cambridge pieces-第9节

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＇It　should　be　explained　that　Tom　Bridges　was　a　gyp　at　St。　John's
College；　during　Butler's　residence　at　Cambridge。＇

We　now　come　to　the　most　eventful　period　in　Mr。　Bridges'　life：　　we
mean　the　time　when　he　was　elected　to　the　shoe…black　scholarship；
compared　with　which　all　his　previous　honours　sank　into
insignificance。

Mr。　Bridges　had　long　been　desirous　of　becoming　a　candidate　for　this
distinction；　but；　until　the　death　of　Mr。　Leader；　no　vacancy　having
occurred　among　the　scholars；　he　had　as　yet　had　no　opportunity　of
going　in　for　it。　　The　income　to　be　derived　from　it　was　not
inconsiderable；　and　as　it　led　to　the　porter　fellowship　the　mere
pecuniary　value　was　not　to　be　despised；　but　thirst　of　fame　and　the
desire　of　a　more　public　position　were　the　chief　inducements　to　a　man
of　Mr。　Bridges'　temperament；　in　which　ambition　and　patriotism　formed
so　prominent　a　part。　　Latin；　however；　was　not　Mr。　Bridges'　forte；　he
excelled　rather　in　the　higher　branches　of　arithmetic　and　the
abstruse　sciences。　　His　attainments；　however；　in　the　dead　languages
were　beyond　those　of　most　of　his　contemporaries；　as　the　letter　he
sent　to　the　Master　and　Seniors　will　abundantly　prove。　　It　was
chiefly　owing　to　the　great　reverence　for　genius　shown　by　Dr。　Tatham
that　these　letters　have　been　preserved　to　us；　as　that　excellent　man；
considering　that　no　circumstance　connected　with　Mr。　Bridges'
celebrity　could　be　justly　consigned　to　oblivion；　rescued　these
valuable　relics　from　the　Bedmaker；　as　she　was　on　the　point　of　using
them　to　light　the　fire。　　By　him　they　were　presented　to　the　author　of
this　memoir；　who　now　for　the　first　time　lays　them　before　the　public。
The　first　was　to　the　Master　himself；　and　ran　as　follows：…


Reverende　Sir；

Possum　bene　blackere　shoas；　et　locus　shoe…blackissis　vacuus　est。
Makee　me　shoeblackum　si　hoc　tibi　placeat；　precor　te；　quia　desidero
hoc　locum。

Your　very　humble　servant；
THOMASUS　BRIDGESSUS。


We　subjoin　Mr。　Bridges'　autograph。　　The　reader　will　be　astonished　to
perceive　its　resemblance　to　that　of　Napoleon　I；　with　whom　he　was
very　intimate；　and　with　anecdotes　of　whom　he　used　very　frequently　to
amuse　his　masters。　　We　add　that　of　Napoleon。


THOMAS　BRIDGES
NAPOLEON


The　second　letter　was　to　the　Senior　Bursar；　who　had　often　before
proved　himself　a　friend　to　Mr　Bridges；　and　did　not　fail　him　in　this
instance。


BURSARE　SENIOR；

Ego　humiliter　begs　pardonum　te　becausus　quaereri　dignitatum
shoeblacki　and　credo　me　getturum　esse　hoc　locum。

Your　humble　servant；
THOMASUS　BRIDGESSUS。


Shortly　afterwards　Mr。　Bridges　was　called　upon；　with　six　other
competitors；　to　attend　in　the　Combination　Room；　and　the　following
papers　were　submitted　to　him。


I

1。　　Derive　the　word　〃blacking。〃　　What　does　Paley　say　on　this
subject？　　Do　you；　or　do　you　not；　approve　of　Paley's　arguments；　and
why？　　Do　you　think　that　Paley　knew　anything　at　all　about　it？

2。　　Who　were　Day　and　Martin？　　Give　a　short　sketch　of　their　lives；
and　state　their　reasons　for　advertising　their　blacking　on　the
Pyramids。　　Do　you　approve　of　the　advertising　system　in　general？

3。　　Do　you　consider　the　Japanese　the　original　inventors　of　blacking？
State　the　principal　ingredients　of　blacking；　and　give　a　chemical
analysis　of　the　following　substances：　　Sulphate　of　zinc；　nitrate　of
silver；　potassium；　copperas　and　corrosive　sublimate。

4。　　Is　blacking　an　effective　remedy　against　hydrophobia？　　Against
cholera？　　Against　lock…jaw？　　And　do　you　consider　it　as　valuable　an
instrument　as　burnt　corks　in　playing　tricks　upon　a　drunken　man？

This　was　the　Master's　paper。　　The　Mathematical　Lecturer　next　gave
him　a　few　questions；　of　which　the　most　important　were：…

II

1。　　Prove　that　the　shoe　may　be　represented　by　an　equation　of　the
fifth　degree。　　Find　the　equation　to　a　man　blacking　a　shoe：　　（1）　in
rectangular　co…ordinates；　（2）　in　polar　co…ordinates。

2。　　A　had　500　shoes　to　black　every　day；　but　being　unwell　for　two
days　he　had　to　hire　a　substitute；　and　paid　him　a　third　of　the　wages
per　shoe　which　he　himself　received。　　Had　A　been　ill　two　days　longer
there　would　have　been　the　devil　to　pay；　as　it　was　he　actually　paid
the　sum　of　the　geometrical　series　found　by　taking　the　first　n
letters　of　the　substitute's　name。　　How　much　did　A　pay　the
substitute？　　（Answer；　13s。　6d。）

3。　　Prove　that　the　scraping…knife　should　never　be　a　secant；　and　the
brush　always　a　tangent　to　a　shoe。

4。　　Can　you　distinguish　between　meum　and　tuum？　　Prove　that　their
values　vary　inversely　as　the　propinquity　of　the　owners。

5。　　How　often　should　a　shoe…black　ask　his　master　for　beer　notes？
Interpret　a　negative　result。



AN　EMINENT　PERSON



Among　the　eminent　persons　deceased　during　the　past　week　we　have　to
notice　Mr。　Arthur　Ward；　the　author　of　the　very　elegant　treatise　on
the　penny　whistle。　　Mr。　Ward　was　rather　above　the　middle　height；
inclined　to　be　stout；　and　had　lost　a　considerable　portion　of　his
hair。　　Mr。　Ward　did　not　wear　spectacles；　as　asserted　by　a　careless
and　misinformed　contemporary。　　Mr。　Ward　was　a　man　of　great　humour
and　talent；　many　of　his　sayings　will　be　treasured　up　as　household
words　among　his　acquaintance；　for　instance；　〃Lor！〃　　〃Oh；　ah！〃　　〃Sech
is　life。〃　　〃That's　cheerful。〃　　〃He's　a　lively　man　is　Mr。　。　。　。　〃
His　manners　were　affable　and　agreeable；　and　his　playful　gambols
exhibited　an　agility　scarcely　to　be　expected　from　a　man　of　his
stature。　　On　Thursday　last　Mr。　Ward　was　dining　off　beef…steak　pie
when　a　bit　of　gristle；　unfortunately　causing　him　to　cough；　brought
on　a　fit　of　apoplexy；　the　progress　of　which　no　medical　assistance
was　able　to　arrest。　　It　is　understood　that　the　funeral　arrangements
have　been　entrusted　to　our　very　respectable　fellow…townsman　Mr。
Smith；　and　will　take　place　on　Monday。



NAPOLEON　AT　ST。　HELENA



I　see　a　warrior　'neath　a　willow　tree；
His　arms　are　folded；　and　his　full　fixed　eye
Is　gazing　on　the　sky。　　The　evening　breeze
Blows　on　him　from　the　sea；　and　a　great　storm
Is　rising。　　Not　the　storm　nor　evening　breeze；
Nor　the　dark　sea；　nor　the　sun's　parting　beam
Can　move　him；　for　in　yonder　sky　he　sees
The　picture　of　his　life；　in　yonder　clouds
That　rush　towards　each　other　he　beholds
The　mighty　wars　that　he　himself　hath　waged。
Blow　on　him；　mighty　storm；　beat　on　him；　rain；
You　cannot　move　his　folded　arms　nor　turn
His　gaze　one　second　from　the　troubled　sky。
Hark　to　the　thunder！　　To　him　it　is　not　thunder；
It　is　the　noise　of　battles　and　the　din
Of　cannons　on　the　field　of　Austerlitz；
The　sky　to　him　is　the　whole　world　disturbed
By　war　and　rumours　of　great　wars。
He　tumbled　like　a　thunderbolt　from　heaven
Upon　the　startled　earth；　and　as　he　came
The　round　world　leapt　from　out　her　usual　course
And　thought　her　time　was　come。　　Beat　on　him；　rain；
And　roar　about　him；　O　thou　voice　of　thunder。
But　what　are　ye　to　him？　　O　more　to　him
Than　all　besides。　　To　him　ye　are　himself；
He　knows　it　and　your　voice　is　lovely　to　him。
Hath　brought　the　warfare　to　a　close。
The　storm　is　over；　one　terrific　crash
Now；　now　he　feels　it；　and　he　turns　away；
His　arms　are　now　unfolded；　and　his　hands
Pressed　to　his　face　conceal　a　warrior's　tears。
He　flings　himself　upon　the　springing　grass；
And　weeps　in　agony。　　See；　again　he　rises；
His　brow　is　calm；　and　all　his　tears　are　gone。
The　vision　now　is　ended；　and　he　saith：
〃Thou　storm　art　hushed　for　ever。　　Not　again
Shall　thy　great　voice　be　heard。　　Unto　thy　rest
Thou　goest；　never　never　to　return。
I　thank　thee；　that　for　one　brief　hour　alone
Thou　hast　my　bitter　agonies　assuaged；
Another　storm　may　scare　the　frightened　heavens；
And　like　to　me　may　rise　and　fill
The　elements　with　terror。　　I；　alas！
Am　blotted　out　as　though　I　had　not　been；
And　am　become　as　though　I　was　not　born。
My　day　is　over；　and　my　night　is　come　…
A　night　which　brings　no　rest；　nor　quiet　dreams；
Nor　calm　reflections；　nor　repose　from　toil；
But　pain　and　sorrow；　anguish　never　ceasing；
With　dark　uncertainty；　despair　and　pain；
And　death's　wide　gate　before　me。　　Fare　ye　well！
The　sky　is　clear　and　the　world　at　rest；
Thou　storm　and　I　have　but　too　much　in　common。〃



THE　TWO　DEANS



I

Williams；　I　like　thee；　amiable　divine！
No　milk…and…water　character　is　thine。
A　lay　more　lovely　should　thy　worth　attend
Than　my　poor　muse；　alas！　hath　power　to　lend。
Shall　I　describe　thee　as　thou　late　didst　sit；
The　gater　gated　and　the　biter　bit；
When　impious　hands　at　the　dead　hour　of　night
Forbade　the　way　and　made　the　barriers　tight？
Next　morn　I　heard　their　impious　voices　sing；
All　up　the　stairs　their　blasphemies　did　ring：
〃Come　forth；　O　Williams；　wherefore　thus　supine
Remain　within　thy　chambers　after　nine？
Come　forth；　suffer　thyself　to　be　admired；
And　blush　not　so；　coy　dean；　to　be　desired。〃
The　captive　churchman　chafes　with　empty　rage；
Till　some　knight…errant　free　him　from　his　cage。
Pale　fear　and　anger　sit　upon　yon　face
Erst　full　of　love　and　piety　and　grace；
But　not　pale　fear　nor　anger　will　undo
The　iron　might　of　gimlet　and　of　screw。
Grin　at　the　window；　Williams；　all　is　vain；
The　carpenter　will　come　and　let　thee　out　again。
　　　Contrast　with　him　the　countenance　serene
And　sweet　remonstrance　of　the　junior　dean；
The　plural　number　and　the　accents　mild；
The　language　of　a　parent　to　a　child。
With　pla