adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第155节
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“You know； Adam； my heart is as their heart； so far as love for
them and care for their welfare goes； but they are in no present
need。 Their sorrows are healed； and I feel that I am called back to
my old work； in which I found a blessing that I have missed of late
in the midst of too abundant worldly good。 I know it is a vain
thought to flee from the work that God appoints us； for the sake of
finding a greater blessing to our own souls； as if we could choose
for ourselves where we shall find the fulness of the Divine
Presence； instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found； in
loving obedience。 But now； I believe； I have a clear showing that
my work lies elsewhere—at least for a time。 In the years to come； if
my aunt’s health should fail； or she should otherwise need me； I
shall return。”
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“You know best； Dinah；” said Adam。 “I don’t believe you’d go
against the wishes of them that love you； and are akin to you；
without a good and sufficient reason in your own conscience。 I’ve
no right to say anything about my being sorry： you know well
enough what cause I have to put you above every other friend I’ve
got； and if it had been ordered so that you could ha’ been my
sister； and lived with us all our lives； I should ha’ counted it the
greatest blessing as could happen to us now。 But Seth tells me
there’s no hope o’ that： your feelings are different； and perhaps
I’m taking too much upon me to speak about it。”
Dinah made no answer； and they walked on in silence for some
yards； till they came to the stone stile； where； as Adam had passed
through first and turned round to give her his hand while she
mounted the unusually high step； she could not prevent him from
seeing her face。 It struck him with surprise； for the grey eyes；
usually so mild and grave； had the bright uneasy glance which
accompanies suppressed agitation； and the slight flush in her
cheeks； with which she had come downstairs； was heightened to a
deep rose…colour。 She looked as if she were only sister to Dinah。
Adam was silent with surprise and conjecture for some moments；
and then he said； “I hope I’ve not hurt or displeased you by what
I’ve said； Dinah。 Perhaps I was making too free。 I’ve no wish
different from what you see to be best； and I’m satisfied for you to
live thirty mile off； if you think it right。 I shall think of you just as
much as I do now； for you’re bound up with what I can no more
help remembering than I can help my heart beating。”
Poor Adam！ Thus do men blunder。 Dinah made no answer； but
she presently said； “Have you heard any news from that poor
young man； since we last spoke of him？”
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Dinah always called Arthur so； she had never lost the image of
him as she had seen him in the prison。
“Yes；” said Adam。 “Mr。 Irwine read me part of a letter from him
yesterday。 It’s pretty certain； they say； that there’ll be a peace
soon； though nobody believes it’ll last long； but he says he doesn’t
mean to come home。 He’s no heart for it yet； and it’s better for
others that he should keep away。 Mr。 Irwine thinks he’s in the
right not to come。 It’s a sorrowful letter。 He asks about you and the
Poysers； as he always does。 There’s one thing in the letter cut me a
good deal： ‘You can’t think what an old fellow I feel；’ he says； ‘I
make no schemes now。 I’m the best when I’ve a good day’s march
or fighting before me。’”
“He’s of a rash； warm…hearted nature； like Esau； for whom I
have always felt great pity；” said Dinah。 “That meeting between
the brothers； where Esau is so loving and generous； and Jacob so
timid and distrustful； notwithstanding his sense of the Divine
favour； has always touched me greatly。 Truly； I have been tempted
sometimes to say that Jacob was of a mean spirit。 But that is our
trial： we must learn to see the good in the midst of much that is
unlovely。”
“Ah；” said Adam； “I like to read about Moses best； in th’ Old
Testament。 He carried a hard business well through； and died
when other folks were going to reap the fruits。 A man must have
courage to look at his life so； and think what’ll come of it after he’s
dead and gone。 A good solid bit o’ work lasts： if it’s only laying a
floor down； somebody’s the better for it being done well； besides
the man as does it。”
They were both glad to talk of subjects that were not personal；
and in this way they went on till they passed the bridge across the
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Willow Brook； when Adam turned round and said； “Ah； here’s
Seth。 I thought he’d be home soon。 Does he know of you’re going；
Dinah？”
“Yes； I told him last Sabbath。”
Adam remembered now that Seth had come home much
depressed on Sunday evening； a circumstance which had been
very unusual with him of late； for the happiness he had in seeing
Dinah every week seemed long to have outweighed the pain of
knowing she would never marry him。 This evening he had his
habitual air of dreamy benignant contentment； until he came quite
close to Dinah and saw the traces of tears on her delicate eyelids
and eyelashes。 He gave one rapid glance at his brother； but Adam
was evidently quite outside the current of emotion that had
shaken Dinah： he wore his everyday look of unexpectant calm。
Seth tried not to let Dinah see that he had noticed her face； and
only said； “I’m thankful you’re come； Dinah； for Mother’s been
hungering after the sight of you all day。 She began to talk of you
the first thing in the morning。”
When they entered the cottage； Lisbeth was seated in her arm…
chair； too tired with setting out the evening meal； a task she
always performed a long time beforehand； to go and meet them at
the door as usual； when she heard the approaching footsteps。
“Coom； child； thee ’t coom at last；” she said； when Dinah went
towards her。 “What dost mane by lavin’ me a week an’ ne’er
coomin’ a…nigh me？”
“Dear friend；” said Dinah； taking her hand； “you’re not well。 If
I’d known it sooner； I’d have come。”
“An’ how’s thee t’ know if thee dostna coom？ Th’ lads on’y
know what I tell ’em。 As long as ye can stir hand and foot the men
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think ye’re hearty。 But I’m none so bad； on’y a bit of a cold sets me
achin’。 An’ th’ lads tease me so t’ ha’ somebody wi’ me t’ do the
work—they make me ache worse wi’ talkin’。 If thee’dst come and
stay wi’ me； they’d let me alone。 The Poysers canna want thee so
bad as I do。 But take thy bonnet off； an’ let me look at thee。”
Dinah was moving away； but Lisbeth held her fast； while she
was taking off her bonnet； and looked at her face as one looks into
a newly gathered snowdrop； to renew the old impressions of purity
and gentleness。
“What’s the matter wi’ thee？” said Lisbeth； in astonishment；
“thee’st been a…cryin’。”
“It’s only a grief that’ll pass away；” said Dinah； who did not
wish just now to call forth Lisbeth’s remonstrances by disclosing
her intention to leave Hayslope。 “You shall know about it shortly—
we’ll talk of it to…night。 I shall stay with you to…night。”
Lisbet
