adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第93节
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him away。 That pale look came upon Arthur like the beginning of
a dull pain； which clung to him； though he must dance and smile
and joke all the same。 Hetty would look so； when he told her what
he had to tell her； and he should never be able to bear it—he
should be a fool and give way again。 Hetty’s look did not really
mean so much as he thought： it was only the sign of a struggle
between the desire for him to notice her and the dread lest she
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should betray the desire to others。 But Hetty’s face had a language
that transcended her feelings。 There are faces which nature
charges with a meaning and pathos not belonging to the single
human soul that flutters beneath them； but speaking the joys and
sorrows of foregone generations—eyes that tell of deep love which
doubtless has been and is somewhere； but not paired with these
eyes—perhaps paired with pale eyes that can say nothing； just as a
national language may be instinct with poetry unfelt by the lips
that use it。 That look of Hetty’s oppressed Arthur with a dread
which yet had something of a terrible unconfessed delight in it；
that she loved him too well。 There was a hard task before him； for
at that moment he felt he would have given up three years of his
youth for the happiness of abandoning himself without remorse to
his passion for Hetty。
These were the incongruous thoughts in his mind as he led
Mrs。 Poyser； who was panting with fatigue； and secretly resolving
that neither judge nor jury should force her to dance another
dance； to take a quiet rest in the dining…room； where supper was
laid out for the guests to come and take it as they chose。
“I’ve desired Hetty to remember as she’s got to dance wi’ you；
sir；” said the good innocent woman； “for she’s so thoughtless；
she’d be like enough to go an’ engage herself for ivery dance。 So I
told her not to promise too many。”
“Thank you； Mrs。 Poyser；” said Arthur； not without a twinge。
“Now； sit down in this comfortable chair； and here is Mills ready
to give you what you would like best。”
He hurried away to seek another matronly partner； for due
honour must be paid to the married women before he asked any of
the young ones； and the country…dances； and the stamping； and
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the gracious nodding； and the waving of the hands； went on
joyously。
At last the time had come for the fourth dance—longed for by
the strong； grave Adam； as if he had been a delicate…handed youth
of eighteen； for we are all very much alike when we are in our first
love； and Adam had hardly ever touched Hetty’s hand for more
than a transient greeting—had never danced with her but once
before。 His eyes had followed her eagerly to…night in spite of
himself； and had taken in deeper draughts of love。 He thought she
behaved so prettily； so quietly； she did not seem to be flirting at all
she smiled less than usual； there was almost a sweet sadness about
her。 “God bless her！” he said inwardly； “I’d make her life a happy
’un； if a strong arm to work for her； and a heart to love her； could
do it。”
And then there stole over him delicious thoughts of coming
home from work； and drawing Hetty to his side； and feeling her
cheek softly pressed against his； till he forgot where he was； and
the music and the tread of feet might have been the falling of rain
and the roaring of the wind； for what he knew。
But now the third dance was ended； and he might go up to her
and claim her hand。 She was at the far end of the hall near the
staircase； whispering with Molly； who had just given the sleeping
Totty into her arms before running to fetch shawls and bonnets
from the landing。 Mrs。 Poyser had taken the two boys away into
the dining…room to give them some cake before they went home in
the cart with Grandfather and Molly was to follow as fast as
possible。
“Let me hold her；” said Adam； as Molly turned upstairs； “the
children are so heavy when they’re asleep。”
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Hetty was glad of the relief； for to hold Totty in her arms；
standing； was not at all a pleasant variety to her。 But this second
transfer had the unfortunate effect of rousing Totty； who was not
behind any child of her age in peevishness at an unseasonable
awaking。 While Hetty was in the act of placing her in Adam’s
arms； and had not yet withdrawn her own； Totty opened her eyes；
and forthwith fought out with her left fist at Adam’s arm； and with
her right caught at the string of brown beads round Hetty’s neck。
The locket leaped out from her frock； and the next moment the
string was broken； and Hetty； helpless； saw beads and locket
scattered wide on the floor。
“My locket； my locket！” she said； in a loud frightened whisper to
Adam； “never mind the beads。”
Adam had already seen where the locket fell； for it had
attracted his glance as it leaped out of her frock。 It had fallen on
the raised wooden dais where the band sat； not on the stone floor；
and as Adam picked it up； he saw the glass with the dark and light
locks of hair under it。 It had fallen that side upwards； so the glass
was not broken。 He turned it over on his hand； and saw the
enamelled gold back。
“It isn’t hurt；” he said； as he held it towards Hetty； who was
unable to take it because both her hands were occupied with
Totty。
“Oh； it doesn’t matter； I don’t mind about it；” said Hetty； who
had been pale and was now red。
“Not matter？” said Adam； gravely。 “You seemed very
frightened about it。 I’ll hold it till you’re ready to take it；” he
added； quietly closing his hand over it； that she might not think he
wanted to look at it again。
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By this time Molly had come with bonnet and shawl； and as
soon as she had taken Totty； Adam placed the locket in Hetty’s
hand。 She took it with an air of indifference and put it in her
pocket； in her heart vexed and angry with Adam because he had
seen it； but determined now that she would show no more signs of
agitation。
“See；” she said； “they’re taking their places to dance； let us go。”
Adam assented silently。 A puzzled alarm had taken possession
of him。 Had Hetty a lover he didn’t know of？ For none of her
relations； he was sure； would give her a locket like that； and none
of her admirers； with whom he was acquainted； was in the position
of an accepted lover； as the giver of that locket must be。 Adam was
lost in the utter impossibility of finding any person for his fears to
alight on。 He could only feel with a terrible pang that there was
something in Hetty’s life unknown to him； that while he had been
rocking himself in the hope that she would come to love him； she
was already loving another。 The pleasure of the dance with Hetty
was gone； his eyes； when they rested on her； had an uneasy
questioning expression in them； he could think of nothing to say to
her； and she too was out of temper and disinclined to speak。 They
were both glad when the dance was ended。
Adam was determined to stay no longer； no one wanted him；
and no one would notice if he s
