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Whirligigs



by O Henry












THE WORLD AND THE DOOR







A favourite dodge to get your story read by the

public is to assert that it is true; and then add that Truth

is stranger than Fiction。  I do not know if the yarn I

am anxious for you to read is true; but the Spanish purser

of the fruit steamer El Carrero swore to me by the shrine

of Santa Guadalupe that he had the facts from the U。 S。

vice…consul at La Paz … a person who could not possibly

have been cognizant of half of them。



As for the adage quoted above; I take pleasure in punc…

turing it by affirming that I read in a purely fictional

story the other day the line: 〃'Be it so;' said the police…

man。〃  Nothing so strange has yet cropped out in Truth。



When H。 Ferguson Hedges; millionaire promoter;

investor and man…about…New…York; turned his thoughts

upon matters convivial; and word of it went 〃down the

line;〃 bouncers took a precautionary turn at the Indian

clubs; waiters put ironstone china on his favourite tables;

cab drivers crowded close to the curbstone in front of

all…night caf閟; and careful cashiers in his regular haunts

charged up a few bottles to his account by way of preface

and introduction。



As a money power a one…millionaire is of small account

in a city where the man who cuts your slice of beef behind

the free…lunch counter rides to work in his own automobile。

But Hedges spent his money as lavishly; loudly and

showily as though he were only a clerk squandering a

week's wages。  And; after all; the bartender takes no

interest in your reserve fund。  He would rather look you

up on his cash register than in Bradstreet。



On the evening that the material allegation of facts

begins; Hedges was bidding dull care begone in the com…

pany of five or six good fellows  acquaintances and

friends who had gathered in his wake。



Among them were two younger men  Ralph Merriam;

a broker; and Wade; his friend。



Two deep…sea cabmen were chartered。  At Columbus

Circle they hove to long enough to revile the statue of the

great navigator; unpatriotically rebuking him for having

voyaged in search of land instead of liquids。  Midnight

overtook the party marooned in the rear of a cheap

caf?far uptown。



Hedges was arrogant; overriding and quarrelsome。

He was burly and tough; iron…gray but vigorous; 〃good〃

for the rest of the night。  There was a dispute  about

nothing that matters  and the five…fingered words were

passed  the words that represent the glove cast into

the lists。  Merriam played the r鬺e of the verbal

Hotspur。



Hedges rose quickly; seized his chair; swung it once

and smashed wildly dowp at Merriam's head。  Merriam

dodged; drew a small revolver and shot Hedges in the

chest。  The leading roysterer stumbled; fell in a wry

heap; and lay still。



Wade; a commuter; had formed that habit of prompt…

ness。  He juggled Merriam out a side door; walked him to

the corner; ran him a block and caught a hansom。  They

rode five minutes and then got out on a dark corner

and dismissed the cab。  Across the street the lights of

a small saloon betrayed its hectic hospitality。



〃Go in the back room of that saloon;〃 said Wade;

〃and wait。  I'll go find out what's doing and let you know。

You may take two drinks while I am gone … no more。〃



At ten minutes to one o'clock Wade returned。

〃Brace up; old chap;〃 he said。  〃The ambulance got

there just as I did。  The doctor says he's dead。  You

may have one more drink。  You let me run this thing

for you。  You've got to skip。  I don't believe a chair

is legally a deadly weapon。  You've got to make tracks;

that's all there is to it。〃



Merriam complained of the cold querulously; and

asked for another drink。  〃Did you notice what big

veins he had on the back of his hands?〃 he said。  〃I

never could stand  I never could  〃



〃Take one more;〃 said Wade; 〃and then come on。

I'll see you through。〃



Wade kept his promise so well that at eleven o'clock

the next morning Merriam; with a new suit case full of

new clothes and hair…brushes; stepped quietly on board

a little 500…ton fruit steamer at an East River pier。  The

vessel had brought the season's first cargo of limes from

Port Limon; and was homeward bound。  Merriam had his

bank balance of 2;800 in his pocket in large bills; and

brief instructions to pile up as much water as he could

between himself and New York。  There was no time for

anything more。



From Port Limon Merriam worked down the coast

by schooner and sloop to Colon; thence across the isthmus

to Panama; where he caught a tramp bound for Callao

and such intermediate ports as might tempt the discursive

skipper from his course。



It was at La Paz that Merriam decided to land  La

Paz the Beautiful; a little harbourless town smothered

in a living green ribbon that banded the foot of a cloud…

piercing mountain。  Here the little steamer stopped

to tread water while the captain's dory took him

ashore that he might feel the pulse of the cocoanut

market。  Merriam went too; with his suit case; and

remained。



Kalb; the vice…consul; a Gr鎐o…Armenian citizen of

the United States; born in Hessen…Darmstadt; and edu…

cated in Cincinnati ward primaries; considered all Ameri…

cans his brothers and bankers。  He attached himself

to Merriam's elbow; introduced him to every one in La

Paz who wore shoes; borrowed ten dollars and went

back to his hammock。



There was a little wooden hotel in the edge of a banana

grove; facing the sea; that catered to the tastes of the

few foreigners that had dropped out of the world into the

t;ri;qte Peruvian town。  At Kalb's introductory: 〃Shake

hands with  ;〃 he had obediently exchanged manual

salutations with a German doctor; one French and two

Italian merchants; and three or four Americans who

were spoken of as gold men; rubber men; mahogany men

 anything but men of living tissue。



After dinner Merriam sat in a corner of the broad front

galeria with Bibb; a Vermonter interested in hydraulic

mining; and smoked and drank Scotch 〃smoke。〃 The

moonlit sea; spreading infinitely before him; seemed to

separate him beyond all apprehension from his old life。

The horrid tragedy in which he had played such a disas…

trous part now began; for the first time since he stole on

board the fruiter; a wretched fugitive; to lose its sharper

outlines。  Distance lent assuagement to his view。  Bibb

had opened the flood…gates of a stream of long…dammed

discourse; overjoyed to have captured an audience that

had not suffered under a hundred repetitions of his views

and theories。



〃One year more;〃 said Bibb; 〃and I'll go back to

God's country。  Oh; I know it's pretty here; and you

get dolce far niente banded to you in chunks; but this

country wasn't made for a white man to live in。  You've

got to have to plug through snow now and then; and see

a game of baseball and wear a stiff collar and have a

policeman cuss you。  Still; La Paz is a good sort of a

pipe…dreamy old hole。  And Mrs。 Conant is here。  When

any of us feels particularly like jumping into the sea we

rush around to her house and propose。  It's nicer to be

rejected by Mrs。 Conant than it is to be drowned。  And

they say drowning is a delightful sensation。〃



〃Many like her here?〃 asked Merriam。



〃Not anywhere;〃 said Bibb; with a comfortable sigh。



She's the only white woman in La Paz。  The rest

range from a dappled dun to the colour of a b…flat piano

key。  She's been here a year。  Comes from  well; you

know how a woman can talk  ask 'em to say 'string'

and they'll say 'crow's foot' or 'cat's cradle。' Some…

times you'd think she was from Oshkosh; and again from

Jacksonville; Florida; and the next day from Cape Cod。〃



〃Mystery?〃 ventured Merriam。



〃M  well; she looks it; but her talk's translucent

enough。  But that's a woman。  I suppose if the Sphinx

were to begin talking she'd merely say: 'Goodness me!

more visitors coming for dinner; and nothing to eat but the

sand which is here。' But you won't think about that when

you meet her; Merriam。  You'll propose to her too。〃



To make a hard story soft; Merriam did meet her and

propose to her。  He found her to be a woman in black

with hair the colour of a bronze turkey's wings; and

mysterious; remembering eyes that … well; that looked as

if she might have been a trained nurse looking on when

Eve was created。  Her words and manner; though; were

translucent; as Bibb had said。  She spoke; vaguely; of

friends in California and some of the lower parishes in

Louisiana。  The tropical climate and indolent life suited

her; she had thought of buying an orange grove later on;

La Paz。 all in all; charmed her。



Merriam's courtship of the Sphinx lasted three months;

although be did not know that he was courting her。  He

was using her as an antidote for remorse; until he found;

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