adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第123节
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paper leaves where she had written down her little money…
accounts。 But on one of these leaves there was a name； which；
often as she had seen it before； now flashed on Hetty’s mind like a
newly discovered message。 The name was—Dinah Morris；
Snowfield。 There was a text above it； written； as well as the name；
by Dinah’s own hand with a little pencil； one evening that they
were sitting together and Hetty happened to have the red case
lying open before her。 Hetty did not read the text now： she was
only arrested by the name。 Now； for the first time； she
remembered without indifference the affectionate kindness Dinah
had shown her； and those words of Dinah in the bed…chamber—
that Hetty must think of her as a friend in trouble。 Suppose she
were to go to Dinah； and ask her to help her？ Dinah did not think
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about things as other people did。 She was a mystery to Hetty； but
Hetty knew she was always kind。 She couldn’t imagine Dinah’s
face turning away from her in dark reproof or scorn； Dinah’s voice
willingly speaking ill of her； or rejoicing in her misery as a
punishment。 Dinah did not seem to belong to that world of Hetty’s；
whose glance she dreaded like scorching fire。 But even to her
Hetty shrank from beseeching and confession。 She could not
prevail on herself to say； “I will go to Dinah”： she only thought of
that as a possible alternative； if she had not courage for death。
The good landlady was amazed when she saw Hetty come
downstairs soon after herself； neatly dressed； and looking
resolutely self…possessed。 Hetty told her she was quite well this
morning。 She had only been very tired and overcome with her
journey； for she had come a long way to ask about her brother；
who had run away； and they thought he was gone for a soldier；
and Captain Donnithorne might know； for he had been very kind
to her brother once。 It was a lame story； and the landlady looked
doubtfully at Hetty as she told it； but there was a resolute air of
self…reliance about her this morning； so different from the helpless
prostration of yesterday； that the landlady hardly knew how to
make a remark that might seem like prying into other people’s
affairs。 She only invited her to sit down to breakfast with them；
and in the course of it Hetty brought out her ear…rings and locket；
and asked the landlord if he could help her to get money for them。
Her journey； she said； had cost her much more than she expected；
and now she had no money to get back to her friends； which she
wanted to do at once。
It was not the first time the landlady had seen the ornaments；
for she had examined the contents of Hetty’s pocket yesterday；
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and she and her husband had discussed the fact of a country girl
having these beautiful things； with a stronger conviction than ever
that Hetty had been miserably deluded by the fine young officer。
“Well；” said the landlord； when Hetty had spread the precious
trifles before him； “we might take ’em to the jeweller’s shop； for
there’s one not far off； but Lord bless you； they wouldn’t give you a
quarter o’ what the things are worth。 And you wouldn’t like to part
with ’em？” he added； looking at her inquiringly。
“Oh； I don’t mind；” said Hetty； hastily； “so as I can get money to
go back。”
“And they might think the things were stolen； as you wanted to
sell ’em；” he went on； “for it isn’t usual for a young woman like you
to have fine jew’llery like that。”
The blood rushed to Hetty’s face with anger。 “I belong to
respectable folks；” she said； “I’m not a thief。”
“No； that you aren’t； I’ll be bound；” said the landlady； “and
you’d no call to say that；” looking indignantly at her husband。
“The things were gev to her： that’s plain enough to be seen。”
“I didn’t mean as I thought so；” said the husband；
apologetically； “but I said it was what the jeweller might think； and
so he wouldn’t be offering much money for ’em。”
“Well；” said the wife； “suppose you were to advance some
money on the things yourself； and then if she liked to redeem ’em
when she got home； she could。 But if we heard nothing from her
after two months； we might do as we liked with ’em。”
I will not say that in this accommodating proposition the
landlady had no regard whatever to the possible reward of her
good nature in the ultimate possession of the locket and ear…rings：
indeed； the effect they would have in that case on the mind of the
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grocer’s wife had presented itself with remarkable vividness to her
rapid imagination。 The landlord took up the ornaments and
pushed out his lips in a meditative manner。 He wished Hetty well；
doubtless； but pray； how many of your well…wishers would decline
to make a little gain out of you？ Your landlady is sincerely affected
at parting with you； respects you highly； and will really rejoice if
any one else is generous to you； but at the same time she hands
you a bill by which she gains as high a percentage as possible。
“How much money do you want to get home with； young
woman？” said the well…wisher； at length。
“Three guineas；” answered Hetty； fixing on the sum she set out
with； for want of any other standard； and afraid of asking too
much。
“Well； I’ve ho objections to advance you three guineas；” said the
landlord； “and if you like to send it me back and get the jewellery
again； you can； you know。 The Green Man isn’t going to run
away。”
“Oh yes； I’ll be very glad if you’ll give me that；” said Hetty；
relieved at the thought that she would not have to go to the
jeweller’s and be stared at and questioned。
“But if you want the things again； you’ll write before long；” said
the landlady； “because when two months are up； we shall make up
our minds as you don’t want ’em。”
“Yes；” said Hetty indifferently。
The husband and wife were equally content with this
arrangement。 The husband thought； if the ornaments were not
redeemed； he could make a good thing of it by taking them to
London and selling them。 The wife thought she would coax the
good man into letting her keep them。 And they were
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accommodating Hetty； poor thing—a pretty； respectable…looking
young woman； apparently in a sad case。 They declined to take
anything for her food and bed： she was quite welcome。 And at
eleven o’clock Hetty said “Good…bye” to them with the same quiet；
resolute air she had worn all the morning； mounting the coach
that was to take her twenty miles back along the way she had
come。
There is a strength of self…possession which is the sign that the
last hope has departed。 Despair no more leans on others than
perfect contentment； and in despair pride ceases to be
counteracted by the sense of dependence。
Hetty felt that no one could deliver her from the evils that
would make life hateful to her； and no one；
