太子爷小说网 > 英语电子书 > whirligigs >

第15节

whirligigs-第15节

小说: whirligigs 字数: 每页4000字

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!




think?  Vivienne is coming to cook for us!  She is the

one that stayed with the Montgomerys a whole year。

And now; Billy; dear;〃 she concluded; 〃you must go

right down into the kitchen and discharge H閘oise。  She

has been drunk again the whole day long。〃







        SOCIOLOGY IN SERGE AND STRAW



The season of irresponsibility is at hand。  Come;

let us twine round our brows wreaths of poison ivy (that

is for idiocy); and wander hand in hand with sociology

in the summer fields。



Likely as not the world is flat。  The wise men have

tried to prove that it is round; with indifferent success。

They pointed out to us a ship going to sea; and bade us

observe that; at length; the convexity of the earth hid

from our view all but the vessel's topmast。  But we

picked up a telescope and looked; and saw the decks

and hull again。  Then the wise men said: 〃Oh; pshaw!

anyhow; the variation of the intersection of the equator

and the ecliptic proves it。〃  We could not see this through

our telescope; so we remained silent。  But it stands to

reason that; if the world were round; the queues of China…

Men would stand straight up from their heads instead

of hanging down their backs; as travellers assure us they do。



Another hot…weather corroboration of the flat theory

is the fact that all of life; as we know it; moves in little;

unavailing circles。  More justly than to anything else;

it can be likened to the game of baseball。  Crack!  we

hit the ball; and away we go。  If we earn a run (in life

we call it success) we get back to the home plate and sit

upon a bench。  If we are thrown out; we walk back to the

home plate  and sit upon a bench。



The circumnavigators of the alleged globe may

have sailed the rim of a watery circle back to the same

port again。  The truly great return at the high tide of

their attainments to the simplicity of a child。  The

billionaire sits down at his mahogany to his bowl of bread

and milk。  When you reach the end of your career; just

take down the sign 〃Goal〃 and look at the other side of

it。  You will find 〃Beginning Point〃 there。  It has been

reversed while you were going around the track。



But this is humour; and must be stopped。  Let us

get back to the serious questions that arise whenever

Sociology turns summer boarder。  You are invited to

consider the scene of the story…wild; Atlantic waves;

thundering against a wooded and rock…bound shore 

in the Greater City of New York。



The town of Fishampton; on the south shore of Long

Island; is noted for its clam fritters and the summer

residence of the Van Plushvelts。



The Van Plushvelts have a hundred million dollars;

and their name is a household word with tradesmen and

photographers。



On the fifteenth of June the Van Plushvelts boarded

up the front door of their city house; carefully deposited

their cat on the sidewalk; instructed the caretaker not

to allow it to eat any of the ivy on the walls; and whizzed

away in a 40…horse…power to Fishampton to stray alone

the shade  Amaryllis not being in their class。  If

a subscriber to the Toadies' Magazine; you have

often  You say you are not?  Well; you buy it at a

news…stand; thinking that the newsdealer is not wise to

you。  But he knows about it all。  HE knows  HE

knows!  I say that you have often seen in the Toadies'

Magazine pictures of the Van Plushvelts' summer home;

so it will not be described here。  Our business is with

young Haywood Van Plushvelt; sixteen years old; heir

to the century of millions; darling of the financial gods

and great grandson of Peter Van Plushvelt; former owner

of a particularly fine cabbage patch that has been ruined

by an intrusive lot of downtown skyscrapers。



One afternoon young Haywood Van Plushvelt strolled

out between the granite gate posts of 〃Dolce far Niente〃

 that's what they called the place; and it was an improve…

ment on dolce Far Rockaway; I can tell you。



Haywood walked down into the village。  He was

human; after all; and his prospective millions weighed

upon him。  Wealth had wreaked upon him its direfullest。

He was the product of private tutors。  Even under his

first hobby…horse had tan bark been strewn。  He had

been born with a gold spoon; lobster fork and fish…set in

his mouth。  For which I hope; later; to submit justification;

I must ask your consideration of his haberdashery and

tailoring。



Young Fortunatus was dressed in a neat suit of dark

blue serge; a neat; white straw hat; neat low…cut tan shoes;

of the well…known 〃immaculate〃 trade mark; a

neat; narrow four…in…hand tie; and carried a slender;

neat; bamboo cane。



Down Persimmon Street (there's never tree north of

Hagerstown; Md。) came from the village 〃Smoky〃

Dodson; fifteen and a half; worst boy in Fishampton。

〃Smoky〃 was dressed in a ragged red sweater; wrecked

and weather…worn golf cap; run…over shoes; and trousers

of the 〃serviceable〃 brand。  Dust; clinging to the mois…

ture induced by free exercise; darkened wide areas of

his face。  〃Smoky〃 carried a baseball bat; and a league

ball that advertised itself in the rotundity of his trousers

pocket。  Haywood stopped and passed the time of day。



〃Going to play ball?〃  he asked。



〃Smoky's〃 eyes and countenance confronted him

with a frank blue…and…freckled scrutiny。



〃Me?〃  he said; with deadly mildness; 〃sure not。

Can't you see I've got a divin' suit on?  I'm goin' up in

a submarine balloon to catch butterflies with a two…inch

auger。



〃Excuse me;〃 said Haywood; with the insulting polite…

…ness of his caste; 〃for mistaking you for a gentleman。  I

might have known better。〃



〃How might you have known better if you thought I

was one?〃  said 〃Smoky;〃 unconsciously a logician。



〃By your appearances;〃 said Haywood。  〃No gentle…

man is dirty; ragged and a liar。〃



〃Smoky〃 hooted once like a ferry…boat; spat on his

hand; got a firm grip on his baseball bat and then dropped

it against the fence。



〃Say;〃 said he; 〃I knows you。  You're the pup that

belongs in that swell private summer sanitarium for city…

guys over there。  I seen you come out of the gate。  You

can't bluff nobody because you're rich。  And because

you got on swell clothes。  Arabella!  Yah!〃



〃Ragamuffin!〃  said Hay…wood。



〃Smoky〃 picked up a fence…rail splinter and laid it on

his shoulder。



〃Dare you to knock it off;〃 he challenged。



〃I wouldn't soil my hands with you;〃 said the aristocrat。



〃'Fraid;〃 said 〃Smoky〃 concisely。  〃Youse city…

ducks ain't got the I sand。  I kin lick you with one…

hand。〃



〃I don't wish to have any trouble with you;〃 said

Haywood。  〃I asked you a civil question; and you replied;

like a  like a  a cad。〃



〃Wot's a cad?〃  asked 〃Smoky。〃



〃A cad is a disagreeable person;〃 answered Haywood;

〃who lacks manners and doesn't know his place。  They;

sometimes play baseball。〃



〃I can tell you what a mollycoddle is;〃 said 〃Smoky。〃

〃It's a monkey dressed up by its mother and sent out too

pick daisies on the lawn。〃



〃When you have the honour to refer to the members

of my family;〃 said Haywood; with some dim ideas

of a code in his mind; 〃you'd better leave the ladies out

of your remarks。〃



〃Ho!  ladies!〃  mocked the rude one。  〃I say ladies!

I know what them rich women in the city does。  They;

drink cocktails and swear and give parties to gorillas。

The papers says so。〃



Then Haywood knew that it must be。  He took off

his coat; folded it neatly and laid it on the roadside grass;

placed his hat upon it and began to unknot his blue silk

tie。



〃Hadn't yer better ring fer yer maid; Arabella?〃

taunted 〃Smoky。〃  〃Wot yer going to do  go to bed?〃



〃I'm going to give you a good trouncing;〃 said the

hero。  He did not hesitate; although the enemy was far

beneath him socially。  He remembered that his father

once thrashed a cabman; and the papers gave it two col…

umns; first page。  And the Toadies' Magazine had a

special article on Upper Cuts by the Upper Classes; and

ran new pictures of the Van Plushvelt country seat; at

Fishampton。



〃Wot's trouncing?〃  asked 〃Smoky;〃 suspiciously。

〃I don't want your old clothes。  I'm no  oh; you mean

to scrap!  My; my!  I won't do a thing to mamma's pet。

Criminy!  I'd hate to be a hand…laundered thing like

you。



〃Smoky〃 waited with some awkwardness for his

adversary to prepare for battle。  His own decks were

always clear for action。  When he should spit upon the

palm of his terrible right it was equivalent to 〃You may

fire now; Gridley。〃



The hated patrician advanced; with his shirt sleeves

neatly rolled up。  〃Smoky〃 waited; in an attitude of

ease; expecting the affair to be conducted according to

Fishampton's rules of war。  These allowed combat

to be prefaced by stigma; recrimination; epithet; abuse

and insult gradually increasing in emphasis and degree。

After a round o

返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 0 0

你可能喜欢的