whirligigs-第16节
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to be prefaced by stigma； recrimination； epithet； abuse
and insult gradually increasing in emphasis and degree。
After a round of these 〃you're anothers〃 would come the
chip knocked from the shoulder； or the advance across
the 〃dare〃 line drawn with a toe on the ground。 Next
light taps given and taken； these also increasing in force
until finally the blood was up and fists going at their best。
But Haywood did not know Fishampton's rules。
Noblesse oblige kept a faint smile on his face as he walked
slowly up to 〃Smoky〃 and said：
〃Going to play ball？〃
〃Smoky〃 quickly understood this to be a putting
of the previous question； giving him the chance to make
practical apology by answering it with civility and
relevance。
〃Listen this time；' said he。 〃I'm goin' skatin' on
the river。 Don't you see me automobile with Chinese
lanterns on it standin' and waitin' for me？〃
Haywood knocked him down。
〃Smoky〃 felt wronged。 To thus deprive him of
preliminary wrangle and objurgation was to send an
armoured knight full tilt against a crashing lance without
permitting him first to caracole around the list to the
flourish of trumpets。 But he scrambled up and fell upon
his foe； head； feet and fists。
The fight lasted one round of an hour and ten minutes。
It was lengthened until it was more like a war or a family
feud than a fight。 Haywood had learned some of the
science of boxing and wrestling from his tutors； but these
he discarded for the more instinctive methods of battle
handed down by the cave…dwelling Van Plushvelts。
So； when he found himself； during the m阬閑； seated
upon the kicking and roaring 〃Smoky's〃 chest； he
improved the opportunity by vigorously kneading hand…
fuls of sand and soil into his adversary's ears； eyes and
mouth； and when 〃Smoky〃 got the proper leg hold and
〃turned〃 him； he fastened both hands in the Plushvelt
hair and pounded the Plushvelt head against the lap of
mother earth。 Of course； the strife was not incessantly
active。 There were seasons when one sat upon the other；
holding him down； while each blew like a grampus； spat
out the more inconveniently large sections of gravel and
and strove to subdue the spirit of his opponent
with a frightful and soul…paralyzing glare。
At last； it seemed that in the language of the ring； their
efforts lacked steam。 They broke away； and each
disappeared in a cloud as he brushed away the dust of
the conflict。 As soon as his breath permitted； Haywood
walked close to 〃Smoky〃 and said：
〃Going to play ball？〃
〃Smoky〃 looked pensively at the sky； at his bat lying
on the ground； and at the 〃leaguer〃 rounding his pocket。
〃Sure；〃 he said； offhandedly。 〃The 'Yellowjackets'〃
plays the 'Long Islands。' I'm cap'n of the 'Long
Islands。'
〃I guess I didn't mean to say you were ragged；〃 said
Haywood。 〃But you are dirty； you know。〃
〃Sure；〃 said 〃Smoky。〃 〃Yer get that way knockin'
around。 Say； I don't believe them New York papers
about ladies drinkin' and havin' monkeys dinin' at the
table with 'em。 I guess they're lies； like they print
about people eatin' out of silver plates； and ownin' dogs
that cost 100。〃
〃Certainly；〃 said Haywood。 〃What do you play on
your team？〃
〃Ketcher。 Ever play any？〃
〃Never in my life；〃 said Haywood。 〃I've never known
any fellows except one or two of my cousins。〃
〃Jer like to learn？ We're goin' to have a practice…
game before the match。 Wanter come along？ I'll put
yer in left…field； and yer won't be long ketchin' on。〃
〃I'd like it bully；〃 said Haywood。 〃I've alway…
wanted to play baseball。〃
The ladies' maids of New York and the families of
Western mine owners with social ambitions will remember
well the sensation that was created by the report that the
young multi…millionaire； Haywood Van Plushvelt； was
playing ball with the village youths of Fishampton。 It
was conceded that the millennium of democracy had
come。 Reporters and photographers swarmed to the
island。 The papers printed half…page pictures of him
as short…stop stopping a hot grounder。 The Toadies'
Magazine got out a Bat and Ball number that covered
the subject historically； beginning with the vampire bat
and ending with the Patriarchs' ball illustrated with
interior views of the Van Plushvelt country seat。
Ministers； educators and sociologists everywhere hailed
the event as the tocsin call that proclaimed the universal
brotherhood of man。
One afternoon I was reclining under the trees near
the shore at Fishampton in the esteemed company of
an eminent； bald…headed young sociologist。 By way
of note it may be inserted that all sociologists are more
or less bald； and exactly thirty…two。 Look 'em over。
The sociologist was citing the Van Plushvelt case as
the most important 〃uplift〃 symptom of a generation；
and as an excuse for his own existence。
Immediately before us were the village baseball grounds。
And now came the sportive youth of Fishampton and
distributed themselves； shouting； about the diamond。
〃There；〃 said the sociologist； pointing； 〃there is young
Van Plushvelt。〃
I raised myself （so far a cosycophant with Mary Ann）
and gazed。
Young Van Plushvelt sat upon the ground。 He was
dressed in a ragged red sweater； wrecked and weather…
worn golf cap； run…over shoes； and trousers of the 〃ser…
viceable〃 brand。 Dust clinging to the moisture induced by
free exercise； darkened wide areas of his face。
〃That is he；〃 repeated the sociologist。 If he had said
〃him〃 I could have been less vindictive。
On a bench； with an air； sat the young millionaire's
chum。
He was dressed in a neat suit of dark blue serge； a neat
white straw hat； neat low…cut tan shoes； linen of the
well…known 〃immaculate〃 trade mark； a neat； narrow
four…in…hand tie； and carried a… slender； neat bamboo
cane。
I laughed loudly and vulgarly。
〃What you want to do；〃 said I to the sociologist； 〃is
to establish a reformatory for the Logical Vicious Circle。
Or else I've got wheels。 It looks to me as if things are
running round and round in circles instead of getting
anywhere。〃
〃What do you mean？〃 asked the man of progress。
〃Why； look what he has done to 〃Smoky；〃 I replied。
〃You will always be a fool；〃 said my friend； the sociolo…
gist； getting up and walking away。
THE RANSOM OF RED CHIEF
IT LOOKED like a good thing： but wait till I tell you。
We were down South； in Alabama Bill Driscoll and myself
when this kidnapping idea struck us。 It was； as Bill
afterward expressed it； 〃during a moment of temporary
mental apparition〃； but we didn't find that out till later。
There was a town down there； as flat as a flannel…cake；
and called Summit； of course。 It contained inhabitants
Of as undeleterious and self…satisfied a class of peasantry
as ever clustered around a Maypole。
Bill and me had a joint capital of about six hundred
dollars； and we needed just two thousand dollars more
to pull off a fraudulent town…lot scheme in Western
Illinois with。 We talked it over on the front steps of the
hotel。 Philoprogenitiveness； says we； is strong in semi…
rural communities； therefore and for other reasons； a
kidnapping project ought to do better there than in the
radius of newspapers that send reporters out in plain
clothes to stir up talk about such things。 We knew that
Summit couldn't get after us with anything stronger
than constables and maybe some lackadaisical blood…
hounds and a diatribe or two in the Weekly Farmers'
Budget。 So； it looked good。
We selected for our victim the only child of a prominent
citizen named Ebenezer Dorset。 The father was respect…
able and tight； a mortgage fancier and a stern； upright
collection…plate passer and forecloser。 The kid was a
boy of ten； with bas…relief freckles； and hair the colour of
the cover of the magazine you buy at the news…stand
when you want to catch a train。 Bill and me figured
that Ebenezer would melt down for a ransom of two
thousand dollars to a cent。 But wait till I tell you。
About two miles from Summit was a little mountain；
covered with a dense cedar brake。 On the rear elevation
of this mountain was a cave。 There we stored provisions。
One evening after sundown； we drove in a buggy past
old Dorset's house。 The kid was in the street； throw…
ing rocks at a kitten on the opposite fence。
〃Hey； little boy！〃 says Bill； 〃would you like to have
a bag of candy and a nice ride？〃
The boy catches Bill neatly in the eye with a piece of
brick。
〃That will cost the old man an extra five hundred
dollars；〃 says Bill； climbing over the wheel。
That boy put up a fight like a welter…weight cinnamon
bear； but； at last； we got him down in the bottom of the
buggy and drove away。 We took him up to the cave and
I hitched the hor
