burlesques-第100节

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being　able　to　speak　the　language；　leaving　our　own　dear　country　and

honest　countrymen。



Fourteen　porters　came　out；　and　each　took　a　package　with　the

greatest　civility；　calling　Jemmy　her　ladyship；　and　me　your　honor；

ay；　and　your　honoring　and　my　ladyshipping　even　my　man　and　the　maid

in　the　cab。　　I　somehow　felt　all　over　quite　melancholy　at　going

away。　　〃Here；　my　fine　fellow；〃　says　I　to　the　coachman；　who　was

standing　very　respectful；　holding　his　hat　in　one　hand　and　Jemmy's

jewel…case　in　the　other〃Here；　my　fine　chap；〃　says　I；　〃here's　six

shillings　for　you；〃　for　I　did　not　care　for　the　money。



〃Six　what？〃　says　he。



〃Six　shillings；　fellow；〃　shrieks　Jemmy；　〃and　twice　as　much　as　your

fare。〃



〃Feller；　marm！〃　says　this　insolent　coachman。　　〃Feller　yourself；

marm：　do　you　think　I'm　a…going　to　kill　my　horses；　and　break　my

precious　back；　and　bust　my　carriage；　and　carry　you；　and　your　kids；

and　your　traps　for　six　hog？〃　　And　with　this　the　monster　dropped　his

hat；　with　my　money　in　it；　and　doubling　his　fist　put　it　so　very　near

my　nose　that　I　really　thought　he　would　have　made　it　bleed。　　〃My

fare's　heighteen　shillings；〃　says　he；　〃hain't　it？hask　hany　of

these　gentlemen。〃



〃Why；　it　ain't　more　than　seventeen…and…six；〃　says　one　of　the

fourteen　porters；　〃but　if　the　gen'l'man　IS　a　gen'l'man；　he　can't

give　no　less　than　a　suffering　anyhow。〃



I　wanted　to　resist；　and　Jemmy　screamed　like　a　Turk；　but；　〃Holloa！〃

says　one。　　〃What's　the　row？〃　says　another。　　〃Come；　dub　up！〃　roars　a

third。　　And　I　don't　mind　telling　you；　in　confidence；　that　I　was　so

frightened　that　I　took　out　the　sovereign　and　gave　it。　　My　man　and

Jemmy's　maid　had　disappeared　by　this　time：　they　always　do　when

there's　a　robbery　or　a　row　going　on。



I　was　going　after　them。　　〃Stop；　Mr。　Ferguson；〃　pipes　a　young

gentleman　of　about　thirteen；　with　a　red　livery　waistcoat　that

reached　to　his　ankles；　and　every　variety　of　button；　pin；　string；　to

keep　it　together。　　〃Stop；　Mr。　Heff；〃　says　he；　taking　a　small　pipe

out　of　his　mouth；　〃and　don't　forgit　the　cabman。〃



〃What's　your　fare；　my　lad？〃　says　I。



〃Why；　let's　seeyesho！my　fare's　seven…and…thirty　and　eightpence

eggsacly。〃



The　fourteen　gentlemen　holding　the　luggage；　here　burst　out　and

laughed　very　rudely　indeed；　and　the　only　person　who　seemed

disappointed　was；　I　thought；　the　hackney…coachman。　　〃Why；　YOU

rascal！〃　says　Jemmy；　laying　hold　of　the　boy；　〃do　you　want　more　than

the　coachman？〃



〃Don't　rascal　ME；　marm！〃　shrieks　the　little　chap　in　return。

〃What's　the　coach　to　me？　　Vy；　you　may　go　in　an　omlibus　for　sixpence

if　you　like；　vy　don't　you　go　and　buss　it；　marm？　　Vy　did　you　call　my

cab；　marm？　　Vy　am　I　to　come　forty　mile；　from　Scarlot　Street；

Po'tl'nd　Street；　Po'tl'nd　Place；　and　not　git　my　fare；　marm？　　Come；

give　me　a　suffering　and　a　half；　and　don't　keep　my　hoss　avaiting　all

day。〃　　This　speech；　which　takes　some　time　to　write　down；　was　made

in　about　the　fifth　part　of　a　second；　and；　at　the　end　of　it；　the

young　gentleman　hurled　down　his　pipe；　and；　advancing　towards　Jemmy；

doubled　his　fist；　and　seemed　to　challenge　her　to　fight。



My　dearest　girl　now　turned　from　red　to　be　as　pale　as　white　Windsor；

and　fell　into　my　arms。　　What　was　I　to　do？　　I　called　〃Policeman！〃

but　a　policeman　won't　interfere　in　Thames　Street；　robbery　is

licensed　there。　　What　was　I　to　do？　　Oh！　my　heart　beats　with

paternal　gratitude　when　I　think　of　what　my　Tug　did！



As　soon　as　this　young　cab…chap　put　himself　into　a　fighting

attitude；　Master　Tuggeridge　Coxewho　had　been　standing　by　laughing

very　rudely；　I　thoughtMaster　Tuggeridge　Coxe；　I　say；　flung　his

jacket　suddenly　into　his　mamma's　face　（the　brass　buttons　made　her

start　and　recovered　her　a　little）；　and；　before　we　could　say　a　word

was　in　the　ring　in　which　we　stood　（formed　by　the　porters；　nine

orangemen　and　women；　I　don't　know　how　many　newspaper…boys；　hotel…

cads；　and　old…clothesmen）；　and；　whirling　about　two　little　white

fists　in　the　face　of　the　gentleman　in　the　red　waistcoat；　who

brought　up　a　great　pair　of　black　ones　to　bear　on　the　enemy；　was

engaged　in　an　instant。



But　la　bless　you！　　Tug　hadn't　been　at　Richmond　School　for　nothing；

and　MILLED　away　one；　two；　right　and　leftlike　a　little　hero　as　he

is；　with　all　his　dear　mother's　spirit　in　him。　　First　came　a　crack

which　sent　a　long　dusky　white　hatthat　looked　damp　and　deep　like　a

well；　and　had　a　long　black　crape…rag　twisted　round　itfirst　came　a

crack　which　sent　this　white　hat　spinning　over　the　gentleman's　cab

and　scattered　among　the　crowd　a　vast　number　of　things　which　the

cabman　kept　in　it；such　as　a　ball　of　string；　a　piece　of　candle；　a

comb；　a　whip…lash；　a　little　warbler；　a　slice　of　bacon；　&c。　&c。



The　cabman　seemed　sadly　ashamed　of　this　display；　but　Tug　gave　him

no　time：　another　blow　was　planted　on　his　cheekbone；　and　a　third；

which　hit　him　straight　on　the　nose；　sent　this　rude　cabman　straight

down　to　the　ground。



〃Brayvo；　my　lord！〃　shouted　all　the　people　around。



〃I　won't　have　no　more；　thank　yer；〃　said　the　little　cabman；

gathering　himself　up。　　〃Give　us　over　my　fare；　vil　yer；　and　let　me

git　away？〃



〃What's　your　fare；　NOW；　you　cowardly　little　thief？〃　says　Tug。



〃Vy；　then；　two…and…eightpence；〃　says　he。　　〃Go　along；you　KNOW　it

is！〃　and　two…and…eightpence　he　had；　and　everybody　applauded　Tug；

and　hissed　the　cab…boy；　and　asked　Tug　for　something　to　drink。　　We

heard　the　packet…bell　ringing；　and　all　run　down　the　stairs　to　be　in

time。



I　now　thought　our　troubles　would　soon　be　over；　mine　were；　very

nearly　so；　in　one　sense　at　least：　for　after　Mrs。　Coxe　and

Jemimarann；　and　Tug；　and　the　maid；　and　valet；　and　valuables　had

been　handed　across；　it　came　to　my　turn。　　I　had　often　heard　of

people　being　taken　up　by　a　PLANK；　but　seldom　of　their　being　set

down　by　one。　　Just　as　I　was　going　over；　the　vessel　rode　off　a

little；　the　board　slipped；　and　down　I　soused　into　the　water。　　You

might　have　heard　Mrs。　Coxe's　shriek　as　far　as　Gravesend；　it　rung　in

my　ears　as　I　went　down；　all　grieved　at　the　thought　of　leaving　her　a

disconsolate　widder。　　Well；　up　I　came　again；　and　caught　the　brim　of

my　beaver…hatthough　I　have　heard　that　drowning　men　catch　at

straws：I　floated；　and　hoped　to　escape　by　hook　or　by　crook；　and；

luckily；　just　then；　I　felt　myself　suddenly　jerked　by　the　waistband

of　my　whites；　and　found　myself　hauled　up　in　the　air　at　the　end　of　a

boat…hook；　to　the　sound　of　〃Yeho！　yeho！　yehoi！　yehoi！〃　and　so　I　was

dragged　aboard。　　I　was　put　to　bed；　and　had　swallowed　so　much　water

that　it　took　a　very　considerable　quantity　of　brandy　to　bring　it　to

a　proper　mixture　in　my　inside。　　In　fact；　for　some　hours　I　was　in　a

very　deplorable　state。





NOTICE　TO　QUIT。





Well；　we　arrived　at　Boulogne；　and　Jemmy；　after　making　inquiries；

right　and　left；　about　the　Baron；　found　that　no　such　person　was

known　there；　and　being　bent；　I　suppose；　at　all　events；　on　marrying

her　daughter　to　a　lord；　she　determined　to　set　off　for　Paris；　where；

as　he　had　often　said；　he　possessed　a　magnificent　　hotel　he

called　it；and　I　remember　Jemmy　being　mightily　indignant　at　the

idea；　but　hotel；　we　found　afterwards；　means　only　a　house　in　French；

and　this　reconciled　her。　　Need　I　describe　the　road　from　Boulogne　to

Paris？　　or　need　I　describe　that　Capitol　itself？　　Suffice　it　to　say；

that　we　made　our　appearance　there；　at　〃Murisse's　Hotel；〃　as　became

the　family　of　Coxe　Tuggeridge；　and　saw　everything　worth　seeing　in

the　metropolis　in　a　week。　　It　nearly　killed　me；　to　be　sure；　but；

when　you're　on　a　pleasure…party　in　a　foreign　country；　you　must　not

mind　a　little　inconvenience　of　this　sort。



Well；　there　is；　near　the　city　of　Paris；　a　splendid　road　and　row　of

trees；　whichI　don't　know　whyis　called　the　Shandeleezy；　or

Elysian　Fields；　in　French：　others；　I　have　heard；　call　it　the

Shandeleery；　but　mine　I　know　to　be　the　correct　pronunciation。　　In

the　middle　of　this　Shandeleezy　is　an　open　space　of　ground；　and　a

tent　where；　during　the　summer；　Mr。　Franconi；　the　French　Ashley；

performs　with　his　horses　and　things。　　As　everybody　went　there；　and

we　were　told　it　was　quite　the　thing；　Jemmy　agreed　that　we　should　go

too；　and　go　we　did。



It's　just　like　Ashley's：　there's　a　man　just　like　Mr。　Piddicombe；

who　goes　round　the　ring　in　a　huzzah…dress；　cracking　a　whip；　there

are　a　dozen　Miss　Woolfords；　who　appear　like　Polish　princesses；

Dihannas；　Sultannas；　Cachuchas；　and　heaven　knows　what！　　There's　the

fat　man；　who　comes　in　with　the　twenty…three　dresses　on；　and　turns

out　to　be　the　living　skeleton！　　There's　the　clowns；　the　sawdust；

the　white　horse　that　dances　a　hornpipe；　the　candles　stuck　in　hoops；

just　as　in　our　own　dear　country。



My　dear　wife；　in　her　very　finest　clothes；　with　all　the　world

looking　at　her；　was　really　enjoying　this　spectacle　（which　doesn't

require　any　knowledge　of　the　language；　seeing　that　the　dumb　animals

don't　talk　it）；　when　there　came　in；　presently；　〃the　great　Polish

act　of　the　Sarmatian　horse…tamer；　on　eight　steeds；〃　which