burlesques-第94节

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〃Well；〃　says　he；　〃you're　mighty　bold　for　a　barber；　and　I　like　you；

Coxe；　for　your　spirit。〃　　And　so　we　came　out　of　the　gate。



As　for　describing　the　hunt；　I　own；　fairly；　I　can't。　　I've　been　at　a

hunt；　but　what　a　hunt　iswhy　the　horses　WILL　go　among　the　dogs　and

ride　them　downwhy　the　men　cry　out　〃yooooic〃why　the　dogs　go

snuffing　about　in　threes　and　fours；　and　the　huntsman　says；　〃Good

Towlergood　Betsy；〃　and　we　all　of　us　after　him　say；　〃Good　Towler

good　Betsy〃　in　course：　then；　after　hearing　a　yelp　here　and　a　howl

there；　tow；　row；　yow；　yow；　yow！　burst　out；　all　of　a　sudden；　from

three　or　four　of　them；　and　the　chap　in　a　velvet　cap　screeches　out

（with　a　number　of　oaths　I　shan't　repeat　here）；　〃Hark；　to　Ringwood！〃

and　then；　〃There　he　goes！〃　says　some　one；　and　all　of　a　sudden；

helter　skelter；　skurry　hurry；　slap　bang；　whooping；　screeching　and

hurraing；　blue…coats　and　red…coats；　bays　and　grays；　horses；　dogs；

donkeys；　butchers；　baro…knights；　dustmen；　and　blackguard　boys；　go

tearing　all　together　over　the　common　after　two　or　three　of　the　pack

that　yowl　loudest。　　Why　all　this　is；　I　can't　say；　but　it　all　took

place　the　second　Thursday　of　last　March；　in　my　presence。



Up　to　this；　I'd　kept　my　seat　as　well　as　the　best；　for　we'd　only

been　trotting　gently　about　the　field　until　the　dogs　found；　and　I

managed　to　stick　on　very　well；　but　directly　the　tow…rowing　began；

off　went　Trumpeter　like　a　thunderbolt；　and　I　found　myself　playing

among　the　dogs　like　the　donkey　among　the　chickens。　　〃Back；　Mr。

Coxe；〃　holloas　the　huntsman；　and　so　I　pulled　very　hard；　and　cried

out；　Wo！〃　but　he　wouldn't；　and　on　I　went　galloping　for　the　dear

life。　　How　I　kept　on　is　a　wonder；　but　I　squeezed　my　knees　in　very

tight；　and　shoved　my　feet　very　hard　into　the　stirrups；　and　kept

stiff　hold　of　the　scruff　of　Trumpeter's　neck；　and　looked　betwixt

his　ears　as　well　as　ever　I　could；　and　trusted　to　luck：　for　I　was　in

a　mortal　fright；　sure　enough；　as　many　a　better　man　would　be　in　such

a　case；　let　alone　a　poor　hairdresser。



As　for　the　hounds；　after　my　first　riding　in　among　them；　I　tell　you

honestly；　I　never　saw　so　much　as　the　tip　of　one　of　their　tails；

nothing　in　this　world　did　I　see　except　Trumpeter's　dun…colored

mane；　and　that　I　gripped　firm：　riding；　by　the　blessing　of　luck；

safe　through　the　walking；　the　trotting；　the　galloping；　and　never　so

much　as　getting　a　tumble。



There　was　a　chap　at　Croydon　very　well　known　as　the　〃Spicy　Dustman；〃

who；　when　he　could　get　no　horse　to　ride　to　the　hounds；　turned

regularly　out　on　his　donkey；　and　on　this　occasion　made　one　of　us。

He　generally　managed　to　keep　up　with　the　dogs　by　trotting　quietly

through　the　cross…roads；　and　knowing　the　country　well。　　Well；

having　a　good　guess　where　the　hounds　would　find；　and　the　line　that

sly　Reynolds　（as　they　call　the　fox）　would　take；　the　Spicy　Dustman

turned　his　animal　down　the　lane　from　Squashtail　to　Cutshins　Common；

across　which；　sure　enough；　came　the　whole　hunt。　　There's　a　small

hedge　and　a　remarkably　fine　ditch　here：　some　of　the　leading　chaps

took　both；　in　gallant　style；　others　went　round　by　a　gate；　and　so

would　I；　only　I　couldn't；　for　Trumpeter　would　have　the　hedge；　and

be　hanged　to　him；　and　went　right　for　it。



Hoop！　if　ever　you　DID　try　a　leap！　　Out　go　your　legs；　out　fling　your

arms；　off　goes　your　hat；　and　the　next　thing　you　feelthat　is；　I

didis　a　most　tremendous　thwack　across　the　chest；　and　my　feet

jerked　out　of　the　stirrups：　me　left　in　the　branches　of　a　tree；

Trumpeter　gone　clean　from　under　me；　and　walloping　and　floundering

in　the　ditch　underneath。　　One　of　the　stirrup…leathers　had　caught　in

a　stake；　and　the　horse　couldn't　get　away：　and　neither　of　us；　I

thought；　ever　WOULD　have　got　away：　but　all　of　a　sudden；　who　should

come　up　the　lane　but　the　Spicy　Dustman！



〃Holloa！〃　says　I；　〃you　gent；　just　let　us　down　from　this　here　tree！〃



〃Lor'！〃　says　he；　〃I'm　blest　if　I　didn't　take　you　for　a　robin。〃



〃Let's　down；〃　says　I；　but　he　was　all　the　time　employed　in　disengaging

Trumpeter；　whom　he　got　out　of　the　ditch；　trembling　and　as　quiet　as

possible。　　〃Let's　down；〃　says　I。　　〃Presently；〃　says　he；　and　taking

off　his　coat；　he　begins　whistling　and　swishing　down　Trumpeter's

sides　and　saddle；　and　when　he　had　finished；　what　do　you　think　the

rascal　did？he　just　quietly　mounted　on　Trumpeter's　back；　and　shouts

out；　〃Git　down　yourself；　old　Bearsgrease；　you've　only　to　drop！　　I'LL

give　your　'oss　a　hairing　arter　them　'ounds；　and　youvy；　you　may

ride　back　my　pony　to　Tuggeridgeweal！〃　　And　with　this；　I'm　blest　if

he　didn't　ride　away；　leaving　me　holding；　as　for　the　dear　life；　and

expecting　every　minute　the　branch　would　break。



It　DID　break　too；　and　down　I　came　into　the　slush；　and　when　I　got

out　of　it；　I　can　tell　you　I　didn't　look　much　like　the　Venuses　or

the　Apollor　Belvidearis　what　I　used　to　dress　and　titivate　up　for　my

shop　window　when　I　was　in　the　hairdressing　line；　or　smell　quite　so

elegant　as　our　rose…oil。　　Faugh！　what　a　figure　I　was！



I　had　nothing　for　it　but　to　mount　the　dustman's　donkey　（which　was

very　quietly　cropping　grass　in　the　hedge）；　and　to　make　my　way　home；

and　after　a　weary；　weary　journey；　I　arrived　at　my　own　gate。



A　whole　party　was　assembled　there。　　Tagrag；　who　had　come　back；

their　Excellencies　Mace　and　Punter；　who　were　on　a　visit；　and　a

number　of　horses　walking　up　and　down　before　the　whole　of　the

gentlemen　of　the　hunt；　who　had　come　in　after　losing　their　fox！

〃Here's　Squire　Coxe！〃　shouted　the　grooms。　　Out　rushed　the　servants；

out　poured　the　gents　of　the　hunt；　and　on　trotted　poor　me；　digging

into　the　donkey；　and　everybody　dying　with　laughter　at　me。



Just　as　I　got　up　to　the　door；　a　horse　came　galloping　up；　and　passed

me；　a　man　jumped　down；　and　taking　off　a　fantail　hat；　came　up；　very

gravely；　to　help　me　down。



〃Squire；〃　says　he；　〃how　came　you　by　that　there　hanimal？　　Jist　git

down；　will　you；　and　give　it　to　its　howner？〃



〃Rascal！〃　says　I；　〃didn't　you　ride　off　on　my　horse？〃



〃Was　there　ever　sich　ingratitude？〃　says　the　Spicy。　　〃I　found　this

year　'oss　in　a　pond；　I　saves　him　from　drowning；　I　brings　him　back

to　his　master；　and　he　calls　me　a　rascal！〃



The　grooms；　the　gents；　the　ladies　in　the　balcony；　my　own　servants；

all　set　up　a　roar　at　this；　and　so　would　I；　only　I　was　so　deucedly

ashamed；　as　not　to　be　able　to　laugh　just　then。



And　so　my　first　day's　hunting　ended。　　Tagrag　and　the　rest　declared

I　showed　great　pluck；　and　wanted　me　to　try　again；　but　〃No；〃　says　I；

〃I　HAVE　been。〃





THE　FINISHING　TOUCH。





I　was　always　fond　of　billiards：　and；　in　former　days；　at　Grogram's

in　Greek　Street；　where　a　few　jolly　lads　of　my　acquaintance　used　to

meet　twice　a　week　for　a　game；　and　a　snug　pipe　and　beer；　I　was

generally　voted　the　first　man　of　the　club；　and　could　take　five　from

John　the　marker　himself。　　I　had　a　genius；　in　fact；　for　the　game；

and　now　that　I　was　placed　in　that　station　of　life　where　I　could

cultivate　my　talents；　I　gave　them　full　play；　and　improved　amazingly。

I　do　say　that　I　think　myself　as　good　a　hand　as　any　chap　in　England。



The　Count　and　his　Excellency　Baron　von　Punter　were；　I　can　tell　you；

astonished　by　the　smartness　of　my　play：　the　first　two　or　three

rubbers　Punter　beat　me；　but　when　I　came　to　know　his　game；　I　used　to

knock　him　all　to　sticks；　or；　at　least；　win　six　games　to　his　four：

and　such　was　the　betting　upon　me；　his　Excellency　losing　large　sums

to　the　Count；　who　knew　what　play　was；　and　used　to　back　me。　　I　did

not　play　except　for　shillings；　so　my　skill　was　of　no　great　service

to　me。



One　day　I　entered　the　billiard…room　where　these　three　gentlemen

were　high　in　words。　　〃The　thing　shall　not　be　done；〃　I　heard　Captain

Tagrag　say：　〃I　won't　stand　it。〃



〃Vat；　begause　you　would　have　de　bird　all　to　yourzelf；　hey？〃　said

the　Baron。



〃You　sall　not　have　a　single　fezare　of　him；　begar；〃　said　the　Count：

〃ve　vill　blow　you；　M。　de　Taguerague；　parole　d'honneur；　ve　vill。〃



〃What's　all　this；　gents；〃　says　I；　stepping　in；　〃about　birds　and

feathers？〃



〃Oh；〃　says　Tagrag；　〃we　were　talking　aboutaboutpigeon…shooting；

the　Count　here　says　he　will　blow　a　bird　all　to　pieces　at　twenty

yards；　and　I　said　I　wouldn't　stand　it；　because　it　was　regular

murder。〃



〃Oh；　yase；　it　was　bidgeon…shooting；〃　cries　the　Baron：　〃and　I　know

no　better　sbort。　　Have　you　been　bidgeon…shooting；　my　dear　Squire？

De　fon　is　gabidal。〃



〃No　doubt；〃　says　I；　〃for　the　shooters；　but　mighty　bad　sport　for　the

PIGEON。〃　　And　this　joke　set　them　all　a…laughing　ready　to　die。　　I

didn't　know　then　what　a　good　joke　it　WAS；　neither；　but　I　gave

Master　Baron；　that　day；　a　precious　good　beating；　and　walked　off

with　no　less　than　fifteen　shillings　of　his　money。



As　a　sporting　man；　and　a　man　of　fashion；　I　need　not　say　that　I　took

in　the　Flare…up　regularly；　ay；　and　wrote　one　or　two　trifles　in　that

celebrated　publication　（one　of　my　papers；　which　Tagrag　subscribed

for　me；　Philo…pestitiaeamicus；　on　the　proper　sauce　for　teal　and

widgeonand