burlesques-第15节

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thought　not　of　thee。



It　happened　thus。　　Miss　Amethyst　being　engaged　to　drive　with　her

cousin　the　prince　in　his　phaeton；　her　own　carriage　was　sent　into

the　Park　simply　with　her　companion；　who　had　charge　of　her　little

Fido；　the　dearest　little　spaniel　in　the　world。　　Jeames　and

Frederick　were　behind　the　carriage　with　their　long　sticks　and　neat

dark　liveries；　the　horses　were　worth　a　thousand　guineas　each；　the

coachman　a　late　lieutenant…colonel　of　cavalry：　the　whole　ring　could

not　boast　a　more　elegant　turn…out。



The　prince　drove　his　curricle；　and　had　charge　of　his　belle　cousine。

It　may　have　been　the　red　fezzes　in　the　carriage　of　the　Turkish

ambassador　which　frightened　the　prince's　grays；　or　Mrs。　Champignon's

new　yellow　liveries；　which　were　flaunting　in　the　Park；　or　hideous

Lady　Gorgon's　preternatural　ugliness；　who　passed　in　a　low

pony…carriage　at　the　time；　or　the　prince's　own　want　of　skill；

finally；　but　certain　it　is　that　the　horses　took　fright；　dashed

wildly　along　the　mile；　scattered　equipages；　pietons；　dandies'　cabs；

and　snobs'　pheaytons。　　Amethyst　was　screaming；　and　the　prince；

deadly　pale；　had　lost　all　presence　of　mind；　as　the　curricle　came

rushing　by　the　spot　where　Miss　Amethyst's　carriage　stood。



〃I'm　blest；〃　Frederick　exclaimed　to　his　companion；　〃if　it　ain't　the

prince　a…drivin　our　missis！　　They'll　be　in　the　Serpingtine；　or

dashed　to　pieces；　if　they　don't　mind。〃　　And　the　runaway　steeds　at

this　instant　came　upon　them　as　a　whirlwind。



But　if　those　steeds　ran　at　a　whirlwind　pace；　Jeames　was　swifter。

To　jump　from　behind；　to　bound　after　the　rocking；　reeling　curricle；

to　jump　into　it；　aided　by　the　long　stick　which　he　carried　and　used

as　a　leaping…pole；　and　to　seize　the　reins　out　of　the　hands　of　the

miserable　Borodino；　who　shrieked　piteously　as　the　dauntless　valet

leapt　on　his　toes　and　into　his　seat；　was　the　work　of　an　instant。

In　a　few　minutes　the　mad；　swaying　rush　of　the　horses　was　reduced　to

a　swift　but　steady　gallop；　presently　into　a　canter；　then　a　trot；

until　finally　they　pulled　up　smoking　and　trembling；　but　quite

quiet；　by　the　side　of　Amethyst's　carriage；　which　came　up　at　a　rapid

pace。



〃Give　me　the　reins；　malappris！　tu　m'ecrases　le　corps；　manant！〃

yelled　the　frantic　nobleman；　writhing　underneath　the　intrepid

charioteer。



〃Tant　pis　pour　toi；　nigaud；〃　was　the　reply。　　The　lovely　Amethyst　of

course　had　fainted；　but　she　recovered　as　she　was　placed　in　her

carriage；　and　rewarded　her　preserver　with　a　celestial　smile。



The　rage；　the　fury；　the　maledictions　of　Borodino；　as　he　saw　the

lattera　liveried　menialstoop　gracefully　forward　and　kiss

Amethyst's　hand；　may　be　imagined　rather　than　described。　　But　Jeames

heeded　not　his　curses。　　Having　placed　his　adored　mistress　in　the

carriage；　he　calmly　resumed　his　station　behind。　　Passion　or　danger

seemed　to　have　no　impression　upon　that　pale　marble　face。



Borodino　went　home　furious；　nor　was　his　rage　diminished；　when；　on

coming　to　dinner　that　day；　a　recherche　banquet　served　in　the

Frangipane　best　style；　and　requesting　a　supply　of　a　puree　a　la

bisque　aux　ecrevisses；　the　clumsy　attendant　who　served　him　let　fall

the　assiette　of　vermeille　cisele；　with　its　scalding　contents；　over

the　prince's　chin；　his　Mechlin　jabot；　and　the　grand　cordon　of　the

Legion　of　honor　which　he　wore。



〃Infame；〃　howled　Borodino；　〃tu　l'as　fait　expres！〃



〃Oui；　je　l'ai　fait　expres；〃　said　the　man；　with　the　most　perfect

Parisian　accent。　　It　was　Jeames。



Such　insolence　of　course　could　not　be　passed　unnoticed　even　after

the　morning's　service；　and　he　was　chassed　on　the　spot。　　He　had　been

but　a　week　in　the　house。



The　next　month　the　newspapers　contained　a　paragraph　which　may

possibly　elucidate　the　above　mystery；　and　to　the　following　effect：



〃Singular　Wager。One　night；　at　the　end　of　last　season；　the　young

and　eccentric　Earl　of　B…gn…gge　laid　a　wager　of　twenty…five　thousand

pounds　with　a　broken　sporting　patrician；　the　dashing　Marquis　of

M…rt…ng…le；　that　he　would　pass　a　week　under　the　roof　of　a　celebrated

and　lovely　young　heiress；　who　lives　not　a　hundred　miles　from

B…lgr…ve　Squ…re。　　The　bet　having　been　made；　the　earl　pretended　an

illness；　and　having　taken　lessons　from　one　of　his　lordship's　own

footmen　（Mr。　James　Plush；　whose　name　he　also　borrowed）　in　'the

MYSTERIES　of　the　PROFESSION；'　actually　succeeded　in　making　an　entry

into　Miss　P…ml…co's　mansion；　where　he　stopped　one　week　exactly；

having　time　to　win　his　bet；　and　to　save　the　life　of　the　lady；　whom

we　hear　he　is　about　to　lead　to　the　altar。　　He　disarmed　the　Prince

of　Borodino　in　a　duel　fought　on　Calais　sandsand；　it　is　said；

appeared　at　the　C　club　wearing　his　PLUSH　COSTUME　under　a　cloak；

and　displaying　it　as　a　proof　that　he　had　won　his　wager。〃



Such；　indeed；　were　the　circumstances。　　The　young　couple　have　not

more　than　nine　hundred　thousand　a　year；　but　they　live　cheerfully；

and　manage　to　do　good；　and　Emily　de　Pentonville；　who　adores　her

daughter…in…law　and　her　little　grandchildren；　is　blest　in　seeing

her　darling　son　enfin　un　homme　range。







CRINOLINE。



BY　JE…MES　PL…SH；　ESQ。





I。





I'm　not　at　libbaty　to　divulj　the　reel　names　of　the　2　Eroes　of　the

igstrawny　Tail　which　I　am　abowt　to　relait　to　those　unlightnd

paytrons　of　letarature　and　true　connyshures　of　merritthe　great

Brittish　publicBut　I　pledj　my　varacity　that　this　singlar　story　of

rewmantic　love；　absobbing　pashn；　and　likewise　of　GENTEEL　LIFE；　is；

in　the　main　fax；　TREW。　　The　suckmstanzas　I　elude　to；　ocurd　in　the

rain　of　our　presnt　Gratious　Madjisty　and　her　beluvd　and　roil

Concert　Prince　Halbert。



Welthen。　　Some　time　in　the　seazen　of　18　（mor　I　dar　not　rewheel）

there　arrived　in　this　metropulus；　per　seknd　class　of　the　London　and

Dover　Railway；　an　ellygant　young　foring　gentleman；　whom　I　shall

danomminate　Munseer　Jools　De　Chacabac。



Having　read　through　〃The　Vicker　of　Wackfield〃　in　the　same　oridganal

English　tung　in　which　this　very　harticle　I　write　is　wrote　too；　and

halways　been　remarkyble；　both　at　collidge　and　in　the　estamminy；　for

his　aytred　and　orror　of　perfidgus　Halbion；　Munseer　Jools　was

considered　by　the　prapriretors　of　the　newspaper　in　which　he　wrote；

at　Parris；　the　very　man　to　come　to　this　country；　igsamin　its

manners　and　customs；　cast　an　i　upon　the　politticle　and　finalshle

stat　of　the　Hempire；　and　igspose　the　mackynations　of　the　infyamous

Palmerston；　and　the　ebomminable　Sir　Pillboth　enemies　of　France；

as　is　every　other　Britten　of　that　great；　gloarus；　libberal；　and

peasable　country。　　In　one　word；　Jools　de　Chacabac　was　a　penny…a…

liner。



〃I　will　go　see　with　my　own　I's；〃　he　said；　〃that　infimus　hiland　of

which　the　innabitants　are　shopkeepers；　gorged　with　roast　beef　and

treason。　　I　will　go　and　see　the　murderers　of　the　Hirish；　the

pisoners　of　the　Chynese；　the　villians　who　put　the　Hemperor　to　death

in　Saintyleany；　the　artful　dodges　who　wish　to　smother　Europe　with

their　cotton；　and　can't　sleep　or　rest　heasy　for　henvy　and　hatred　of

the　great　inwinsable　French　nation。　　I　will　igsammin；　face　to　face；

these　hotty　insularies；　I　will　pennytrate　into　the　secrets　of　their

Jessywhittickle　cabinet；　and　beard　Palmerston　in　his　denn。〃　　When

he　jumpt　on　shor　at　Foaxton　（after　having　been　tremenguously　sick

in　the　fourcabbing）；　he　exclaimed；　〃Enfin　je　te　tiens；　Ile　maudite！

je　te　crache　a　la　figure；　vieille　Angleterre！　　Je　te　foule　a　mes

pieds　an　nom　du　monde　outrage；〃　and　so　proseaded　to　inwade　the

metropulus。



As　he　wisht　to　micks　with　the　very　chicest　sosiaty；　and　git　the

best　of　infamation　about　this　country；　Munseer　Jools　of　coarse　went

and　lodgd　in　Lester　SquareLester　Squarr；　as　he　calls　itwhich；

as　he　was　infommed　in　the　printed　suckular　presented　to　him　by　a

very　greasy　but　polite　comishner　at　the　Custumus　Stares；　was　in　the

scenter　of　the　town；　contiggus　to　the　Ouses　of　Parlyment；　the

prinsple　theayters；　the　parx；　St。　Jams　Pallice；　and　the　Corts　of

Lor。　　〃I　can　surwhey　them　all　at　one　cut　of　the　eye；〃　Jools

thought；　〃the　Sovring；　the　infamus　Ministers　plotting　the

destruction　of　my　immortial　country；　the　business　and　pleasure　of

these　pusprond　Londoners　and　aristoxy；　I　can　look　round　and　see

all。〃　　So　he　took　a　three…pair　back　in　a　French　hotel；　the　〃Hotel

de　l'Ail；〃　kep　by　Monsieur　Gigotot；　Cranbourne　Street；　Lester

Squarr；　London。



In　this　otell　there's　a　billiard…room　on　the　first　floor；　and　a

tabble…doat　at　eighteenpence　peredd　at　5　o'clock；　and　the　landlord；

who　kem　into　Jools's　room　smoaking　a　segar；　told　the　young　gent

that　the　house　was　friquented　by　all　the　Brittish　nobillaty；　who

reglar　took　their　dinners　there。　　〃They　can't　ebide　their　own

quiseen；〃　he　said。　　〃You'll　see　what　a　dinner　we'll　serve　you　to…

day。〃　　Jools　wrote　off　to　his　paper



〃The　members　of　the　haughty　and　luxurious　English　aristocracy；　like

all　the　rest　of　the　world；　are　obliged　to　fly　to　France　for　the

indulgence　of　their　luxuries。　　The　nobles　of　England；　quitting

their