burlesques-第96节

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in　the　boxes。



The　opera　is　bad　enough；　but　what　is　that　to　the　bally？　　You　SHOULD

have　seen　my　Jemmy　the　first　night　when　she　stopped　to　see　it；　and

when　Madamsalls　Fanny　and　Theresa　Hustler　came　forward；　along　with

a　gentleman；　to　dance；　you　should　have　seen　how　Jemmy　stared；　and

our　girl　blushed；　when　Madamsall　Fanny；　coming　forward；　stood　on

the　tips　of　only　five　of　her　toes；　and　raising　up　the　other　five；

and　the　foot　belonging　to　them；　almost　to　her　shoulder；　twirled

round；　and　round；　and　round；　like　a　teetotum；　for　a　couple　of

minutes　or　more；　and　as　she　settled　down；　at　last；　on　both　feet；　in

a　natural　decent　posture；　you　should　have　heard　how　the　house

roared　with　applause；　the　boxes　clapping　with　all　their　might；　and

waving　their　handkerchiefs；　the　pit　shouting；　〃　Bravo！〃　　Some

people；　who；　I　suppose；　were　rather　angry　at　such　an　exhibition；

threw　bunches　of　flowers　at　her；　and　what　do　you　think　she　did？

Why；　hang　me；　if　she　did　not　come　forward；　as　though　nothing　had

happened；　gather　up　the　things　they　had　thrown　at　her；　smile；　press

them　to　her　heart；　and　begin　whirling　round　again　faster　than　ever。

Talk　about　coolness；　I　never　saw　such　in　all　MY　born　days。



〃Nasty　thing！〃　says　Jemmy；　starting　up　in　a　fury；　〃if　women　WILL

act　so；　it　serves　them　right　to　be　treated　so。〃



〃Oh；　yes！　she　acts　beautifully；〃　says　our　friend　his　Excellency；

who　along　with　Baron　von　Punter　and　Tagrag；　used　very　seldom　to

miss　coming　to　our　box。



〃She　may　act　very　beautifully；　Munseer；　but　she　don't　dress　so；　and

I　am　very　glad　they　threw　that　orange…peel　and　all　those　things　at

her；　and　that　the　people　waved　to　her　to　get　off。〃



Here　his　Excellency；　and　the　Baron　and　Tag；　set　up　a　roar　of

laughter。



〃My　dear　Mrs。　Coxe；〃　says　Tag；　〃those　are　the　most　famous　dancers

in　the　world；　and　we　throw　myrtle；　geraniums；　and　lilies　and　roses

at　them；　in　token　of　our　immense　admiration！〃



〃Well；　I　never！〃　said　my　wife；　and　poor　Jemimarann　slunk　behind　the

curtain；　and　looked　as　red　as　it　almost。　　After　the　one　had　done

the　next　begun；　but　when；　all　of　a　sudden；　a　somebody　came　skipping

and　bounding　in；　like　an　Indian…rubber　ball；　flinging　itself　up；　at

least　six　feet　from　the　stage；　and　there　shaking　about　its　legs

like　mad；　we　were　more　astonished　than　ever！



〃That's　Anatole；〃　says　one　of　the　gentlemen。



〃Anna　who？〃　says　my　wife；　and　she　might　well　be　mistaken：　for　this

person　had　a　hat　and　feathers；　a　bare　neck　and　arms；　great　black

ringlets；　and　a　little　calico　frock；　which　came　down　to　the　knees。



〃Anatole。　　You　would　not　think　he　was　sixty…three　years　old；　he's

as　active　as　a　man　of　twenty。〃



〃HE！〃　shrieked　out　my　wife；　〃what；　is　that　there　a　man？　　For　shame！

Munseer。　　Jemimarann；　dear；　get　your　cloak；　and　come　along；　and

I'll　thank　you；　my　dear；　to　call　our　people；　and　let　us　go　home。〃



You　wouldn't　think；　after　this；　that　my　Jemmy；　who　had　shown　such　a

horror　at　the　bally；　as　they　call　it；　should　ever　grow　accustomed

to　it；　but　she　liked　to　hear　her　name　shouted　out　in　the　crush…

room；　and　so　would　stop　till　the　end　of　everything；　and；　law　bless

you！　in　three　weeks　from　that　time；　she　could　look　at　the　ballet　as

she　would　at　a　dancing…dog　in　the　streets；　and　would　bring　her

double…barrelled　opera…glass　up　to　her　eyes　as　coolly　as　if　she　had

been　a　born　duchess。　　As　for　me；　I　did　at　Rome　as　Rome　does；　and

precious　fun　it　used　to　be；　sometimes。



My　friend　the　Baron　insisted　one　night　on　my　going　behind　the

scenes；　where；　being　a　subscriber；　he　said　I　had　what　they　call　my

ONTRAY。　　Behind；　then；　I　went；　and　such　a　place　you　never　saw　nor

heard　of！　　Fancy　lots　of　young　and　old　gents　of　the　fashion

crowding　round　and　staring　at　the　actresses　practising　their　steps。

Fancy　yellow　snuffy　foreigners；　chattering　always；　and　smelling

fearfully　of　tobacco。　　Fancy　scores　of　Jews；　with　hooked…noses　and

black　muzzles；　covered　with　rings；　chains；　sham　diamonds；　and　gold

waistcoats。　　Fancy　old　men　dressed　in　old　nightgowns；　with　knock…

knees；　and　dirty　flesh…colored　cotton　stockings；　and　dabs　of　brick…

dust　on　their　wrinkled　old　chops；　and　tow…wigs　（such　wigs！）　for　the

bald　ones；　and　great　tin　spears　in　their　hands　mayhap；　or　else

shepherds'　crooks；　and　fusty　garlands　of　flowers　made　of　red　and

green　baize。　　Fancy　troops　of　girls　giggling；　chattering；　pushing

to　and　fro；　amidst　old　black　canvas；　Gothic　halls；　thrones；

pasteboard　Cupids；　dragons；　and　such　like。　　Such　dirt；　darkness；

crowd；　confusion　and　gabble　of　all　conceivable　languages　was　never

known！



If　you　COULD　but　have　seen　Munseer　Anatole！　　Instead　of　looking

twenty；　he　looked　a　thousand。　　The　old　man's　wig　was　off；　and　a

barber　was　giving　it　a　touch　with　the　tongs；　Munseer　was　taking

snuff　himself；　and　a　boy　was　standing　by　with　a　pint　of　beer　from

the　public…house　at　the　corner　of　Charles　Street。



I　met　with　a　little　accident　during　the　three…quarters　of　an　hour

which　they　allow　for　the　entertainment　of　us　men　of　fashion　on　the

stage；　before　the　curtain　draws　up　for　the　bally；　while　the　ladies

in　the　boxes　are　gaping；　and　the　people　in　the　pit　are　drumming

with　their　feet　and　canes　in　the　rudest　manner　possible；　as　though

they　couldn't　wait。



Just　at　the　moment　before　the　little　bell　rings　and　the　curtain

flies　up；　and　we　scuffle　off　to　the　sides　（for　we　always　stay　till

the　very　last　moment）；　I　was　in　the　middle　of　the　stage；　making

myself　very　affable　to　the　fair　figgerantys　which　was　spinning　and

twirling　about　me；　and　asking　them　if　they　wasn't　cold；　and　such

like　politeness；　in　the　most　condescending　way　possible；　when　a

bolt　was　suddenly　withdrawn；　and　down　I　popped；　through　a　trap　in

the　stage；　into　the　place　below。　　Luckily　I　was　stopped　by　a　piece

of　machinery；　consisting　of　a　heap　of　green　blankets　and　a　young

lady　coming　up　as　Venus　rising　from　the　sea。　　If　I　had　not　fallen

so　soft；　I　don't　know　what　might　have　been　the　consequence　of　the

collusion。　　I　never　told　Mrs。　Coxe；　for　she　can't　bear　to　hear　of

my　paying　the　least　attention　to　the　fair　sex。





STRIKING　A　BALANCE。





Next　door　to　us；　in　Portland　Place；　lived　the　Right　Honorable　the

Earl　of　Kilblazes；　of　Kilmacrasy　Castle；　County　Kildare；　and　his

mother　the　Dowager　Countess。　　Lady　Kilblazes　had　a　daughter；　Lady

Juliana　Matilda　MacTurk；　of　the　exact　age　of　our　dear　Jemimarann；

and　a　son；　the　Honorable　Arthur　Wellington　Anglesea　Blucher　Bulow

MacTurk；　only　ten　months　older　than　our　boy　Tug。



My　darling　Jemmy　is　a　woman　of　spirit；　and；　as　become　her　station；

made　every　possible　attempt　to　become　acquainted　with　the　Dowager

Countess　of　Kilblazes；　which　her　ladyship　（because；　forsooth；　she

was　the　daughter　of　the　Minister；　and　Prince　of　Wales's　great

friend；　the　Earl　of　Portansherry）　thought　fit　to　reject。　　I　don't

wonder　at　my　Jemmy　growing　so　angry　with　her；　and　determining；　in

every　way；　to　put　her　ladyship　down。　　The　Kilblazes'　estate　is　not

so　large　as　the　Tuggeridge　property　by　two　thousand　a　year　at

least；　and　so　my　wife；　when　our　neighbors　kept　only　two　footmen；

was　quite　authorized　in　having　three；　and　she　made　it　a　point；　as

soon　as　ever　the　Kilblazes'　carriage…and…pair　came　round；　to　have

out　her　own　carriage…and…four。



Well；　our　box　was　next　to　theirs　at　the　Opera；　only　twice　as　big。

Whatever　masters　went　to　Lady　Juliana；　came　to　my　Jemimarann；　and

what　do　you　think　Jemmy　did？　she　got　her　celebrated　governess；

Madame　de　Flicflac；　away　from　the　Countess；　by　offering　a　double

salary。　　It　was　quite　a　treasure；　they　said；　to　have　Madame

Flicflac：　she　had　been　（to　support　her　father；　the　Count；　when　he

emigrated）　a　FRENCH　dancer　at　the　ITALIAN　Opera。　　French　dancing；

and　Italian；　therefore；　we　had　at　once；　and　in　the　best　style：　it

is　astonishing　how　quick　and　well　she　used　to　speakthe　French

especially。



Master　Arthur　MacTurk　was　at　the　famous　school　of　the　Reverend

Clement　Coddler；　along　with　a　hundred　and　ten　other　young

fashionables；　from　the　age　of　three　to　fifteen；　and　to　this

establishment　Jemmy　sent　our　Tug；　adding　forty　guineas　to　the

hundred　and　twenty　paid　every　year　for　the　boarders。　　I　think　I

found　out　the　dear　soul's　reason；　for；　one　day；　speaking　about　the

school　to　a　mutual　acquaintance　of　ours　and　the　Kilblazes；　she

whispered　to　him　that　〃she　never　would　have　thought　of　sending　her

darling　boy　at　the　rate　which　her　next…door　neighbors　paid；　THEIR

lad；　she　was　sure；　must　be　starved：　however；　poor　people；　they　did

the　best　they　could　on　their　income！〃



Coddler's；　in　fact；　was　the　tip…top　school　near　London：　he　had　been

tutor　to　the　Duke　of　Buckminster；　who　had　set　him　up　in　the　school；

and；　as　I　tell　you；　all　the　peerage　and　respectable　commoners　came

to　it。　　You　read　in　the　bill；　（the　snopsis；　I　think；　Coddler　called

it；）　after　the　account　of　the　charges　for　board；　masters；　extras；

&c。〃Every　young　nobleman　（or　gentleman）　is　expected　to