adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第163节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Adam did not speak immediately。 They sat looking at each
other in delicious silence—for the first sense of mutual love
excludes other feelings； it will have the soul all to itself。
“Then； Dinah；” Adam said at last； “how can there be anything
contrary to what’s right in our belonging to one another and
spending our lives together？ Who put this great love into our
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 668…
Adam Bede 668
hearts？ Can anything be holier than that？ For we can help one
another in everything as is good。 I’d never think o’ putting myself
between you and God； and saying you oughtn’t to do this and you
oughtn’t to do that。 You’d follow your conscience as much as you
do now。”
“Yes； Adam；” Dinah said； “I know marriage is a holy state for
those who are truly called to it； and have no other drawing； but
from my childhood upwards I have been led towards another path；
all my peace and my joy have come from having no life of my own；
no wants； no wishes for myself； and living only in God and those of
his creatures whose sorrows and joys he has given me to know。
Those have been very blessed years to me； and I feel that if I was
to listen to any voice that would draw me aside from that path； I
should be turning my back on the light that has shone upon me；
and darkness and doubt would take hold of me。 We could not bless
each other； Adam； if there were doubts in my soul； and if I
yearned； when it was too late； after that better part which had
once been given me and I had put away from me。”
“But if a new feeling has come into your mind； Dinah； and if
you love me so as to be willing to be nearer to me than to other
people； isn’t that a sign that it’s right for you to change your life？
Doesn’t the love make it right when nothing else would？”
“Adam； my mind is full of questionings about that； for now；
since you tell me of your strong love towards me； what was clear to
me has become dark again。 I felt before that my heart was too
strongly drawn towards you； and that your heart was not as mine；
and the thought of you had taken hold of me； so that my soul had
lost its freedom； and was becoming enslaved to an earthly
affection； which made me anxious and careful about what should
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 669…
Adam Bede 669
befall myself。 For in all other affection I had been content with any
small return； or with none； but my heart was beginning to hunger
after an equal love from you。 And I had no doubt that I must
wrestle against that as a great temptation； and the command was
clear that I must go away。”
“But now； dear； dear Dinah； now you know I love you better
than you love me 。 。 。 it’s all different now。 You won’t think o’
going。 You’ll stay； and be my dear wife； and I shall thank God for
giving me my life as I never thanked him before。”
“Adam； it’s hard to me to turn a deaf ear 。 。 。 you know it’s hard；
but a great fear is upon me。 It seems to me as if you were
stretching out your arms to me； and beckoning me to come and
take my ease and live for my own delight； and Jesus； the Man of
Sorrows； was standing looking towards me； and pointing to the
sinful； and suffering； and afflicted。 I have seen that again and
again when I have been sitting in stillness and darkness； and a
great terror has come upon me lest I should become hard； and a
lover of self； and no more bear willingly the Redeemer’s cross。”
Dinah had closed her eyes； and a faint shudder went through
her。 “Adam；” she went on； “you wouldn’t desire that we should
seek a good through any unfaithfulness to the light that is in us；
you wouldn’t believe that could be a good。 We are of one mind in
that。”
“Yes； Dinah；” said Adam sadly； “I’ll never be the man t’ urge
you against your conscience。 But I can’t give up the hope that you
may come to see different。 I don’t believe your loving me could
shut up your heart—it’s only adding to what you’ve been before；
not taking away from it。 For it seems to me it’s the same with love
and happiness as with sorrow—the more we know of it the better
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 670…
Adam Bede 670
we can feel what other people’s lives are or might be； and so we
shall only be more tender to ’em； and wishful to help ’em。 The
more knowledge a man has； the better he’ll do’s work； and
feeling’s a sort o’ knowledge。”
Dinah was silent； her eyes were fixed in contemplation of
something visible only to herself。 Adam went on presently with his
pleading； “And you can do almost as much as you do now。 I won’t
ask you to go to church with me of a Sunday。 You shall go where
you like among the people； and teach ’em； for though I like church
best； I don’t put my soul above yours； as if my words was better for
you to follow than your own conscience。 And you can help the sick
just as much； and you’ll have more means o’ making ’em a bit
comfortable； and you’ll be among all your own friends as love you；
and can help ’em and be a blessing to ’em till their dying day。
Surely； Dinah； you’d be as near to God as if you was living lonely
and away from me。”
Dinah made no answer for some time。 Adam was still holding
her hands and looking at her with almost trembling anxiety； when
she turned her grave loving eyes on his and said； in rather a sad
voice； “Adam there is truth in what you say； and there’s many of
the brethren and sisters who have greater strength than I have；
and find their hearts enlarged by the cares of husband and
kindred。 But I have not faith that it would be so with me； for since
my affections have been set above measure on you； I have had less
peace and joy in God。 I have felt as it were a division in my heart。
And think how it is with me； Adam。 That life I have led is like a
land I have trodden in blessedness since my childhood； and if I
long for a moment to follow the voice which calls me to another
land that I know not； I cannot but fear that my soul might
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 671…
Adam Bede 671
hereafter yearn for that early blessedness which I had forsaken；
and where doubt enters there is not perfect love。 I must wait for
clearer guidance。 I must go from you； and we must submit
ourselves entirely to the Divine Will。 We are sometimes required
to lay our natural lawful affections on the altar。”
Adam dared not plead again； for Dinah’s was not the voice of
caprice or insincerity。 But it was very hard for him； his eyes got
dim as he looked at her。
“But you may come to feel satisfied 。 。 。 to feel that you may
come to me again； and we may never part； Dinah？”
“We must submit ourselves； Adam。 With time； our duty will be
made clear。 It may be when I have entered on my former life； I
shall find all these new thoughts and wishes vanish； and become
as things that were not。 Then I shall know that my calling is not
towards marriage。 But we must wait。”
“Dinah；” said Adam mournfully； “you can’t love me so well as I
love you； else you’d have no doubts。 But it’s natural you shouldn’t；
for I’m not so good as you。 I can’t doubt it’s right for me to love the
best thing God’s ever given me to know。”
“Nay； Adam。 It se
