the story of a pioneer-第16节

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then　invited　me　into　her　room；　where　she　asked

me　if　I　felt　ill。　　I　assured　her　that　I　did　not。　　She

asked　a　great　many　additional　questions　and；　little

by　little；　under　the　womanly　sympathy　of　them；

my　reserve　broke　down　and　she　finally　got　at　the

truth；　which　until　that　hour　I　had　succeeded　in

concealing。　　She　let　me　leave　without　much　com…

ment；　but　the　next　day　she　again　invited　me　into

her　office　and　came　directly　to　the　purpose　of　the

interview。



‘‘Miss　Shaw；''　she　said；　‘‘I　have　been　talking　to　a

friend　of　mine　about　you；　and　she　would　like　to

make　a　bargain　with　you。　　She　thinks　you　are　work…

ing　too　hard。　　She　will　pay　you　three　dollars　and

a　half　a　week　for　the　rest　of　this　school　year　if

you　will　promise　to　give　up　your　preaching。　　She

wants　you　to　rest；　study；　and　take　care　of　your

health。''



I　asked　the　name　of　my　unknown　friend；　but

Mrs。　Barrett　said　that　was　to　remain　a　secret。　　She

had　been　given　a　check　for　seventy…eight　dollars；

and　from　this；　she　explained；　my　allowance　would

be　paid　in　weekly　instalments。　　I　took　the　money

very　gratefully；　and　a　few　years　later　I　returned

the　amount　to　the　Missionary　Society；　but　I　never

learned　the　identity　of　my　benefactor。　　Her　three

dollars　and　a　half　a　week；　added　to　the　weekly　two

dollars　I　was　allowed　for　room　rent；　at　once　solved

the　problem　of　living；　and　now　that　meal…hours

had　a　meaning　in　my　life；　my　health　improved　and

my　horizon　brightened。　　I　spent　most　of　my　evenings

in　study；　and　my　Sundays　in　the　churches　of　Phil…

lips　Brooks　and　James　Freeman　Clark；　my　favorite

ministers。　　Also；　I　joined　the　university's　praying…

band　of　students；　and　took　part　in　the　missionary…

work　among　the　women　of　the　streets。　　I　had　never

forgotten　my　early　friend　in　Lawrence；　the　beautiful

‘‘mysterious　lady''　who　had　loved　me　as　a　child；

and；　in　memory　of　her；　I　set　earnestly　about　the

effort　to　help　unfortunates　of　her　class。　　I　went

into　the　homes　of　these　women；　followed　them　to

the　streets　and　the　dance…halls；　talked　to　them；

prayed　with　them；　and　made　friends　among　them。　

Some　of　them　I　was　able　to　help；　but　many　were

beyond　help；　and　I　soon　learned　that　the　effective

work　in　that　field　is　the　work　which　is　done　for

women　before；　not　after；　they　have　fallen。



During　my　vacation　in　the　summer　of　1876　I　went

to　Cape　Cod　and　earned　my　expenses　by　substituting

in　local　pulpits。　　Here；　at　East　Dennis；　I　formed　the

friendship　which　brought　me　at　once　the　greatest

happiness　and　the　deepest　sorrow　of　that　period　of

my　life。　　My　new　friend　was　a　widow　whose　name

was　Persis　Addy；　and　she　was　also　the　daughter　of

Captain　Prince　Crowell；　then　the　most　prominent

man　in　the　Cape　Cod　communitya　bank　president；

a　railroad　director；　and　a　citizen　of　wealth；　as　wealth

was　rated　in　those　days。　　When　I　returned　to　the

theological　school　in　the　autumn　Mrs。　Addy　came

to　Boston　with　me；　and　from　that　time　until　her

death；　two　years　later；　we　lived　together。　　She　was

immensely　interested　in　my　work；　and　the　friendly

part　she　took　in　it　diverted　her　mind　from　the　be…

reavement　over　which　she　had　brooded　for　years；

while　to　me　her　coming　opened　windows　into　a　new

world。　　I　was　no　longer　lonely；　and　though　in　my

life　with　her　I　paid　my　way　to　the　extent　of　my

small　income；　she　gave　me　my　first　experience　of　an

existence　in　which　comfort　and　culture；　recreation；

and　leisurely　reading　were　cheerful　commonplaces。　

For　the　first　time　I　had　some　one　to　come　home　to；

some　one　to　confide　in；　some　one　to　talk　to；　listen

to；　and　love。　　We　read　together　and　went　to　con…

certs　together；　and　it　was　during　this　winter　that　I

attended　my　first　theatrical　performance。　　The　star

was　Mary　Anderson；　in　‘‘Pygmalion　and　Galatea；''

and　play　and　player　charmed　me　so　utterly　that　I

saw　them　every　night　that　week；　sitting　high　in　the

gallery　and　enjoying　to　the　utmost　the　unfolding　of

this　new　delight。　　It　was　so　glowing　a　pleasure　that

I　longed　to　make　some　return　to　the　giver　of　it；　but

not　until　many　years　afterward；　when　I　met　Ma…

dame　Navarro　in　London；　was　I　able　to　tell　her

what　the　experience　had　been　and　to　thank　her

for　it。



I　did　not　long　enjoy　the　glimpses　into　my　new

world；　for　soon；　and　most　tragically；　it　was　closed

to　me。　　In　the　spring　following　our　first　Boston

winter　together　Mrs。　Addy　and　I　went　to　Hingham；

Massachusetts；　where　I　had　been　appointed　tempo…

rary　pastor　of　the　Methodist　Church。　　There　Mrs。

Addy　was　taken　ill；　and　as　she　grew　steadily　worse

we　returned　to　Boston　to　live　near　the　best　availa…

ble　physicians；　who　for　months　theorized　over　her

malady　without　being　able　to　diagnose　it。　　At　last

her　father；　Captain　Crowell；　sent　to　Paris　for　Dr。

Brown…Sequard；　then　the　most　distinguished　special…

ist　of　his　day；　and　Dr。　Brown…Sequard；　when　he

arrived　and　examined　his　patient；　discovered　that

she　had　a　tumor　on　the　brain。　　She　had　had　a　great

shock　in　her　lifethe　tragic　death　of　her　husband

at　sea　during　their　wedding　tour　around　the　world

and　it　was　believed　that　her　disease　dated　from　that

time。　　Nothing　could　be　done　for　her；　and　she　failed

daily　during　our　second　year　together；　and　died　in

March；　1878；　just　before　I　finished　my　theological

course　and　while　I　was　still　temporary　pastor　of　the

church　at　Hingham。　　Every　moment　I　could　take

from　my　parish　and　my　studies　I　spent　with　her；　and

those　were　sorrowful　months。　　In　her　poor；　tortured

brain　the　idea　formed　that　I；　not　she；　was　the　sick

person　in　our　family　of　two；　and　when　we　were　at

home　together　she　insisted　that　I　must　lie　down　and

let　her　nurse　me；　then　for　hours　she　brooded　over

me；　trying　to　relieve　the　agony　she　believed　I　was

experiencing。　　When　at　last　she　was　at　peace　her

father　and　I　took　her　home　to　Cape　Cod　and　laid

her　in　the　graveyard　of　the　little　church　where　we

had　met　at　the　beginning　of　our　brief　and　beautiful

friendship；　and　the　subsequent　loneliness　I　felt

was　far　greater　than　any　I　had　ever　suffered　in　the

past；　for　now　I　had　learned　the　meaning　of　com…

panionship。



Three　months　after　Mrs。　Addy's　death　I　grad…

uated。　　She　had　planned　to　take　me　abroad；　and

during　our　first　winter　together　we　had　spent　count…

less　hours　talking　and　dreaming　of　our　European

wanderings。　　When　she　found　that　she　must　die　she

made　her　will　and　left　me　fifteen　hundred　dollars

for　the　visit　to　Europe；　insisting　that　I　must　carry

out　the　plan　we　had　made；　and　during　her　conscious

periods　she　constantly　talked　of　this　and　made　me

promise　that　I　would　go。　　After　her　death　it　seemed

to　me　that　to　go　without　her　was　impossible。　　Every…

thing　of　beauty　I　looked　upon　would　hold　memories

of　her；　keeping　fresh　my　sorrow　and　emphasizing

my　loneliness；　but　it　was　her　last　expressed　desire

that　I　should　go；　and　I　went。



First；　however；　I　had　graduatedclad　in　a　brand…

new　black　silk　gown；　and　with　five　dollars　in　my

pocket；　which　I　kept　there　during　the　graduation

exercises。　　I　felt　a　special　satisfaction　in　the　pos…

session　of　that　money；　for；　notwithstanding　the

handicap　of　being　a　woman；　I　was　said　to　be　the

only　member　of　my　class　who　had　worked　during

the　entire　course；　graduated　free　from　debt；　and

had　a　new　outfit　as　well　as　a　few　dollars　in　cash。



I　graduated　without　any　special　honors。　　Pos…

sibly　I　might　have　won　some　if　I　had　made　the　effort；

but　my　graduation　year；　as　I　have　just　explained；

had　been　very　difficult。　　As　it　was；　I　was　merely　a

good　average　student；　feeling　my　isolation　as　the

only　woman　in　my　class；　but　certainly　not　spurring

on　my　men　associates　by　the　display　of　any　brilliant

gifts。　　Naturally；　I　missed　a　great　deal　of　class

fellowship　and　class　support；　and　throughout　my

entire　course　I　rarely　entered　my　class…room　with…

out　the　abysmal　conviction　that　I　was　not　really

wanted　there。　　But　some　of　the　men　were　good…

humoredly　cordial；　and　several　of　them　are　among

my　friends　to…day。　　Between　myself　and　my　family

there　still　existed　the　breach　I　had　created　when

I　began　to　preach。　　With　the　exception　of　Mary　and

James；　my　people　openly　regarded　me；　during　my

theological　course；　as　a　dweller　in　outer　darkness；

and　even　my　mother's　love　was　clouded　by　what

she　felt　to　be　my　deliberate　and　persistent　flouting

of　her　wishes。



Toward　the　end　of　my　university　experience；　how…

ever；　an　incident　occurred　which　apparently　changed

my　mother's　viewpoint。　　She　was　now　living　with

my　sister　Mary；　in　Big　Rapids；　Michigan；　and；　on

the　occasion　of　one　of　my　rare　and　brief　visits　to

them　I　was　invited　to　preach　in　the　local　church。　

Here；　for　the　first　time；　my　mother　heard　me。　

Dutifully　escorted　by　one　of　my　brothers；　she　at…

tended　church　that　morning　in　a　state　of　shivering

nervousness。　　I　do　not　know　what　she　expected　me

to　do　or　say；　but　toward　the　end　of　the　sermon　it

became　clear　that　I　had　not　ju