adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第107节
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abound。 I have had constant work in the mill； though some of the
other hands have been turned off for a time； and my body is
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greatly strengthened； so that I feel little weariness after long
walking and speaking。 What you say about staying in your own
country with your mother and brother shows me that you have a
true guidance； your lot is appointed there by a clear showing； and
to seek a greater blessing elsewhere would be like laying a false
offering on the altar and expecting the fire from heaven to kindle
it。 My work and my joy are here among the hills； and I sometimes
think I cling too much to my life among the people here； and
should be rebellious if I was called away。
“I was thankful for your tidings about the dear friends at the
Hall Farm； for though I sent them a letter； by my aunt’s desire；
after I came back from my sojourn among them； I have had no
word from them。 My aunt has not the pen of a ready writer； and
the work of the house is sufficient for the day； for she is weak in
body。 My heart cleaves to her and her children as the nearest of all
to me in the flesh—yea； and to all in that house。 I am carried away
to them continually in my sleep； and often in the midst of work；
and even of speech； the thought of them is borne in on me as if
they were in need and trouble； which yet is dark to me。 There may
be some leading here； but I wait to be taught。 You say they are all
well。
“We shall see each other again in the body； I trust； though； it
may be； not for a long while； for the brethren and sisters at Leeds
are desirous to have me for a short space among them； when I
have a door opened me again to leave Snowfield。
“Farewell； dear brother—and yet not farewell。 For those
children of God whom it has been granted to see each other face to
face； and to hold communion together； and to feel the same spirit
working in both can never more be sundered though the hills may
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lie between。 For their souls are enlarged for evermore by that
union； and they bear one another about in their thoughts
continually as it were a new strength。—Your faithful Sister and
fellow…worker in Christ；
DINAH MORRIS。”
“I have not skill to write the words so small as you do and my
pen moves slow。 And so I am straitened； and say but little of what
is in my mind。 Greet your mother for me with a kiss。 She asked me
to kiss her twice when we parted。”
Adam had refolded the letter； and was sitting meditatively with
his head resting on his arm at the head of the bed； when Seth
came upstairs。
“Hast read the letter？” said Seth。
“Yes；” said Adam。 “I don’t know what I should ha’ thought of
her and her letter if I’d never seen her： I daresay I should ha’
thought a preaching woman hateful。 But she’s one as makes
everything seem right she says and does； and I seemed to see her
and hear her speaking when I read the letter。 It’s wonderful how I
remember her looks and her voice。 She’d make thee rare and
happy； Seth； she’s just the woman for thee。”
“It’s no use thinking o’ that；” said Seth； despondingly。 “She
spoke so firm； and she’s not the woman to say one thing and mean
another。”
“Nay； but her feelings may grow different。 A woman may get to
love by degrees—the best fire dosna flare up the soonest。 I’d have
thee go and see her by…and…by： I’d make it convenient for thee to
be away three or four days； and it ’ud be no walk for thee—only
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between twenty and thirty mile。”
“I should like to see her again； whether or no； if she wouldna be
displeased with me for going；” said Seth。
“She’ll be none displeased；” said Adam emphatically； getting up
and throwing off his coat。 “It might be a great happiness to us all if
she’d have thee； for mother took to her so wonderful and seemed
so contented to be with her。”
“Aye；” said Seth； rather timidly； “and Dinah’s fond o’ Hetty too；
she thinks a deal about her。”
Adam made no reply to that； and no other word but “good…
night” passed between them。
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Chapter XXXI
In Hetty’s Bed…Chamber
T was no longer light enough to go to bed without a candle；
even in Mrs。 Poyser’s early household； and Hetty carried one
I
with her as she went up at last to her bedroom soon after
Adam was gone； and bolted the door behind her。
Now she would read her letter。 It must—it must have comfort in
it。 How was Adam to know the truth？ It was always likely he
should say what he did say。
She set down the candle and took out the letter。 It had a faint
scent of roses； which made her feel as if Arthur were close to her。
She put it to her lips； and a rush of remembered sensations for a
moment or two swept away all fear。 But her heart began to flutter
strangely； and her hands to tremble as she broke the seal。 She
read slowly； it was not easy for her to read a gentleman’s
handwriting； though Arthur had taken pains to write plainly。
“DEAREST HETTY—I have spoken truly when I have said that I
loved you； and I shall never forget our love。 I shall be your true
friend as long as life lasts； and I hope to prove this to you in many
ways。 If I say anything to pain you in this letter； do not believe it is
for want of love and tenderness towards you； for there is nothing I
would not do for you； if I knew it to be really for your happiness。 I
cannot bear to think of my little Hetty shedding tears when I am
not there to kiss them away； and if I followed only my own
inclinations； I should be with her at this moment instead of
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writing。 It is very hard for me to part from her—harder still for me
to write words which may seem unkind； though they spring from
the truest kindness。
“Dear； dear Hetty； sweet as our love has been to me； sweet as it
would be to me for you to love me always； I feel that it would have
been better for us both if we had never had that happiness； and
that it is my duty to ask you to love me and care for me as little as
you can。 The fault has all been mine； for though I have been
unable to resist the longing to be near you； I have felt all the while
that your affection for me might cause you grief。 I ought to have
resisted my feelings。 I should have done so； if I had been a better
fellow than I am； but now； since the past cannot be altered； I am
bound to save you from any evil that I have power to prevent。 And
I feel it would be a great evil for you if your affections continued so
fixed on me that you could think of no other man who might be
able to make you happier by his love than I ever can； and if you
continued to look towards something in the future which cannot
possibly happen。 For； dear Hetty； if I were to do what you one day
spoke of； and make you my wife； I should do what you yourself
would come to feel was for your misery instead of your welfare。 I
know you can never be happy except by marrying a man in your
own station； and if I were to marry
