemed company of

an eminent; bald…headed young sociologist。  By way

of note it may be inserted that all sociologists are more

or less bald; and exactly thirty…two。  Look 'em over。



The sociologist was citing the Van Plushvelt case as

the most important 〃uplift〃 symptom of a generation;

and as an excuse for his own existence。



Immediately before us were the village baseball grounds。

And now came the sportive youth of Fishampton and

distributed themselves; shouting; about the diamond。

〃There;〃 said the sociologist; pointing; 〃there is young

Van Plushvelt。〃



I raised myself (so far a cosycophant with Mary Ann)

and gazed。



Young Van Plushvelt sat upon the ground。  He was

dressed in a ragged red sweater; wrecked and weather…

worn golf cap; run…over shoes; and trousers of the 〃ser…

viceable〃 brand。  Dust clinging to the moisture induced by

free exercise; darkened wide areas of his face。



〃That is he;〃 repeated the sociologist。  If he had said

〃him〃 I could have been less vindictive。



On a bench; with an air; sat the young millionaire's

chum。



He was dressed in a neat suit of dark blue serge; a neat

white straw hat; neat low…cut tan shoes; linen of the

well…known 〃immaculate〃 trade mark; a neat; narrow

four…in…hand tie; and carried a… slender; neat bamboo

cane。



I laughed loudly and vulgarly。



〃What you want to do;〃 said I to the sociologist; 〃is

to establish a reformatory for the Logical Vicious Circle。

Or else I've got wheels。  It looks to me as if things are

running round and round in circles instead of getting

anywhere。〃



〃What do you mean?〃  asked the man of progress。



〃Why; look what he has done to 〃Smoky;〃 I replied。



〃You will always be a fool;〃 said my friend; the sociolo…

gist; getting up and walking away。







           THE RANSOM OF RED CHIEF



IT LOOKED like a good thing: but wait till I tell you。

We were down South; in Alabama  Bill Driscoll and myself

 when this kidnapping idea struck us。  It was; as Bill

afterward expressed it; 〃during a moment of temporary

mental apparition〃; but we didn't find that out till later。



There was a town down there; as flat as a flannel…cake;

and called Summit; of course。  It contained inhabitants

Of as undeleterious and self…satisfied a class of peasantry

as ever clustered around a Maypole。



Bill and me had a joint capital of about six hundred

dollars; and we needed just two thousand dollars more

to pull off a fraudulent town…lot scheme in Western

Illinois with。  We talked it over on the front steps of the

hotel。  Philoprogenitiveness; says we; is strong in semi…

rural communities; therefore and for other reasons; a

kidnapping project ought to do better there than in the

radius of newspapers that send reporters out in plain

clothes to stir up talk about such things。  We knew that

Summit couldn't get after us with anything stronger

than constables and maybe some lackadaisical blood…

hounds and a diatribe or two in the Weekly Farmers'

Budget。  So; it looked good。



We selected for our victim the only child of a prominent

citizen named Ebenezer Dorset。  The father was respect…

able and tight; a mortgage fancier and a stern; upright

collection…plate passer and forecloser。  The kid was a

boy of ten; with bas…relief freckles; and hair the colour of

the cover of the magazine you buy at the news…stand

when you want to catch a train。  Bill and me figured

that Ebenezer would melt down for a ransom of two

thousand dollars to a cent。  But wait till I tell you。



About two miles from Summit was a little mountain;

covered with a dense cedar brake。  On the rear elevation

of this mountain was a cave。  There we stored provisions。

One evening after sundown; we drove in a buggy past

old Dorset's house。  The kid was in the street; throw…

ing rocks at a kitten on the opposite fence。



〃Hey; little boy!〃  says Bill; 〃would you like to have

a bag of candy and a nice ride?〃



The boy catches Bill neatly in the eye with a piece of

brick。



〃That will cost the old man an extra five hundred

dollars;〃 says Bill; climbing over the wheel。



That boy put up a fight like a welter…weight cinnamon

bear; but; at last; we got him down in the bottom of the

buggy and drove away。  We took him up to the cave and

I hitched the hor

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