adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第151节
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There was silence for several minutes； for the struggle in
Adam’s mind was not easily decided。 Facile natures； whose
emotions have little permanence； can hardly understand how
much inward resistance he overcame before he rose from his seat
and turned towards Arthur。 Arthur heard the movement； and
turning round； met the sad but softened look with which Adam
said；
“It’s true what you say； sir。 I’m hard—it’s in my nature。 I was
too hard with my father； for doing wrong。 I’ve been a bit hard t’
everybody but her。 I felt as if nobody pitied her enough—her
suffering cut into me so； and when I thought the folks at the farm
were too hard with her； I said I’d never be hard to anybody myself
again。 But feeling overmuch about her has perhaps made me
unfair to you。 I’ve known what it is in my life to repent and feel it’s
too late。 I felt I’d been too harsh to my father when he was gone
from me—I feel it now； when I think of him。 I’ve no right to be
hard towards them as have done wrong and repent。”
Adam spoke these words with the firm distinctness of a man
who is resolved to leave nothing unsaid that he is bound to say；
but he went on with more hesitation。
“I wouldn’t shake hands with you once； sir； when you asked
me—but if you’re willing to do it now； for all I refused then 。 。 。 ”
Arthur’s white hand was in Adam’s large grasp in an instant；
and with that action there was a strong rush； on both sides； of the
old； boyish affection。
“Adam；” Arthur said； impelled to full confession now； “it would
never have happened if I’d known you loved her。 That would have
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helped to save me from it。 And I did struggle。 I never meant to
injure her。 I deceived you afterwards—and that led on to worse；
but I thought it was forced upon me； I thought it was the best
thing I could do。 And in that letter I told her to let me know if she
were in any trouble： don’t think I would not have done everything
I could。 But I was all wrong from the very first； and horrible wrong
has come of it。 God knows； I’d give my life if I could undo it。”
They sat down again opposite each other； and Adam said；
tremulously； “How did she seem when you left her； sir？”
“Don’t ask me； Adam；” Arthur said； “I feel sometimes as if I
should go mad with thinking of her looks and what she said to me；
and then； that I couldn’t get a full pardon—that I couldn’t save her
from that wretched fate of being transported—that I can do
nothing for her all those years； and she may die under it； and
never know comfort any more。”
“Ah； sir；” said Adam； for the first time feeling his own pain
merged in sympathy for Arthur； “you and me’ll often be thinking
o’ the same thing； when we’re a long way off one another。 I’ll pray
God to help you； as I pray him to help me。”
“But there’s that sweet woman—that Dinah Morris；” Arthur
said； pursuing his own thoughts and not knowing what had been
the sense of Adam’s words； “she says she shall stay with her to the
very last moment—till she goes； and the poor thing clings to her as
if she found some comfort in her。 I could worship that woman； I
don’t know what I should do if she were not there。 Adam； you will
see her when she comes back。 I could say nothing to her
yesterday—nothing of what I felt towards her。 Tell her；” Arthur
went on hurriedly； as if he wanted to hide the emotion with which
he spoke； while he took off his chain and watch； “tell her I asked
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you to give her this in remembrance of me—of the man to whom
she is the one source of comfort； when he thinks of 。 。 。 I know she
doesn’t care about such things—or anything else I can give her for
its own sake。 But she will use the watch—I shall like to think of
her using it。”
“I’ll give it to her； sir；” Adam said； “and tell her your words。 She
told me she should come back to the people at the Hall Farm。”
“And you will persuade the Poysers to stay； Adam？” said
Arthur； reminded of the subject which both of them had forgotten
in the first interchange of revived friendship。 “You will stay
yourself； and help Mr。 Irwine to carry out the repairs and
improvements on the estate？”
“There’s one thing； sir； that perhaps you don’t take account of；”
said Adam； with hesitating gentleness； “and that was what made
me hang back longer。 You see； it’s the same with both me and the
Poysers： if we stay； it’s for our own worldly interest； and it looks as
if we’d put up with anything for the sake o’ that。 I know that’s
what they’ll feel； and I can’t help feeling a little of it myself。 When
folks have got an honourable independent spirit； they don’t like to
do anything that might make ’em seem base…minded。”
“But no one who knows you will think that； Adam。 That is not a
reason strong enough against a course that is really more
generous； more unselfish than the other。 And it will be known—it
shall be made known； that both you and the Poysers stayed at my
entreaty。 Adam； don’t try to make things worse for me； I’m
punished enough without that。”
“No； sir； no；” Adam said； looking at Arthur with mournful
affection。 “God forbid I should make things worse for you。 I used
to wish I could do it； in my passion—but that was when I thought
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you didn’t feel enough。 I’ll stay； sir； I’ll do the best I can。 It’s all I’ve
got to think of now—to do my work well and make the world a bit
better place for them as can enjoy it。”
“Then we’ll part now； Adam。 You will see Mr。 Irwine to…
morrow； and consult with him about everything。”
“Are you going soon； sir？” said Adam。
“As soon as possible—after I’ve made the necessary
arrangements。 Good…bye； Adam。 I shall think of you going about
the old place。”
“Good…bye； sir。 God bless you。”
The hands were clasped once more； and Adam left the
Hermitage； feeling that sorrow was more bearable now hatred was
gone。
As soon as the door was closed behind him； Arthur went to the
waste…paper basket and took out the little pink silk handkerchief。
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Book Sixth
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Chapter XLIX
At the Hall Farm
he first autumnal afternoon sunshine of 1801—more than
eighteen months after that parting of Adam and Arthur in
T
the Hermitage—was on the yard at the Hall Farm； and the
bull…dog was in one of his most excited moments； for it was that
hour of the day when the cows were being driven into the yard for
their afternoon milking。 No wonder the patient beasts ran
confusedly into the wrong places； for the alarming din of the bull…
dog was mingled with more distant sounds which the timid
feminine creatures； with pardonable superstition； imagined also to
have some relation to their own movements—with the tremendous
crack of the waggoner’s whip； the roar of his voice； and the
booming thunder of the wagg
