northanger abbey-第50节
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by her。 But the knowledge would have been useless here；
it was not called for； neither clemency nor dignity
was put to the trialEleanor brought no message。
Very little passed between them on meeting； each found
her greatest safety in silence； and few and trivial were
the sentences exchanged while they remained upstairs；
Catherine in busy agitation completing her dress；
and Eleanor with more goodwill than experience intent upon
filling the trunk。 When everything was done they left
the room； Catherine lingering only half a minute behind
her friend to throw a parting glance on every well…known；
cherished object； and went down to the breakfast…parlour；
where breakfast was prepared。 She tried to eat； as well
to save herself from the pain of being urged as to make
her friend comfortable； but she had no appetite； and could
not swallow many mouthfuls。 The contrast between this
and her last breakfast in that room gave her fresh misery；
and strengthened her distaste for everything before her。
It was not four and twenty hours ago since they had
met there to the same repast； but in circumstances
how different！ With what cheerful ease； what happy；
though false； security； had she then looked around her；
enjoying everything present； and fearing little in future；
beyond Henry's going to Woodston for a day！ Happy；
happy breakfast！ For Henry had been there； Henry had sat
by her and helped her。 These reflections were long
indulged undisturbed by any address from her companion；
who sat as deep in thought as herself； and the appearance
of the carriage was the first thing to startle and recall
them to the present moment。 Catherine's colour rose at the
sight of it； and the indignity with which she was treated；
striking at that instant on her mind with peculiar force；
made her for a short time sensible only of resentment。
Eleanor seemed now impelled into resolution and speech。
〃You must write to me； Catherine；〃 she cried；
〃you must let me hear from you as soon as possible。
Till I know you to be safe at home； I shall not have
an hour's comfort。 For one letter； at all risks；
all hazards； I must entreat。 Let me have the satisfaction
of knowing that you are safe at Fullerton； and have found
your family well； and then； till I can ask for your
correspondence as I ought to do； I will not expect more。
Direct to me at Lord Longtown's； and； I must ask it；
under cover to Alice。〃
〃No； Eleanor； if you are not allowed to receive
a letter from me； I am sure I had better not write。
There can be no doubt of my getting home safe。〃
Eleanor only replied； 〃I cannot wonder at your feelings。
I will not importune you。 I will trust to your own kindness
of heart when I am at a distance from you。〃 But this；
with the look of sorrow accompanying it； was enough to melt
Catherine's pride in a moment； and she instantly said；
〃Oh； Eleanor； I will write to you indeed。〃
There was yet another point which Miss Tilney was anxious
to settle； though somewhat embarrassed in speaking of。
It had occurred to her that after so long an absence from home；
Catherine might not be provided with money enough for the
expenses of her journey； and； upon suggesting it to her
with most affectionate offers of accommodation； it proved
to be exactly the case。 Catherine had never thought on
the subject till that moment； but； upon examining her purse；
was convinced that but for this kindness of her friend；
she might have been turned from the house without even
the means of getting home； and the distress in which she
must have been thereby involved filling the minds of both；
scarcely another word was said by either during the time
of their remaining together。 Short； however； was that time。
The carriage was soon announced to be ready； and Catherine；
instantly rising； a long and affectionate embrace supplied
the place of language in bidding each other adieu；
and； as they entered the hall； unable to leave the house
without some mention of one whose name had not yet been
spoken by either； she paused a moment； and with quivering
lips just made it intelligible that she left 〃her kind
remembrance for her absent friend。〃 But with this
approach to his name ended all possibility of restraining
her feelings； and； hiding her face as well as she could
with her handkerchief； she darted across the hall；
jumped into the chaise； and in a moment was driven from the door。
CHAPTER 29
Catherine was too wretched to be fearful。 The journey
in itself had no terrors for her； and she began it without
either dreading its length or feeling its solitariness。
Leaning back in one comer of the carriage； in a violent
burst of tears； she was conveyed some miles beyond
the walls of the abbey before she raised her head；
and the highest point of ground within the park was almost
closed from her view before she was capable of turning
her eyes towards it。 Unfortunately； the road she now
travelled was the same which only ten days ago she had
so happily passed along in going to and from Woodston；
and； for fourteen miles； every bitter feeling was rendered
more severe by the review of objects on which she had
first looked under impressions so different。 Every mile；
as it brought her nearer Woodston； added to her sufferings；
and when within the distance of five； she passed the
turning which led to it； and thought of Henry； so near；
yet so unconscious； her grief and agitation were excessive。
The day which she had spent at that place had
been one of the happiest of her life。 It was there；
it was on that day； that the general had made use of such
expressions with regard to Henry and herself； had so spoken
and so looked as to give her the most positive conviction
of his actually wishing their marriage。 Yes； only ten
days ago had he elated her by his pointed regardhad he
even confused her by his too significant reference！ And
nowwhat had she done； or what had she omitted to do；
to merit such a change？
The only offence against him of which she could accuse
herself had been such as was scarcely possible to reach
his knowledge。 Henry and her own heart only were privy
to the shocking suspicions which she had so idly entertained；
and equally safe did she believe her secret with each。
Designedly； at least； Henry could not have betrayed her。
If； indeed； by any strange mischance his father should have
gained intelligence of what she had dared to think and look for；
of her causeless fancies and injurious examinations；
she could not wonder at any degree of his indignation。
If aware of her having viewed him as a murderer； she could
not wonder at his even turning her from his house。
But a justification so full of torture to herself；
she trusted； would not be in his power。
Anxious as were all her conjectures on this point；
it was not； however； the one on which she dwelt most。
There was a thought yet nearer； a more prevailing；
more impetuous concern。 How Henry would think； and feel；
and look； when he returned on the morrow to Northanger
and heard of her being gone； was a question of force and
interest to rise over every other； to be never ceasing；
alternately irritating and soothing； it sometimes suggested
the dread of his calm acquiescence； and at others was answered
by the sweetest confidence in his regret and resentment。
To the general； of course； he would not dare to speak；
but to Eleanorwhat might he not say to Eleanor about
her？
In this unceasing recurrence of doubts and inquiries；
on any one article of which her mind was incapable of more
than momentary repose； the hours passed away； and her journey
advanced much faster than she looked for。 The pressing
anxieties of thought； which prevented her from noticing
anything before her； when once beyond the neighbourhood
of Woodston； saved her at the same time from watching
her progress； and though no object on the road could engage
a moment's attention； she found no stage of it tedious。
From this； she was preserved too by another cause；
by feeling no eagerness for her journey's conclusion；
for to return in such a manner to Fullerton was almost
to destroy the pleasure of a meeting with those she
loved best； even after an absence
