autobiography and selected essays-第7节

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earliest　indication　I　can　call　to　mind　of　the　strong　clerical

affinities　which　my　friend　Mr。　Herbert　Spencer　＇5＇　has　always

ascribed　to　me；　though　I　fancy　they　have　for　the　most　part　remained

in　a　latent　state。



My　regular　school　training　was　of　the　briefest；　perhaps

fortunately；　for　though　my　way　of　life　has　made　me　acquainted　with

all　sorts　and　conditions　of　men；　from　the　highest　to　the　lowest；　I

deliberately　affirm　that　the　society　I　fell　into　at　school　was　the

worst　I　have　ever　known。　　We　boys　were　average　lads；　with　much　the

same　inherent　capacity　for　good　and　evil　as　any　others；　but　the

people　who　were　set　over　us　cared　about　as　much　for　our

intellectual　and　moral　welfare　as　if　they　were　baby…farmers。　　We

were　left　to　the　operation　of　the　struggle　for　existence　among

ourselves；　and　bullying　was　the　least　of　the　ill　practices　current

among　us。　　Almost　the　only　cheerful　reminiscence　in　connection　with

the　place　which　arises　in　my　mind　is　that　of　a　battle　I　had　with

one　of　my　classmates；　who　had　bullied　me　until　I　could　stand　it　no

longer。　　I　was　a　very　slight　lad；　but　there　was　a　wild…cat　element

in　me　which；　when　roused；　made　up　for　lack　of　weight；　and　I　licked

my　adversary　effectually。　　However；　one　of　my　first　experiences　of

the　extremely　rough…and…ready　nature　of　justice；　as　exhibited　by

the　course　of　things　in　general；　arose　out　of　the　fact　that　Ithe

victorhad　a　black　eye；　while　hethe　vanquishedhad　none；　so

that　I　got　into　disgrace　and　he　did　not。　　We　made　it　up；　and

thereafter　I　was　unmolested。　　One　of　the　greatest　shocks　I　ever

received　in　my　life　was　to　be　told　a　dozen　years　afterwards　by　the

groom　who　brought　me　my　horse　in　a　stable…yard　in　Sydney　that　he

was　my　quondam　antagonist。　　He　had　a　long　story　of　family

misfortune　to　account　for　his　position；　but　at　that　time　it　was

necessary　to　deal　very　cautiously　with　mysterious　strangers　in　New

South　Wales；　and　on　inquiry　I　found　that　the　unfortunate　young　man

had　not　only　been　〃sent　out；〃　but　had　undergone　more　than　one

colonial　conviction。



As　I　grew　older；　my　great　desire　was　to　be　a　mechanical　engineer；

but　the　fates　were　against　this　and；　while　very　young；　I　commenced

the　study　of　medicine　under　a　medical　brother…in…law。　　But；　though

the　Institute　of　Mechanical　Engineers　would　certainly　not　own　me；　I

am　not　sure　that　I　have　not　all　along　been　a　sort　of　mechanical

engineer　in　partibus　infidelium。＇6＇　　I　am　now　occasionally　horrified

to　think　how　very　little　I　ever　knew　or　cared　about　medicine　as　the

art　of　healing。　　The　only　part　of　my　professional　course　which

really　and　deeply　interested　me　was　physiology；　which　is　the

mechanical　engineering　of　living　machines；　and；　notwithstanding

that　natural　science　has　been　my　proper　business；　I　am　afraid　there

is　very　little　of　the　genuine　naturalist　in　me。　　I　never　collected

anything；　and　species　work　was　always　a　burden　to　me；　what　I　cared

for　was　the　architectural　and　engineering　part　of　the　business；　the

working　out　of　the　wonderful　unity　of　plan　in　the　thousands　and

thousands　of　diverse　living　constructions；　and　the　modifications　of

similar　apparatuses　to　serve　diverse　ends。　　The　extraordinary

attraction　I　felt　towards　the　study　of　the　intricacies　of　living

structure　nearly　proved　fatal　to　me　at　the　outset。　　I　was　a　mere

boyI　think　between　thirteen　and　fourteen　years　of　agewhen　I　was

taken　by　some　older　student　friends　of　mine　to　the　first　post…

mortem　examination　I　ever　attended。　　All　my　life　I　have　been　most

unfortunately　sensitive　to　the　disagreeables　which　attend

anatomical　pursuits；　but　on　this　occasion　my　curiosity　overpowered

all　other　feelings；　and　I　spent　two　or　three　hours　in　gratifying

it。　　I　did　not　cut　myself；　and　none　of　the　ordinary　symptoms　of

dissection…poison　supervened；　but　poisoned　I　was　somehow；　and　I

remember　sinking　into　a　strange　state　of　apathy。　　By　way　of　a　last

chance；　I　was　sent　to　the　care　of　some　good；　kind　people；　friends

of　my　father's；　who　lived　in　a　farmhouse　in　the　heart　of

Warwickshire。　　I　remember　staggering　from　my　bed　to　the　window　on

the　bright　spring　morning　after　my　arrival；　and　throwing　open　the

casement。　　Life　seemed　to　come　back　on　the　wings　of　the　breeze；　and

to　this　day　the　faint　odor　of　wood…smoke；　like　that　which　floated

across　the　farm…yard　in　the　early　morning；　is　as　good　to　me　as　the

〃sweet　south　upon　a　bed　of　violets。〃＇7＇　　I　soon　recovered；　but　for

years　I　suffered　from　occasional　paroxysms　of　internal　pain；　and

from　that　time　my　constant　friend；　hypochondriacal　dyspepsia；

commenced　his　half　century　of　co…tenancy　of　my　fleshly　tabernacle。



Looking　back　on　my　〃Lehrjahre；〃＇8＇　I　am　sorry　to　say　that　I　do　not

think　that　any　account　of　my　doings　as　a　student　would　tend　to

edification。　　In　fact；　I　should　distinctly　warn　ingenuous　youth　to

avoid　imitating　my　example。　　I　worked　extremely　hard　when　it

pleased　me；　and　when　it　did　notwhich　was　a　very　frequent　caseI

was　extremely　idle　（unless　making　caricatures　of　one's　pastors　and

masters　is　to　be　called　a　branch　of　industry）；　or　else　wasted　my

energies　in　wrong　directions。　　I　read　everything　I　could　lay　hands

upon；　including　novels；　and　took　up　all　sorts　of　pursuits　to　drop

them　again　quite　as　speedily。　　No　doubt　it　was　very　largely　my　own

fault；　but　the　only　instruction　from　which　I　ever　obtained　the

proper　effect　of　education　was　that　which　I　received　from　Mr。

Wharton　Jones；　who　was　the　lecturer　on　physiology　at　the　Charing

Cross　School　of　Medicine。　　The　extent　and　precision　of　his

knowledge　impressed　me　greatly；　and　the　severe　exactness　of　his

method　of　lecturing　was　quite　to　my　taste。　　I　do　not　know　that　I

have　ever　felt　so　much　respect　for　anybody　as　a　teacher　before　or

since。　　I　worked　hard　to　obtain　his　approbation；　and　he　was

extremely　kind　and　helpful　to　the　youngster　who；　I　am　afraid；　took

up　more　of　his　time　than　he　had　any　right　to　do。　　It　was　he　who

suggested　the　publication　of　my　first　scientific　papera　very

little　onein　the　Medical　Gazette　of　1845；　and　most　kindly

corrected　the　literary　faults　which　abounded　in　it；　short　as　it

was；　for　at　that　time；　and　for　many　years　afterwards；　I　detested

the　trouble　of　writing；　and　would　take　no　pains　over　it。



It　was　in　the　early　spring　of　1846；　that；　having　finished　my

obligatory　medical　studies　and　passed　the　first　M。　D。　examination

at　the　London　University；though　I　was　still　too　young　to　qualify

at　the　College　of　Surgeons；I　was　talking　to　a　fellow…student　（the

present　eminent　physician；　Sir　Joseph　Fayrer）；　and　wondering　what　I

should　do　to　meet　the　imperative　necessity　for　earning　my　own

bread；　when　my　friend　suggested　that　I　should　write　to　Sir　William

Burnett；　at　that　time　Director…General　for　the　Medical　Service　of

the　Navy；　for　an　appointment。　　I　thought　this　rather　a　strong　thing

to　do；　as　Sir　William　was　personally　unknown　to　me；　but　my　cheery

friend　would　not　listen　to　my　scruples；　so　I　went　to　my　lodgings

and　wrote　the　best　letter　I　could　devise。　　A　few　days　afterwards　I

received　the　usual　official　circular　acknowledgment；　but　at　the

bottom　there　was　written　an　instruction　to　call　at　Somerset　House

on　such　a　day。　　I　thought　that　looked　like　business；　so　at　the

appointed　time　I　called　and　sent　in　my　card；　while　I　waited　in　Sir

William's　ante…room。　　He　was　a　tall；　shrewd…looking　old　gentleman；

with　a　broad　Scotch　accentand　I　think　I　see　him　now　as　he　entered

with　my　card　in　his　hand。　　The　first　thing　he　did　was　to　return　it；

with　the　frugal　reminder　that　I　should　probably　find　it　useful　on

some　other　occasion。　　The　second　was　to　ask　whether　I　was　an

Irishman。　　I　suppose　the　air　of　modesty　about　my　appeal　must　have

struck　him。　　I　satisfied　the　Director…General　that　I　was　English　to

the　backbone；　and　he　made　some　inquiries　as　to　my　student　career；

finally　desiring　me　to　hold　myself　ready　for　examination。　　Having

passed　this；　I　was　in　Her　Majesty's　Service；　and　entered　on　the

books　of　Nelson's　＇9＇　old　ship；　the　Victory；　for　duty　at　Haslar

Hospital；　about　a　couple　of　months　after　I　made　my　application。



My　official　chief　at　Haslar　was　a　very　remarkable　person；　the　late

Sir　John　Richardson；　an　excellent　naturalist；　and　far…famed　as　an

indomitable　Arctic　traveller。　　He　was　a　silent；　reserved　man；

outside　the　circle　of　his　family　and　intimates；　and；　having　a　full

share　of　youthful　vanity；　I　was　extremely　disgusted　to　find　that

〃Old　John；〃　as　we　irreverent　youngsters　called　him；　took　not　the

slightest　notice　of　my　worshipful　self　either　the　first　time　I

attended　him；　as　it　was　my　duty　to　do；　or　for　some　weeks

afterwards。　　I　am　afraid　to　think　of　the　lengths　to　which　my　tongue

may　have　run　on　the　subject　of　the　churlishness　of　the　chief；　who

was；　in　truth；　one　of　the　kindest…hearted　and　most　considerate　of

men。　　But　one　day；　as　I　was　crossing　the　hospital　square；　Sir　John

stopped　me；　and　heaped　coals　of　fire　on　my　head　by　telling　me　that

he　had　tried　to　get　me　one