adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第157节
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rough men had often trembled a little； into a convenient
household slave—though Dinah herself was rather ashamed of
this weakness； and had some inward conflict as to her departure
from the precepts of Solomon。 Yes； there was one thing that might
have been better； she might have loved Seth and consented to
marry him。 He felt a little vexed； for his brother’s sake； and he
could not help thinking regretfully how Dinah； as Seth’s wife；
would have made their home as happy as it could be for them all—
how she was the one being that would have soothed their mother’s
last days into peacefulness and rest。
“It’s wonderful she doesn’t love th’ lad；” Adam had said
sometimes to himself； “for anybody ’ud think he was just cut out
for her。 But her heart’s so taken up with other things。 She’s one o’
those women that feel no drawing towards having a husband and
children o’ their own。 She thinks she should be filled up with her
own life then； and she’s been used so to living in other folks’s
cares； she can’t bear the thought of her heart being shut up from
’em。 I see how it is； well enough。 She’s cut out o’ different stuff
from most women： I saw that long ago。 She’s never easy but when
she’s helping somebody； and marriage ’ud interfere with her
ways—that’s true。 I’ve no right to be contriving and thinking it ’ud
be better if she’d have Seth； as if I was wiser than she is—or than
God either； for He made her what she is； and that’s one o’ the
greatest blessings I’ve ever had from His hands； and others
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besides me。”
This self…reproof had recurred strongly to Adam’s mind when
he gathered from Dinah’s face that he had wounded her by
referring to his wish that she had accepted Seth； and so he had
endeavoured to put into the strongest words his confidence in her
decision as right—his resignation even to her going away from
them and ceasing to make part of their life otherwise than by
living in their thoughts； if that separation were chosen by herself。
He felt sure she knew quite well enough how much he cared to see
her continually—to talk to her with the silent consciousness of a
mutual great remembrance。 It was not possible she should hear
anything but self…renouncing affection and respect in his
assurance that he was contented for her to go away； and yet there
remained an uneasy feeling in his mind that he had not said quite
the right thing—that； somehow； Dinah had not understood him。
Dinah must have risen a little before the sun the next morning；
for she was downstairs about five o’clock。 So was Seth； for；
through Lisbeth’s obstinate refusal to have any woman…helper in
the house； he had learned to make himself； as Adam said； “very
handy in the housework；” that he might save his mother from too
great weariness； on which ground I hope you will not think him
unmanly； any more than you can have thought the gallant Colonel
Bath unmanly when he made the gruel for his invalid sister。
Adam； who had sat up late at his writing； was still asleep； and was
not likely； Seth said； to be down till breakfast…time。 Often as Dinah
had visited Lisbeth during the last eighteen months； she had never
slept in the cottage since that night after Thias’s death； when； you
remember； Lisbeth praised her deft movements and even gave a
modified approval to her porridge。 But in that long interval Dinah
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had made great advances in household cleverness； and this
morning； since Seth was there to help； she was bent on bringing
everything to a pitch of cleanliness and order that would have
satisfied her Aunt Poyser。 The cottage was far from that standard
at present； for Lisbeth’s rheumatism had forced her to give up her
old habits of dilettante scouring and polishing。 When the kitchen
was to her mind； Dinah went into the new room； where Adam had
been writing the night before； to see what sweeping and dusting
were needed there。 She opened the window and let in the fresh
morning air； and the smell of the sweet…brier； and the bright low…
slanting rays of the early sun； which made a glory about her pale
face and pale auburn hair as she held the long brush； and swept；
singing to herself in a very low tone—like a sweet summer
murmur that you have to listen for very closely—one of Charles
Wesley’s hymns：
“Eternal Beam of Light Divine；
Fountain of unexhausted love；
In whom the Father’s glories shine；
Through earth beneath and heaven above；
Jesus！ the weary wanderer’s rest；
Give me thy easy yoke to bear；
With steadfast patience arm my breast；
With spotless love and holy fear。
Speak to my warring passions； “Peace！”
Say to my trembling heart； “Be still！”
Thy power my strength and fortress is；
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For all things serve thy sovereign will。
She laid by the brush and took up the duster； and if you had
ever lived in Mrs。 Poyser’s household； you would know how the
duster behaved in Dinah’s hand—how it went into every small
corner； and on every ledge in and out of sight—how it went again
and again round every bar of the chairs； and every leg； and under
and over everything that lay on the table； till it came to Adam’s
papers and rulers and the open desk near them。 Dinah dusted up
to the very edge of these and then hesitated； looking at them with
a longing but timid eye。 It was painful to see how much dust there
was among them。 As she was looking in this way； she heard Seth’s
step just outside the open door； towards which her back was
turned； and said； raising her clear treble；
“Seth； is your brother wrathful when his papers are stirred？”
“Yes； very； when they are not put back in the right places；” said
a deep strong voice； not Seth’s。
It was as if Dinah had put her hands unawares on a vibrating
chord。 She was shaken with an intense thrill； and for the instant
felt nothing else； then she knew her cheeks were glowing； and
dared not look round； but stood still； distressed because she could
not say good…morning in a friendly way。 Adam； finding that she
did not look round so as to see the smile on his face； was afraid she
had thought him serious about his wrathfulness； and went up to
her； so that she was obliged to look at him。
“What！ You think I’m a cross fellow at home； Dinah？” he said；
smilingly。
“Nay；” said Dinah； looking up with timid eyes； “not so。 But you
might be put about by finding things meddled with； and even the
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man Moses； the meekest of men； was wrathful sometimes。”
“Come； then；” said Adam； looking at her affectionately； “I’ll
help you move the things； and put ’em back again； and then they
can’t get wrong。 You’re getting to be your aunt’s own niece； I see；
for particularness。”
They began their little task together； but Dinah had not
recovered herself sufficiently to think of any remark； and Adam
looked at her uneasily。 Dinah； he thought； had seemed to
disapprove him
