sketches new and old-第52节

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　　　　　　　　　　To　consultation　with　Secretary　of　Navy　。。。。。。。。。。。　50
　　　　　　　　　　To　consultation　with　Secretary　of　the　Treasury　。。。　50
　　　　　　　　　　Cabinet　consultation　。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。No　charge。
　　　　　　　　　　To　mileage　to　and　from　Jerusalem；　via　Egypt；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Algiers；　Gibraltar；　and　Cadiz；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　14；000　miles；　at　20c。　a　mile　。。。。。。。。。。。。。　2；800
　　　　　　　　　　To　salary　as　Clerk　of　Senate　Committee
　　　　　　　　　　on　Conchology；　six　days；　at　6　per　day　。。。。。。。。。。。　36

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Total　。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。　2；986

＇Territorial　delegates　charge　mileage　both　ways；　although　they　never　go
back　when　they　get　here　once。　　Why　my　mileage　is　denied　me　is　more　than　I
can　understand。＇

Not　an　item　of　this　bill　has　been　paid；　except　that　trifle　of　thirty…six
dollars　for　clerkship　salary。　　The　Secretary　of　the　Treasury；　pursuing　me
to　the　last；　drew　his　pen　through　all　the　other　items；　and　simply　marked
in　the　margin　〃Not　allowed。〃　　So；　the　dread　alternative　is　embraced　at
last。　　Repudiation　has　begun！　　The　nation　is　lost。

I　am　done　with　official　life　for　the　present。　　Let　those　clerks　who　are
willing　to　be　imposed　on　remain。　　I　know　numbers　of　them　in　the
departments　who　are　never　informed　when　there　is　to　be　a　Cabinet　meeting；
whose　advice　is　never　asked　about　war；　or　finance；　or　commerce；　by　the
heads　of　the　nation；　any　more　than　if　they　were　not　connected　with　the
government；　and　who　actually　stay　in　their　offices　day　after　day　and
work！　　They　know　their　importance　to　the　nation；　and　they　unconsciously
show　it　in　their　bearing；　and　the　way　they　order　their　sustenance　at　the
restaurantbut　they　work。　　I　know　one　who　has　to　paste　all　sorts　of
little　scraps　from　the　newspapers　into　a　scrapbooksometimes　as　many　as
eight　or　ten　scraps　a　day。　　He　doesn't　do　it　well；　but　he　does　it　as　well
as　he　can。　　It　is　very　fatiguing。　　It　is　exhausting　to　the　intellect。
Yet　he　only　gets　eighteen　hundred　dollars　a　year。　　With　a　brain　like　his；
that　young　man　could　amass　thousands　and　thousands　of　dollars　in　some
other　pursuit；　if　he　chose　to　do　it。　　But　nohis　heart　is　with　his
country；　and　he　will　serve　her　as　long　as　she　has　got　a　scrapbook　left。
And　I　know　clerks　that　don't　know　how　to　write　very　well；　but　such
knowledge　as　they　possess　they　nobly　lay　at　the　feet　of　their　country；
and　toil　on　and　suffer　for　twenty…five　hundred　dollars　a　year。　　What　they
write　has　to　be　written　over　again　by　other　clerks　sometimes；　but　when　a
man　has　done　his　best　for　his　country；　should　his　country　complain？　　Then
there　are　clerks　that　have　no　clerkships；　and　are　waiting；　and　waiting；
and　waiting　for　a　vacancywaiting　patiently　for　a　chance　to　help　their
country　outand　while　they；　are　waiting；　they　only　get　barely　two
thousand　dollars　a　year　for　it。　　It　is　sad　it　is　very；　very　sad。　　When　a
member　of　Congress　has　a　friend　who　is　gifted；　but　has　no　employment
wherein　his　great　powers　may　be　brought　to　bear；　he　confers　him　upon　his
country；　and　gives　him　a　clerkship　in　a　department。　　And　there　that　man
has　to　slave　his　life　out；　fighting　documents　for　the　benefit　of　a　nation
that　never　thinks　of　him；　never　sympathizes　with　himand　all　for　two
thousand　or　three　thousand　dollars　a　year。　　When　I　shall　have　completed
my　list　of　all　the　clerks　in　the　several　departments；　with　my　statement
of　what　they　have　to　do；　and　what　they　get　for　it；　you　will　see　that
there　are　not　half　enough　clerks；　and　that　what　there　are　do　not　get　half
enough　pay。






HISTORY　REPEATS　ITSELF

The　following　I　find　in　a　Sandwich　Island　paper　which　some　friend　has
sent　me　from　that　tranquil　far…off　retreat。　　The　coincidence　between　my
own　experience　and　that　here　set　down　by　the　late　Mr。　Benton　is　so
remarkable　that　I　cannot　forbear　publishing　and　commenting　upon　the
paragraph。　　The　Sandwich　Island　paper　says：

How　touching　is　this　tribute　of　the　late　Hon。　T。　H。　Benton　to　his
mother's　influence：'My　mother　asked　me　never　to　use　tobacco；　I　have
never　touched　it　from　that　time　to　the　present　day。　　She　asked　me　not　to
gamble；　and　I　have　never　gambled。　　I　cannot　tell　who　is　losing　in　games
that　are　being　played。　　She　admonished　me；　too；　against　liquor…drinking；
and　whatever　capacity　for　endurance　I　have　at　present；　and　whatever
usefulness　I　may　have　attained　through　life；　I　attribute　to　having
complied　with　her　pious　and　correct　wishes。　　When　I　was　seven　years　of
age　she　asked　me　not　to　drink；　and　then　I　made　a　resolution　of　total
abstinence；　and　that　I　have　adhered　to　it　through　all　time　I　owe　to　my
mother。〃

I　never　saw　anything　so　curious。　　It　is　almost　an　exact　epitome　of　my　own
moral　careerafter　simply　substituting　a　grandmother　for　a　mother。　　How
well　I　remember　my　grandmother's　asking　me　not　to　use　tobacco；　good　old
soul！　　She　said；　〃You're　at　it　again；　are　you；　you　whelp？　　Now　don't　ever
let　me　catch　you　chewing　tobacco　before　breakfast　again；　or　I　lay　I'll
blacksnake　you　within　an　inch　of　your　life！〃　　I　have　never　touched　it　at
that　hour　of　the　morning　from　that　time　to　the　present　day。

She　asked　me　not　to　gamble。　　She　whispered　and　said；　〃Put　up　those　wicked
cards　this　minute！two　pair　and　a　jack；　you　numskull；　and　the　other
fellow's　got　a　flush！〃

I　never　have　gambled　from　that　day　to　thisnever　oncewithout　a　〃cold
deck〃　in　my　pocket。　　I　cannot　even　tell　who　is　going　to　lose　in　games
that　are　being　played　unless　I　deal　myself。

When　I　was　two　years　of　age　she　asked　me　not　to　drink；　and　then　I　made　a
resolution　of　total　abstinence。　　That　I　have　adhered　to　it　and　enjoyed
the　beneficent　effects　of　it　through　all　time；　I　owe　to　my　grandmother。
I　have　never　drunk　a　drop　from　that　day　to　this　of　any　kind　of　water。






HONORED　AS　A　CURIOSITY

If　you　get　into　conversation　with　a　stranger　in　Honolulu；　and　experience
that　natural　desire　to　know　what　sort　of　ground　you　are　treading　on　by
finding　out　what　manner　of　man　your　stranger　is；　strike　out　boldly　and
address　him　as　〃Captain。〃　　Watch　him　narrowly；　and　if　you　see　by　his
countenance　that　you　are　on　the　wrong　track；　ask　him　where　he　preaches。
It　is　a　safe　bet　that　he　is　either　a　missionary　or　captain　of　a　whaler。
I　became　personally　acquainted　with　seventy…two　captains　and　ninety…six
missionaries。　　The　captains　and　ministers　form　one…half　of　the
population；　the　third　fourth　is　composed　of　common　Kanakas　and　mercantile
foreigners　and　their　families；　and　the　final　fourth　is　made　up　of　high
officers　of　the　Hawaiian　Government。　　And　there　are　just　about　cats
enough　for　three　apiece　all　around。

A　solemn　stranger　met　me　in　the　suburbs　one　day；　and　said：

〃Good　morning；　your　reverence。　　Preach　in　the　stone　church　yonder；　no
doubt！〃

〃No；　I　don't。　　I'm　not　a　preacher。〃

〃Really；　I　beg　your　pardon；　captain。　　I　trust　you　had　a　good　season。　　How
much　oil〃

〃Oil！　　Why；　what　do　you　take　me　for？　　I'm　not　a　whaler。〃

〃Oh！　　I　beg　a　thousand　pardons；　your　Excellency。　　Major…General　in　the
household　troops；　no　doubt？　　Minister　of　the　Interior；　likely？　　Secretary
of　War？　　First　Gentleman　of　the　Bedchamber？　　Commissioner　of　the　Royal〃

〃Stuff；　man！　　I'm　not　connected　in　any　way　with　the　government。〃

〃Bless　my　life！　　Then　who　the　mischief　are　you？　what　the　mischief　are
you？　and　how　the　mischief　did　you　get　here？　and　where　in　thunder　did　you
come　from？〃

〃I'm　only　a　private　personagean　unassuming　strangerlately　arrived
from　America。〃

〃　No！　　Not　a　missionary！　not　a　whaler！　not　a　member　of　his　Majesty's
government！　not　even　a　Secretary　of　the　Navy！　　Ah！　　Heaven！　it　is　too
blissful　to　be　true；　alas！　I　do　but　dream。　　And　yet　that　noble；　honest
countenancethose　oblique；　ingenuous　eyesthat　massive　head；　incapable
ofof　anything；　your　hand；　give　me　your　hand；　bright　waif。　　Excuse　these
tears。　　For　sixteen　weary　years　I　have　yearned　for　a　moment　like　this；
and〃

Here　his　feelings　were　too　much　for　him；　and　he　swooned　away。　　I　pitied
this　poor　creature　from　the　bottom　of　my　heart。　　I　was　deeply　moved。
I　shed　a　few　tears　on　him；　and　kissed　him　for　his　mother。　　I　then　took
what　small　change　he　had；　and　〃shoved。〃






FIRST　INTERVIEW　WITH　ARTEMUS　WARD　＇Written　about　1870。＇

I　had　never　seen　him　before。　　He　brought　letters　of　introduction　from
mutual　friends　in　San　Francisco；　and　by　invitation　I　breakfasted　with
him。　　It　was　almost　religion；　there　in　the　silver…mines；　to　precede　such
a　meal　with　whisky　cocktails。　　Artemus；　with　the　true　cosmopolitan
instinct；　always　deferred　to　the　customs　of　the　country　he　was　in；　and　so
he　ordered　three　of　those　abominations。　　Hingston　was　present。　　I　said　I
would　rather　not　drink　a　whisky　cocktail。　　I　said　it　would　go　right　to　my
head；　and　confuse　me　so　that　I　would　be　in　a　helpless　tangle　in　ten
minutes。　　I　did　not　want　to　act　like　a　lunatic　before　strangers。　　But
Artemus　gently　insisted；　and　I　drank　the　treasonable　mixture　under
protest；　and　felt　all　the　time　that　I　was　doing　a　thing　I　might　be　sorry
for。　　In　a　minute　or　two　I　began　to　imagine　that　my　ideas　were　clouded。
I　waited　in　great　anxiety　for　the　conversation　to　open；　with　a　sort　of
vague　hope　that　my　understanding　would　prove　clear；　after　all；　and　my
misgivings　groundless。

Artemus　dropped　an　unimportant