burlesques-第32节

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the　accomplished　writer；　and　we　have　only　just　learned　his　fate。

We　are　happy　to　state　that　it　is　a　comfortable　and　almost　a

prosperous　one。



The　Honorable　and　Right　Reverend　Lionel　Thistlewood；　Lord　Bishop　of

Bullocksmithy；　was　mentioned　as　the　uncle　of　Lady　Angelina

Silvertop。　　Her　elopement　with　her　cousin　caused　deep　emotion　to

the　venerable　prelate：　he　returned　to　the　palace　at　Bullocksmithy；

of　which　he　had　been　for　thirty　years　the　episcopal　ornament；　and

where　he　married　three　wives；　who　lie　buried　in　his　Cathedral

Church　of　St。　Boniface；　Bullocksmithy。



The　admirable　man　has　rejoined　those　whom　he　loved。　　As　he　was

preparing　a　charge　to　his　clergy　in　his　study　after　dinner；　the

Lord　Bishop　fell　suddenly　down　in　a　fit　of　apoplexy；　his　butler；

bringing　in　his　accustomed　dish　of　devilled　kidneys　for　supper；

discovered　the　venerable　form　extended　on　the　Turkey　carpet　with　a

glass　of　Madeira　in　his　hand；　but　life　was　extinct：　and　surgical

aid　was　therefore　not　particularly　useful。



All　the　late　prelate's　wives　had　fortunes；　which　the　admirable　man

increased　by　thrift；　the　judicious　sale　of　leases　which　fell　in

during　his　episcopacy；　&c。　　He　left　three　hundred　thousand　pounds

divided　between　his　nephew　and　niecenot　a　greater　sum　than　has

been　left　by　several　deceased　Irish　prelates。



What　Lord　Southdown　has　done　with　his　share　we　are　not　called　upon

to　state。　　He　has　composed　an　epitaph　to　the　Martyr　of　Bullocksmithy；

which　does　him　infinite　credit。　　But　we　are　happy　to　state　that　Lady

Angelina　Silvertop　presented　five　hundred　pounds　to　her　faithful　and

affectionate　servant；　Mary　Ann　Hoggins；　on　her　marriage　with　Mr。

James　Plush；　to　whom　her　Ladyship　also　made　a　handsome　present

namely；　the　lease；　good…will；　and　fixtures　of　the　〃Wheel　of　Fortune〃

public…house；　near　Shepherd's　Market；　May　Fair：　a　house　greatly

frequented　by　all　the　nobility's　footmen；　doing　a　genteel　stroke　of

business　in　the　neighborhood；　and　where；　as　we　have　heard；　the

〃Butlers'　Club〃　is　held。



Here　Mr。　Plush　lives　happy　in　a　blooming　and　interesting　wife：

reconciled　to　a　middle　sphere　of　life；　as　he　was　to　a　humbler

and　a　higher　one　before。　　He　has　shaved　off　his　whiskers；　and

accommodates　himself　to　an　apron　with　perfect　good　humor。　　A

gentleman　connected　with　this　establishment　dined　at　the　〃Wheel　of

Fortune〃　the　other　day；　and　collected　the　above　particulars。　　Mr。

Plush　blushed　rather；　as　he　brought　in　the　first　dish；　and　told　his

story　very　modestly　over　a　pint　of　excellent　port。　　He　had　only　one

thing　in　life　to　complain　of；　he　saidthat　a　witless　version　of

his　adventures　had　been　produced　at　the　Princess's　theatre；

〃without　with　your　leaf　or　by　your　leaf；〃　as　he　expressed　it。　　〃Has

for　the　rest；〃　the　worthy　fellow　said；　〃I'm　appypraps　betwixt　you

and　me　I'm　in　my　proper　spear。　　I　enjy　my　glass　of　beer　or　port

（with　your　elth　&　my　suvvice　to　you；　sir；）　quite　as　much　as　my

clarrit　in　my　prawsprus　days。　　I've　a　good　busniss；　which　is　likely

to　be　better。　　If　a　man　can't　be　appy　with　such　a　wife　as　my　Mary

Hann；　he's　a　beest：　and　when　a　christening　takes　place　in　our

famly；　will　you　give　my　complments　to　MR。　PUNCH；　and　ask　him　to　be

godfather。〃







LETTERS　OF　JEAMES。





JEAMES　ON　TIME　BARGINGS。





〃Peraps　at　this　present　momink　of　Railway　Hagetation　and　unsafety

the　follying　little　istory　of　a　young　friend　of　mine　may　hact　as　an

olesome　warning　to　hother　week　and　hirresolute　young　gents。



〃Young　Frederick　Timmins　was　the　horphan　son　of　a　respectable

cludgyman　in　the　West　of　Hengland。　　Hadopted　by　his　uncle；　Colonel

T；　of　the　Hoss…Mareens；　and　regardless　of　expence；　this　young

man　was　sent　to　Heaton　Collidge；　and　subsiquintly　to　Hoxford；　where

he　was　very　nearly　being　Senior　Rangler。　　He　came　to　London　to

study　for　the　lor。　　His　prospix　was　bright　indead；　and　he　lived　in

a　secknd　flore　in　Jerming　Street；　having　a　ginteal　inkum　of　two

hundred　lbs。　per　hannum。



〃With　this　andsum　enuity　it　may　be　supposed　that　Frederick　wanted

for　nothink。　　Nor　did　he。　　He　was　a　moral　and　well…educated　young

man；　who　took　care　of　his　close；　pollisht　his　hone　tea…party　boots；

cleaned　his　kidd…gloves　with　injer　rubber；　and；　when　not　invited　to

dine　out；　took　his　meals　reglar　at　the　Hoxford　and　Cambridge　Club

where　（unless　somebody　treated　him）　he　was　never　known　to　igseed

his　alf…pint　of　Marsally　Wine。



〃Merrits　and　vuttues　such　as　his　coodnt　long　pass　unperseavd　in　the

world。　　Admitted　to　the　most　fashnabble　parties；　it　wasn't　long

befor　sevral　of　the　young　ladies　viewed　him　with　a　favorable　i；

one；　ixpecially；　the　lovely　Miss　Hemily　Mulligatawney；　daughter　of

the　Heast…Injar　Derector　of　that　name。　　As　she　was　the　richest　gal

of　all　the　season；　of　corse　Frederick　fell　in　love　with　her。　　His

haspirations　were　on　the　pint　of　being　crowndid　with　success；　and

it　was　agreed　that　as　soon　as　he　was　called　to　the　bar；　when　he

would　sutnly　be　apinted　a　Judge；　or　a　revising　barrister；　or　Lord

Chanslor；　he　should　lead　her　to　the　halter。



〃What　life　could　be　more　desirable　than　Frederick's？　　He　gave　up

his　mornings　to　perfeshnl　studdy；　under　Mr。　Bluebag；　the　heminent

pleader；　he　devoted　his　hevenings　to　helegant　sosiaty　at　his　Clubb；

or　with　his　hadord　Hemily。　　He　had　no　cares；　no　detts；　no

egstravigancies；　he　never　was　known　to　ride　in　a　cabb；　unless　one

of　his　tip…top　friends　lent　it　him；　to　go　to　a　theayter　unless　he

got　a　horder；　or　to　henter　a　tavern　or　smoke　a　cigar。　　If

prosperraty　was　hever　chocked　out；　it　was　for　that　young　man。



〃But　SUCKMSTANCES　arose。　　Fatle　suckmstances　for　pore　Frederick

Timmins。　　The　Railway　Hoperations　began。



〃For　some　time；　immerst　in　lor　and　love；　in　the　hardent　hoccupations

of　his　cheembers；　or　the　sweet　sosiaty　of　his　Hemily；　Frederick　took

no　note　of　railroads。　　He　did　not　reckonize　the　jigantic　revalution

which　with　hiron　strides　was　a　walkin　over　the　country。　　But　they

began　to　be　talked　of　even　in　HIS　quiat　haunts。　Heven　in　the　Hoxford

and　Cambridge　Clubb；　fellers　were　a　speculatin。　　Tom　Thumper　（of

Brasen　Nose）　cleared　four　thousand　lb。；　Bob　Bullock　（of　Hexeter）；

who　had　lost　all　his　proppaty　gambling；　had　set　himself　up　again；

and　Jack　Deuceace；　who　had　won　it；　had　won　a　small　istate　besides

by　lucky　specklations　in　the　Share　Markit。



〃HEVERY　BODY　WON。　　'Why　shouldn't　I？'　thought　pore　Fred；　and　having

saved　100　lb。；　he　began　a　writin　for　sharesusing；　like　an

ickonominicle　feller　as　he　was；　the　Clubb　paper　to　a　prodigious

igstent。　　All　the　Railroad　directors；　his　friends；　helped　him　to

sharesthe　allottments　came　tumbling　inhe　took　the　primmiums　by

fifties　and　hundreds　a　day。　　His　desk　was　cramd　full　of　bank　notes：

his　brane　world　with　igsitement。



〃He　gave　up　going　to　the　Temple；　and　might　now　be　seen　hall　day

about　Capel　Court。　　He　took　no　more　hinterest　in　lor；　but　his　whole

talk　was　of　railroad　lines。　　His　desk　at　Mr。　Bluebag's　was　filled

full　of　prospectisises；　and　that　legal　gent　wrote　to　Fred's　uncle；

to　say　he　feared　he　was　neglectin　his　bisniss。



〃Alass！　he　WAS　neglectin　it；　and　all　his　sober　and　industerous

habits。　　He　begann　to　give　dinners；　and　thought　nothin　of　partys　to

Greenwich　or　Richmond。　　He　didn't　see　his　Hemily　near　so　often：

although　the　hawdacious　and　misguided　young　man　might　have　done　so

much　more　heasily　now　than　before：　for　now　he　kep　a　Broom！



〃But　there's　a　tumminus　to　hevery　Railway。　　Fred's　was　approachin：

in　an　evil　hour　he　began　making　TIME…BARGINGS。　　Let　this　be　a

warning　to　all　young　fellers；　and　Fred's　huntimely　hend　hoperate　on

them　in　a　moral　pint　of　vu！



〃You　all　know　under　what　favrabble　suckemstanses　the　Great　Hafrican

Line；　the　Grand　Niger　Junction；　or　Gold　Coast　and　Timbuctoo

（Provishnal）　Hatmospheric　Railway　came　out　four　weeks　ago：　deposit

ninepence　per　share　of　20L。　（six　elephant's　teeth；　twelve　tons　of

palm…oil；　or　four　healthy　niggers；　African　currency）the　shares　of

this　helegeble　investment　rose　to　1；　2；　3；　in　the　Markit。　　A　happy

man　was　Fred　when；　after　paying　down　100　ninepences　（3L。　15s。）；　he

sold　his　shares　for　250L。　　He　gave　a　dinner　at　the　'Star　and

Garter'　that　very　day。　　I　promise　you　there　was　no　Marsally　THERE。



〃Nex　day　they　were　up　at　3　1/4。　　This　put　Fred　in　a　rage：　they　rose

to　5；　he　was　in　a　fewry。　　'What　an　ass　I　was　to　sell；'　said　he；

'when　all　this　money　was　to　be　won！'



〃'And　so　you　WERE　an　Ass；'　said　his　partiklar　friend；　Colonel　Claw；

K。X。R。；　a　director　of　the　line；　'a　double…eared　Ass。　　My　dear

fellow；　the　shares　will　be　at　15　next　week。　　Will　you　give　me　your

solemn　word　of　honor　not　to　breathe　to　mortal　man　what　I　am　going

to　tell　you？'



〃'Honor　bright；'　says　Fred。



〃'HUDSON　HAS　JOINED　THE　LINE。'　　Fred　didn't　say　a　word　more；　but

went　tumbling　down　to　the　City　in　his　Broom。　　You　know　the　state　of

the　streets。　　Claw　WENT　BY　WATER。



〃'Buy　me　one　thousand　Hafricans　for　the　30th；'　c